Author's Note: I hated writing this chapter and the last one. I've named this arc misery, and a big part of me wanted to just skip the Kakashi miniarc and just go into the war/training arc, but I decided against it. I think the next arc will turn out better.
Chapter 29 - Here
XOXOXOX
"So uh… I uh… Need rent by the end of the week," said the Landlady nervously, fidgeting in the public hallway as if Naruko might get mad and bite off her head. Naruko reminded herself that the Landlady was just a normal person, not a shinobi, and probably knew that Naruko could kill her easy if she wanted to. That must've been pretty scary. Still… What a jerk!
Naruko looked over her bill and reminded herself to be calm. She leaned against her apartment's cruddy wall to show the Landlady just how friggin calm she was! "I thought rent was 150 ryo. Why is it so much more now?"
The Landlady twitched miserably. "So uh, it has to do with taxes and insurance and uh…" The Landlady stared at Naruko's sandals. "When we made this agreement I didn't know you contained the Nine-Tailed Fox- not that I think you're dangerous or evil sir! It's just The Fox!... I know you're saving Konoha by keeping the beast from destroying us again. I know you saved Konoha from Suna… It's just- what if that thing gets out?! Or what about other shinobi?! It's just- you're putting all of us in danger, so I… It's not my fault sir, I've been getting complaints from the other residents, I don't have a choice. I'm sorry."
This had that worm Danzou written all over it! First he'd tried to get Naruko exorcised like she was possessed by some kind of demon! Then, when that failed he'd spread rumors about her to the civilians and gotten 'em all scared and how the heck was she supposed to live if she couldn't find a place to, ya know, live? Naruko took a deep breath. Easy Naruko, getting mad would only make her seem more scary. She pushed her feelings down, down past her stomach past her feet and out. She calmed. But there was one thing the woman said that she absolutely couldn't let slide!
"The Fox saved Konoha," Naruko explained. "I'm a good shinobi, but there's no way I coulda' beat up that big evil tanuki without his help. I don't know what happened thirteen years ago, but he's not evil, and he's not our enemy." Something inside her belly stirred. "And I'm gonna get you your rent. Believe it."
"Right…" The Landlady fidgeted again. Great, what now? "Um, Naruko… Can you, can I get your autograph? My son is a huge fan."
Uh… What? The Landlady handed her a- what the heck was this? It was a card with a picture of her winking at the camera and making a stupid face. She remembered that picture! It was the one Old Man Hokage had forced her to retake after she'd graduated. Okay, that was like the most awesome thing ever. She had a Topps shinobi card? Why wasn't she, ya know, rolling in ryo from money from card sales? This was pretty concerning.
But apparently, according to The Old Hag- well according to Shizune actually, Konoha owned the rights to her likeness so the village got all the money from her card sales. How friggin' lame was that? Well, not as lame as when Tsunade told her she could kick rocks and take a swan dive off a cliff! Okay, Tsunade hadn't said that exactly, she'd told Naruko that she wasn't allowed to take any missions, except for the training one with Jiraiya- which was totally worse than telling her to jump off a cliff, because it was pretty much telling her to go out and live on a bench and starve to death! Where the heck was she gonna get money if not missions? Yeah, yeah she knew she needed to focus on her training, yeah, yeah she knew she'd be a target if she left the village- but she friggin needed some money, and quick- or she'd be kicked out of her apartment.
But Tsunade wouldn't budge, so Naruko, she… She… She went to the library and started on the homework she'd been given for medical ninjutsu. If Tsunade wanted her to train then she'd train! She'd not worry about the future. She'd not think about it. She flipped through a textbook, read through the words, and didn't understand a thing. Then she filled out some worksheets she didn't care about, and went through the textbooks and copied down the passages the worksheet wanted. She read all about all these different body parts, with fancy sounding names. She tried to make it worthwhile, tried to focus and put full effort into her studies.
