Sorry for the delay in updating, I lost my beautiful golden retriever and it takes everything in me to do normal stuff right now. Luckily, this chapter was mostly already written so I didn't do much other than edit.
This is a big chapter filled with some important moments.
Did I mention the lemon warning?
Oh, I've known you forever
Now I know you better
Let's just get carried away, oh
And it bears repeating
Now my heart's bleeding
When you tell me that you'll stay
It's gonna take me a minute
But I could get used to this
The feeling of your fingertips
The feeling of another kiss
It's gonna take me a minute
But I could get used to this
Like every tattoo on your skin
I'm memorizing every inch
-Used To This-Camila Cabello
I prepared my night bag, as I realized Alice had already put some lingerie in it, that sneaky woman. She was psychic, I swear. As I walked out of the apartment, I took one last look at myself before I shut the door behind me.
With the high schoolers, I had to straddle the line between professional and not too stuffy. For my kids, they wouldn't open up to you if you weren't approachable. My meetings went off without a hitch along with my sessions. At the end of the day, I had a few minutes to catch up on paperwork. I heard my phone vibrate as I held it to my ear.
"Don't work too long tonight, Swan, we have Glee re-runs waiting for you," Rose reminded. After work, I had to catch a plane to LA. My stomach was already dancing uncomfortably at the thought of another plane ride.
"My stomach is already angry I'm going on a plane again," I replied darkly as I slid into my car. I heard a sympathetic sigh before she responded.
"Dramamine is some good shit, Bella. You should invest in it," Rose suggested, which made me roll my eyes. The only downside to the medicine was that it made me incredibly sleepy.
"I'll consider it. I own a small stock already because of flying," I replied with a chuckle.
"Right, let me know when you board your flight, girl," she said before we ended the call. My suitcase was already in the back of my car, I managed to pack myself up in the early hours of the morning.
Alice, Rose, and I had a hotel room for the night because the guys were flying in the next day after their last series before they had a two day break. While Rose and Emmett planned to fly back to Phoenix that night, Edward and I wanted to spend the night in LA.
Of course as I boarded the plane, my anxiety went into overdrive. However, my nervousness was not solely because of the possibility of losing my lunch. Instead, the past few weeks I was sure I was ready to finally take our relationship completely to the next level. After about two counselor sessions of me word vomiting my fears about finally taking that step, I felt more on even ground.
I knew I trusted Edward completely. Perhaps the scariest part was that I didn't have as much experience as he did and a majority of the time, I shut my eyes and pretended I was anywhere else. However, since Edward and I began becoming intimate, I managed to keep those thoughts at bay for now.
Once we were allowed to use our phone again, my phone vibrated with a text. I reached down to my purse, where I rummaged for a moment before finding my phone.
B, I'm so excited to see you in 24 hours. I am sorry you have to go through a flight, though. Let me know when you land.
My lips curled upwards into a smile as I quickly typed a response.
I see saltines in my future. I'll have different kinds of butterflies tomorrow. I'll be watching your game when I land on solid ground and feel free to call me afterwards. Miss you.
I sighed as I leaned back up against my headrest as my stomach churned. I asked the stewardess for crackers, which she gave me moments later. I breathed a sigh of relief once we landed. I sent a quick text to Alice as I located my luggage.
Once I left the terminal, I caught sight of Alice and Rose. They were dressed in cute rompers, which somehow didn't look like fitting into a onesie as rompers usually did for me. Both of them erupted in grins as they sprinted over to me.
"Bella!" Rose said, embracing me as I caught a whiff of her sweet smelling perfume. Alice was behind her as once Rose let go of me, Alice eagerly took her turn of giving me a warm embrace.
"See, I told you you'd survive the plane ride!" She said with a grin as she linked her arm in mine.
"I survived on saltines," I argued, luckily my stomach was more at ease.
"Maybe you need some CBD, I heard it helps nausea ," Rose suggested, a thoughtful expression on her lips. My eyes grew wide for a moment before I shook my head vigorously.
"Chill out, it's not weed, Bella. It's like baby weed," Alice reminded me, a warm grin spreading across her lips. While I had zero problems with other people smoking weed, the one solitary experience made me nauseous.
"I'll stick to Dramamine," I argued, holding onto my bottle of Drammine like it was gold. Both of them rolled their eyes at me as we walked out into the parking lot. Rose led us to her rental, which was a huge Suburban.
"This is huge," I murmured as I climbed into the back seat. Rose nearly shrugged as she got into the driver's seat.
"When you think about all the make up and lighting I have to carry around it's really not," Rose argued as she began to back out of her parking spot. The rest of the ride we caught up on each other's weeks while I looked down at my phone every so often for game updates.
