Simply put, Erza liked it when she was in control.
She could truly relax, exhale the breath she wasn't aware she was holding, truly unwind when every single detail and nuisance was a known certainty inside her head. It made the desired peace and quiet so much easier to attain.
Erza wanted, no, needed to be cognizant of any and all ongoings that took place in the guild. Who was taking what job? Who had started the brawl this time? Was it safe to enjoy her strawberry cake? All those questions could not be left as unanswered possibilities that swam around in the forefront of her consciousness.
By exerting this much control, Erza preferred to believe she was a very perceptive individual, with a keen eye for the smallest of oddities in behaviors and routines. So after Zeref and Acnologia were no more, the redheaded woman was beyond elated at how quick everyone seemed to adjust. Everything was back to normal.
Except Natsu. Why? Well, because he wasn't here.
Now the majority of his time spent away from the guild was to either take the toughest job he could find, or to seclude mind and body to undergo gruesome intense training sessions, for the sole, yet laughably unrealistic purpose of surpassing her and the other S-class mages.
But after Natsu had defeated Zeref and Acnologia, nobody had heard much from him. Well, she hadn't, perhaps someone else had.
The reason this was particularly peculiar was that the pink haired man rarely did anything by his lonesome, barring onerous training, so keeping track of his whereabouts was a facile endeavor. Yet, in this current moment, Erza failed to complete said simplistic task.
Without Natsu around to goof off, the guildhall's newly rebuilt walls weren't bouncing off the chaotic sounds of brawling and laughter.
Erza had no one to put into their place or punish, Mirajane didn't have anyone to force them help her with chores, Laxus didn't have anyone to lash out at, Master didn't have anyone to scold or reprimand.
No one else but her was able to comprehend the appearance of this extended period of tranquility, no one else went about their days any differently.
And Erza would get to the bottom of it, because not only was she bored out of her wits, but her prized pedestaled control was being threatened.
A quick check in with most of the guild informed her that nobody had even noticed the dragon slayer's absence, with most remarking the enjoyed the 'time off'. She partly agreed with the sentiment, but the knight preferred her control over absence of noise.
Finding any modicum of information about his whereabouts was much more difficult than she had first thought. Nearly everyone who was actively involved with his private life was as a whole, not available for questioning.
His partner Lucy and best friend Happy were out with his rival Grey and Juvia on a quick mission that was taken with the intent purpose of paying off the celestial mage's monthly rent.
His oh so precious baby sister Wendy was off with his childhood sweetheart Lisanna and Elfman on an escort quest protecting a duke of some sort.
Gajeel was the only one still at the guild, currently preparing for Levy's coming pregnancy, that was likely to have an answer to her question.
The iron dragon slayer had only offered her a frustratingly vague response.
"The Salamander is tired. Let him rest."
What did that even mean?
Tired? Natsu?
The word 'tired' didn't seem to apply to Natsu, who would constantly pull from tomorrow's strength day after day, who had an infinite reserve of energy and determination at his disposal at all times.
If Gajeel had been referring to the fact the world was still fresh off a victory over Zeref and Acnologia, then that wouldn't make much sense either. Everyone had already settled back into normalcy, but the ever adaptable unfazeable Natsu hadn't?
That notion seemed absolutely ridiculous.
No one had seen Natsu take a job, so that must mean he had to be at a place where she could still find him.
After a search of Lucy's apartment beared no fruit, the only reasonable option left was his own place of residence. His secluded cabin tucked away within the confines of the vast woodland forests surrounding the city of Magnolia.
Erza had forgotten how far away the cabin was from the guildhall, requiring her to undertake a solid 30 minute hike once outside the cities' boundaries. And traveling under the early afternoon summertime sun, while wearing her armor, meant that by the time she arrived at the cabin, drops of perspiration mapped out small streams across her pale skin.
Requipping into her blouse, the redheaded woman wiped her brow and exhaled, stopping right in front of the gravel path that led up to the cabin's front door. What immediately caught her attention was how well kept the usually rugged exterior of the residence seemed.
Flaky moss no longer clung to the faded time worn wooden walls, no lacework of intricate cobwebs adorning the window ceil's corners, the brick chimney not chipped and crumbling with resilient vegetation forcing its way out of the cracks. Dense green thickets and bramble that once formed woven walls of foliage, sprouting up beneath previously decomposed fences, were now neatly trimmed.
Inspecting the fresh coat of paint and tight bricklaying work, Erza hesitated to knock on the door, resorting to call out his name aloud.
