Chapter 87 - Civil Servant
It had been weeks in the making. Meetings and conference calls had dominated his life all throughout September and well into October. Outside, the building the autumn winds were sweeping through the city.
They'd had plans for autumn. They had wanted to take Pete to Boston, then get out of the city into the countryside for some fresh air, some sense of freedom, maybe watch the damn leaves turn red and breathe a little, far away from all the craziness in New York.
For a few weeks, life had gotten a little better. Pete was sleeping through the night more often than he wasn't. His friend Ned was at the Compound at least twice a week, which had helped the mood around the house immensely. Things with the Rogues had been coming together quite well, the - figurative - noose around Clarke's neck was growing tighter and tighter.
But none of that had happened on a whim. It had required constant attention and meddling, too much to get away even for a weekend. Too much even for Pepper to take the trip to SI headquarters in LA that she kept pushing off.
Tony's eyes weren't even on the document pulled up on his tablet. They were in the upper right corner watching the minutes tick by. All this was just a formality but he had to sit through it nonetheless. They had all read through this draft more than once.
The draft. It wasn't a draft so much anymore. This could all end today. The pardon. It was why he had to be there, sitting through hours of the lawyers reading this out loud to the commission. Everything was settled.
Rogers would get the deal he had wanted. Atonement, yes, but a return to active duty within the Avengers, though no longer under his command.
"Going forward, the leadership of the Avengers Initiative will be transferred to Colonel James Rupert Rhodes, who will retain his role as an officer of United States Air Force. His leadership however will not bring the Avengers Initiative under the United Air Force authority. Both entities will remain independent while Colonel Rhodes will serve as liaison between the Initiative and the special government commission. To reflect Colonel Rhodes' authority and responsibility in this position, the Air Force has agreed to elevate his rank to Lieutenant General of the United States Air Force."
The lawyer looked up from the document in his hands. "Colonel Rhodes, do you agree to these terms."
Rhodey stood at the head of the table in full uniform. "I do."
Their eyes met and Rhodey arched an eyebrow at him. It was the closest to a wink that Tony would get from him. It was a 'cheer up' from his best friend.
Lieutenant General.
Tony's lips twitched. It was hard not to cringe at it. It had been one of the concessions he had fought the hardest to accept. If Rhodey was gonna get stuck with the responsibility for this shit show, he should get a title that matched it. General was the least they could have offered. A five-star rank. Fair would have been to give him his own rank. Five stars and a couple of planets on top of it. A brand new one that nobody else had and with twice the salary they were giving him now.
But Rhodey hadn't cared. He had smiled at Tony with the kindness of a true friend. "The most important part is that this gives us the power we wanted. More freedom than I think they even realized."
That part was true and Tony's head had bobbed up and down a few times when Rhodey had squeezed his shoulder.
"It's how we'll keep the kid safe."
Rhodey's pen scratched over the paper as he left his signature on the bottom of the document. There would be an official ceremony. Public. For everyone to see. They wouldn't get away with just pinning this insignia on him in a backroom somewhere. Tony wouldn't allow that. It was the least they could do.
Rogers held his head high, making a good face to his new reality of following orders rather than giving them. Well, not necessarily new. It was a role he had long shed even before he had plunged into the ice. A degradation for sure, but it was still the best-case scenario he could have hoped for. That all of them could have hoped for. Tony pursed his lips, eyes flickering across the table for just a second. He still needed Rogers. There were threats out there that Tony wouldn't be able to face on his own.
Rogers would stay to fight another day but there were still amends to be made. The apology tour was just getting started today, continuing with a special meeting of the UN council that had been called for exactly that purpose. Though he wouldn't be alone up there.
Wilson and Wanda were waiting in the wings. They were sat right next to Rogers, Natasha on the very end. Barton and Lang were pointedly absent. Both of them had signed individual deals, both involving house arrest, and permanent retirement. It was strange to think of Barton like that, on his ranch in the middle of nowhere tending to the chickens instead of preparing for a mission. But it was even stranger to think he'd do anything else. That he would put his family through any more of it.
Barton had probably received some of the strictest rules, including a ban from any weapons and contact restrictions to his fellow criminals.