"Are you getting game updates?" Alice asked curiously once we arrived at our hotel.
"Well, I didn't want my phone to die watching ESPN so I get scoring updates," I answered.
"Aww, that's sweet. I should really keep up more with Emmett's games. I go to as many as I can, but admittedly I don't watch every single one of them," Rose admitted.
"You are crazy busy," I reminded her. I mean the woman was a sought after make up artist in Hollywood.
"True, I think it's sweet you try to watch every single one of them," Rose said, squeezing my shoulder as I lugged my single duffle bag over my shoulder. Once we made it to the hotel room, Alice opened the door wide.
Of course she already had dinner ready for us, which was some sort of take out.
"There's a local Mexican place," she informed, gesturing to the food on the small table on the side of the room.
"Sadly they don't do take out Margs so I have wine," Alice said with a disappointment evident in her tone. Her lips framed into a frown as Rose let out a small laugh.
"It's okay for the drinks to not coordinate with the food," Rose reminded her.
"Tequila gives me a headache anyway," I said with a shrug. My already upset stomach had to be glad for the break from another assailant. Alice began pouring each of us a glass of wine as she lounged on the floor beside the bed.
"Are you working the Espy's, Rose?" I asked her curiously as I carefully unwrapped the bowl of chicken, rice, and lettuce. Rose let out a sigh as she bobbed her head.
"Unfortunately, I like most of my clients but some of them..." She trailed off. Alice took a large sip of wine before she finished for her.
"Shit show?" Alice suggested.
"Your words, not mine. I work magic, but I'm not a fairy Godmother. I can't make all the wrinkles go away and contrary to popular belief not everyone looks incredible with blue eyeshadow," Rose responded, shaking her head.
"How many clients do you have tomorrow?" I asked her curiously. She thought for a moment, staring at a spot in the ceiling before she replied.
"Six, which means I basically begin work at ten tomorrow. I can still do ours since I only accepted clients up to three," Rose replied.
"We'll have strong coffee waiting for you in the morning," I assured her. A slight smile spread across her lips as Rose reached across the floor we sat on to squeeze my hand in hers.
"Who is wearing your designs tomorrow?" I asked Alice curiously. A wide smile spread brightly across her face as she took another sip of her wine before she answered.
"You are, Rose is, and a few other athletes are. I'm really excited," she gushed. It was rewarding to see Alice go from designing dresses in the basement of Esme and Carlisle's house to where she was now, designing for celebrities.
"You earned it, Ali," I assured her as we raised our glasses. We spent the rest of our meals catching up with each other, since we hadn't really seen each other in weeks. Alice complained extensively about wedding planning while Rose complained about Emmett's new aspiration of turning their outdoor space into another gym. Before long, we were in our pajamas, laying on the bed with our eyes glued to the widescreen television.
I drifted to sleep sometime later, luckily remembering to take my make up off.
As soon as I gained consciousness the next morning, I watched Rose criss cross the room frantically throwing on clothes before doing her make up. With a grunt, I headed towards the coffee machine, tapping the button after I inserted the K-cup. Rose threw an expression of gratitude before she embraced me quickly. I nodded before I catapulted myself back into the bed.
Once Rose returned later for us, I was a ball of nerves.
"Bella!" Rose shouted. I waved as she walked through the door.
"Get in my bathroom," she said with a smile as she ushered me through the door. She studied me for a minute, a playful smile turned her lips upwards as she fingered the ends of my hair for a minute.
"I'm so glad you went with the highlights, they look amazing on you," Rose said, as she let my hair down from the confines of my ponytail.
"It was peer pressure, but I'm glad I did it," I said as she studied my ends.
"So I'm thinking a half up half down for you. I may do a side braid here, loose of course," she said, as she wrapped some hair around my head to demonstrate her point. I had no clue when it comes to doing my hair. My go to style was a high ponytail or a bun.
"You know I'm clueless about this stuff, Rose. I trust you," I murmured. She nodded as she grabbed her curling iron. She began to wrap sections of my hair around the barrel.
"So have you two done the deed?" Rose asked mischievously. She definitely had less of a filter than Alice. I felt blush heat my cheeks.
"No, but I'm hoping tonight.." I began, hating how I sounded so hesitant.
"Well, I'm glad. You'll have to give me all the deets tomorrow. I'm not like Alice who is related to him," she said, winking at me.
"When did you do it with Emmett?" I asked. God, my high schoolers were rubbing off on me.
