This is the last regular chapter, there is a two part epilogue after this. Thank you all so much for your feedback on the last chapter. This chapter covers court case and their anniversary. Let me know your thoughts!
Life sure can try to put love through it, but
We built this right, so nothing's ever gonna move it
When the bones are good, the rest don't matter
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter
Let it break 'cause you and I remain the same
When there ain't a crack in the foundation
Baby, I know any storm we're facing
Will blow right over while we stay put
The house don't fall when the bones are good
-The Bones-Maren Morris
"Bella," Dr. Cope called me out of my thoughts as I drew my attention back to her. While my physical wounds healed, nightmares plagued my sleep. My fingers threaded together as I met her gaze.
"The rape kit was the worst part, I already endured that before and I just felt myself go to those dark places in my mind instead of facing the pain," I confessed. My mouth went dry at the thought as I battled for my mind to stay in these four walls of her office instead of where my thoughts threatened to take me.
When James raped me, as a protective measure I went to the place in my mind I knew I could disconnect from the trauma. I went back to my memories of high school with a bashful Edward and a proud Alice.
"Did you have flashbacks?" She questioned, raising her glasses on the bridge of her nose. I blinked once before I nodded stiffly. Every time the doctor touched me I felt his hands. I felt the same way three years ago when I stood in tattered clothes in front of a nurse who took one look at me and understood my utter shame. Shame dominated my feelings lately.
With James incarcerated until the trial, I knew he couldn't get to me again in his physical form. However, the memories could always manifest in my nightmares.
"I feel awful that Edward has to wake me up and help put the pieces back together because of another man," I admitted, a lone tear trailing down my cheek. Within seconds, Ms. Cope handed me a crisp white tissue before I dabbed the tear away.
"He truly loves me and sometimes I wonder why he could after all that has happened to me," I confessed, my lip trembling as another wave of tears invaded my vision. He was my lighthouse throughout this whole process. His love for me never wavered despite the nights from hell. Alice and Rose stayed with me the nights he couldn't. Rose would wake me up and hold me as Alice traced a hand through my hair.
"He sees my broken pieces and even when I show him all my darkness, he insists he loves me more," I admitted, shaking my head in bemusement. Three years ago I wasn't ready for a love like his, but now I was.
"You found the right person, Bella," Ms. Cope commented, as I let my lips turn upward in a smile at her words. She was right in every sense, Edward constantly proved to me how true her statement is.
From the way he'd sit beside me when I took a bath so I didn't have to be alone to the way he reads me Jane Eyre to help me fall asleep. Even when he doesn't say the three words, his actions scream them from the rooftops.
"Did you talk to Charlie?" Ms. Cope questioned. I let out a gust of air before I cocked my head. According to Edward, Charlie came to the hospital the night of my attack and visited while I was unconscious. The first night at his house after leaving the hospital Edward told me my father wanted me to call him. As ever the gentleman, Edward left the room to give me privacy.
The conversation with my dad was one of the most difficult conversations I ever had in my life, however I was grateful to finally have it. After avoiding the awkward for years, I finally had to reckon with the way James's abuse impacted my father and my relationship.
"Dad," I said as soon as he answered the phone on the first ring. I felt an intake of breath like he was relieved as he said my name as well. Tears pricked in my eyes before I spoke to him.
"Dad, James broke into my apartment last night. I thought someone was following me from school and I was on the phone with Alice. I know I should've called the police then, but he seemed to go away," I started, ripping off the bandaid. My dad always taught me to call whenever I was being followed by someone.
"I took a shower and got dressed and heard a bang in my apartment. I texted Alice to call the cops because I wasn't sure if the person could hear me or not. Then after about five minutes I went into the kitchen and was waiting for me," I confessed, feeling my throat close up.
The snowball in my throat threatened to silence my story, but I took a steadying breath before continuing.
"He attacked me, and tried to...rape me," I confessed, my voice breaking as I blinked a few times to rid the memories from my vision. However, I heard a muffled growl on the other line.
"He had his hands around my neck dad and I was just gonna let it happen so it could stop, you know? But then, I stabbed him with glass. I was able to get up before he came running at me again before I hit him with a vase," I confessed, shaking my head.
"Bella, I'm proud of you. You did what you had to survive, kiddo," he murmured. The tears that threatened to cloud my vision slid down my cheeks as I closed my eyes for a minute.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you," he murmured, gruffly.
"Dad, I'm so sorry I let him come between us," I admitted, shaking my head. I allowed James to dictate every aspect of my life and that included my relationships. I was practically a prisoner for two years of my life.
"You made a mistake in choosing to love him, baby, but what happened after was not your fault. You did what you had to survive and I will never be mad at you for that," he murmured. He wasn't much for words so that was practically a litany.
"I didn't want to call you or talk to me because I thought you'd hate me after what I did. I mean, I did what mom did," I confessed, my voice shaking as I heard an intake of breath.
"You're my little girl, Bella, I could never hate you. You are not your mother," he reminded. I wiped my hand on my cheeks to catch the tears freely falling from my eyes at this point.
"I love you, Dad, and I'm going to do better," I promised him.
"I love you too, Bella. Let me know when your court date is," he said, his voice growing softer. I bobbed my head as I said goodbye to him before seeping into the pillows behind me.
"Bella?" Dr. Cope calls for the second time this session as I gain awareness of my surroundings.