Tony bit his lip. Pardoned criminals in just a few hours.
It was Barton's sacrifice that had made the difference for Wanda. She would be in confinement at the Compound, strict supervision, yes, but there would be no extradition. She'd be able to stay with the prospect of getting back on the team when first Rhodey and then the commission deemed her fit to rejoin. Barton had been dead set on that, paying the price for bringing her back into the fight in Germany, being the one that had collected her, enabled her.
It was something not even Natasha had been able to talk him out of.
Judging by the somber expression on their faces, none of the Rogues appreciated this as quite the win for them that it honestly was. A deal that had only been possible because Ross was gone.
Tony's fingers were tapping on his leg. All the signing, all the reading, it all came second to the thing he was really waiting for. Waiting and simultaneously dreading. The Rogues hadn't been the only ones with demands. He, too, had one demand that hadn't been negotiable.
It had been quite far into the process, after they had already spent weeks negotiating the terms of the pardon. For all those weeks, Tony had tried to rise above it, had been telling himself that he didn't need it. The way their overall situation was improving, he'd be fine. His family would be fine. They would be safe now.
But every night when he checked on Pete before he went to bed, every time his nightmares hit and Tony held him as he was shaking in his arms, there was a little part of him that still resented that he didn't know. He didn't know what had happened on that February day when Barnes had snuck onto the property of the LA country club where he had taken Aiden.
Had just grabbed him, or had lured him away. Somehow. Was it a bag over his head? Had he dragged the disoriented little boy away kicking and screaming? Had he hurt him? Knocked him out? And then what? Where had he taken Addy? Had they been in hiding?
And most of all, if Tony had done things a little differently... if he had taken the search into his own hands sooner, right away even. If he had done things differently, could he have saved Aiden?
The questions and uncertainty had nagged at Tony until finally, he had cracked.
They had found terms, Rogers' side and the commission. Confinement at the Compound. Supervision by Rhodey. Apology tour for some of them. Community service for all of them to restore the people's trust in the Avengers. Therapy for Barnes, including BARF.
The Compound though was Tony's. BARF was Tony's. He'd have to agree or all of this would fall apart.
"Mr. Stark?" Congressman Wheeler had been staring at him. "Any objections on your part?"
It had been during one of the smaller meetings. Rogers, Tony, only a handful of Congress-people and three members of law enforcement, including Reamington. It made the tone of the discussions less cordial, more biting but at least it led to quicker results with everyone's cards on the table, unobscured by forced civility. Wheeler's tone matched that vibe, was positively dismissive like the question was simply a formality. Like Tony was obviously going to agree to fund the Rogues' living expenses and treatment on his own property.
"One actually," Tony said, fighting to keep the tone neutral on his end.
Heads turned around the table, staring at him.
"I will need a conversation with the Sergent. Facilitated here, before they move in." Tony swallowed hard. "One on one."
There was a beat of silence before Rogers' voice rang through the room. "To discuss what exactly?"
"I still have some questions." His chest was heaving with the deep breaths it took to keep his voice somewhat steady. "The details are between him and me."
Rogers looked around the room like he was going to get any sympathy from the commission members sitting around the table. "Well, that's not going to happen."
His eyebrows arched, Tony stared at him. "And why is that?"
"Well, because..." Rogers opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but he had nothing.
"Wheeler?" Tony turned toward the head of the table. "Any objections?"
Wheeler blew out a breath with a shrug of his shoulders. "No skin off my back. You want that added into the document?"
Tony inclined his head at him. "I'd rather not."
"Wait, hold on." Rogers had one hand stretched out in Wheeler's direction. "That's not going to happen! It's too dangerous."
Tony shook his head. "Don't worry, Capsicle, I can protect myself."
"That... that's not..." He huffed out a breath, the worry on his face deepening.
No. That wasn't what he had meant. He had meant that Barnes wouldn't be safe alone with him. Like Tony hadn't had a clear shot to end Barnes if he had wanted to during the courthouse fiasco.
"If you want to talk to him, I'll be there!"
Tony dropped his eyes to the table between them. It was a condition he had expected. Rogers being there would be distracting, but maybe it would be the only way for this to happen and Tony couldn't put it off any longer.