Great, now instead of being angry she was bored, frustrated, and her head hurt. What was she even doing? How was this gonna make her strong enough to protect Konoha from that Madara chick? It was a waste of time, but she was just doing what she was told! It was like they were trying to sabotage her!
Tsunade, the Landlady, Kakashi, everyone was out to get her! How the fuck was she supposed to pay rent after it'd been tripled, especially when she couldn't even take missions outside the village? What the hell had she ever done to them? Why'd they all hate her? And Kakashi, what the hell was wrong with him, maybe he really had hated her from the start!...
...The hook… The rope… Sensei was thinking about killing himself… Naruko drooped into her chair. She didn't get it. Her circumstances were crummy, had been crummy, she'd been miserable before, but even at her lowest she'd never even considered something like that.
Death. What was it like, what happened after? Was there an afterlife or just oblivion- what if nothing mattered? What if it did? And it seemed like it was impossible to know until after, and if there was nothing, you'd never know, you'd just… Cease. Forever. Naruko normally just did her best not to think about it.
Death was scary. How could Kakashi think living was scarier?
And something niggled at her. She'd thought that when she got out of the orphanage then she'd be happy. She'd thought that when she finally became a genin then she'd be happy. She'd thought that if she became a strong shinobi then she'd be happy. She'd thought that if she could get Sasuke to like her then she'd be happy. She'd thought that when she got some actual friends then she'd be happy. Now she thought that if she could change Konoha then she'd be happy.
Naruko didn't really fear that she'd never be happy. She'd been happy before and she'd be happy again, and she'd never really expected to be happy forever. No, what scared her was the pattern, the purpose, how she used happiness as a tool. It didn't have to be something big, it could be something as small as the happiness from drinking a cup of water when you were thirsty. What scared her was that happiness, that goodness- the desire for better, was just a survival reflex, no more real or important than the pain from slicing your hand on a kunai... Ugh...
...That was a little scary. It was a little sad, but it didn't make her want to kill herself.
But then, she knew better than to think like that all the time. It was like cutting your wrist with a kunai, but instead of flaying your body you flayed your mind. She had the feeling Kakashi had been doing that for a long time. That living wasn't enough for him on its own. He'd needed a purpose.
What had changed? Sasuke had left obviously, but why should that have mattered? Why had he just given up? Why did he say that he hated her? How could he say that he hated her? How could he hurt her like that?
The Landlady and her stupid shinobi card popped into Naruko's head. She sighed. Most people, and definitely Kakashi, weren't cruel- even to those they hated- unless they had to be.
No, there was more. There had to be more.
"Sensei," Naruko said, bursting into his apartment. It was still unlocked, and Kakashi was still staring at that damn hook on the ceiling. "Why did you sabotage my training?"
"Because I hated you," Kakashi said dully. "I've always hated you."
"Then why didn't you just fail us during the Bell Test? Why even…" A thought came to Naruko. Sensei had always given off prodigy vibrations, and there'd been a war going on when he was a kid. Maybe… "Sensei, how old were you when you became a jounin?"
"Twelve," Kakashi said.
"What was it like?" Naruko asked. It must've been hard. The expectations, the adults trying to control you, all that dea-
"It was a lot of fun," Kakashi said. "I made more money. Could eat better food. I could stop worrying about rent."
Okay… That wasn't what she'd been hoping for… But there were still things like the Topps card, still people asking for autographs, entire countries coming for your head, right? So that must've sucked, right? And that was why he'd wanted them to fail, so they didn't have to deal with that. "Were you famous? Ya know, like I am?"
Kakashi didn't answer.
Bingo! She was finally getting somewhere! Okay, she think she understood what Sensei had been trying to do.
"If you didn't want me to be strong, you'd have just failed me during the Bell Test. So this is about fame… Sensei, who are you trying to protect me from?"
"Nobody," Kakashi said dully. "That's stupid. I've told you before that I… Hate you. That's why I sabotaged your training."
"Why are you lying?" Naruko demanded. "Why won't you tell me the truth?"