"Yes, I called him when I got to Edward's house," I replied. She urged me to go on as I let out a breath to steady me. I played with the lines on my palm to soothe myself as I recounted.
"I told him what happened, and I apologized to him," I admitted. Dr. Cope quirked an eyebrow as she looked at me for a moment. The apology in my mind felt lacking, but he accepted my apology in a heart beat.
"I apologized that I let James impact our relationship. I let James take away the relationship I had with Charlie," I answered her unspoken question as her eyes met mine for a moment as she crossed her legs.
"How do you feel like he did that?" She asked, curiously.
"I stopped calling him once we got married. James told me he was all I needed, and my dad didn't understand," I admitted, shaking my head at my naivety. There was a voice in the back of my mind that reminded me abusers systematically break down relationships so that only relationship is theirs.
"After I left James and picked up the pieces I was scared to talk to him," I confessed. My biggest fear came to light when I was by myself one September day in the school office, allowing myself to let the curtain of our charade down for a moment. The one plaguing thought I had was how I abandoned Charlie and transformed into my mother.
"I was afraid that I turned into my mother," I added, shaking my head.
"Did you tell Charlie that?" She asked, the edge of her pen making slight contact with her cheek.
"I did," I replied quickly.
"He said I wasn't my mother. It wasn't a fair comparison, I realize that now," I added. Renee left my father and their marriage in the dust while I left my father because there was a piece of me that was terrified of what James's retribution would be.
"I agree that it wasn't a fair comparison, but I can see why you made it. You still honestly believe that you are the reason your mother left," Dr. Cope deduced as her words took my breath away. She peered at me for a moment as I gripped the sides of my chair.
"Yes, I spent my childhood believing she left because of me. However, my mother left because she didn't want to be a wife or a mother," I replied, my lips drawing upwards as she nodded at me.
"You were eight years old, Bella. With James you were eighteen years old and eventually twenty two," she reminded me. She was right, I did make the choice to date James, but he let me see the good parts of him for months before he showed the darkness.
"I didn't really love him," I said, the words feeling foreign on my lips. Thanks to the friendships I had now and the relationship with Edward I understood now that what I had for James wasn't love. Love wasn't about control or wondering what nightmare would come true when they came home from work that day. Love wasn't dressing up just to appease them or to prevent another bruise.
"What do you mean?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I was scared of him, and real love isn't fear," I said, with my voice barely above a whisper. However, I could feel those words start to set me free. With James, his love was control. However, with Edward and the love from Alice, Rose, Em, and Charlie I realized that real love didn't hold conditions.
"Edward doesn't love me 'if'. He loves me when," I added, a slow smile spreading across my face as I wiped the tears away. I could see her lips turn upward for a moment before she pursed her lips.
"Yes, Bella," she agreed.
"I am going to speak at his sentencing, and I'm not going to scared of him anymore," I admitted, my voice slightly shaking. I worked so hard these past years making a life for myself, a life that he no longer had any say in. Instead of a trial, James's lawyer elected to plead guilty. A piece of me was grateful because I didn't have to look in his eyes anymore. However, I wasn't about to let him worm himself into my life again.
"You decided to testify?" She questioned. I bobbed my head. For too long James ruled over my life and silenced me, and now I was going to take back the reigns of my life again.
"He pled guilty, and his sentencing is tomorrow," I admitted. The whole trial was hell, as I worried I would be put up on the stand. I didn't want to hear the defense attorney attack my credibility or put my trauma up on the stand to question. Thankfully, James had a bit of sense this time around and pled guilty.
"Did you write down what you plan on saying?" She asked, and I bobbed my head. There wasn't a chance I could speak freely without a script. Without a script, I would freeze on the spot.
"I've practiced a few times in the mirror," I answered. Each time I battled the tears and staying upright.
"Bella, I am so incredibly proud of you. I know it has to be incredibly difficult to speak to your abuser, but you are doing it. You've made vast progress from the woman you were in my office two years ago," she said, a soft smile on her face. I felt I had grown from the bruised and terrified woman I was three years ago to the woman who stood in front of her now.
"Thank you, and thank you for creating a space for me to talk myself through it," I murmured. She nodded empathetically before we ended the session. Alice and Rose waited outside of the building to meet me.
"We love you," Alice said as she linked her arm through mine. As I walked out into the street, I felt sunshine on my back. Rose took my other arm as she clasped it in hers. The two women who loved me enough to put me back on my feet two years ago stood beside me now to help me put the pieces back together.
"Thank you for loving me when I was broken," I admitted, tears flooding my vision. Alice stopped as Rose turned around to face me as she wiped away the errant tears from my eyes.
"Bella, we never thought you were broken," she reminded me, her blue eyes sparkling as she met mine.
Luckily, our landlord helped us move into a new apartment which meant we lugged all of our furniture and clothes to the new apartment. Jasper flew across a few states to help, as I couldn't stand to look at the broken windows or broken coffee table. However, our apartment was almost a carbon copy of our old apartment, which made shifting furniture slightly easier. The morning of the sentencing, I sat cross legged on a bar stool as I sipped my coffee.
Living with Edward for a few weeks was easier than I believed it would be. He always woke up a few minutes early to bring me coffee and we just sat near each other without speaking because he knew mornings were difficult for me.
The man would still leave his socks on the ground in the bedroom, but that was tame to what I worried about. I spent my afternoons after school sitting out on his desk going over notes while he sat beside me working on interview notes. We fell into a routine, which I never imagined would happen. Despite every fear I could dream up, spending those weeks with him were almost too easy. The nightmares kept me up at night but he sat next to me, on the tile floor of the bathroom.