"Fine," Tony had bit out, meeting his eyes. "I'll sign as soon as there's a date for that."
That date was today. When all the reading and signing and polite handshaking was over, before the Rogues would move into the Compound, Tony would face Barnes.
He hadn't slept all night. Had been lying awake next to Pepper until FRIDAY's alert had come. The kid had had another nightmare. Of course, he did. It had only been a matter of when with all the stress of the imminent move back to the city and all the issues that were still lying dormant freshly breaking open. School. Spider-Man. May Parker. Clarke.
Pursing his lips, he took a deep breath as his pulse picked up. They were okay. His eyes flickered back to the clock on his tablet. 7:19 pm. Pepper had sent him a message just past 3 pm that they had arrived at the Tower. Everything was taken care of. It had been a calculated decision to wait until the meeting was underway, the attention of the press and public on the commission and not on the unmarked car that took his family back into the city. Some of Clarke's men were still out there of course but that risk was outmatched by the idea of his son staying in the same building as the man that had taken him all those years ago. Had almost killed him. Twice.
Tony's back and arms erupted with goosebumps at the very idea of Pete in the same space as Barnes. He shook his shoulders as lowkey as possible, shifting his gaze back to the document that FRIDAY scrolled through along with it being read out loud by the lawyers.
It took another 5 hours until all the documents had been read and signed. There was a sense of relief that filled the room as all the signatures had been put on all the individual copies. A sense of relief that this was done with, over, more than pleased at the result. The Rouges - or former Rouges - didn't stick around to shake hands and make small talk, unlike the greater majority of the politicians. Rogers and Barnes had been the first to leave the room. On the other side of the table, Rhodey was stuck in a conversation with a couple of congressmen and a woman that Tony was pretty sure had a leading position at the Pentagon.
"Do you want me to come?" Natasha had come around to his side of the table, standing right next to him.
He sniffed out a breath. Of course, she knew.
"I'm fine," Tony hissed, hiding his trembling hands underneath the table. He should get up before any of those people would try to drag him into a conversation but he didn't quite trust his legs.
"You're not fine, Tony." Her voice was low. "That's why I'm offering."
Maybe he should just wait. For Rhodey. Or maybe it would be better for Rhodey not to be there. Rhodey was supposed to supervise them now. It wasn't fair to bring him into this confrontation with all the shit he was going to have to deal with concerning the Rogues.
Tony glanced at her. Worst case scenario, she'd team up with Rogers. Again. Not impossible, but maybe improbable. "You gonna stab me in the back?"
She tilted her head to the side. "You planning on being an asshole?"
"No more than usual." He bit his lip, then looked straight at her as he got to his feet. "I just need to know."
"I get that." She squeezed his lower arm.
With a short nod, he gestured for her to follow. They left through the second door, the one opposite of the one where the members of the commission were now squeezing through, heading towards the building's exit.
The room that had been provided for Tony's demand was a short walk away from the large conference room. Just a couple of minutes for Tony to try and get a lid on his rising pulse. It was a lot smaller, empty except for one table and a few chairs. Neither Barnes nor Rogers was sitting as they walked in though. Rogers stood tall right at the entrance of the room, while Barnes had put the table and chairs between himself and the door. For a moment, Rogers' eyes were on Natasha like he was trying to decide if this was a favorable development or not.
Then he cleared his throat. "It's been a long day. Maybe we should do this another time."
But Natasha had already closed the door, her face set. "Or we could just get this over with now."
Barnes had retreated a little further into his corner. The nervous energy that was radiating off him was not unlike the one that was vibrating through Tony.
"It's past midnight. We're all exhausted." Rogers added a deep sigh as if to underline his argument.
"Well..." She gave her shoulders an exaggerated shrug. "If you want to sleep on a proper mattress tonight after that long exhausting day and not have all of us shipped back to the NYPD's holding area, I'd suggest we get this going."
"Come on, Nat." He didn't even look at Tony, determined to convince Natasha. "You know how these things can get. We don't want to end up saying things we didn't mean and—"
"You mean how I can get," Tony bit out.