"Third date, I mean we moved fast but I don't regret it," Rose said with a grin. It had been a long time for me, I haven't been with anyone other than James. With James, I never felt close to him, it was more of me going through the motions.
"You're nervous," Rose deduced as she let a curl fall from the barrel.
"It's been a while, and what if I screw it up? God, I've only been with one person and that was a train-wreck and..." I said, the words flowing out of my mouth like lava.
"Bella, stop, it's okay to be nervous. You've done some bases with him, and it felt good didn't it?" She asked, interrupting me. Heat flamed my cheeks as I nodded.
"Then you have nothing to worry about. Plus, you have plenty of times to get it right if it isn't amazing the first time," she reminded me. I took a deep breath as I accepted her words.
"I'm also telling him I love him," I admitted.
"Finally! Ugh he'll be so thrilled. I'll be surprised if he doesn't go all cave man and just whisk you off to bed when those words come out," she said with excitement.
"Rose," I warned her, feeling blush creep down to my neck.
"You need to loosen up, Bella," Rose reminded me. I wasn't just worried about tonight because of my lack of experience, I wasn't sure if those memories would come flushing back to me when we were in the moment.
Through all my hard work with my therapist, I'd been able to get this far with Edward. Rose read my wary expression as she began her braid around my head.
"You're scared it'll bring it all back, huh?" Rose asked quietly, all marks of her previous teasing gone. I chewed my lip as I nodded. Rose sighed as she placed both hands on my shoulders.
"That man doesn't get to own your life anymore, Bella. You deserve to be happy and be with someone who treats you right. You deserve to be loved by someone who shows you what love is. You deserve to be intimate with someone and not feel him or have any traces of what he did to you. You are not what he did to you. I know you may see those scars, but I promise Edward doesn't," she said her voice lowering to a whisper.
Her words weren't knew to me, however I needed to hear them. At the trial three years ago, Rose squeezed my hand and promised me I could still have a beautiful life. I could get married again, if I wanted, or have babies. He didn't deserve to take that away from me. With determination, I nodded. I deserved to have good sex.
"I'm almost done here, Bella, then I'll get rolling on your make up," Rose said, as she pinned the braid in. She finished placing the last pin as she grabbed her overstuffed make up bag.
"Jeez Rose, how long does it take you to get ready?" I asked her, studying her bag.
"I got ready before you got here, so all I have to do is get into my dress. Usually, it takes me about forty minutes to do make up, maybe twenty to do my hair," she said, with a shrug. My eyes practically widened out of my sockets as I took in her answer. I could get ready in twenty minutes, tops.
"Not all of us swear away make up, Bella. It's my art," she replied as she put a primer on my face. She then began doing my foundation along with highlighting. She moved quicker on the make up as she moved on to my eyes.
"Not too much, Rose," I warned.
"I know, Bella. You really have beautiful eyes," she murmured. I huffed, she was the one talking. Rose had sky blue eyes that made every man turn twice along her her long blonde hair. She sensed my discomfort as she let the brush stop for a minute.
"You have these gorgeous light brown eyes with flecks of gold and green in them," Rose explained. Renee drew her roots from the Navajo tribe, which explained how tan I got in the summer. However, my eyes were a mix of her hazel and Charlie's blue. Renee had almost ebony black hair that always had a braid in it. My memories of her stemmed from when she would braid my hair when I was little.
She told me old Navajo tales as she braided my hair. When she divorced Charlie, she sent periodic post cards to me from all over the country. She never came back to visit, but promised she would someday.
"They're Renee's," I said, my lips drawing into a frown. Truly the only thing she ever gave to me were my eyes and my hair texture. She was tiny from what I remembered, but was slender. I inherited more of my father's side with my body shape.
She was a dancer, that's why she travelled the country. She also dabbled in art, creating beautiful clay pottery. There was some talk of her being on the reserve somewhere around here. I never sought her out because I figured if she wanted to be found, she would be.
"No B, they're yours," she reminded me, her lips drawing upwards. I let a slow smile creep across my face as she finished by lining my eyes and my waterline with eyeliner.
"Have you ever used fake eye lashes?" She asked curiously.
"I'm going to look like Bambi," I muttered.
"No, they don't actually look as comical as you think. I promise," she said as she let me see the pair of fake eyelashes she was going to torture me with. Once she finished applying them, she grinned.
"You can open your eyes, Bella," she said. I peered at myself and barely recognized myself. The woman in front of me still looked like me, but was enhanced somehow. My cheekbones looked my angular, and my eyes stood out more.
"Wow, Rose," I said still in shock.
"I was just enhancing what was already there. Now come on, we have to go get dressed," she said with a grin as she ushered me off to her bedroom.
