WRITING A NEW CHAPTER
After taking a deep breath because he wasn't entirely sure why he had decided to do this, Lucas Bouchard turned the knob and slowly opened the library door only to find Elizabeth Thornton staring at the wooden plaque which hung for everyone to see inside the library. Their library. The one they had created together and the one that had come to mean so much to them. Or so he had thought. Yet, here Elizabeth stood. Staring at the plaque Constable Nathan Grant had made for her. Given all that had happened in the past couple of weeks, he should not have been surprised. And he wasn't. He was sad. Very sad. Disappointment mixed with a bit of grieving for what might have been was his constant companion now. He felt as though he had lost his best friend. And, if he were honest with himself, he knew he probably had.
Knowing this had been a bad idea, he moved to close the door to let Elizabeth be when she turned around and their eyes met. And held. His breath caught in his throat. She looked stunningly beautiful in her pale blue skirt and matching-colored blouse with her brunette hair cascading about her slender shoulders. Lucas tried to avert his gaze but couldn't even though he ached just looking at her sweet face. She had come to mean so much to him that he was not sure how he would ever get used to the idea of living in Hope Valley if he couldn't be near her.
"Lucas."
She spoke his name softly, almost reverently, her soulful blue eyes never leaving his handsome bearded face.
Just hearing her speak his name hurt.
"I-I...I'll leave. I didn't mean to disturb you."
Elizabeth had never seen him look so completely unsure and tentative and that gave her pause.
When he started to go, her words stopped him.
"Please don't."
His dark brown eyes guarded, he turned and saw the solemn expression she wore as she uttered her next words.
"We need to talk."
"I don't think we do."
He wasn't ready. He didn't think he would ever be ready. Elizabeth would go on with her life, but the thought of her confirming what he had already witnessed would be too much. He could not hear the words he knew Elizabeth would say because then it would be true, and he would be without hope. He needed more time to prepare, but in his heart, he knew the time would never be right for Elizabeth to tell him she had given her heart to someone else and would say goodbye to him. Forever.
"You're wrong," she said.
"And you're right. I've been wrong about a lot of things in my life, and I hope I've learned from them or at least became wiser for having gone through the experiences. But maybe all of those were preparing me for this. I guess only time will tell."
He tried once more to leave with some dignity intact when her angelic voice stopped him. Again.
"I knew you would come here eventually, and I have been waiting for you."
His eyes pleaded with her not to do this to him, but she ignored those pleas.
"You are as drawn to this place, this sanctuary, our sanctuary as I am. I couldn't stay away, and neither could you. I knew it was only a matter of time before we would see each other again. And here we are."
Her words sounded positive, but his mind was too cluttered to think clearly. Yes, they were both at the library, but when he had opened the door, she was gazing at the plaque given to her by Nathan, not thinking about him. He could not let himself go down this road. If he did, he knew he would reach the point of no return.
He tried to steel his voice as he replied. "Yes, this has been a special place for us. I don't deny that, but…"
"But," she interrupted. "This is not where I want us to have this particular conversation."
"What conversation?" he asked, his velvety voice almost desperate.
"Meet me by the schoolhouse in an hour. Oh, and come on horseback."
"Elizabeth," he said, but she would not take no for answer.
"One hour," she said, her teacher voice in full effect. "On horseback. At the schoolhouse."
He gave a short nod and tried to offer a small smile even as his heart began to shatter. How would he ever be able to hear the words Elizabeth planned to tell him and yet how could he ever hope to try to move on if he didn't?
Elizabeth greeted Lucas when he arrived on a horse as he had been instructed and told him to follow her. She led the way on Sergeant; Lucas followed. She led him to a clearing he had never seen before and then told him to dismount. They tethered their horses in silence. After Elizabeth had secured and reassured Sergeant, she paused before turning to face Lucas who she could tell was uncertain and cautious. She felt much the same way but for very different reasons.