"..." said Kakashi. He wouldn't answer her. Why not? She was so close!
"You're full of shit Sensei! If you hated me so much, why didn't you just fail me?" Naruko tugged on his collar. He swung back and forth, flopping limply around like he was a damn lifeless scarecrow. "Answer me!"
"Because I was a fool," Kakashi said, finally meeting her gaze, a spark of life in his eyes. "Because you were Sensei's daughter! Because Sasuke's entire family had been killed! I didn't want you to-"
And then Kakashi folded in on himself, but it was still an improvement. "I was supposed to know better. I should've- I should've failed you right then! Sensei took me in, he forgave me for all my mistakes, but the truth is- I was careless, weak, lenient- and I knew better! If only I'd been stronger none of this would have happened! You and Sasuke would have a mom and dad, Sensei would still be alive, the world would be at peace, and she would still be… She would… If I'd just put my foot down everything would be different!"
"It's not your fault," Naruko said. Sensei was miserable, full of self-hatred, but at least he wasn't empty. "You weren't the one who made Sasuke leave!"
"You're an idiot. You don't understand a thing," Kakashi ruffled her hair. "You remind me of your mother. Kushina forgave me too. She said I didn't make her leave either. But I could've stopped it. If I'd failed you-"
"Never say that!" Naruko slapped Kakashi. "I'm tired of you sitting around your apartment all day! You're an orphan like me, you've had a tough life, stop moping like some spoiled clan kid! Team Seven was the best thing that ever happened to me! I was nothing without Sakura and Sasuke! I was nothing without you Kakashi!"
Naruko hugged him.
"And Team Seven isn't finished. I'm going to bring Sasuke back! Believe it!"
Kakashi pushed her off him gently, his eyes dull. "You don't understand a thing about me, Naruko."
His eyes were back on the hook.
Her words hadn't reached him. She'd failed.
A few days later, Naruko found herself in a daze, sitting alone on a bench… It was drizzling… She was getting wet… She needed to, her cardboard box would get wet if she didn't move it, and then it would fall apart. She couldn't have that. It was full of important stuff, like instant ramen, some kunai, and… She'd really been evicted, hadn't she?
Naruko hugged herself. She shivered. It was wet, and she was cold, and she needed to move, but she just couldn't find any energy to do anything.
She'd tried so hard. To help Kakashi. To improve her weaknesses. To make Konoha better. Nothing worked. Kakashi hated her. Konoha had thrown her out. All she'd learned about medical ninjutsu was that she sucked at it.
Fuck.
She had nowhere to go.
A rugged hand patted her shoulder. "C'mon. Let's get you dry."
"I'm the container of the Nine-Tailed Fox you know? And I don't have any ryo."
Teuchi grinned. "Then I guess this one'll have to be on the house."
He took her to his restaurant, and cooked up the most delicious bowl of miso ramen she'd ever had. "Why aren't you like the other villagers? Why aren't you afraid of me? Why are you always so nice to me?"
"Cuz you're Naruko," Teuchi said, shaking his head like it was obvious. "How could I be scared of ya, I've known you since you were a kid… Well, a younger kid. Besides, I owed you one from earlier, when that confused Uchiha kept us from treating you for saving the village… That poor kunoichi, it makes me sad to think that there are shinobi out there who feel that they shouldn't exist. People who make shinobi feel like that should be ashamed of themselves."
"But I'm the container of the Nine-Tailed Fox," Naruko said defensively. "Even if I'm not mean or don't try to do anything, I'm still a target for the other villages. It makes sense for people to be scared of me."
Teuchi put down his rag, and sighed. "You know, you remind me of another kunoichi I used to know. You really, really do. Obi Uchiha. I remember seeing her in the rain, all alone, not wanting to go home… I'd take her back to my stall- I didn't have a restaurant back then- and she'd always come alive. She got real, real close to my nephew, Ren Uchiha. Didn't really think much of it. I mean, she was one of the most talented shinobi in recorded history, and we were just civilians working the second best-selling ramen stall in the Uchiha District… What could we possibly offer her?"