"We're all adults here," she reminded me as she handed me my dress. With a sigh, I began to get undressed. Rose undressed beside me as she grabbed her crimson satin dress with sequins at the neckline.
In contrast to me, she had her hair curled upward in an elegant updo. As I put on my dress, I felt her help by zippering me up. She pointed to the long mirror as she grinned.
"You are gorgeous, Bella. I'm so glad I finally have someone to come with me to these things," Rose said with an exuberant smile. She was right of course, I hardly recognized myself.
The wine colored dress contrasted against my skin tone along with the shape of the dress complimenting my curves.
"You're stunning too, Rose," I said. She grinned as she threw her arms around me.
"Bella, there's going to be cameras, but don't worry about them. Just smile, and focus on Edward. If they ask you questions, just be yourself," she said, squeezing my hand as she led me out of the room back into the bedroom of the hotel room.
"Don't be nervous," she said, as she made her descent towards the elevator. She held my hand as we came down the elevator. Once we reached the lobby my heart rate increased. I could see the Suburban where Emmett and Edward were.
I caught a glance of Edward and marveled of how he looked in a suit. The suit of course was tailored perfectly and fit his slim figure perfectly. The suit hugged him and made his arms look incredible. Down, Bella. I felt nauseous and excited at once as I told myself not to give Edward my lunch as I walked down the stairs.
My fingers were shaking on the railing as I focused. As I reached the end of the staircase, I looked up at Edward, who had a mystified expression on his face. The widest grin spread across his face as he studied me. His eyes never strayed from me as I walked over to him. I could feel blush pool in my cheeks as Edward closed the distance between us as he offered me his hand.
"You look absolutely incredible. I'm going the luckiest man in the planet," he murmured in my ear. He saw the back of my dress and drew a steady breath.
"It's going to take every atom in my body to keep my hands off you tonight," he said unsteadily. I felt heat rush to my ear at his words as I grinned at him.
"It's good you don't have to then, handsome," I smiled cheekily as he guided me into his SUV. Edward helped me into the backseat as he sat close to me while Emmett drove. He winded his fingers through mine, which sent calm waves all over me.
"Are you nervous?" He asked quietly, and I bobbed my head.
"I'm not one for cameras, Edward," I told him, raising an eyebrow. He quirked a half-smile as he squeezed my hand.
"I know, B, I just can't help but show you off tonight," he said.
"You're ridiculous, they're there to see you," I huffed, rolling my eyes.
"Until they see you, then I'm arm candy," he said with a wink. We rolled up to the long line of cameras along a black carpet into the ballroom. I could feel my heart pound out of my chest as his hand rested in mine.
He gave me a reassuring squeeze as he helped me step out first. The cameras began flashing once he stepped out.
"Edward, single no more?" A reporter asked him. I wondered how Edward could even see as I battled keeping my eyes open. He tucked his arm around my lower back as he rubbed circles on the bare skin.
"Happily taken," he said with the largest grin. I felt my stomach flip flop as I saw Rose and Emmett in my peripheral vision. Emmett and Edward posed for a few photos as Rose stood next to me.
"You're doing great," she assured me, squeezing my hand.
"I don't have to say anything," I said, with a huff.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do," she reminded me. Edward took his place beside me as he and I posed for a few photos. I had zero idea what to do as he just looked down at me.
"Am I doing this right?" I asked him. He swept a wayward hair behind my ear.
"Yes," he assured me.
"I'm not saying anything," I chuckled.
"I'm not either," he said, squeezing me close to his side. He led us in the a theatre, where the presenter began giving awards. Rose and Emmett took their seats beside us as a waiter came around to take our order. The presenter began to discuss each award category before we all waited with rapt attention for the award for best Major League Baseball Player, as Emmett was nominated. Edward was nominated last year, but this year Emmett was a nominee.
As the announcer called Emmett for best MLB player, we jolted up from our seats to give him a few whoops and cheers. Emmett grinned cheekily as he got on stage. With a huge grin on his face, he held the award in his hand for a moment.
"Damn, sorry, there are children watching. This is absolutely crazy. Thank you so much to the fans for piling up our stadiums. Thank you to my amazing and sexy wife, Rosie, for being there for every minor league game. You're the best, babe. Thank you to my family, especially Edward for coming out tonight to support me," Emmett said into the microphone before he thanked the announcer.
He came walking back to us as Rose kissed his cheek before Edward slapped him on the back.