James's fingers slid around my neck as one hand threatened towards touching the top of my teeshirt. I squirmed underneath him, desperate for anything to hold to sway him off balance. However, my hands came up empty as black spots threatened my vision.
"You'll never get rid of me, Isabella," he murmured sadistically as his hand wound up to cover my mouth as I let out a high pitched squeak as I lay on the carpet floor of my living room all over again.
"No!" I scream as I frantically attempt to move my arms, my legs, anything that could grant me freedom.
"B,," a softer voice called out hesitantly as I felt warm soft hands glide gently across my face. Those hands contrast with the rough cold hands I feel around my neck, drawing the life out of me. These hands I know anywhere as fingers trail through my hair.
"B, it's me, sweetheart. Come back to me," the voice pleads.
My eyes stare at a wide eyed Edward who has me in his laps as he rocks us back and forth. I cling to him as if I was about to be flung from a burning building as hot tears fill my eyes. His lips graze my forehead as he collects me in his arms to bring me to his massive bathroom.
He sat me with my feet planted on the ground, as I taught him when I told him how I manage my nightmares. I place my head in between my thighs as Edward sits beside me, his hands tracing circles into my back as I take steadying breaths.
"You're safe with me, B," he murmurs as his fingers trail to my shoulder as I press my feet down into the cool tile floor. As I feel my heart rate come down, I gradually bring up my head to meet his green eyes looking at me with such care and reverence.
"I'm so sorry," I mutter, shaking my head as I thread my fingers into my hair in frustration. Ever patient, he sits close to me so I can feel the fabric of his tee shirt along with the warmth from his body.
Without uttering a word, he moves so he is behind me, as his muscled arm grasps me close to his chest. His chin finds my my head, as he sits with me, listening to my breathing. Apologies come flooding out of my mouth as he just shakes his head.
"Don't apologize, B girl. Can I get you a glass of water?" He asks, those three words practically screaming from his actions alone. Under each word he offers, the undertone of his love hangs in the air.
"No, can you just hold me?" I ask him. I feel a crooked smile spread across his lips as he presses a kiss to my forehead. In his arms, I feel safe a place I hadn't felt for so long in my life.
His arms envelope me closer as my eyes droop close. Sometime later, I feel myself dangle in his arms for a moment before he lays us on the bed.
"Thank you," I murmur, sleep invading my tone. He murmurs so softly I can't make out the words as he presses me closer to him underneath the blankets.
Throughout these past weeks, he's been my anchor. Despite every attempt I made at pushing him away, he stayed the course. I heard a crisp knock at the door as Alice stared at me with a grin on her face.
"It's for you," she murmured, taking a sip from her white mug. Before dashing to the door, I threw a look of question. When I swung open the door, a Door Dash person awaited me with coffee and egg bites I loved so much from Starbucks.
"Thank you," I said, waving at him before he handed me the bag and coffee.
"Alice?" I questioned, and she shook her head, her legs crossed underneath her.
"Who knows your coffee order by heart by now?" She asked with a wink. My heart swelled in my chest as I peered down at my phone with a text message from Edward.
B girl, I hate that I can't be there with you today, however I can start your day with breakfast.
My lips turned upwards in a smile as I took a sip of the venti iced coffee. His thoughtfulness made me want to simultaneously roll my eyes at him or catch a flight to go see him in Chicago. Although Edward couldn't be there for me today, he insisted Alice and Rose be there.
"He feels like shit he can't be here," Alice commented with a frown. I was grateful for every single moment I was able to spend with him because I knew how demanding his schedule was.
"He has to play in Chicago," I said with a shrug. She pursed her lips before nodding once. Her eyes traced over me for a moment before her eyes squinted at me. I knew that look very well as I deduced she was figuring out how to dress me today.
"I'm going to court, Alice, not a runway show," I reminded her. She huffed as she rolled her eyes.
"The world is a fashion show, Bella. The first thing people notice about you is your clothes," she reminded me before she ducked into her bedroom. Deciding I was losing this battle, I hopped off my seat as I grasped a egg bite before eating it.
She pulled out a black pencil skirt along with a light blue blouse with a tie neck at the top. My fingers trailed along the soft flowy fabric as Alice emerged with a set of low heels, which made me grimace.
"This is your moment to take back your life," she reminded me, handing me the shirt and skirt. Pencil skirts made me nervous because they clung to my backside more than I usually allowed.
"I just hope this skirt doesn't look pornographic," I murmured and Alice huffed.
"Professional, Bella," she reminded me as she shooed me into my bedroom to change. Even though Alice didn't care if I changed in front of her, I did. The scar right below my right ribcage was small enough to cover up, but all I saw in the mirror was the scar marring my side.
With a gulp, I eased on the skirt with only slight resistance over my hips. The top fit me perfectly, seriously questioning what magic Alice employed. However, she did dress people for a living.
The skirt fell right below my knee caps, and I didn't feel overly exposed. The skirt did cling to my backside, but it wasn't inappropriate like I had feared. The pair of black heels Alice gave me made my legs look longer, which I appreciated. Despite the height, I didn't feel like I was about to fall over.
Walking into my bathroom, I fixed my hair in a half up half down hairstyle with a barrette before locating my mascara and eyeliner. My eyes trailed to the mirror in front of me, where I peeked a glance at myself.