"Natsu!?" her voice echoed out across the boundless valleys and groves, soon to be replaced with the chaotic yet serene song of wildlife. The only remaining piece of living nature still left on the cabin's wall as a birdnest, which stirred and produced a chorus of squeaky chirps upon hearing the scarlet knight's voice.
Having received no response, Erza tried calling out again, "Natsu!? Where are you!"
Finally mustering up the courage needed, she walked up the gravel path and rapped her knuckles against the wooden door.
No response.
Exhaling from her nostrils in annoyance, she took a peek inside the window next to her, only to see the recently cleaned interior empty. Shuffling around the perimeter of the cabin, Erza nearly stumbled over the small garden nestled against the side of the building.
Noticing the construction tools scattered about next to a pile of chopped firewood, she at least now vaguely understood what Natsu had been doing all this time he had been absent.
"Never took you for doing housework." she mumbled to herself, trailing the length of a ladder that was propped up against the side of the cabin before turning to admire the compact yet ritzy garden.
From the quenched earthy soil came the bounty of diversity, riots of verdant May color in the form of flowers placed in neat rows, enclosed by columns of containment stones.
Erza hummed softly, "Not bad Natsu. For such a hothead, you do know how to clean a place up."
The faint sounds of splashing water caught her attention next, making the redheaded woman turn on her heels to be met with a truly jaw dropping sight.
A sizable lake stretched out before her, meeting the sun's shine with such grace, the two of them so enchanting Erza almost didn't spot the majesty of the distant mountain ranges populating the horizon.
Within the void of gleaming blue was a moving head of pink hair, leaving a trail of disturbing ripples in its wake as it approached the shore.
The familiar muscular form of Natsu rose from the water with the same presence of a kauji making landfall, excess droplets raining from his broad devastated frame as stood tall in the waist deep shoreline.
Fierce almost animalistic onyx orbs met startled soft brown eyes.
Dead silence fell once more as Erza took in his appearance with visible surprise. His larger much more toned figure was covered with gruesome scars and gnarly burns, both of his arms the most disfigured. While the presence of thick muscle had bulged the limbs back into shape, the tanned skin was revoltingly marred and rough, telling of times where the damage was so severe skin and tendon were seared together.
The harsh pange of sorrow and disgust that shot through Erza's stomach was quickly replaced with a sickeningly addictive rush of heat that tickled her loins.
Erza couldn't help but trail her eyes down towards the larger male's navel, delicate cheeks swarmed with adorable shades of sweet red as she finally realized who she was ogling. She had taken baths with this man bi-weekly, so why his nudity affected her now would be left a puzzling yet unanswered question.
Averting her gaze, she awkwardly cleared her throat, squirming uncomfortably under Natsu's stare. It felt odd, knowing their roles were usually reversed in the sense Erza was the one doing the intimidating, although she did it intentionally.
"Erza, what are you doing all the way out here?" he gruffed softly, tone and eyes warm with fond recognition.
Words struggled to take flight from her lips, the scarlet knight offering lamely, "I-i uh… just w-wanted to know…. w-what you are….. doing?"
The pink haired man responded bluntly, "I was taking a bath when I heard you call."
"I-i meant where have you been." Erza clarified uncomfortably, backing away when Natsu trudged his way out of the water, brushing past her.
She could feel heat pulsate from his body as the dragon slayer's internal body temperature flared to dry himself off.
Natsu bent over to grab the clothes he had discarded near the shore side, "Here, fixing things."
Waiting until the pink haired man had slipped on pants before turning around, Erza said, "I've gathered. But why? No one has seen you in weeks."
"Is it that big of a deal?"
"Well when you disappear without telling anyone where you are and if you're okay, then yes, yes it is."
Natsu didn't bother buttoning up his duster as he wrapped his signature scarf back around his neck, scarred digits shaking faintly, "I did tell people. Wendy, Happy, and Lucy knew what I was doing."
Erza frowned tightly, "Congratulations Natsu, you got three of the seventy some people in the guild." she said, "We're getting off topic, what is going on with you? You've never done something like this before, beyond the running away part."
"Like what?" he prompted, uninterested in the conversation as he finished dressing himself.
"Do housework, make a garden, be productive."
At the mention of his garden, Natsu hobbled over to it, lowering to his haunches to gently inspect the petal of a rose, "What is actually bothering you Erza?"