As we ate, Rose and Emmett joined us for conversation. We talked about next season, Rose's new Hollywood clients for her hair and make up, and Emmett's antics. As the award show continued, Edward placed his hand in mine. However, I was wound tight tonight as I continually shifted in my seat. While I attempted to pay attention to the movie, I felt Edward's eyes on me more than the stage. The moon was already out as we filtered outside.
"Do you guys want to catch a beer?" Edward asked as we walked alongside Rose and Em out the theatre.
"Rain check, man," Emmett winked at Rose. Rose threw a knowing smile at me as Edward nodded. Now I could really feel my heart beat out of my chest. I could be calm, as long as I attempted to maintain my breathing. His soft grip on my hand steadied me as we walked to the Suburban he rented for the weekend.
I saw the reflection of the time as we filed into the car. 9:00. We had about an hour before our flight.
"B, are you alright? You're tense tonight?" Edward asked, as he traced circles on my palm with his fingers. I nodded almost robotically, which only worried him more as I heard his sigh. He helped me put on my seatbelt.
"Were the cameras too much? You don't have to come to galas or anything if they make you feel uncomfortable," Edward rushed out, which resulted in a small upwards smile from me.
"The cameras will take getting used to, but it was great to be by your side. I felt like the envy of every woman tonight," I said, my lips turning upwards. I didn't want my anxiety to fall on him.
"You brought that whole room to a standstill," he said, tracing his finger against the edge of my lip. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
"You are utterly gorgeous, sweet girl," he reminded me. Even though he could have, he insisted on driving tonight. He drove us past an In N Out which made me raise my eyebrows in surprise.
"I know you like milkshakes and I was thinking..." he started, my heart felt warm in my chest as a smile spread across my lips at his thoughtfulness.
"Is it appropriate to go to In N Out dressed like this?" I asked him curiously with a giggle.
"I can think of no better place, B," he said with a grin as he pulled up to the window to give them our order. Once we received our milkshakes, we sat in the parking lot for a few minutes.
"Do you ever have to decompress after events like that?" I asked him curiously as I played with my straw for a minute. He let out a sigh as he nodded his head once.
"Absolutely, being on the field is one thing but award shows are different. I feel like I really have to put on a show for them. It's promoting me, "my brand" as my agent calls it, and our team. I used to go out on a hike the next morning or go for a run," he replied.
"And now?" I asked as he pulled the car back on the road in pursuit of the plane ride before us.
"Being with you. I still go on hikes and runs, but with you I don't have to put on a show," he responded as he reached across the console to squeeze my hand. Luckily our flight wasn't long. Under normal circumstances, I'd be out like a light by now.
However, I was still running on nervous energy. We were in a private flight which was the first time I ever went on it. Edward helped me on the plane as he led us to a pair of leather seats. There were televisions everywhere as my eyes paused on the flight attendants asking us if we wanted champagne. He declined, knowing my stomach would be in knots.
"Do you have Dramamine?" Edward asked. My heart thudded in my chest at his thoughtfulness as the flight attendant returned with Dramamine and a glass of water. I swallowed the pill easily as I laid back against the headrest.
Once we landed, Edward guided me out of the airport to his parked Volvo.
"Do you want to be dropped off at your place?" Edward asked as his gaze switched to the road.
"No, yours is fine," I assured him, which resulted in a 100 watt smile from him. As he reached the gate, I fidgeted anxiously in my seat. When the car came to a stop, Edward helped me out as we walked together to his house. As he turned the key, I reminded myself to breathe.
"Are you tired sweetheart? There's a new episode of Last Night Tonight we can watch," Edward sad as he guided me to the couch. Blush heated my cheeks as I shook my head.
"No," I said, my heart pounding.
"I know dinner was kinda small tonight, but I can whip you up something," he offered, running a hand through his hair.
"I'm not hungry," I said, shaking my head slowly. I decided to give him a hint as I reached for him to guide my lips to his. He eagerly responded to my kiss as he held my hips between his hands as his lips danced with mine. Gradually, his lips began to slow as he pulled back. Was I really that bad? It had been a hot minute since I tried to seduce a man before.
"Are you tired, love? I can run you a bath?" He offered, sweetly again. Ugh this man was infuriating.
"Edward, I'm fine. I don't want food, or a bath, or to watch a show. I know I'm probably being ridiculous and this is the saddest attempt of seducing you. It's been a while for me and I know...," I sputtered out. I almost pulled my hands to shield my face in embarrassment however my eyes trained to his for a reaction. He didn't disappoint as a timid smile spread across his face.
Immediately, Edward positioned his body in front of me as his eyes widened.
"Is that what you're doing?" Edward asked, taking my hands in his. My heart went into overdrive I was wondering how I was still standing upright at this point.
