[Hello everyone! As promised I'm back. I don't know how this story will end yet... so I trust in your reviews! What do you want? Another happy ending? I'll try to update as soon as possible. Enjoy!]
This story begins in the episode "Fall from Grace" in the 7th Season. The first part contains many scenes of the original episode.
MOTHERS
Chapter 1 - Fall from Grace - part one
"Think House is coming in today?" Masters asked unable to hide the disappointment in her voice.
"Maybe if we start offering SPA treatments." Foreman said in a bored tone without looking up from the medical journal he was reading.
"He already jumped off of a hotel balcony. Who knows what he'll do next?" in Masters's comment disapproval mingled with a note of concern.
"Ride some kind of prostitute chariot to work?" Chase said, looking toward the hallway.
They saw him coming on a segway with a beautiful young woman who, knowing House, couldn't be anything but a prostitute.
"First person to offer me an interesting case gets to ride her...Single or double-team." He took off his sunglasses and looked pleased at his team that was looking at him sheepishly. "My scooter, which, you know, said out loud, sounds even more inappropriate."
"Seriously? You're bringing them to work now?"
"I want you to meet Dominika. She's about to become a permanent member of Team House."
"Nice to me meetings you all." Dominika said in her strong Eastern European accent.
"Doing what exactly?"
"Me." House said with a mischievous smile "We're getting married on Friday."
House was finally back at work. Nearly two weeks after that night, Lisa Cuddy knew she should meet him every day in the hospital hallways and would have to find ways to deal with him.
It hadn't worked when she had tried to prevent House doing an absurd procedure on his patient practically exploding his patient's aorta. She couldn't hold his own. She had surrendered to him. And House relentlessly had pointed out telling bluntly her to push off. He had looked into her eyes and had read her guilt ... She had been the first boss who could handle him and now, after more than ten years, she had lost that ability ... the ability to hold House own.
Guilt restrained her. The doubt of not having done the right choice restrained her.
The night in which she went to him to break their relationship, she had been hoping that he wouldn't let her go, that he would tried to stop her from going away ... but he had just begged her not to do that and he had stood in that doorframe letting her to go away ... again she hadn't fought for her ...
She thought she can face that separation, she thought she can stay without him ... after all it was her decision to break up with him. But she had to find that not always reason and heart go hand in hand. Her mind kept telling her that she had made the right choice... she, first of all, had to protect herself and her daughter ... but her heart wasn't of the same opinion ... she continued to feel a great emptiness ...
Why couldn't things be simpler between them? She had waited for him almost twenty years and now she had let him go. She had known a new House after his rehabilitation at Mayfield... where that House was now? He had courted her, he had made her feel important , he had been caring but then, when she had opened her heart to him, he had been back to being a selfish ass again. He had tried to convince her that he was reliable and instead he had proved to be completely unreliable. His needs were always before hers ...
She didn't know if she felt more guilty or angry actually because these feelings were still fighting inside her.
She knew that by breaking-up with him she had hurt him and had deprived him of that lifeline to which he had clung to have a bit of security and normalcy in his own life. She knew he loved her ... in his own way he loved her, but he was still never able to let himself go. In their 10-months relationship she had only managed to scratch the wall he had built in fifty years to protect himself from the outside world ... She was incredibly angry ... Once again he had closed in himself ... he had not called her that night ... he hadn't tried to talk to her, to explain... he haven't tried to open his heart to her trying to save their relationship ... Once again he had just thought about himself. He had licked his wounds ignoring hers. Why the hell didn't he try to explain? Sure ... she had been very clear, specific and direct in telling him that she couldn't be with a man who didn't put his woman before his own needs.
"It's not about the pills, House." she had told him "It's about what they mean. You don't take Vicodin because you're scared. You take it so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain... drugs, sarcasm, keeping everybody at arm's length so no one can hurt you... but...pain happens when you care. You can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems, their fears...And you're not willing to do that... you weren't with me, not really. You'll choose yourself over everybody else over and over again ... because that's just who you are."