The woman in front of me varied vastly from the woman who was in a similar court room three years ago. My lips turned upwards as I didn't see the scared girl anymore, I saw me, the woman putting back the pieces again.
Walking into the courtroom years ago, I felt like the ground was ripped out from underneath me as I frantically looked for an life vest. Over time, I realized I couldn't wait for someone to save me with a life vest, I had to reach for my own.
"Bella," Alice called, lightly knocking on the door as I heard Rose's voice outside.
"Can I come in?" Rose asked hesitantly, her voice echoing in from the other side of the door. Although my hands were shaking, I knew I could do this. My speech was in my blazer pocket as the crumpled piece of paper felt like it weighed a ton.
"Yes," I answered, lacing my fingers together as I walked over to the bedroom door to let her in. Rose was dressed in a black wrap dress with her hair falling into perfectly curled ringlets down her back.
Her blue eyes evaluated me for a moment before she folded me into a hug. My mind flashed back to the sentencing almost three years ago, as I remembered being a crying mess in her arms. However, I was somehow steady on two feet this time.
"I'm so proud of you," she murmured in my ear as she held onto my forearms. Her lips framed into a smile as she led me out of the apartment, handing me my purse. Throughout the car ride, Rose coached me about how sentencing usually takes place.
"Rose, does it ever feel like enough?" I asked her suddenly. Alice's eyes set on me from the driver's seat as her eyes reflected compassion. Her lips pursed into a frown before I drew my attention to Rose. This past week, I kept myself up wondering if there could be a price tag put on the two years of my life I spent with him along with the terrifying incident when he broke my sense of safety.
She clutched my hand in hers as she shook her head sadly.
"It never feels like it's ever enough for what happened to you," she murmured sadly, pulling a loose hair behind her ear before she continued. If I had it my way, he'd be rotting in prison for the rest of his life. However, the criminal justice system had different ideas.
"But, Bella, you get to have a beautiful life. You get to live again, and he won't. He won't get to live as a free man. He'll be on a registry for the rest of his life and face some type of parole," she answered. My life wasn't defined by what happened to me or what had been done to me.
As we walked up the steps towards the court, I could feel my heart hammer in my chest. Without missing a beat, my lawyer opened up the courtroom doors for me. Rose gave me one last hug before she took her seat in the gallery.
Meanwhile, I sat next to my lawyer as James was brought in. Seeing him in orange and in handcuffs flanked by police officers painted him in a different light. Somehow, he looked haggard with the five o'clock shadow on his face. While I expected fear to clench my chest and my whole body to shake, I felt numb as I studied the shell of a man.
The judge, a bald man in his late fifties announced the case before hitting his gauntlet against his desk.
"Ms. Swan, would you like to address the defendant?" He questioned, his deep brown eyes meeting mine. I nodded once as my lawyer gestured for me to use the microphone. With shaky hands stemming from anxiety instead of fear, I laid my sheet of notebook paper flat against the wood.
"My name is Bella Swan and I met James when I was twenty years old. I firmly believed I met my Prince Charming until six months into our relationship when he forced me to have sex with him and hit me for the first time. Almost three years ago, you were charged with rape. You served three years of prison while I worked to get my life back.
"You raped me, cut me off from my friends and family including my father as a way to control me. We lived in one of the nicest apartments, but it felt like prison for me. You held me back from my dreams of becoming a counselor by insisting I became an officer worker," I began before flipping the page over.
"For two years of my life, I lived in a guessing game of wondering if tonight was the night I was going to die. One day, I had enough and finally decided to leave you after you raped me and broke my arm because I dared to apply for a higher position at work because that threatened your success.
"I became a counselor, finished my master's degree, and went to counseling for the abuse I went through. I grew up into the woman I always wanted to be. Months ago, I got a flower delivery from you trying to scare me. You violated your restraining order, and a few months after attacked me in my own home.
"Although it scared me, I moved back into that apartment because I refuse to let you ruin my life. I refuse to be your prisoner anymore. This time, I had bruises and a scar to remember you by, but from now on I refuse to let you control me. I call the shots in my life now. I will live my life as a survivor and no longer a victim. I finally get to live my life while you will forever have to pay up for the crimes you committed," I said, my voice slightly shaking as I met the judge's eyes, who reflected sympathy as he nodded his head for me to return to my seat.
"All rise," the judge called. With shaky legs, I stared at the judge as he looked down at his notes for a moment. While I could see the judge's mouth move, I felt my stomach drop as I waited for him to give the sentence.
"Fifteen years for attempted murder and ten years for sexual assault," the judge announced as the next words were droned out as my heart beat finally slowed down in my chest. I clutched my hands together as I watched James walk away with police officers holding him.
Relief permeated through me as I felt like I could draw my first real breath of air. As my lawyer walked back with me, Rose and Alice filled out of their seats anxious to see me. Once we were out of the courtroom, Alice and Rosalie wrapped their arms around me.
"It's over, babe," Rose whispered in my ear as she squeezed my hand. As we walked down the stairs, I didn't feel the fear that gripped me for too many years of my life, instead I took my first steps towards freedom.
A few weeks later, I fiddled with the strap of my sandals as I heard my phone chirp. The night of sentencing, Edward caught the red eye home to see me that night. Although I was sound asleep, I remembered the click of the doorknob that night.
After the three of us celebrated James's sentencing with champagne courtesy of Rose and bougie burgers courtesy of Alice, I conked out earlier than usual thanks to the champagne. Rose left earlier before I was horizontal for an early flight the next morning to Los Angelos.