"I was trying to, it's probably a C+ attempt," I replied, blush invading m cheeks. I couldn't imagine how utterly ridiculous I sounded. However, he didn't budge as his warm eyes encased me.
"What are you saying?' He asked, kissing each of my fingers.
"I'm ready, Edward. I want you to make love to me," I replied, with as much strength as I could muster. His expression changed in an instant as he nodded ever so slightly. He pressed me close to his chest as he purposefully carried me up the stairs.
I felt treasured with him. He reached his bedroom as he nudged the door open. The light streaming in from the moon gave ample lighting as he laid me gingerly down on his bed. He made sure to have a pillow behind my head as I heard his pants drop on the floor along with his coat and shirt.
The butterflies in my stomach went full on salsa mode as his eyes seared with mine. Following him, I decided to slip the straps off my shoulders. However, a crooked smile spread across his lips as he laid on top of me. His steady hands covered mine as he trailed kiss down my neck.
"I want to do this part, B," he murmured in my ear, which caused me to gasp. My body was shaking with anticipation and some nerves as I waited for his next move.
"Flip over, sweetheart," he said softly. I flipped over on my belly as Edward carefully slid my hair off to my shoulders. His hands found the zipper with ease as I felt air hit my skin.
"Do you have any idea how gorgeous you were tonight?" He asked, his warm breath fanning where the zipper used to be. I rolled my eyes as I moved my face to the side so I could see his expression.
"Are you telling me lies to get me out of this dress?" I asked teasingly.
"No, Bella, I'm telling you the truth as I get you out of this dress," Edward responded, no teasing in his tone.
"You brought the whole room to a stand still tonight and you don't even have to try. The best part is I get to see you now, without the dress," Edward continued. My stomach fluttered in response. He reached the end as he slid the dress off of me.
"Alice would murder me if I ripped this dress off like I wanted to all night," Edward said, tucking the dress on the chair in the corner. He'd seen me naked before, but this was different. I turned over hesitantly, covering my breasts.
"No bra, B? God if I'd known that we wouldn't have made it out of the car," he chuckled as he kissed my lips. He hands went over mine as he gently placed them to the side so I was exposed.
"Please don't hide from me. You're stunning," he pleaded as he continued to kiss me. I obliged as his hands traced my sides all the way down to my hips. He gripped my hips for a moment before his hands slid up to my breasts.
His fingers toyed with my nipples as I let out a gasp. His lips traveled from my lips to my breasts as he lavished attention on my right. The moment his lips encased my nipple I let out a moan. I could feel his smile as he sucked for a moment as his other hand went to my opposite breast to give attention.
I could feel liquid pool in my underwear as I fought back the urge to rub my thighs together. He reached my other breast as the need for friction intensified. I couldn't even recognize the sounds I was making.
He let my nipple go with a pop as his lips traced down my collar bone to my sternum. As his lips traced my belly button, I giggled. That giggle was short lived as he reached the top of my underwear.
"Lace, Bella? You're trying to kill me," he murmured, desire strong in his tone as he gently pulled my underwear off of me. He was so close to where I wanted him most I could feel his breath.
"Do you trust me?" He asked, his green orbs growing dark with desire.
"Yes," I said without missing a beat. His eyes traced to where I wanted him most as I felt him move my legs further apart. However, he didn't move his body up to position with mine.
My eyes bugged wide as his lips travelled to my labia.
"Edward, don't men find that disgusting?" I asked, nearly panting out. Immediately, he looked up to me, his lips gone for a moment.
"No one has ever done this for you?" He asked, raising a brow.
"James thought it was gross," I admitted.
"Well, I have wanted to eat you out since I saw you come apart on my fingers. We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. I just know it feels good, and I want to hear you scream my name," Edward said, the last words coming out louder.
"I want you to, I trust you," I promised him, nodding. He let an impish grin spread across his lips as his hands held my thighs apart. He lowered his lips to my labia as I let out a moan. As his lips worshipped me, I reached my fingers into his hair.
His tongue was pure magic. As his tongue worked, I felt pressure in my pelvic area as I knew my orgasm was near. I tightened my fingers in his hair as he took that as a sign to keep going.
"Oh my god, Edward I'm close," I whimpered. His fingers joined in with his tongue as I felt the coil break. Suddenly, my thighs shook as I felt weightless against the pilow. The aftershocks were strong as I let out a scream.
Edward smiled victoriously as he climbed up. I reached for his member to do the same. As I stroked him, I felt his breaths come out as pants. His breaths became more labored as he pulled away.
"I want to come inside you, sweetheart," he murmured, his eyes searching mine.