When she didn't immediately offer an explanation as to why they were there, Lucas grew anxious even as he knew he didn't want to hear what Elizabeth planned to tell him. Obviously, he thought, as he looked around at the vast land and scenery surrounding them, she had put a lot of thought into how she would break the bad news to him. Should he be grateful she had brought him to a wide open space where it appeared they would not be interrupted by anyone, and he could react any way he wanted to without being noticed? Somehow, he didn't think he could be.
"Are you going to tell me why we're here?"
He asked the question even as his mind and more importantly his heart screamed at him not to. Maybe if he never heard the words, her choosing to be with a man other than him would cease to be true.
Her confident nod bothered him. Couldn't she see what she was doing to him? Or did she not care?
"Just as the library is our place, I think of this area as my place. It's where I come when I want to be by myself. I ride out here on Sergeant, my late husband's horse, and let myself go. Being here refreshes and rejuvenates me each and every time. This place never disappoints."
"Okay," Lucas said, trying to follow her train of thought and failing miserably.
She took a few steps forward and forced him to look at her, her expression earnest.
"I have never brought anyone else to this place since Jack died. This is my special place. Just for me. To be alone with my thoughts and my emotions and to relive and remember some of the very best moments of my life. Just me. No one else. Except for Little Jack, but he's too young to understand how meaningful this place is to me."
She paused, hoping and praying he would begin to understand what she was about to tell him.
"I thought you should see it, too. With me."
Confusion clouded Lucas's face as he tried to make sense of what he thought she might be saying, but he couldn't let himself believe it.
"Elizabeth, I..." he faltered as he looked around, not quite knowing how to respond.
What was this beautifully complex lady doing to him?
She allowed herself a small smile at his lack of composure.
"I have never seen you at such a loss for words, Mr. Bouchard."
"Because I'm confused," he freely admitted.
And terrified, in a good way, about what I think you might be telling me.
"I know," she said, closing the gap between them a bit more as she willed him to understand what she was about to say. "And that is entirely my fault."
Her tone and her look caused him to take a step back. Heat radiated between them, and he sensed her next words could be life changing. For both of them.
"I told you we needed to talk. Actually, I need to talk. And I need you to listen. Please hear what I have to say."
"Of course."
He knew he owed her that much even as his mind and his heart raced with uncertainty mixed with hope. Was there hope? He didn't want to let himself believe that only to have the rug pulled out from under him. Again. Better to stay on guard.
"I have loved only once in my life and that man's name was Constable Jack Thornton. You may have heard more about him from others in town, but you and I have only spoken of him in regards to my book and what I just told you about why I come here. You also know I have a son. His son. Little Jack is the one part of my late husband I will always have."
Lucas nodded. He knew how hard these words must be for Elizabeth to say, and he wanted to give her his utmost respect and attention even if he wasn't sure what it meant for him.
"Jack had to leave quite often to take care of Mountie business. I understood, and I was very proud of the work he did, but that did not stop me from worrying about him every second he was gone. I knew he was on dangerous assignments and that anything could happen."
She stopped to take a breath and when she looked upward, Lucas realized she was reliving a horrible memory. The wall he had tried to build around himself to hear her words began to crumble.
He watched, helpless, as she tried to blink back tears. Lowering her head, she asked for a moment before quickly turning away. It took every ounce of restraint he had not to go to her to offer his comfort and his strength and to reassure her that she did not have to put herself through this. Not for him. But he knew she had her reasons for wanting to do this. He respected her decision. He wanted to hear what she had to say whenever she was ready to say it.
"I promised myself I wasn't going to cry."
"Elizabeth, it's okay. I understand. You don't have to do this. Not for me."
She shook her head and wiped at her eyes. He saw her shoulders heave before she turned to face him once again.
'There's no way you could understand. I most certainly have to do this."
"Perhaps you're right. Again."
'You can't understand, " she continued, her voice stronger and yet still gentle, "because I never told you."
He nodded because he didn't know what else to do.