With a gesture at him, Rogers' shoulders sagged. "That's exactly what I'm talking about. Does this all really have to happen today after everything that—"
"Stevie."
It shook Tony more than he was willing to admit, even to himself. Barnes' voice. The tone was clear. Even though Tony was not part of whatever quirky relationship these two had going on, it was crystal clear what Barnes' tone meant.
Stop. Back off.
Rogers didn't look like he was going to at first. His chest puffed out, head held high, he kept his eyes on Tony like he was pleading with him not to go through with this. Like Tony was about to end Barnes after all instead simply talk as he had bargained for.
Slowly Rogers turned his eyes on Barnes instead. "You don't have to do this."
Barnes sniffed out a short breath, his gaze still on the ground. "Just get on with it." Even with his head bowed low, it seemed clear that this one was directed at Tony.
Rogers didn't have those kinds of reservations. His face was set, clearly unhappy that Barnes was torpedoing his attempt to push this away.
"Tony?" Natasha's voice was clear, eerily neutral in contrast. "Do you want to sit?"
"I'm good." An easy lie that was hard to sell with the way his knees were shaking. A weird mixture of fear and a desperate need to know after all these years made it hard but Tony tried to keep his pulse under control. "Tell me what happened."
For a long moment, Barnes didn't say anything. Then his feet shuffled back and forth, the fingers of his one hand tapping against the side of his leg again and again while Rogers slowly stepped around the table, closer to him. "You already know."
Tony swallowed hard. He knew a lot more than he had a few months ago, that was true. Stane's involvement. The betrayal. The paper trail. Tony knew who was responsible. What he didn't know were the details only Barnes could provide.
"I want to hear it from you," he breathed, his voice shaking even worse than the hands he was hiding in his pockets. "I want to know what you've done."
Barnes' chest moved with deep breaths, his eyes avoiding every single person in the room. "I stole your son. I was supposed to kill him, I guess. Later. Though I didn't know that it was the same kid. Meant to do it anyway." He shrugged, almost like it was a dark mark on his record. The failure. "I thought I had."
"No... no, tell me," Tony hissed. He balled his hands inside his pockets, trying to get a grip on his emotions. "Tell me what you did. I want to know what you did to him."
Barnes shook his head, lips pressed tight.
"You owe me the truth."
"The soldier," Barnes spat out in his general direction. "The soldier owes you the truth. I'm not him. I didn't... It wasn't me."
Tony's breathing was shaky but his eyes didn't stray away from Barnes even once. "He's not here, is he?" Pretending like he was sure about that. "You're the only one who can tell me."
Barnes just stood there, on the opposite side of the room. He was quiet but far from calm. His chest was heaving with deep breaths, eyes still glued to the floor in front of him. Tony had expected him to turn away at this point. It seemed that Barnes, unlike the Soldier, generally rather tried to escape a situation than engage.
"I was waiting." His voice was hardly louder than a whisper at first. Like he was telling secrets not meant for anyone else. "I was supposed to grab him, so I just waited."
"At..." Tony swallowed hard. "At the country club."
Barnes sniffed out a huff of air. "At your house. At the zoo. The park your assistant and the nannies took him to. Was close more than once, too."
Tony had resisted as long as he thought possible but his knees were threatening to buckle so he grabbed the backrest of the chair in front of him, desperate to stay on his feet despite how faint he felt.
"How... how long," he mumbled as loud as he could manage though his voice sounded hardly audible next to his racing heart. "How long were you out there?"
Shuffling back and forth on his feet, Barnes cleared his throat. "They sent me out just before Christmas."
Tony's knuckles turned white from how hard he was gripping the chair. Months. Barnes had been watching them for months.
"He was impossible to get to," Barnes continued, his voice a thousand times steadier than Tony's. "It's why they picked the Soldier."
"Tony," Nat murmured, her hand settling between his shoulder blades.
"I'm fine," he hissed, pretending like his face wasn't twitching with a wave of emotions he didn't know what to do with. "How then?" It took all the strength he could muster to ignore the sharp burning sensation in his eyes as he looked back up at Barnes.