And once again, that night, he had not tried to prove her that she was wrong. Her words once again hadn't scratched his armor. Why the hell couldn't he learn from his mistakes! Once again he had made the same mistake. The same fault for which she had left him. He chose again to refuge in Vicodin to not feel pain. The pain of losing her. Of losing the love of his life. He had chosen to hide behind drug, sarcasm, prostitutes ... he had looked for emotions that gave him back a bit of that happiness he had known ... but of course he failed. Once again he hadn't even tried to show her that he could be a responsible and adult man, able to support and comfort his woman.
She had hoped that he'd run after her... that he'd show on her front door ... She would pretend not to want to talk to him... but she would talk to him, she would have listened to him... like that night he had hired Mariachi for her Gala... when he had showed on her front door... drunk... They would have talked, quarreled, raised their voices, but maybe they could even be able to open revealing their respective most vulnerable side ... they could have find ways to support each other ... maybe in the end everything would have dissolved just in one hug ... But once again he had chosen instead to not feel pain ...
She knew that she didn't have to give her mind way to think, that she have to keep her mind busy for not afford to think of him.
Work was her lifeline. Work was her Vicodin.
She met him in the hallway or rather they almost collided.
"You can't ride that thing in here." she said referring to his segway.
"Speaking of things, I'm having one on Friday. If you want to drop by, we'd love to have you. No pressure."
She glanced at the pink envelope he gave her and turned it over in her hands without opening it trying to maintain her composure and her authority.
"You're still standing on it" she said with a serious look pointing to the scooter.
"So I am. Perhaps you're not familiar with New Jersey handicap ordinances." he said sticking to his scooter his handicap-permit.
"Or perhaps I am." She said showing him the ordinance. "They apply to wheelchairs and powered scooters only, not toys." She looked into his eyes and took off from the handlebar the blue permit.
"Have you any idea how much this toy cost?"
"I don't care." she said continuing to look into his eyes but barely holding back a smile in front of that umpteenth attempt to annoy her. His tricks had always had the ability to annoy her but at the same time in some way ... to intrigue her.
"For some reason, my leg's been hurting a lot this week."
"For some reason, I still don't care." she held his gaze without giving up.
"Fine. I'll return it. Do I have to walk it out of here?" he asked getting off his scooter.
And... she could not hold up as well, but succumbed to his game. Still guilt. She should continue to hold House's own and say no ... but ...
"Stop." she said sighing and shaking her head "I'll make an exception for your leg. But next time, check with me first."
He went off on his scooter in reverse continuing to stare at her. And she could tell by his eyes that he had won. She had given him and he had had won ... once again she failed to hold House's own.
Why was she so upset by that fake marriage?
House had never believed in marriage and certainly had not started now. Cuddy was well aware that it was only an act to hurt her. He wanted to make her feel bad as he was. She had broken his heart, he now wanted to broken hers. He knew her too well not to know how to do it ... he exactly knew what buttons to touch ...
She was still holding that pink envelope in her hands when Wilson walked into her office.
"Are you going on Friday?"
She had a start hearing his voice. She was so deep in thought that she had not heard him come in.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you" Wilson apologized sitting in front of her.
"I was just ..." she sighed and looked at Wilson resting her back on her chair back and biting her lip slightly. It doesn't make sense to lie to Wilson ... he knew her too well and she knew he knew what she was thinking about ...
"I don't know..." she said "If I won't go he'll win. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction..."
"Well... that's the Cuddy that I know ..." he said with a smile "But ... it's not a race, Cuddy! At the end of this story neither of you will really win, and you know it!"
Cuddy didn't answer and looked down feeling a lump in her throat.
"You were right ... now you really are his problem, Cuddy! But he's yours! I really don't know who of you two is more stubborn." Wilson made a gesture with his hand as if in surrender.