"Jack died in the line of duty. We had said our goodbyes before he left for the Northern Territories just like we had so many times before. Only this time I was Mrs. Jack Thornton. We had just gotten married, and he had to leave because that's what Mounties do. But this time, Jack never came home. I never saw him again. He was on his way home, to me, to our life as Mr. and Mrs. Thornton, but there was a landslide, and Jack and a couple of his men got caught in it. Jack saved the other two men, but he…he couldn't save himself, and he…he died on that mountainside."
If Elizabeth's heart was shattering again, Lucas's was, too. He had heard a few things, but he had not realized the full impact Jack's death had had on Elizabeth and how cruelly he had been taken from her. He was learning fast, and his heart broke. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold her until she ceased shaking and tell her everything would be okay, but he knew he didn't have that right. And that truth tore at his heart.
"Elizabeth, I am so sorry. I never fully knew the circumstances surrounding your late husband's death. It sounds horrible."
"Please," she said, trying to hold herself together. "Let me finish."
He lowered his head. "Of course."
"A fellow Mountie arrived on horseback to tell me the news. There I was, blissfully in love and totally unaware anything was wrong, standing in the street waiting with open arms to welcome home my husband, my lover, my best friend from his dangerous assignment. When I saw that red serge riding on horseback from afar, I knew he was my husband coming home so we could go on our long-awaited honeymoon."
Lucas sucked in a harsh breath.
They hadn't even gone on their honeymoon?
"But it wasn't Jack," Elizabeth said, shaking her head wildly, lost in the memory. "It was a virtual stranger coming to tell me, me that my newlywed husband was dead. Dead. He would never ever be coming home to me again. Ever!"
She wrapped her arms around herself to stop the shaking and stared at Lucas's stunned expression. He truly did not know what to say. After a moment's respite, she continued in a much calmer, yet somehow more frightening, tone.
"I was numb, I was in denial, I was heartbroken, grief-stricken, angry. Name the emotion, I felt it. Oh, how I felt it and lived with it. For days and weeks on end. I wanted to curl up in a ball and never see the light of day again."
Then her voice softened to the one Lucas had gotten used to and loved hearing. "But in the midst of it all, I found out I was pregnant. A wonderful beautiful gift had been given to me, and I will love and cherish that little boy until the day I die."
A smile of understanding and pure joy passed between them.
"I know you will," Lucas said, offering her a comforting smile.
"Time went on, and I learned to live with my grief and my blessings. And then I met you. You were something, Mr. Bouchard."
Her smile let him know she meant that in a good way.
"You came into my life at a time when I was not quite still in mourning, but the sadness and the keen sense of loss were still present. I was definitely not ready to move on. But you were there for me. As a true and valued friend. I came to depend on you, more than I probably should have if the truth be told. The better I got to know you, the more you reminded me of Jack. Doing little things for me and taking an interest in my life and my son's. Just because."
A smiled of understanding and remembrance passed between them at her use of those two words.
"It's true," she continued. "I shared my first dance with someone other than Jack with you. I knew full well what I was doing when I asked you to dance, and I wanted to dance. With you, Lucas. You. I don't regret, in any way, that I chose you as my dance partner. I enjoyed every moment of it. You made me start to feel again and to have hope. What I do regret is everything that happened afterwards."
"Meaning Nathan?"
It took everything he had for Lucas to say his name, but he knew it had to be said.
At Elizabeth's solemn nod, Lucas's heart sank, but he knew he had to hear the truth from Elizabeth once and for all so he could try to begin to move on. At this point, he wanted the Band-Aid to be ripped off so he could begin to heal.
"I didn't mean to hurt him so badly, but I did. I wish there could have been another way, but I didn't know what else to do."
Wait! What?! Hurt Nathan? What was she talking about? He was the one in pain, wasn't he? Or maybe they both were.