I heard a firm knock on the front door, which awoke me from my stupor. Barely able to navigate the dark apartment at night, I reached up on my tippy toes to search for the peephole.
Edward, dressed in jeans and a white tee shirt greeted me as I quickly undid all the locks. My heart pumped in my chest as my cheeks flushed. Without wasting a moment, I was enveloped in his warm arms. He held onto me tightly as I rested my head against his chest. For a moment, he lifted me easily off the ground as his lips traced my ear.
"I missed you, B," he murmured deeply, which made every single atom in me tingle. I pulled back for a moment before grabbing his hand to bring him inside. He took me in like he was a starved man.
"I didn't mean to wake you up, but I had to see you," he muttered apologetically. I should at this point be used to his impulsivity as I brought him into my bedroom. I sat down on my bed, urging him to sit next to me.
He looked huge on my tiny bed as he leaned back against his palms. The sight alone almost had me giggle. However, his eyes were serious as they traced mine for discomfort or distress. He must have taken a red eye to get to me, which made my heart squeeze in my chest. Even though I promised him I was absolutely fine, he still made the trip.
"You must be exhausted," I mused, tracing the purple circles underneath his eyes. He merely chuckled as he caught my fingers to kiss them before he answered.
"Eh, I'll live. Totally worth it to see you," he shrugged.
"Edward, you could've flown out the next day," I reminded him. He shook his head as he pursed his lips for a moment before interlacing my hands in his.
"I could have, but then I'd have one less night with you. And if you understood completely what I come home to," he muttered before he pressed his lips to mine. His fingers knitted themselves into my hair as he wrapped his arms around me. I flipped myself over to straddle him, which earned a moan of appreciation from him.
He pulled away to my dismay as his hands left my hair for a moment to frame my face.
"As much as I love kissing you and wanted to do nothing but that for the past week, that wasn't my plan for tonight, B girl," he murmured, his tender eyes meeting mine as they searched mine.
My lips turned upward into a grin as I knew he was here to check on me.
"I'm really okay, Edward, I promise. He's behind bars, and behind me most importantly," I assured him, my fingers threading through his short hair as he let out a slow sigh which I felt on my cheeks.
"I hate that I wasn't there, I couldn't stop thinking about it all day," he muttered. I could definitely tell as last night's game was definitely not his strongest at the plate. He went one for four, which was extremely unlike him.
"I could tell, you weren't you out there tonight," I murmured, a frown on my lips. He shook his head as he wrapped his arms around me tightly, his head resting on the top of my head.
"I wanted to get my hands on him and make him pay for what he did," he muttered angrily.
"Edward, he's behind bars and will be for an extremely long time. I'm not afraid of him anymore," I admitted. I could feel him swallow as he let out a gust of air. He was hell bent on protecting me, which made my heart swell but wasn't necessary.
I pulled out of his embrace for a moment as my eyes searched his. Realization hit me as I reflected that he saw the girl in the courtroom in tears letting out a bone curdling sob as the judge gave out the sentence.
He saw the girl, barely able to walk down the court steps as tears blinded her vision and fear gripped her stomach.
"I'm not the girl in the court room three years ago. I'm the woman who walked out of the courtroom who felt finally free. I addressed what happened to me, Edward, and I wasn't afraid of him anymore," I assured him.
His sage green eyes met mine as he waited for me to continue.
"I heard it was bad ass," he said with a slight grin. I rolled my eyes, Rosalie probably gave him the report.
"Edward, he doesn't get a spot in my life anymore. I know these past few weeks have been really hard seeing me go through all of this and the nightmares. But thank you, for loving me through it," I murmured, with a wide grin on my face.
The pain in his eyes finally vanished at my words as he kissed me briefly.
"Silly woman, haven't you realized I'd do anything for you," he murmured before his lips dipped down to meet mine. I responded by eagerly kissing him, once again straddling him as I pushed him back against the comforter. He obliged, his hands falling in my hair before tracing down my sides.
Usually, I loved it when he took his time with me and I knew tonight all he maybe wanted to do was kiss. Truthfully, I hadn't seen the man in a week and missed him terribly and all the things he did to my body.
With a smirk, my hands drifted to the edge of his tee shirt before lifting it over his head. His lips never left mine as he continued to kiss me. My fingers traced the planes of his chest as my lips slid to his chest where his heart beat against my lips.
"B," he moaned and I grinned against his skin. Usually he was the one who drove me crazy and this time the tide was turning. His breaths came out in pants as I found a spot on his neck begging for attention.
The muscles in his neck bulged for a moment as he swallowed.
"Jesus, B," he muttered breathlessly.
"Not Jesus, just Bella," I reminded him cheekily as I reached for the button on his jeans as his breathing grew irregular by the moment. His hand gripped the base of my neck lightly as his lips battled with mine.
"Bella," he said, which made me step back for a moment. He never called me Bella unless it was something serious.
"Are you sure? I don't to pressure you because I know today was rough..." he started, but I shook my head. My silly, considerate man was worried about me in this moment. There was a deep feeling in my bones that I needed him.
I needed the connection we shared and to fully express my love for him. I never imagined I'd be in a place where I could actually desire that closeness or see sex as a form of love, but I did with him.
"Edward, I love how considerate you are," I murmured, kissing him soundly for a moment.
