Chapter One- A Beginning or Maybe an End
Luna Lovegood was absolutely, positively not hiding.
It was important to her that the distinction was made even as she reached out to test both the lock and privacy wards on the door in front of her. She might look like she was hiding to her coworkers and friends, what with the locked door and all, but Luna knew this was only a brief pause. A time to collect herself before she had to face someone who always managed to make her feel completely out of sorts.
The party outside her office had been a mostly enjoyable one. She'd spent all afternoon decorating for it, taking time to hang tiny lights in swirling patterns on the walls and helping Hermione Granger fill bowls with sugary snacks all coloured in pastel blues and pinks. Freshly pressed linens covered the floor to ceiling bookshelf behind the main counter which would be lifted away at precisely the right time to show the newest publications from Quibbler Publishing. Adding to that success was the news that now the storefront was open, after two years of hard work to expand their growing company, gave Luna and her friends all the reasons to celebrate. They had earned a fun night.
Opening the store to help support the work going into The Quibbler magazine and other publications like the Snitches and Brooms and Accio Adventures periodicals, was the final piece to completing what they had been working tirelessly on. With support from Hermione as one partner and the almost natural business sense from Percy Weasley as her other, they had capitalized on the incredible surge of Quibbler subscribers still remaining after the war to create the third wizarding publishing company in Britain and the only one owned by a witch. Adding the shop would attract the coming holiday crowds in Diagon Alley and give them a bigger budget adding on more writers.
Even tonight, there was already talk of expanding into a Quidditch division of Quibbler Publishing, to support Snitches and Brooms and other publications to come. The news made both of the Weasleys on staff light up at the possibilities. Good times were ahead- finally, after so much time lost in the dark.
They'd even hired the perfect person to manage the front of the house sales. Thanks to Hermione's quick thinking and negotiating prowess, Lavender Brown was now on staff. Her keen eye for perfection and order was the perfect balance to George Weasley's penchant for troublemaking. They were small but a mighty group, each driven by their own need to be something more after the war and connected together in little, unseen ways that Luna was excited for them each to find as more years together passed.
It was only right that Luna had enjoyed the elf-made wine flowing freely between bites of sweetcakes. Just a few minutes earlier, everyone had seemed to be in the full swing of celebration. Lavender had been gossiping happily in the corner with Astoria Greengrass, one of the freelance writers who submitted work from time to time. George's booming laugh had been heard from the huddle of young witches surrounding him by the door. Her other main writer, Rolf Scamander, had been recounting stories from his more recent trips with an older mentor who worked to keep a steady supply of cakes and candies on his plate. Even Hermione had been getting more red-faced as Percy twirled her around the centre of the room, her two friends laughing freely as the party ramped up.
All had been well. All had been happy. Until a certain owl came tapping on the windows minutes after the fourth round of toasts.
Luna had recognized it right away. It was his personal owl. The large creature was holding onto a letter with thick, hard-pressed writing that insisted she respond right away to finish the paperwork still left undone that secured their arrangement. Not tomorrow as previously planned, when sunlight and sobriety would bring her a more rational mind to deal with the wizard on the other end of the quill, but tonight.
Her quick reply of not tonight, please, you promised must have sounded like yes, of course, come barge in on my happy party because exact wizard she'd not been wanting to see tonight was here.
His presence was made perfectly clear with his overly dramatic entrance- complete with his robes moving with a breeze not felt otherwise- as guests gasped and moved quickly out of the often manic man's way. Luna had seen the way he scanned over the crowd, no doubt looking for her, before she made a hasty excuse and even quicker exit to the safety of her private office in the back.
The urge to pout at the change in not only her mood, but what she was sure was the breaking apart of her party, almost made leave her office if only to pull Hermione back inside. Luna imagined that her friend would gently remind her that it was her idea to join in the Ministry's newest displaced workers program, the acronym for which neither of the witches could say without giggling, and offer comfort at the position she was now in.
To her, there really hadn't been much more of a choice. Once Luna had seen his name on this list owl'ed to her the week prior, she had felt the pull to pick him. It might have been easier to pick one of the other proven spies or helpers from the war or maybe even one of the few "Ministry reformed" Death Eaters released from Azkaban, but she knew from the moment she accepted the offer for her company to participate exactly who she would select.
Even after she'd circled his name in deep purple ink, she had paused before sending the response, wondering if she should let her friends talk her out of it before deciding against that too. Once the deed was done, Luna had dreaded telling everyone resulting in another long stint inside her office to muster up the courage to face what she had decided.
Percy had practically begged her to change her mind. Hermione had stood in silence, gnawing on her bottom lip as Luna tried to explain why it had to be him. The good press would be beneficial for them all but more so was the chance to once and for all level the Quidditch field between her and the ex-Death Eater turned supporter of the Order of the Phoenix. Her friends didn't know all of the story but they knew enough to understand, eventually, why Luna felt it necessary to invite the volatile wizard on staff temporarily.