"I think he sort of understood why I ran to him the way I did. I didn't share the intimate details of my life with Jack the way I just did with you, but because Nathan's a Mountie, he knew how Jack had died. He could also understand and appreciate my worry and concern. He felt it for the Mountie who died on his watch. When I thought I heard someone say Nathan had died, grief overtook me. I could not believe it had happened again in our little town. I was shaken to my very core, so when I saw him walking with his horse, relief and happiness flooded through me. Nathan was alive, Lucas! He didn't die like Jack had, and I was so relieved I ran to him and hugged him and clung to him out of sheer relief and happiness that our Mountie had returned. We didn't lose him like we had Jack. That meant everything to me.
"I wanted to share the good news with you that Nathan had not been killed in the line of duty as Jack had, but you were nowhere to be found. I searched for you so I could celebrate my relief that another Mountie who I have come to care about as a dear friend had not been killed, but I couldn't find you and that made me so unhappy. I wondered where you had gone and why you had disappeared so suddenly. I missed you something fierce.
"It wasn't until Rosemary explained to me what I had truly done in that moment of confusion and relief, and how it must have looked to everyone, but especially to Nathan and to you, that I knew why you were suddenly no longer around. That's when I decided I needed to make things clear. To both of you.
"I explained, as gently as I could to Nathan, how much he means to me as a friend. I told him I would always care about him and Allie but that my heart belongs to someone else and has for a long time. I had just been too afraid to admit it, but when I stopped and thought about what you must have witnessed and how that must have made you feel, my heart ached for you. Please believe me when I tell you I was going to talk to Nathan the night of the shooting. He had asked me to go to dinner, but after our wonderful dinner date, and yes, it was a date, I knew I could no longer allow Nathan to believe he could win my heart because my heart belongs to you, Lucas. And only you."
She paused to look at the handsome face she knew she would never take for granted again to make certain he understood exactly what she had declared. If she had to say it again and again before he believed her, she would.
"You...you want…you want to be with...me?"
"Yes!" Elizabeth said and smiled wider than she had in a very long time. "Lucas, I want to be with you. Only you."
"I…this…Elizabeth, this is wonderful. To hear you say those words is what I have been waiting for and thought would never happen after..."
When his voice trailed off, she finished the sentence for him.
"The hug?"
He nodded and let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.
"May I?" she asked and then moved closer.
He allowed himself to smile from sheer happiness for the first time in a long while and then gladly held out his arms to receive the woman he loved beyond measure into his more than welcoming embrace. She wrapped her arms around him and held him as close to her as she could. She could feel his rapid heartbeat and knew he could feel hers, too. Being held in his strong arms felt so right. Nothing had felt this right in a very long time. When she laid her head against his chest and felt his fingers stroking her hair, she sighed and closed her eyes, letting his warmth and his love envelop and protect her. This is exactly where she always wanted to be.
When she finally looked up and saw that the twinkle had returned to his gorgeous brown eyes, she smiled and sighed with contentment.
"This, Mr. Bouchard," she said, her own blue eyes twinkling with merriment, "is what I call a hug."
He smiled in agreement and then lifted her delicate chin with his forefinger to gaze upon her slightly parted perfectly formed lips that seemed to be begging for his touch.
"May I?" he asked, lowering his gaze along with the volume of his sultry voice.
Elizabeth's insides began to melt; his look and his voice held her captive.
"You may," she finally said, her own voice barely above a whisper, as she leaned in, more than ready to enjoy the feel of his lips touching hers as they shared their first kiss.
Kissing him had been something she'd only let herself dream about in the scarcest of moments, but each time she did, the taste of him was better than the last.
She loved that he took his time and teased her with little nips where the hairs from his beard tickled her, and then gently brushed her soft lips with a graze of his knuckles, but when he finally brought his lips into harmony with hers, she knew her dreams were nothing compared to the reality of kissing and being kissed by the man she knew she was falling in love with and, again, if she were being honest, had already fallen completely in love with. This was bliss in his purest form.