His hand now balled up by his side, Barnes gritted his teeth. Rogers hovered right next to him, whispering in a hushed but sharp tone. With a shake of his head, Barnes leaned away from him, eyes not quite on Tony but on the table between them.
"At the country club. They had few people out on the grounds that day. I watched for a while. I had a window, early afternoon, but it was closing fast. Then there was a moment. The nannies were out of sight, their backs turned. Only for a minute but it was all the time I needed." Barnes crooked his head to the side. "He saw me and first, he wanted to turn and run, but I showed him the arm." There was a moment of hesitation before his eyes met Tony's. "I told him that his daddy had built it. Asked, if he wanted to take a look."
His heart hurt like it was being crushed in Barnes' balled-up fist. Tony tried to keep his breathing deep and rhythmic. The way his eyes were burning, how his every muscle was shaking wasn't important right now.
"It was fast. Chloroform. He was out in seconds."
Bent over the chair, Tony blinked his lashes rapidly, trying to wipe the emotions away that were wearing him down. The arm. Flashy technology. Barnes had found the one thing Tony had indulged in with his son more than anything else. The one thing Tony had made sure to have Aiden fall in love with at every turn and Barnes had used it against him.
He could see it right in front of his waking eyes, his son's little round face, eyes sparkling with wonder whenever Tony would show off in the lab, whenever he had brought home something he'd built for Aiden. It was ingrained in his very core because Tony had shared as much with him as he could. Even now, Pete's eyes sparkled just the same in the lab. It was the one thing that would pull him out of a bad mood. The one thing Tony could bait him with on a bad day.
He sucked in a shaking breath, the dull sound of his tears hitting the leather seat of the chair not enough to pull himself together. He had just done the same thing. The very same thing, just a few weeks ago with the kid's best friend. Had set up a honey trap with one of his gauntlets and Ned had been ripe for the picking.
His stomach was turning at the thought.
It was the screeching sound the chair next to him made as Nat pulled it out from under the table that had Tony jerk upright.
"Take a breath," she murmured quietly.
Both of her hands were on his shoulders, maneuvering him to sit down. His legs folded underneath him without any resistance.
"Stop. I'm fine," Tony growled, but he stayed in the chair nonetheless. It would be truly embarrassing to have his legs give out from underneath him. Instead, he leaned forward, bracing his hands against the table. "So, you lured him away." His head was swimming. "Then... then what?"
"It's enough." Steve didn't look at him. His voice was soft, practically pleading.
Tony had no use for his pity or whatever that was. His eyes were back on Barnes. "Tell me!"
His feet moved back and forth, not enough for him to actually get closer or further away from Tony, more like a nervous vibe that Barnes wasn't able to contain.
"I pulled him with me," he mumbled. "Up the mountain. Through the undergrowth. Headed to the other side of the ridge where I'd left the car. By the time they brought out the helicopters, I was halfway to Bakersfield."
"Down... down 405," Tony whispered, goosebumps erupting on his skin. The same road he had been driving down from the SI headquarters to the club, just the opposite direction. "That... I would've... if... if I'd—"
Natasha gripped his shoulder a little harder. "There's nothing you could have done."
"He... he would have driven right past me. Right past where—"
"She's right, Stark." Barnes' voice was steady, stronger than it had been just a moment ago. "There's a reason why they picked me."
"Fuck off," Tony hissed. "I managed... I managed for months, didn't I? If I'd..." He shook his head, his right hand rubbing at his temples to help him find a clear thought. "If I'd gotten there a little sooner... if I'd been on time, then..."
His stomach was turning at the vision of what life could have been like if he'd had Aiden. If he'd kept him safe.
"Alright, look at me." Nat's hands were on his face, turning it up at her. "We're not doing that right now." Her voice was clear but quiet. "You hear me? You wanna know what happened. What he did. We can do that. This is not about anything you could or couldn't have done."
He swallowed hard, nodding his head at her. This wasn't about losing his cool. Not right now.
"Right..." He nodded again, once more trying to swallow the lump in his throat. "Right."
As her hands fell off him, he wiped the sleeve of his arm across his eyes, blinking away the emotions he couldn't manage to push away. Rogers had his arms crossed tightly over his chest, head bowed low. Barnes was partially hidden behind him but shuffled out of his shadow as Tony looked back up.