"I want you and I love you," I assured him, which I knew were green light words for him. His eyes grew dark with desire for me, which made my stomach flutter as he kissed me before his hands reached for the long tee shirt of his I had.
"By all means, continue sweetheart. But we should be on more even ground," he said, gesturing to my shirt before throwing it somewhere across the room. I giggled as I resumed kissing down his body until I reached the hem of his boxers.
I spent ample time expressing my love for him that night.
My phone chirped with a text from Edward as my stomach went into somersaults.
"B, so excited to celebrate with you tonight. See you soon." My lips turned upwards in a grin as I twirled in the short crimson dress Alice picked out for me. The dress had wide straps and flared at my waist. My hair fell down in loose ringlets down my back as I studied my expression in the mirror.
A year ago, we went on our first date after he confessed his feelings for me the night of the gala. I still wanted to slap myself silly with my antics of running away from him. The night of our first date, I was anxious that he liked the idea of me than the actual me. However, Edward surprised me as usual.
Despite my fears about the awkwardness, I never felt awkward with him that night or any other night. Being with him as easy as breathing, and I didn't have to change myself to make him happy.
He liked all the pieces of me I so badly wanted to change. As I glanced at the mirror one last time, I heard a crisp knock on the door. With a grin on my face, I swung the door open widely as Edward stood in a pair of jeans and a white button up shirt.
His hands held a bouquet of wildflowers, as if he was recreating our first date. My eyes met his as his signature crooked smile spread across his face.
"Happy anniversary, gorgeous," he said, handing me the bouquet of flowers. My returning smile was wide enough to hurt my cheeks as I fumbled to find a vase for the flowers. After finding one, I met his gaze again as he drank me in.
"I remember this color on you," he said, gesturing to my dress as he held my hand in his. Of course he would remember red was the same color I wore the night of our first date.
"You remember?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as we continued down the hallway before finding the elevator. He raised his eyebrow in challenge as he let out a chuckle before pressing the ground floor button.
"I remember every detail of that night, from how stunning you look in red, to the way my heart sped up in my chest when I caught you looking at me on the golf course," he replied easily as we exited the elevator.
Once we reached his car, he opened the door widely for me. At this point, I was almost used to him holding every single door open for me. However, I did remember when the action threw me for a loop because it felt so foreign to me.
"So, you're full of mystery tonight. Where are we going?" I asked him as I slid into the passenger seat. His lips turned upwards into a grin as his warm green eyes met mine.
"I'm not gonna ruin it, B, it's not too far though," he assured me as his eyes returned to the road. We small talked about the upcoming season before he pulled into a street parking space.
My eyes circled to the street across from us, when the coffee shop we went to after he interrupted my softball practice came into view. However, the inside was completely empty and only dimly lit.
"Edward, they're not open right now, they close at four," I reminded him, my eyebrows furrowing together as he chuckled before knocking on the door. The owner came with a wide smile on her face to open the door for us. She led us to the outside patio, where white lights surrounded the cherry colored brick beneath us. One round table, set for two people was in the center.
He led us to the table, which had two sprigs of wildflowers in the center as he sat across from me.
"Edward, how did you do this?" I questioned, as the owner left us in the patio. His returning impish grin lit up his face as he brushed a hand across his forehead.
"I called in a few favors, B," he replied. I let out a gasp, completely uncomfortable as he read the discomfort in my body.
"You won't let me buy you diamonds and you barely let me sweep you away to Greece as a Christmas present. Can we meet in middle ground?" He asked, his almost puppy dog eyes meeting mine. He was right of course, the trip to Greece was incredible. We spent five days in the Greek oceanside, riding on donkeys along with tanning by the sea.
Every single one of my coworkers were jealous as I took personal days to go on the trip. Alice and Rose practically dressed me the entire time, packing enough outfits to last a whole week.
"This is incredible, Edward, thank you," I murmured, raising up my wine glass to clink against his beer. His lips went into a wide smile before he took a sip of his beer before his gaze left mine for a minute as a waiter came out.
"I know you value experiences more than gifts and I wanted tonight to be special to you," he admitted before the waiter came to our table. My heart swelled at his consideration of me as I peered down at the paper menu.
On the menu was a grilled chicken dish, salad, or steak. I knew Edward would pick steak, and I knew he put the grilled chicken dish on for my sake. I raised an eyebrow after the waiter took our order.
"One of my friends owns the restaurant across the street," he replied, answering my unspoken question. I nodded, as I took a sip of my wine before meeting his gaze again. I pursed my lips once before I opened my mouth to speak.
"Edward, I'm really grateful we started dating when we did," I said, playing with my fingers for a moment. He cocked his head before urging me to go on. I spent a whole session reflecting on this aspect alone.
"I don't think I was ready for the love you give me every single day. I was a naive girl when we were in college and clearly had no idea of what love was. I needed to fall in love with you slowly because I had to allow myself to give everything to you," I responded, clarifying. Edward's love for me was trusting and held absolutely no conditions. He loved me when I was a mess and when I was at my best.
"I had to get the ground ripped from underneath me and put myself back together to fall in love with the man who taught me what love is supposed to be. I couldn't do that without finding myself first," I continued. A bright smile spread across his face as he reached across the table to squeeze my hand before pressing his lips to the back of it.
"I'm the luckiest man in the entire world to love you," he replied right before the waiter returned with our dinners on shining white plates. I grinned at Edward as the waiter placed our dinners in front of us.