His kiss was everything she had come to expect from him, respectful yet tantalizing, exciting yet not forceful. The joining of lips and hearts was the perfect blend of the man he was. She closed her eyes to savor the feeling of loving and being loved once more. Her joy was complete.
When the kiss ended, they remained in each other's arms. Lucas leaned his forehead against hers which made her smile. He wanted to be as close to her as she wanted to be to him. After taking a moment to catch his breath, he grinned and stared at her as he tried to control his emotions. Elizabeth Thornton wanted to be with him.. He wasn't sure when that truth would sink in, but he planned to enjoy every moment of it.
"That was amazing. This was not what I was expecting. At all."
Elizabeth reached for his left hand and held it in hers as she studied his face and tried to read every emotion on display. She saw relief and happiness, but most importantly, she saw love and trust and she never wanted to lose that. Ever.
As she gently rubbed the soft pad of her thumb over his slightly rougher hand, a playful look crept onto her face.
"What?" he finally asked with a slight chuckle, relieved they could be themselves once more.
Oh, how he had missed that. Missed her. Missed being with her.
"I was just thinking," she teased, thrilled that worry had been erased from her man's fine features.
"About?" he asked, more than willing to be her jovial sparring partner all night if it meant this never had to end.
"Well," she said, continuing to wreak havoc with his insides for her own pleasure as she continued to massage his hand, knowing he was enjoying every moment of it.
He grinned and shook his head. Oh, how he loved this beautiful and spirited lady.
"Wasn't it you, Mr. Bouchard, who once said who doesn't love a good surprise?"
And then he laughed outright as he picked her up and swung her around in his strong arms. She laughed with him, both of them realizing how carefree they now felt, and then gazed into his dark eyes as the truth dawned on both of them. They were in love. With each other. And nothing had felt more right.
He kissed her again as if to validate what they had both come to know as the absolute truth: Elizabeth Thornton and Lucas Bouchard were in love. And neither one would or could deny it.
"Thank you, Elizabeth, for bringing me here and for all that you shared with me. I am truly humbled, honored and grateful."
"You're welcome," she said and smiled. "I only wish I had done it sooner."
Lucas placed his forefinger to her lips and shook his head.
"Not today," he told her. "Not ever. We are moving forward."
She nodded and smiled in gratitude.
He reached for her hands to hold in his when he realized her ring finger was bare.
"Your rings. That's what I was missing when you were rubbing my hand. Elizabeth..."
She shrugged, but the light in her eyes dimmed just a bit. "It was time, and I was ready."
"That must have been very difficult for you."
"It was," she admitted, "but like I told you. I will always have the best part of Jack with me to love and to cherish. And this land we are on is part of him, too. He bought this to build our dream house. This is why I come here as often as I do. It's just another part of my late husband I will always have, just like that wood carving with our initials."
Lucas followed Elizabeth's gaze and saw what he knew had to mean everything to her.
"Elizabeth, are you sure you're ready? There's a lot going here, and I would certainly understand if you need more time..."
Her soft warm lips on his ended any doubt either of them may have had.
"I love you, Lucas Bouchard, and I am ready and so very excited to see what the future holds. For us."
With love in his eyes that Elizabeth had seen before and had been afraid to acknowledge, he spoke the words she knew she was ready to hear.
"I love you, too, Elizabeth Thornton. And I will do everything in my power to make sure you always feel loved and protected and supported. I, too, am more than ready to see what the future holds. For us and for your son."
"Thank you," she said and gave him a radiant smile that made him melt inside. "For everything."
"You're welcome, my darling."
"I love hearing you use those words, and I love you."
"Looks like we have a future to plan," he said, caressing her porcelain cheek with the pad of his thumb.
His tender touch brought another smile to her face as she nodded.
"Yes, we do."
He extended his arm for her to take.
"Shall we?" he asked.
After linking her arm with his, she gently squeezed his forearm and smiled.
"Yes," she said, never taking her eyes off of his face which shone with happiness. "We absolutely shall."