Irritated that he continued to brush her off whilst acting as if she was the unreasonable one, she repeated herself, "I've already told you, you up and disappeared out of nowhere. Again."
Natsu's shoulders slumped as his eyes glazed over with pain, mangled hand retracting to ball up into a fist, as if remembering what events had led up to its current state.
Erza's brow furrowed, never seeing such emptiness in him before, bothered by the fact there was sorrow in his heart that she couldn't even begin to understand.
"I just needed time to think. I didn't mean to make you think I was going to leave again." he apologized softly, massaging his palm with his other hand.
The scarlet knight couldn't help but levy the most prominent question in her mind, "Why didn't you come ask for a spar? You've always done that to cope."
"I don't have anything to prove anymore, that's why I haven't challenged you in a long time." Natsu answered gently, bringing himself into a state of peaceful tranquility as he tended to his garden, a small smile spreading across his face as Ladybug landed upon his knuckles.
That rubbed Erza in all the wrong places, hot surges of exasperated aggrieve rocketed up from her heels to her spine.
Pale hands clenched into fists as she couldn't help but growl challengingly, her signature glare surfacing in the pools of her pupils, "What is that supposed to mean?"
Natsu spared her a calm glance before answering bluntly, "I am stronger than you Erza. Incomprehensibly so. I have been for a good while now."
"Excuse me!?"
"This is not boasting, merely fact. Gray and Gajeel are much stronger than you too now, and Elfman is well on his way."
Erza seethed, cracking her knuckles threateningly as she hissed, "Is that so? Care to test the authenticity of your drivel?"
"No. I already told you, I have nothing to prove anymore."
"What's wrong, not capable of backing up your ridiculous claims?"
Natsu guided the fluttering ladybug back onto the petal of a flower, leaning back on his knees to inspect his handiwork, "I am not continuing the cycle of violence. There is a part of me that does want to fight you, to flex my power and make you submit, just like Gildarts once tried to do to me. But I won't, no matter how cathartic it would be. I love you too much."
"What are you babbling on about?" the redheaded woman asked apprehensively, internally unnerved by his words.
He made the act of fighting her sound so inconsequential and minute, which was all the more alarming considering Natsu rarely talked as if he was 100% sure of something's outcome.
The temperature in the air suddenly dropped several degrees as the pink haired man's masculine features firmed, "Do you know why I am so much stronger now?"
Suddenly feeling as if she no longer wanted to have this conversation, the scarlet knight shot back weakly, "E-enlighten me."
"Because you are complacent Erza. You have relied on your immense natural talent and magic reserves your entire life. You equate acquiring new armors and light physical conditioning to actual training." he rose to his full height, a good few inches taller than herself.
Natsu, and Gray, had been growing broader and taller as the years went on, out of both intense training and natural growth spurts.
Erza shivered when the taller male's focused on her, in a bout of irony, making her feel tiny and helpless, "Do you know what it feels like to rip and tear your body apart trying to push yourself? The pain of your muscles and tendons shredding as you attempt to reach that next level? Of dragging yourself back to your feet to do it over and over and over again? Creating each new move, refining and practicing each technique, mastering each new fighting style?"
Brown eyes were wide in stunned awe as her voice seized in her throat, breath hitching. Natsu's shadow swallowed her whole as he stepped towards her.
"And after all that work and effort, all that pain and suffering, you're still treated like mere fodder. Do you know what that feels like?" he prompted roughly, onyx voids boiling with power and pain boring through Erza expectantly.
His fists clenched, "Do you know what it feels like to wake up each and every day feeling like you're not enough? That you'll never be enough? That you will never be strong enough to protect the ones that love you?"
"Do you know how humiliating it is Erza, for the ones you're trying to protect constantly put you down and remind you you're not strong enough to keep them safe? Do you know what that does to a man?"
He received no answer. Erza's lip quivered, bowing her head in shame as tears tickled one eye socket. The red headed woman's mind worked overtime in order to comprehend this realization, abashed derision flooding every pour of her body.
"You and the guild have taught me many important things, one of those being that me, Natsu Dragneel, is not enough. I'm not smart enough, I'm not mature enough, I'm not strong enough. I will never be enough. Whether by words or actions, that was what was ingrained into my head each and every day I walked through those doors."
Did Natsu really feel like that? And more importantly, how long had he been bottling it up? How long had herself and the guild been contributing to that toxic notion, intentionally or unintentionally?
Was she supposed to apologize, beg for forgiveness? Explain herself? Tell him that everything she did was out of love? Or was she really that horrible of a person?