"We have to thank Rose and Alice too for pushing us together," I mused with a chuckle as I found my knife and fork underneath my plate. Alice and Rose both pushed Edward to come after me that night.
"They definitely worked hard for us to get together. I would've chased after you that night anyway," he said with a shrug. Although his words made my heart hammer in my chest, I knew how driven he was.
Alice explained it once to me that once he has his eyes set on something, he doesn't quit. His drive compelled him on and off the field.
"And I wanted you to, even though I would've never said it," I quipped. He leaned back in his chair for a moment before he took a long sip of his beer before his eyes peered into mine. I could tell he was nervous about something, but I couldn't put my finger on why he was nervous.
His eyes flicked to me as I took another bite of the chicken.
"Edward, you can tell me anything. What's on your mind?" I asked him compassionately. He let out a gust of air as he pressed his forearms on the table. His green eyes met mine with intensity.
"I'm not in the business of surprising you, especially with something like this. We've talked about it before quickly, but I want to talk to you about it. I get it if you're not ready to have this conversation..." he said, rushing out his words. When he got really nervous, his words came out faster almost than I could understand him.
"Edward, I love you. I'm not going anywhere," I reminded him. He needed to be reminded as much as he didn't like to admit it. I had a track record of running away when I felt scared, but with him it was different.
"I don't want to lose you, B, but after dating you for a year I want to talk to you about marrying you one day. I know it's a really tough topic for you and no matter what I want to be with you for as long as you let me," he rambled and my lips turned upwards into a knowing smile.
A year ago the m word would have sent me running for the hills. Although marriage wasn't one of my favorite topics and I was scared of being a good wife, marriage didn't scare me as much as it used to.
I saw what Rose and Em had along with Carlisle and Esme. I understood that marriage is a team and one person couldn't hold it up forever. After countless sessions of therapy, I learned how unhealthy my marriage was with James. Truthfully, I had little idea of what marriage entailed and looked at marriage as a life jacket to keep James with me.
However, now I knew better. Marriage was about choosing that person every single day, even when the storms and winds came. I couldn't imagine going on that journey with anyone except for Edward.
Edward studied me, misreading my silence as rejection.
"I'm sorry for bringing it up..." he began, but I shook my head as I met his gaze. He didn't have to apologize for communicating with me. He owed it to himself to know where our relationship was going.
"No, don't apologize. Edward, I was scared of marriage because of what I thought marriage looked like. I haven't had solid marriages to look up to, my mom divorced my dad and my dad was in love for her for so long," I said, letting out a sigh.
Charlie was unilaterally carrying a marriage when Renee ran away from the responsibilities marriage entailed. My dad was devoted to her while she was devoted to herself instead of being with him.
"And my marriage to James wasn't healthy, just like the relationship before wasn't healthy. I'm so glad and grateful we have a healthy relationship and you taught me that real love stays. I had to leave James because love wasn't being served at the table anymore, and I knew I deserved more," I continued, my eyes meeting his still nervous ones.
I wasn't in love with James, I was in love with the idea of being with Prince Charming. With Edward, I was in love with every single aspect of who he was. He wasn't perfect, even though he was pretty damn close.
"I believe a healthy and good marriage starts with a healthy relationship, and we have that. There's a piece of me that's still scared of marriage because it's an unknown to me, but I believe in us, Edward," I assured him, squeezing his hand in mine. I believed in the love we built together over the past year, and forever didn't sound as scary when I was with him.
"And thank you, for wanting to marry me," I said with a tiny smile. The poor man was in for a treat, I hardly understood how he handled me now. He didn't save me, because he didn't think I needed saving. More importantly, he respected and cherished what anyone else would call a flaw.
"I just look at the future, and I see you in it. As a kid, I dreamed of who I would marry and I'll admit after age twelve she looked a lot like you," Edward said with a grin as anxiety left his expression.
"I fell in love with you, B, and when I'm up late and can't sleep I just see you in a dress or whatever the hell you want to wear promising to love each other until the world stops spinning. I'm not proposing tonight or tomorrow because you'll know when I am, but I wanted to talk to you and make sure you wanted it too," he explained. It took every atom in me not to jump across the table and kiss him for that, but instead I took another sip of wine as we continued our dinner.
After two glasses of wine and the sunset in the background, Edward helped me up from my chair as he led me through the cafe. Even in heels, he towered over me. I felt his gaze on me as we got into his car.
"I can take you home to your apartment, but I kinda have one more surprise for you," he said as he held my hand on the console. I threw my overnight bag in the back of his car earlier in the evening as I nodded.
"No, I want to go home with you," I assured him. I was rewarded with an impish grin as he drove us back to his house. He came around to my side to help me out of the car as he walked alongside me.
He stopped a moment before the door and looked at me with question.
"It wouldn't be the full effect without a blindfold," he murmured. I raised an eyebrow as he offered me the black blind fold as I took it and gave me a huff.
"Edward, you're not into some BDSM stuff are you?" I asked him, which he let out a chuckle before shaking his head.
"While tying you up has crossed my mind, that's not my intention tonight," he assured me. I nodded as I put the blindfold on, urging him to not let me fall on my face. He came behind me, his hands guiding me as we walked through his house.
"Edward," I protested after a few minutes before I heard him chuckle.
"Almost there, sweetheart," he assured me as I was greeted with the balmy outside air again. His hands came to take off the blindfold with care as my eyes adjusted. His outdoor deck was covered in string lights and there was a blanket laid in the center of the backyard.