How could Teuchi have thought something so dumb? Aww let's see, what could they possibly offer other than delicious ramen... Shelter… Love... A family… Everything that mattered.
Teuchi cleared his nose. "I was an idiot. Iwa kidnapped Ren. To target her. Everyone told her it was a trap. She tried to save him anyway. It cost her her life. Her talent caused the Third Shinobi War. Her death ended it… Everyone was happy, everyone celebrated… Everyone except me."
Teuchi continued. "I knew she was strong, just like you. It was also clear to anyone who knew her that she hated being a shinobi. She hated training, and she'd only go to it when she was dragged there by that silver-haired boy- he always did have a crush on her."
Was that silver-haired boy Kakashi? Was that why he was so sad? Was that why he'd sabotaged her training? Not because he'd thought she was an idiot, but because she'd reminded him of the most talented shinobi in Konoha's history?
Naruko thought back to what the masked woman had said. Naruko's power would start a war. Those weren't just words, it had actually happened before. And apparently the only path to peace was Obi Uchiha's death.
Was that the price of power? And Kakashi had seen it all firsthand...
Maybe… Maybe…
But Naruko was still missing something… Like Otanashi's heart in Angel Beats! she just couldn't put it all together.
Soon enough she was back in the rain. Teuchi seemed to think she'd run away from home. If he'd known she was homeless he'd have probably offered her a place to stay, but she didn't want him to look down on her or think he had to help or something. She was the strong one! She was the one who helped! So she was back on a bench as it sprinkled.
"Naruko?" Sakura asked. There was a tremor in her voice. "What are you doing out here?"
"I'm uh…" Naruko thought on her feet. "I'm training. The Wise Sage ya know? I've got to be out in nature, absorb the water like a toad, ya know? Sage training and stuff."
Sakura rolled her eyes. "I know you turned down Jiraiya's training, Naruko. What are you really doing out here? Does it…" Sakura whispered. "Does it have anything to do with you being an orphan?"
"What? No… Orphan, what…" Naruko laughed but even she could tell it was fake. She didn't want to get into this with Sakura. She, Kakashi, and Sasuke had all had an unspoken agreement that Sakura was to be protected. They wouldn't let her learn Konoha's darkness. "It's just, rent is higher than normal… It isn't anybody's fault, you know? It's just that with the attack and all, and everyone saw me fight that giant tanuki, so everyone's a little freaked out, and you know The Old Hag is really busy right now and I don't think she understands what it's like to not have money, and I'm pretty sure it's all that bastard Danzou's fault anyways!"
Naruko folded her arms. Now that she'd said it, she knew it was true! When she became Hokage she was gonna kick his butt!
"...I think I get it." Sakura smiled gently. "Stay at my place."
What? Did she really just say...
"Thanks Sakura!" Naruko said enthusiastically. Her first sleepover. They were gonna talk about uh… All sorts of things girls talked about, like uh… Sakura was a fan of Shounen Jump, right? Um, duh. Like, what kinda weirdo wasn't? But just in case, they could talk about uh… Boys right? Sakura always talked about boys with Ino! Well not boys, just Sasuke-
Sasuke… Everyone thought that she'd just let him leave. Only Sakura had defended her. And she shouldn't have. Every time Sakura, or somebody like her, tried to defend Naruko about Sasuke it was like getting stabbed in the heart by an icicle.
"Is something wrong, Naruko?" Sakura asked.
"No," Naruko said. Lied.
"Oh it's just, I thought you'd be happier."
"I am happy," Naruko lied. But… But… She had to be happy right? She'd wanted to be Sakura's friend since forever, so why did she wanna just tell the pinkette to mind her own business? To tell Sakura that she was being… Naruko put on a happy face.