"Let's go for lunch?" he asked to change the subject.
She shook her head.
"No James, thank you. I really have a lot of work..."
And again Wilson knew she wasn't telling him the truth. It wasn't the backlog to close her stomach at that time.
The next day House entered her office asking her to add his fiancée's name in advance on his health insurance.
"I'm not signing this" she said before lowering her head and looking up again at him, biting her lip.
It was fraud. But that wasn't what frightened her. Did he really want to go through with that game? Did he really want to marry that prostitute for her to have a green card?
That fake marriage would have been the definitive end of their relationship... it would erase any possibility of rethinking.
She had told Wilson that she had no intention of giving House another chance ... but she wasn't really convinced of that...
... But ... to went back on that decision... to step back... she knew she needed a proof of change ... she felt terribly stupid ... but she continued to hope ... a very small part of her continued to hope that House would give her an opening ... a tiny gesture that make her to revalue her choice ...
She had been honest with Wilson when he had practically begged to grant another chance to his friend...
"When things go wrong, I don't want to hope that I'm not alone. I want to know it. With House...Every time I needed him to step up...He's just never gonna be that." she had said, and this, unfortunately, wasn't changed.
"You realize if I do sign this and you don't get legally married, you'll lose your insurance with our carrier?" She told him sheepishly accepting those idiotic Almond Kulich from his fiancée's hands.
"Yes." He replied without delay.
She looked into his eyes and he held her gaze.
"Fine. It's your life." she said looking down and signing the documents, trying not to think to the lump that gripped her throat again.
He kept to look at her as she signed that document and passed it into Dominika's hands with the hint of a smile and saying " I wish you both the best with it."... and he stared at her for a moment.
He knew too well her smile and that obviously wasn't her smile. For a brief moment House felt in guilt at the thought of what was going through her head in that moment. He knew that he was hurting her voluntarily... but his pride took over again and stared back at her with his piercing gaze before exiting her office ... a look that said "I'm the winner, again".
"Dr. Cuddy" Nurse Brenda called while Cuddy exited the clinic room to return to her office. "Here are your patients' test results. You asked me to get them as soon as they were ready..."
"Sure. Thanks Brenda" Cuddy said with a smile taking those envelopes from the nurse's hand.
House watched her from afar. Apparently the usual Cuddy.
Beautiful, professional, authoritative and incredibly sexy. But her eyes were not her usual eyes and her smile was not her usual smile. Those dark shadows under her eyes were certainly due to lack of sleep and even her smile was tired ... and he knew that overloading of work was her way to not have time to think.
She had tried to be strong and authoritative preventing him from using the hospital chapel for his wedding. "It's not my problem" she had told him before giving him her back and walk away ... but he was too attentive to detail in order not to notice the way she had lowered her shoulders slightly when she turned to leave. She had sighed and took a deep breath ... This betrayed her discomfort so...to sustain that situation was more difficult than she would like him to believe.
But once again pride got the better of him ... this wasn't his problem anymore...
In her office Cuddy sat behind her desk and checked the exams Brenda had given her particularly looking for an envelope between those envelopes.
Arlene Bergen. Her mother. Or rather, the maiden name of her mother, the one she used to disguise her own tests from prying eyes.
It was just a control after her kidney surgery but she was so used to not use her own name that she had used a false name by default.
She looked at the first page and then the second. Why the hell the lab had run a full routine? She had required only a few tests and a urine test. It was a lab error certainly and the lab manager was going to have at least one warning for this waste of hospital resources.
She looked at them briefly. She was a little anemic. Her hemoglobin was lower than usual but it was nothing to worry about ... but another highlighted test caught her attention. She double-checked the name on the top of the sheet. That of her mother. And the date of birth. Hers. And again that test. Her heart skipped a beat and her hand began to tremble slightly.
"Oh my God..." she whispered putting a hand on her forehead ...
[...waiting for your reviews!]