No one else liked it or even attempted to hide their feelings. Rolf had quickly left for a sudden interview with a centaur once the announcement was made a staff meeting. Astoria voiced her concerns none too quietly at being associated with Death Eaters again after working hard to separate herself from the criminal groups and families. Once Luna shared what position the dark wizard would fill, Lavender and George who complained a whole day through of how terrible it would be to work the shop with him but no one really pushed too hard against her decision.
In some ways, tonight's party was also her apology. She wanted them to trust her and understand why the dark wizard needed to be around for a few weeks and ease the tension she'd felt building as the days approached. Luna needed to keep her real reasons close to her chest still, a real part of her terrified that the truth would turn them against her. She worried, too much at times, if anyone would really understand.
With her back still to the door and her concentration centered on pulling her thoughts back to the present, Luna took a long inhale in through her nose, holding one nostril shut and then the other. It was a practiced alternate breath meant to calm the mind but as she tried it again this time, it didn't work. She tried again, willing the calming method to soothe her too frazzled emotions.
An older part of her might have blamed some invisible creatures flying about for her panic but the woman she was today just couldn't hold onto such ideas. Of course, no one really got that and so she smiled and nodded when her friends offered the familiar fantastical explanations for her often changing moods. They mean well.
The same friends who were probably whispering about her right now. She could imagine that Hermione was holding off the inevitable interruption for her sake and that Percy was working to keep the party going despite the uninvited guest. She'd left them alone to deal with her problem and it made her body feel funny, all tight and tense, to think they might be disappointed in her. Better to stay here in the office away from it all.
Luna closed her eyes instead, focusing on the smell of her office. There was the comfort of the sweet incense burning in various spots around the room and the faint smell of varnish coming off the back of her office door as she turned to lean her forehead against it. A few more deep breaths had Luna feeling centered again, her hand reaching for the handle of the door before a loud and too confident knock broke the peace she had just created.
She jumped back, breath quickening again.
"Luna? Luna are you in there?" That was Rolf calling for her. Sweet, warm Rolf coming to check on his friend and employer who had practically run out of the room a few minutes before. He had no real idea of what had upset her, although Luna was sure he could guess. She was sure they all could guess as it was clearly written on her face the moment he stepped into the room.
Refusing to answer anyone, even Rolf, Luna stepped quickly away from the door. They would all have to wait a while longer if they wanted to see her. There were confusing thoughts to put back into order before she could step back into the main shop of Quibbler Publishing and continue playing the charming host for this evening's event.
"I am not hiding," she answered in a whisper that wouldn't be heard by those wanting her attention but that part didn't matter to her. The assurance was only for herself. Not hiding.
Hiding meant ducking under beds or bunching into wardrobes. It meant being very quiet or maybe sitting the dark for fear of being caught. She wasn't doing any of that, standing instead in the center of her office like a grown witch would do, with the door shut for privacy reasons. Yes, that one almost sounded convincing.
Besides, she wasn't afraid. Nervous and regretful but even those emotions felt distinctly different from the very real fear she had felt in the past. All of her memories with hiding centered on fear like when she hid from the Death Eaters who broke into her home or hid from the better fighters in the battle. Or when you hid behind - no. Not that. Not today.
To keep her mind from yanking her back down a dark path, Luna whispered words aloud. "They are your friends. You are safe here. You are not hiding...only pausing."
As Luna rounded the corner of her desk to sink into the plush chair on the other side, she started to re-arrange the framed photographs lining right edge of her workstation. Picking each one up and moving them just slightly askew from how they'd been before gave her shaking hands a welcomed activity and her heart a chance to return to a more normal rhythm. Seeing the faces of old classmates and friends smiling and laughing in each frame always calmed her. They were a physical reminder of the sunshine in her life.
More arguing could be heard outside. Luna reached back for her wand, the twist of her wrist muffling the sounds. Eyeing the back of her door warily, she sighed before shaking her head to ward off the more negative thoughts starting to gather.
Not hiding, the reminder came again, its needed repetition adding to the nerves tightening her gut. Pausing.
She was taking a pause. That's what this was- a pause. A normal and necessary break so that once she went back outside her office, she would handle what was waiting for her there.
Only that answer didn't quite satisfy her either. Luna knew that if she was being completely honest with herself, she'd been almost obsessed with pauses lately. Since Quibbler Publishing had opened two years ago, she took them whenever and however she could as if being robbed of the pause needed between childhood and adulthood had to be stolen back in little minutes and hours between her days. As if once she became more settled into the world, all of the things she never quite dealt with after the war had to have space again. Tiny amounts of space. Never any more than that. Just lots of tiny little bits of space. Pauses.