"Where did you take him? To Stane?"
"Stane?" His eyes narrowed but he shook his head at the floor.
"Obadiah Stane," Tony repeat with an edge. "The guy that hired you."
Barnes huffed out a dry laugh. "Hired me? Nobody hired me. People paid so HYDRA would send me to do their dirty work. I wasn't privy to anything but what I needed to know to execute the mission."
"Alright now," Natasha sighed. "Where did you take him, James?"
Barnes rolled his shoulders like he had to shake off the annoyance this all caused him. "I took him to Montana. Then Ohio about a week later. Turned him over to my handler."
Biting his lip, Tony tried not to imagine how scared his little boy had been.
"Williams," Natasha mumbled.
"Reaper," Barnes said instead.
Pressing his eyes shut, Tony sucked in oxygen, a desperate attempt not to give in to the urge to pace, something his legs might not even tolerate.
"Did you keep him drugged throughout?" Natasha was hovering next to Tony, her arms crossed in an eerie mirror image to Rogers on Barnes' side.
"No. He was awake for most of it." Barnes grimaced then looked up at them, his eyes sincere. "I didn't hurt him. I didn't have to. He was... he was quiet. Scared, yes. But quiet. Didn't fight. Didn't... didn't give me a reason to... to force him to do anything."
Tony's hands were shaking. "I don't believe you," he whispered, his eyes hot with pain.
Barnes pursed his lips. "It's the truth."
"You think I'm gonna believe that," Tony hissed. "That he just sat there and never asked for me? Or for Pepper? To go home?"
"I never said that he didn't," Barnes growled right back.
"You fucking lying—" Tony was on his feet, unable to contain the agitation buzzing inside him any longer.
"Alright, stop it." Natasha's grip was firm, as she held him back, her eyes on Barnes. "Let's not play it like that, James. He wants to know, so he gets to know."
With a grunt, Barnes shook his head. "'Cause he asked." His gaze on the ground, he shrugged. "Told him it was a test. That he failed because he hadn't listened when he came towards me. That... that his father didn't want him anymore because he hadn't listened."
Tony pulled his arm out of Natasha's hold. Just as he did, Rogers stepped closer like he was going to have to go between them. But Tony didn't step around the table, he retreated to the other side of the room instead until he felt the cold wall underneath his fingers. It didn't do anything to calm his nerves but it helped anchor him, helped him stay upright.
Aiden had been scared, trafficked across the country, thinking Tony hadn't wanted him anymore. Thinking Tony had thrown him away like a piece of trash while in reality, he had been out of his mind with fear for his little boy. Weeks, months, and years, he had wondered if his son was still alive and scared or dead and gone like all these other children.
He should be grateful. No matter the agony, at least his son's lifeless body hadn't been dumped somewhere in the woods. At least... His breath caught in an all too clear sob before he shook himself like it would lift the pain that was wearing him down.
"After Aiden disappeared, there was..." He cleared his throat, slowly turning back to face them once more. "There was a series of crimes around LA. Little boys disappearing, turning up dead. The cops always thought... they thought he was part of that. Those cases were never solved." He fought to keep his eyes on Barnes. "Was that you, too? Was that... was that part of your mission?"
Barnes blinked at him, his features dark. "You sure you want to hear the answer to that question?"
His hands balled into fists, Tony stepped closer to the table, unable to keep the anger out of his voice. "Just fucking tell me!"
The only sound that echoed around the room were his labored breaths until Barnes turned up his gaze and met Tony's eyes head-on.
"Yeah. That was me." His features were blank, his tone almost conversational. "Part of the job."
Bile rose in Tony's throat, the sensation strong his knees practically buckled underneath him. Just barely, he managed to shuffle back to the wall, the cold concrete under his skin keeping him upright, once more anchored in himself.
"A handful of children," Barnes spat, the nonchalance gone in an instance. "You think that fazes me, Stark? I murderer people for decades. Men, women, children. I remember every single one of them. Including the kid that I thought was yours. The one that drowned."