"But..." I began. He always took care of me first, I shouldn't have been surprised.
He chuckled. "Watching you come apart like that was more than enough for me." I relaxed as I told my body I needed to let him in. His lips trailed back to my breasts, which woke me up. A few minutes ago, I could have fallen asleep, but desire rose in me again.
I trembled slightly since it had been a long time for me.
"Are you nervous, sweetheart?" He asked tenderly, his hands in my hair.
"It's been a while for me. I'm protected and everything," I replied, my teeth finding my lip. His finger slid to my lip to release it from its constraint. Instead, he urged me to meet his eyes for a moment.
"Oh, beautiful girl, don't be," he said as he kissed my neck.
"Relax, baby girl. Tell me if it's too much," he said as his body lined up with mine. I was wet enough that he was inside me with one thrust. It took me a moment to adjust as it had been three years.
However, the stretching discomfort dissipated as I felt connected to him. I understood at that moment that what we were doing was more than sex, we were making love. A piece of me tensed at that because I had zero idea what that meant.
"You can move," I assured him. He smiled down at me as he nodded. I felt his thrusts become erratic.
"Jesus, baby, you're so tight. I'm not going to last long," he admitted as he thrusted into me. His thrusts started off slow and deep, which resulted in resounding moans from me. His hands traced the entire length of my body as his hands gently placed my legs farther apart. I threw my legs across his back as I began to thrust back.
His thrusts grew more and more erratic as his breath felt warm on my breasts.
"God, you're perfect, B," he moaned.
"Faster," I said breathlessly. He complied as I felt him hit a spot I didn't even know was possible. He seemed as though he was waiting for me to hit my peak before he hit his. However, I wasn't there yet. He felt absolutely wonderful inside of me. I never knew sex could feel so intimate, and I realized this was so much more than sex for us.
He was baring himself completely with me as I was with him. He was always so selfless, so giving with me. This time, I wanted him to have his moment without mine. I brought his lips to mine as I kissed him with every ounce of me.
He kissed me back as his breaths came out with pants. I watched as he closed his eyes and bit his lip as he pulsated within me. I held him close as he let go, and under his breath I heard him say 'I love you.'
Warmth filled me as within his arms I felt totally safe. The pressure I'd felt became warmth as I continued to hold him. Once he caught his bearings, he kissed every inch of me he could reach.
"Are you okay?" He asked, and I rolled my eyes. He was worried about me at a moment like this.
"I'm perfect," I assured him. His warm green eyes met mine, searching for any regret or pain. He rolled off of me so he was beside me as he enveloped me im his arms. I leaned back into his embrace.
"Are you sure?" He asked, pressing a sweet kiss to my sweaty forehead.
"Yes," I said, my eyes meeting his.
"You didn't come," he said as if it were a personal failure on his part.
"Not during. But I didn't know it could be like that, Edward. I just thought sex was something I had to ednure, but that was powerful," I admitted. He pressed a kiss to my hairline as he held me close.
"Sex is supposed to feel good, B," he reminded me.
"I never experienced anything like that, ever. It felt absolutely amazing to be with you in that way. You made me feel beautiful and treasured and I didn't think that was possible during sex," I explained.
"You are beautiful and treasured, sweetheart," he murmured. He traced my upper thigh for a moment.
"B?" He said, I raised my eyes to meet his.
"I didn't know you had a tattoo," he said, tracing the dream catcher on my thigh.
"Got it a year ago," I shrugged. I got the tattoo as a way of finally accepting my mother's absence from my life. My mother always had dream catchers and would even make them. She kept them by my bedside and told me the night air was full of good and bad dreams. The web allowed good dreams to go through while bad dreams were ensnared in the web and disappeared the next day.
"What does it mean?" He asked as he traced it.
"My mom was Navajo. She was...complicated," I said, struggling to find the words. My mother and father met at a festival, Charlie was dragged by his friends. My mother was always a wild child, wanting to see the world outside of her reservation.
My father fell in love with her, including her wandering spirit. A few months after they met, she found out she was pregnant with me. Charlie was ready to marry her, but her parents did not totally approve of her marrying a white man.
They got married in a ceremony on the reservation. However, my mother chose to divorce my father eight years later. She got into drugs and drinking.
"She used to make dream catchers. She'd tell me legends before I went to bed. She'd say the dream catcher caught all the bad dreams in the web and they were gone by morning. After I left James, I found the dream catcher in my stuff. She wasn't perfect, Edward, but she's still my mother. The dream catcher was a reminder that every nightmare was gone by morning," I explained.