Her office was her favourite place for these short pauses. The clutter around her purposefully created, piles of books and stray sheets of parchment littered the charmed desk that changed colour every few hours, all in the brightest shades. The pictures frames that lined one side contrasted with the row of tiny succulents on the other, creating an almost fence even around her workspace. It gave her an enclosure, another thing she admittedly had been craving any chance she could.
It would have been easier if there had been a formula to follow for handling life after Hogwarts and after the battles ended. A large part of her thinking liked that sort of order, even if no one thought she did. It's why she liked her famously logical friend Hermione so much. She could understand her and how she worked through problems.
Or maybe a recipe card should have been handed to each of them, the not quite graduates who each wore their own sets of scars, instead of Orders of Merlin. Yes, a recipe, like the ones her Mum had used for her baking or the ones Professor Snape taught in the Potions classroom. Those were enough to follow along with. She could reference it like her old textbooks, do this instead of that if you faced war, death, and devastation before the age of 17. Turn to this page and follow that flowchart if you were locked in a cellar with evil wizards for several months. Use the guide on that back of this handout if both of your parents are gone and you now have no clue on how to behave. Do you have a small fortune now in your name and yet no job? Please follow this guidebook step by step.
It certainly would be have been easier than the stumbling about she'd done for the last several years. Might have saved her some time, too. It was only after years of searching through magical and non-magical bookshops for answers not written, attending seminars and classes to leave as empty-handed as she came and even trying to mimic her more successful friends and past classmates only to be still as lost and wandering as always. And wandering led to hidi- no, pauses. Pauses, pauses, pauses.
Another knock interrupted her thoughts. The sound was strange against the muffling charms, like what she imagined life underwater would sound like. Sometimes Luna thought that might be a better life if she'd been born a mermaid instead of the complicated life she had on land.
Her Dad used to tell her all about the merpeople. Bedtime stories were filled with tales of underwater kings and their brave daughters who went on grand adventures across the seas. At this moment, those worlds and adventures sounded remarkably tempting that Luna had half a mind to sneak back out of her office and head for the nearest beach.
Leaning back against the chair, she sighed and picked up her wand again. The knock was clearer now, not friendly like she had hoped, but not muffled by her charm anymore. It wasn't the knock of Hermione, who a professional ring to her knock if ever there was such a thing, or Percy who always knocked with three sharp raps, or even George who tended to knock out a rhythm.
As Luna ran down the list of potential people causing the noise, a nagging feeling in her gut told her exactly who this was, even if she didn't want to face it. She was regretting any of her decisions that brought that knock, that loud and flat sound of the side of a fist instead of knuckles, to her door.
It was him. The wizard Luna both wished she had never met and the very same she still felt indebted to even years after the final battle. The night had been going by splendidly until he decided to come by, obviously ignoring her request for him to wait until the morning for their meeting. Then again, patience wasn't a virtue the dark wizard was known for, aggravatingly conniving and oddly attractive- yes, but patient and respectful of others' wishes- no.
Which clearly being demonstrated as she heard him growl something foul at whoever was joining him on the other side of the door. She stood abruptly, reacting to him already despite the three inches of hardwood, layers of spells, and the distance across her office between the two of them.
Luna was a titch grateful when she heard the commotion of other people rushing over to where the wizard was still knocking. It gave her an excuse to delay just a bit while longer.
"You can't just barge in here and demand things!" That was an irritated Hermione repeating a line she'd heard almost shouted a few minutes earlier. The difference now is there was a long stretch of quiet before Luna heard a mumbled "Sir" after. It appeared her guest was already getting the forced respect he was used to.
"I'm not barging, swot. I was invited and this one," his voice rang out louder as he knocked again, "was the one to do it."
The next voice she heard as Luna rested her head in her hands, eyes trained on the door in case it swung open, was Percy's. "There must have been some misunderstanding. You are scheduled to meet with us- the managers- tomorrow at half past noon. Tonight is for current employees and invited guests only." And again Luna heard a hasty 'sir' added to end.
"Please leave. Quietly," Hermione pleaded and Luna could imagine they were gaining the room's attention. "And she'll owl you later to confirm your meeting tomorrow. It's only fair."
Fairness. A thread that might have caught anyone else but the wizard Hermione was talking to. He hurled another insult at her friend before resuming the pounding on her door, this time even louder. "Open. This. Door. Now, Luna Lovegood, before I start knocking heads together instead."
Pause over! Luna reached over to grab a handful of bangles from the dish in front of her, adjusted the braids hanging down either side of her head and walked with as much confidence she could muster across the room.
It was time to face a supposedly insane and notoriously quick-tempered wizard who frightened most of the population of magical Britain. Again.
This is a repost from my old account where this story was paused after Chapter One. Original Alpha credits for content previously posted to Calebski.
Multi-Chapter | Post-War Healing | Rated for Language and Adult Content