"Hey now..." Hands on his shoulders, Rogers tried to calm him down but Barnes pulled away from him.
Tony turned just the same, fighting his emotions. His eyes pressed shut, he blew in deep breaths against the wall, anxiety raging in his chest.
"Just go." Barnes' voice wasn't as harsh as before but strained with tension. "You think I need you to remind me of the kind of monster they made me? I know! I still see their faces. Hear them beg. Just fucking leave me alone!"
Pete's voice rang in his ears, the way he had sobbed and begged, the panicked ring of his voice when Sallic had taken and tormented him. He could still see the blood on his face, red eyes full of tears. There had been nothing he could do to help him then. He had been stuck there for hours.
How much worse would it be to see his own hands on a kid. Not just his own, any kid? To watch his hands do the unthinkable while your mind was screaming for it to stop.
Was it like that for Barnes? Did he see himself in the moment? Or would he wake up with the worse kind of nightmare unsure what was real and what wasn't? He might never know. Knowing would mean working with Barnes and that... no. He couldn't picture himself in the same room as him after today. After everything. Not if he could help it.
Blinking his eyes open against the white wall, Tony's breathing was flat, wet with tears he hadn't been able to contain any longer. He rubbed a hand across his face, yearning for his glasses, anything really, to hide behind.
"I can remove those triggers." His voice was husky, no matter how often he tried to clear his throat. "Well, BARF can. I'm not sure about those memories."
Natasha's eyebrows were raised but she didn't say a thing. She turned towards Barnes instead, an expectant look on her face.
"Erase it all?" Barnes' voice was toneless, his hair obstructing most of his face.
"Maybe," Tony whispered then shrugged. Expanding BARF once they mapped the memories wasn't impossible. "We can try. The team at the Compound can when you get there."
With a short dry laugh, Barnes turned further towards the wall. "What, you don't think those other parents deserve to pick my brain, too? The brother and sisters? The—"
Tony's hand had shot up and effectively stopped him. He didn't want to think about that.
"Maybe they do," he breathed. His heart was thundering in his chest, painfully fast. "Life's not fucking fair sometimes though, is it? And I need those triggers that make you try and murder my boy out of your head yesterday."
"Typical," Rogers hissed under his breath.
As fast as his wobbly knees would allow it, Tony turned. "You got something to say to me, spangles?"
Rogers huffed out a breath. "Just the same old, isn't it? As long as you get yours, devil-may-care for the rest."
Natasha's hand was on his chest, holding Tony back physically but it wasn't enough to contain the wrath that was bottled up in his chest. Rogers was just the perfect outlet for it.
"Oh, yeah? You wanna take the freak-show out on an apology tour instead," Tony barked at him from across the room. "Visit every living relative of the people he off-ed in the last seven decades? A few additional stops on your world tour?"
"Tony," Natasha mumbled, pulling him back.
"What is it, Barnes? A hundred people? Two hundred? What's your number?"
"Shut up," Rogers growled back though his eyes were not on Tony but on Barnes.
"That's enough!" Her pull on Tony's suit jacket was strong enough that it forced him to turn towards her instead. "It's enough, now. You wanted to know what he did. Now you do. You can bite off Steve's head on your own time." Tony pulled himself away from her, smoothing the fabric of his suit. Instead, she then pointed at Rogers. "And you stop agitating him."
"I didn't—" Rogers started up again, but a sharp glance from Natasha was enough for his mouth to slam shut.
They stood there in silence for a few moments, the tension in the room still thick. Natasha studied one after the other as they all hovered in different corners of the room.
Tony did his best to get a grip on himself. He had promised himself not to lash out. This wasn't supposed to be emotional, he had just wanted the facts, but who had he been kidding?
He was standing in the same room as the assassin that had kidnapped his son and almost killed him twice. The same man that had bashed in his father's skull and had suffocated his mother with his bare hand who was hiding behind Rogers like a kicked puppy. Rogers, who had lied to his face for years.
Maybe this had been a mistake. Maybe his "right to know" was one thing, but truly knowing didn't make those nightmares go away. Knowing only focused them on one horror scenario.
Maybe all these families were better off, not knowing. Maybe he would have been, too.