"Kinda silly, huh? Getting a tattoo of something that reminds you of your absent mother?" I asked shaking my head.
"No, B, she's a part of you. It breaks my heart she never got to see you grow up. You can remember her for her good moments," he responded, his eyes meeting mine.
"She felt everything, you know. She was so young when she had me, and I can't villanize her," I replied.
"You're strong, B. So damn strong," he murmured. He threw me one of his shirts as I brushed my teeth. When my feet met the bed, I jumped onto it and into his arms. However, when I saw his mischievous eyes meet mine I knew something was up.
"I want my shirt," he murmured into my neck.
"Edward, I don't sleep naked," I said, reminding him.
"I definitely wouldn't complain if you did, but the game is not over yet until you come when I'm inside of you," he murmured into my neck. I could feel my thighs tense in anticipation.
"God, Edward," I muttered, almost moaning.
"So is that a yes to a double header?" He asked, playing with my nipple through the fabric.
"Ugh, yes," I murmured as his body covered mine. He made good on his promise afterwards I felt my eyes close finally yielding to exhaustion.
"Goodnight, baby girl. I love you," he murmured before my body crumbled into sleep.
When I awoke the next morning, there was slight light beaming in the window. I peered at the clock that read 6:30. I somehow managed to shimmy out of Edward's grip without disturbing him. I found the tee shirt I'd discarded the night before as I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth.
As I walked, I felt slight soreness in my girl parts as my feet padded on the tile floor in the kitchen. I'd made love to Edward, but I hadn't told him I loved him yet. Telling him in the moment felt cheap for me.
I'd only told one man I loved him in my entire life, and that was when I was drunk at a party. I tried to comb through every romantic comedy Alice had subjected me to for inspiration.
I tapped my fingers against the granite counter tops as I began making pancakes. I found some blue berries in the fridge and some chocolate chips in the cupboard. I heated up the griddle as I cracked a few eggs for scrambled eggs.
I knew epic love proclamations weren't for me. Originally, I was going to tell him last night, but I didn't feel like it was prudent. I planned on spending part of the day with Edward before meeting Alice and Rose for margaritas at Rose's house.
I chewed my lip as I scraped the scrambled eggs onto a serving plate. Maybe I should just yell it out. I'd practiced saying the words in front of a mirror as a device to quell my nerves.
I contemplated taking a shot before saying those fateful three words, but decided being totally sober was preferable. Why was it so hard for me to say it? I knew it was because I'd finally let a man in again, who showed no signs of leaving.
Saying I love you tethered a piece of me to him. I sought control for every avenue of my life and showing vulnerability threatened that path. However, with Edward I felt safe finally.
He was my safe harbor and my soft place to land. As I flipped the bacon over on the griddle I began to mix the pancake mixture in the bowl. After transmitting a few of the pancakes onto the griddle, I returned to my musings.
I knew Edward loved me, I felt his love for me through simply his gaze. I wasn't scared of his response. I took a deep breath as I sampled the words on my lips again for the thousandth time.
"Edward, I love you." There, I said it. Now, if only I could say those words to his face. I heard his feet pad against the tile as he came to wrap his arms around me.
"What was that?" He asked as he pressed a kiss against my ear. I felt warmth invade my cheeks, he'd heard me! I felt my breaths come out in gasps as my hands against the counter top shake.
"Edward, I love you," I said, my voice no more than a whisper. I turned my body around in his arms to gauge his reaction. Shock colored his eyes before a 1000 mega watt smile appeared on his lips.
My feet were dangling in the air as he spun me around for a moment, holding me close to him as if I was the last jug of water in the desert. My stomach danced with butterflies as he held me secure in his arms.
"I love you too, sweet girl. So much," he said, his eyes meeting mine before his lips reached down to kiss me. He set me on the counter top as I protested.
"The pancakes!" I almost screeched. He paused for a minute, demonstrating he heard me as grabbed with one hand the spatula to flip the pancakes over. His other hand trailed down my back before moving back up to place his hands in my hair. He flipped the pancakes a final time before turning off the griddle.
He pulled his lips from mine for a moment.
"I absolutely love that you made us breakfast this morning and seeing you in my kitchen in nothing but my shirt is my new favorite image, but B, I'm also a big fan of microwaves. By the time I'm done with you, we'll put it to good use," he said huskily. I moaned, biting my lip. His eyes focused on my lip before he wrapped my legs around his waist before darting back into the bedroom.
He made good on his promise, the food was cold by the time we made it back to the kitchen.
Longer chapter this time, but it didn't make sense splitting the chapter up. The next chapter has more of a time jump and ties up some of the loose ends before we get to the climax of the story.
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