Sakura's house was a little beaten up, but it was big. Really big. Rich clan kid big. Two stories big. There was heating, the lights turned on and off. Sakura had given her a weird look when Naruko had tested it. There were big pictures on the wall just to show Naruko that Sakura's family could waste money on things that didn't matter. Afterall, they had different room for different things. A room for food, all kinds of food, even the stuff that was too expensive for anyone but rich clan kids, a room to eat, a room to lie around and read books. There was even a room just for Sakura. Sakura's room. Why? What was the point in having a family and making sure that you could be away from them?
Mrs. Haruno was in the kitchen, but Mr. Haruno was lying on the sofa, reading a manga, balancing a beer on his chin. He must've noticed her staring.
"Huh? You're not Ino. So you must be Naruko, I've heard all about you of course," said Mr. Haruno. He had big, pink, exploding hair that made him look kind of funny. "Everyone says you're going to be the best shinobi in Konoha someday. But will you be wise? Why is a bee's hair sticky?"
"Da-aad," Sakura whined. "Stop it!" She tried to pull Naruko away. "Don't encourage him."
Naruko shook Sakura off. "Because they use a honeyco-"
"Because they use a honeycomb!" Mr. Haruno said, bursting into a laughter that made Naruko smile. "I used to hate facial hair… But then it grew on- Where are you two going?"
Sakura dragged Naruko into the kitchen. "Mo-om," Sakura said, "Can Naruko spend the night?"
"Oh Sakura," Mrs. Haruno said. "Haven't we talked about this? Of course not."
"But mo-om," Sakura whined. "Naruko's got nowhere to go. She saved the village you know!"
"And thank you for that," Mrs. Haruno said, bowing her head. "You still can't stay here."
Naruko nodded. She understood. But...
"Well I don't," Sakura said angrily.
"She is the container of The Nine-Tailed Fox," Mrs. Haruno said sternly. "And we're all supposed to act like it's safe? After what happened thirteen years ago? Even assuming that the Fox is trapped inside her perfectly, she'll still be a target for other villages. She's dangerous to be around! It's one thing when you're on a mission Sakura, but I need you safe when you're off duty! This is for your own good! I can't have that thing in my house, and that's final!"
That warmth she'd felt from talking to Mr. Haruno had grown. It hurt, but Naruko couldn't help but smile. Naruko wished she could make Sensei see this, then there was no way he could be so sad!
Sakura exploded. "You can't talk about my friends like tha-"
"It's fine Sakura." Naruko was already leaving. Sakura followed after her.
"I'm not going back," Naruko said. She'd never gotten to see a family like that before. She'd never gotten to see Konoha's light so bright, so close. Naruko wiped her eyes. "I won't. No matter what you say."
"That's not it," Sakura said. "I get it. Who'd wanna stay with a selfish bitch like that? But I'm not gonna leave you alone. Mom is being such an ass right now! I wish I had my own place! Then I could do what I wanted, parents are such a pain!"
...What? What did she just say?
"Sakura," Naruko said quietly, clenching her fists. "You're being annoying... Go back home."
Sakura covered her mouth. "I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to help, and I… I never thanked you for saving my life did I? Than-"
"I'd do anything to have an embarrassing dad, to have an overprotective mom." Naruko shook. "Me, Sasuke… You think we want others to share our pain? That's the opposite of what we want! Go back home. Seeing you throw away your time with your family makes me sick."
"But what will happen to you? I'm not going to leave you alone! You're family too!"
That was really, really nice… But… Naruko didn't want Sakura to be hurt… But then… Sakura must have felt the same. She didn't want to see Naruko hurt.
Sakura didn't want to see Naruko hurt. Naruko smiled broadly. She wasn't alone anymore. "I'll be alright. I'll… I'll check in with Lee. He lives alone, it shouldn't be a problem."
But Lee's place was different than she remembered. He no longer had heating or electricity. And he seemed… skinnier… Too skinny.
"Lee, what's going on?" Naruko asked angrily. "Who's doing this to you? I'm not gonna let this slide, believe it!"