"Let's just go," he mumbled in Natasha's direction. "I'm done with this."
"Tony, wait..." Rogers had moved fast. In an instant, he stood between him and the door.
"Let me through," Tony hissed but Rogers held up his hands in surrender.
"I apologize." His voice was firm, unwavering. "Please. Help him. Please, Tony."
Taken aback, his eyes flickered from Rogers over to Barnes who had retreated to the back wall. His shoulder was slumped against it, head hanging low.
"I'm sorry, please," Rogers repeated, a little quieter. "You know what they did to him. Please."
This was possibly worse than when Rogers had been pushing his buttons just a few moments ago. Did he really think that Tony would go back on his word? Go back on the fucking contract he signed to house them, to facilitate Barnes' therapy? Even if he had wanted to?
Weeks, Tony had been arguing with the committee that James Buchanan Barnes was a victim in this. Had been tortured and used by HYDRA for decades. Rationally, he knew it to be true, but his heart was still burning with pain.
"I signed a contract." His voice didn't come out as level as he had hoped.
"We both know it's not that simple." Rogers' eyes were waiting to meet his. His face was open, almost vulnerable. "We both know you'll always find a way if—"
"Stop," Tony hissed, fighting with himself not to look away. "I'm not planning to back out of the agreement. Officially or unofficially."
"You... you're not?" The genuine surprise on Rogers' face threatened to sprain Tony's ego more than anything else he had said so far.
"I'm not." The words came out a little stronger, more determined. "He's a war hero, right?" It took all his energy not to sound too flippant. "Don't get me wrong, if I never see his face again, I'll live a little happier but..."
Tony shook his head and sucked in a low breath. He had turned his face to the side and found Natasha right next to him. Her lips pressed flat, she gave him a short nod to continue. Gritting his teeth, he turned his eyes up at Barnes.
"They did this to you just as much as they did it..." to me. Tony swallowed hard. "...to everyone else. What they made you do... Nobody should have to live with that."
"Maybe." Barnes' head was hanging low. "But that's not on you." For a moment, his eyes flickered up. They burned with tension but not at Tony, but at Rogers. "You shouldn't be the one to have to deal with... this." He huffed out a breath as his gaze hit the floor. "Me."
Rogers' face was hot, but he didn't shy away from Tony's raised eyebrows.
Both arms crossed in front of his chest, Tony gave a simple shrug. "You can look at it as a civil service."
Next to him, Rogers moved from one foot to the other, his lips forcefully pressed shut like it took all the determination he could summon to keep quiet.
"It's not like I'll be there." Tony cleared his throat. God, no. The very idea of witnessing any of that had the hair on his neck stand with goosebumps, his hands sweating with panic.
"Tony, I know it would be hard," Rogers started up again, "but you know this retro framing... stuff better than anyone. For this to work, for... for him to be free of those triggers, please, just consider–"
"Stevie." Barnes' voice was icy. "It's enough."
Rogers didn't look at him this time. "It's the one way you could ensure that Pete is safe. I'm sure the team at the Compound is good but—"
"No." His voice was stronger than Tony would have thought himself capable. "No, I... I can't. I won't."
His mind swimming with a new wave of anxiety, he pushed past Rogers out of the room at last. His hands fumbled in the inner pocket of his jacket until they closed around his glasses. He had pushed them on his face before the door behind him had fallen shut.
It would be so much worse than this had been. Actively working on this, it would be so much worse dealing with a visual representation of Barnes' actual memories. To see his baby boy like that when they would dissect Barnes' thoughts. Just talking about it as they had would haunt him.
No, he couldn't be a part of that. The team at the Compound would deal with them and he would never - hopefully - have to be in the same room as him ever again.
His knees were shaking with every step, his hands trembling. He had shoved them into the pockets of his pants, hoping that would hide it. The walls flashed past him as he made his way towards one of the exits. He had to get out of there. He had to get home.
"Hey..." Natasha caught up with him before he'd turned the first corner. Her arm was linked with his, steadying him. "It's alright, Tony. Let's just get you home."
His chest was burning. It wasn't alright. Wouldn't be until he would lay his eyes on his son, his family, safe and sound.