The pink haired man's lungs swelled as he inhaled and exhaled, the process ragged, as if instead of it providing relief, it was merely to readjust its grip on the tension within.
"I surpassed you because you let me, because you told me to. I never would have gotten this far without you, without everyone." Natsu admitted quietly, baritone much softer and comforting.
"You're still strong Erza, you have been through your fair share of rough fights and painful memories. I'm not taking that away from you, I know better than anyone what it feels like to have your pain and experiences belittled. So please keep your head up."
Nudging her delicate chin up with a finger, he tenderly brushed away a falling droplet with the pad of his thumb, "There will be no punishments, no revenge, I will not raise my hand against you or anyone else in the guild."
"Bu-"
Cutting her off gently, Natsu reiterated, "No buts. You're not a horrible person, you don't deserve it, and I don't want to hear any talk about this from you, understand?"
The blushing Erza obediently nodded in understanding, sniffling before composing herself quick, aware how much Natsu despised it when females cried in front of him.
This wasn't something she could take in stride, despite the reality of it being so obvious beforehand. There were so many brightly flashing signs alluding to Natsu surpassing her.
The Tower of Heaven incident, Natsu ragdolled Jellal upon unlocking an infant form of Dragon Force, when she herself could not defeat him despite her best efforts. Then there was Laxus, although he had supposedly received assistance from Gajeel. After that, the signs kept piling on, Future Rogue, Mard Geer, Ikusa-Tsunagi, Jacob, Ajeel, Dimira, Zeref, Acnologia.
With Acnologia he had help, but nearly every other fight was won with his own strength. Those opponents that she had great trouble with, or flat out refused to fight, would soon be effortlessly defeated, subdued handily, or overpowered after extreme effort, by Natsu.
The horribly mangled hands that had endured hundreds if not thousands of grueling fights in their lifetime, the hands capable of vaporizing several continents down to their very last atom, was gently stroking her pale cheek and pulling her in for a reassuring embrace.
Even before this debacle, it was hard to realize what unimaginable things Natsu was capable of. She had seen it for herself, how the most powerful man in the country would treat his friends with such warm affection, how the holder of the title 'the Dragon King' would scoop up his precious Wendy in a protective embrace and tickle her face with playful yet loving smooches.
Even that in of itself flew over the redheaded woman's radar. Natsu, someone who embodied what it meant to be a warrior, a boisterous, determined, and excitable personality, was in fact a compassionate and tender soul.
Allowing herself to be encompassed by the dragon slayer's hug, Erza winced as her cheek brushed up against a particularly gnarly patch of jagged divots scattered about his shoulder.
After indulging herself in the copious amounts of warm safety encouraging aura the pink haired man's for a few prolonged moments, the redheaded woman murmured from the crook of his neck, "There is still something wrong with you, I can tell."
His broad chest rumbled like a tectonic plate trembling under a light earthquake, "There has always been something wrong, I just decided to stop hiding it.'
"Natsu…" she moaned softly in grief, stepping back reluctantly, "We've already established that we don't treat you as well as we should, but you know we still love you. If there is something wrong then tell us so we can help."
Natsu gave her head a pat as she brushed past her, "I know that, but I have always figured these things out myself. Besides, this time around, I'm the only one who can make peace with it."
Following after him like a worried dog would trail its exhausted owner, she kept prying, "Can you at least just tell me something Natsu?"
"Erza-"
"Natsu, please, let me do something to make up for what I have done. I don't have your pure heart, I can't just forgive and forget the mistakes I made." Erza practically begged, grabbing onto his wrist with desperate pale fingers.
Natsu's soft gaze hardened, "What did I tell you about the demeaning self talk?"
Letting go of him, the scarlet knight withered under his stare, akin to a child shrinking submissively under their parent's disapproving leer.
"N-not to do it."
"That's right. You are one of the most pure people I know, so I ain't gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs while you spew that garbage, got it?"
Erza nodded in subservient understanding, to which the dragon slayer frowned and peeled away his scowl, gently apologizing for snapping before glancing towards his cabin.
"I still won't tell you anything, but that doesn't mean I don't wanna talk with a friend." devastated digits curled around the redheaded woman's smaller hand as Natsu led her towards his front door. "Come, I'll make you some tea.
For just a second, the old bright and eager grin stretched across Natsu's face as he sheepishly informed his friend, "Just a heads up, the inside might not be as clean as the outside."