Tall wooden fenceposts framed the yard as there was a picnic basket on the blanket. My lips burst into a smile as I beamed at him.
"This is perfect," I said, as he spun me around for a moment. He led me out to the blanket before laying down on it. I laid down next to him, my eyes staring up at the stars above us as his arms wrapped around me.
"I love you to Pluto and back," he murmured in my ear.
"Pluto isn't a planet anymore," I reminded him with a chuckle. His laughter shook us both as I drew closer in his arms. He flipped over so he was hovering above me as his lips met mine. I returned his kiss, my lips tangling with his as my hands wrapped around his neck.
"What are you doing?" I asked him breathlessly as his lips trailed to my neck for a moment.
"Crossing something off my bucket list-kissing you underneath the stars," he replied, before his lips met mine again. I only felt warmth as I pressed myself closer to him as his hands wrapped in my hair before one hand supported my head.
"If I play my cards right, I may be able to cross off another," he murmured, kissing right below my ear.
"What's that?" I asked him, my breath coming out in pants.
"Making love to you underneath the stars. As much as I love you in this dress, I want to see what your skin looks like in the moonlight," he replied. Yep, he sold me already on the idea.
"Looks like you get to scratch off another tonight," I assured him as he threw me a crooked grin before his lips met mine again.
Alice and I were lounging in our pajamas as she flipped through another wedding site, a frown punctuating her lips. While Alice combed through every pocket of the internet for wedding inspiration, I urged her that she didn't have to follow the latest trend on Instagram or TikTok.
She merely groaned at me as she sipped her tea before dramatically flipping the laptop closed.
"I haven't even found a wedding dress, Bella. I'm a designer for god's sake," she muttered, shaking her head in dismay as she pressed her head into the decorative pillow on the couch.
"Ali, you will. You thrive under pressure, remember?" I reminded her as I scooted closer to her.
"I looked at Pnina Tornai and usually I find a dress I love by her, but I can't," she muttered, leaning her head against my shoulder. I traced my fingers through her hair in comfort as I contemplated for a moment.
Money was definitely not an issue for Alice and she was a world class designer. She vehemently denounced designing her own wedding dress, which I understood. However, she did have connections in the fashion world.
"Have you ever thought about reaching out to her to see if she could design you a dress?" I asked as I grabbed my cup of tea from the coffee table as she pursed her lips for a moment.
"Bella, why didn't I think of that? I can probably shoot her a text and set up a call with her," she said with a shrug. My lips turned upwards as I squeezed her tight for a moment.
At this point, I was convinced Alice ran on pure caffeine with the way she barely slept these past weeks. She found a wedding planner, after much debate and frustration on her end.
She set a reminder for herself to send a text to the designer I never heard of before turning to me with a wicked grin on her face. I merely swallowed as she studied me for a moment.
"Alice, what are you planning?" I asked, my eyes widening.
"Your wedding," she murmured with a chuckle. While Edward and I had the whole marriage talk a week ago, I didn't think he was ready to propose yet.
"Alice, he hasn't even proposed," I reminded her with a huff. At present, I think he was just happy I didn't break out in hives or run for the hills during the conversation.
"But you've talked about it," she reminded, wagging her finger. I rolled my eyes as I leaned back against the couch.
"Yes, we talked about marriage on our anniversary," I corrected her, emphasizing the word marriage. I never imagined myself having a lavish wedding. While Alice's lavish wedding was up her alley and very appropriate for her, I hated the idea of having attention on me.
The thought of two hundred sets of eyes all on me in a dress had my stomach turn. However, Alice thrived on attention. In my dreams, when I thought about my wedding to Edward, I imagined us somewhere with families and friends with a casual after party.
"You talked about marriage? I know that's big for you," she said, excitement in her tone as her eyes lightened up.
"Yes, we talked about it and it was a success because I didn't run off in heels or have a medical emergency," I responded. Alice rolled her eyes at me before she grinned at me.
"I'm so excited for you, I know he's dying to propose. He won't tell me when though, the asshole," she muttered the last portion underneath her breath as we heard a swift knock on the door.
"One day I'll say yes to him," I assured her, squeezing her hand. Her features relaxed at my words. As much as she loved me, I knew she also worried I would break her brother's heart one day. I didn't take the responsibility of his heart lightly, and I hoped she realized that.
We sat in silence for a moment before we heard a swift knock on the door. Our eyes shifted to the door as we silently argued about who should make the great journey to the door from the couch.
"I should have a damn key at this point!" Rose yelled, which made us erupt in giggles. I bounded off the couch to unlock the door as Rose came in, holding a bottle of prosecco and little pastries as she grinned at both of us.
"We have a wedding to plan," she murmured as she waltzed through the door. I felt a slow smile spread across my lips as I considered the two women before me. Both of them stayed with me in my darkness, and cheered with me when I finally realized my person was there all along. After three years, I finally felt like I liked what my life looked like, broken pieces and all because that was how the light got through.
AN:
There is a part of a trial when the survivor can talk right before sentencing about the way their life has been impacted by the crime. This is fairly common practice, but often stories like Bella's, where the survivor comes forward are less common.
This story is incredibly close to my heart as writing it has been my therapy as I'm finally able to write about what I lived through. Although my story does not involve a marriage, I did end up marrying the man I've known since I was seven. Thank you all for coming on this writing journey with me.
Next two chapters are epilogues and are already completed so will come out soon.