"There is no need." Lee's chapped lips stretched into a good-natured smile. "It is not a problem. I will be fine. I know Konoha refuses to give you any missions. I disagree with their decision. So I will not take any missions until you do." Lee gave her a thumbs up. "I stand with you Naruko!"
But she didn't want that! She didn't want him hurt because of her! "Why Lee?"
Lee blushed. And so Naruko blushed. Wait, why was she blushing? Why was he blushing?
"Because… Because you…" Lee's face grew determined. "Because I was so happy when you did what I never could, when you defeated Neji. Because when the One-Tailed Beast awakened, it was not Neji, not Sasuke, not even Guy-Sensei, but you who defeated it and saved Konoha. Because you are my hero Naruko, the one I look up to the most. And when Gaara injured me, I never… I thought that I would not become a shinobi. I thought I had lost my dream… My purpose and you were there for me, and then you… You brought back Tsunade, and gave me my dream back… I would do anything for you… I know your heart belongs to Sasuke, and I have made peace with that… But Naruko..."
Naruko's heart was hammering. Lee wasn't gonna say what she thought he was. That thing that was for other people, and never for her. This was a trick right? It had to be.
Lee's goofy black eyes locked onto her blue ones. "I love you."
...Uh…
For once in her life, Naruko didn't know what to say...
"Do not feel pressured to return my feelings," Lee said, smiling sadly. "I do not need you to feel the same way. I just wanted to-"
Naruko kissed him. It wasn't awkward and gross like with Sasuke. It also wasn't some soul changing moment of awesomeness, some answer to all of life's misery like she'd kinda hoped it would be. But it was fun. They had a good night together. It was something Naruko would have wanted to do again.
But she wouldn't for quite a while.
Because Naruko had decided to leave Konoha and train with Jiraiya. Because she didn't like seeing Sakura fight with her family, because she didn't like seeing Lee starving and without electricity. And if she kept suffering, it was gonna harm all the people who cared about her.
But before Naruko left, she visited Kakashi one last time. Because there was one thing she's overlooked about him, one question she's never asked, and she wasn't sure why. It had been so obvious, staring her right in the face whenever she saw him.
It was the key.
"What now Naruko?" Kakashi asked dully, his eyes never leaving the hook on the ceiling. "Why are you back? I told you to leave me alone."
"Sensei," Naruko asked. "Why do you wear a mask?"
Sensei's eyes cleared and left the hook on the ceiling. It felt like he was truly looking at her for the first time since… Ever.
Naruko placed the three-pronged kunai the masked kunoichi had given her on the table.
Sensei stared at it, for a long, long time before he finally answered. "Because I don't deserve to have a mouth."
Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I know a lot of you didn't want Naruko to end up with Lee, but I felt he was the best option for her right now. Although, maybe not in the future. Next time will be a Kakashi flashback chapter, with his perspective on the events of the key events of the series. It was originally written as the final chapter of the Sasuke Retrieval Arc to give context to what was actually happening, but I decided Naruko had to earn it. And now onto the reviews!
CagedHeart7 - Well, the people in Naruko's life came through for her in this chapter. That was the main purpose in this arc, for Naruko to hit a low point and be picked up by the people around her. Thanks for the review!
Amaterasu53 - She would be, but she's got some people who'll help her if she'll let them. I'm really looking forward to Naruko finally getting to explore her true calling as an obnoxious idiot, something she'll finally get to do with Jiraiya. I've got two more really stupid jutsu planned for her to learn in the next arc.
melancholic town - Things may not be as they seem with Kakashi. Thanks for the review!
Guest - I always read Hinata and Kiba's relationship as being like siblings. Hinata thinks of Kiba as a little brother, and she's just as well read on psychology as Neji. But she's far kinder, and wouldn't normally use her knowledge to hurt somebody. But when Naruko attacked Kiba, someone Hinata cared about, she was able to put aside her self-reservations and self-loathing and attack Naruko with all her might. Thanks for the review!
Kyuubi No Surebu - Thanks! I hope you liked the chapter!
