"You're not angry?"
"Nope."
"Mad?"
"Nah."
"Upset?"
"Nada."
"Disappointed?"
"Only in myself." Natsu patiently replied as he scooped Mirajane up and tucked her into a hospital cot, having finally finished applying the barmaid's bandages.
From the other side of the guild's clinic, Erza sat atop her own cot with knees pulled to her chest, a pillow stuffed in her grip.
Mirajane pipped squeakily, "How can you not be cross with us?"
Resisting the urge to cringe at the eye watering sterile scent that clung to the clinic's porous walls, Natsu offered a gentle smile as he leaned down to peck the she-devil's forehead before standing.
"Don't get me wrong, what you two did was stupid." he reminded brusquely, pushing the metallic trolley that held platters of medicinal equipment away from Mirajane's bedside.
Strolling over to the space between each of their beds, the pinkette quipped, "As a connoisseur of bad ideas, I gotta say, the stunt you ladies pulled was a really bad idea."
"You endangered innocent people and your own guild, and forced Gray into a sucky situation where he either had to take a beating or hurt two women he loves very much." Natsu elaborated, scarred arms folding over his chest.
Wincing as his scratchy raw throat throbbed, he finished, "However, I understand why you did it. Any mage with an ounce of self respect would challenge an opponent they were told was stronger. You did exactly what I would've done in your shoes."
As Natsu grabbed a spare chair and sat in it backwards, leaning forward against its back board, Erza let out a weary noise.
"We couldn't accept what we had done to you." she stopped to share a glance of agreement with her former rival, "So we thought we could come to terms with where we stood on the food chain. See if we could claw our way back up."
Natsu's onyx stare flitted between them both before settling on the floor, "Look, if you guys want to start training again, don't do what I did. Take your time, there is a difference between training and torture, a difference I have admittedly blurred."
"And remember, comparison to anyone other than yourself is useless for growth. You don't train to surpass me, or Gray, or Gajeel, train to surpass yourself."
"Why didn't you do that?" Mirajane couldn't help but ask, scratching a bandaged cheek sheepishly, "I don't wanna be mean, or seem unappreciative for all you've done to protect us, but couldn't you have taken your time?"
Natsu huffed a laugh, "I was desperate to get as strong as I could in the shortest time possible. Threat was imminent, and I was tired of failing to protect what was precious to me."
"But was it really worth it? We don't know everything wrong, but we can see enough to realize you've stunted yourself in more ways than one."
The dragon slayer sent the querying Erza an odd look, "What type of question is that? Of course it was worth it."
"If you asked me to choose between ensuring you two got to live happy lives, or my own well being, you know damn well which one I'm choosing. And I wouldn't even have to think about it for a second."
The two former rivals went quiet, soft blushes heating their delicate cheekbones. However, shame still remained deep within them, not only for their actions just minutes ago, but because of the haunting reality that had loomed over their collective consciousness ever since Natsu had returned.
For once, they were the ones who had been put into a clinic. They were the ones licking their wounds and cradling their bruised pride. They had challenged a superior opponent and had gotten their asses handed to them.
They were finally experiencing the same humiliation and embarrassment they had inflicted on the very man who had treated their injuries countless times before.
Watching the two women wilt, mind awhirl with questions and doubt, Natsu's heart twisted as he made a face of abashed realization, understanding the burden of accountability he had been putting on them.
"I won't be able to persuade you of your guilt, so the least I can do is offer a way for you two to make it up to me. Sounds good?"
Both women nodded with innocent obedient eagerness.
Coal pupils grew more intent as he leaned forward, hands drumming against the back of the chair dramatically.
"Apologize to Gray."
At that, both women blinked like a pair of befuddled owls, grimaces smearing their porcelain faces upon remembering the third party that had been involved in this fiasco.
"You two already know you forced him into a pretty crappy situation, so I don't need to lecture you on why he deserves an apology. If it helps, I hafta' apologize to the snowflake too."
Mirajane gave a honest nod, followed by Erza, who stiffly murmured, "We will do it, find a way to make it up to him."
"The only thing Gray cares about is whether he held back enough."
Blank brown eyes stared down at dainty hands as the redheaded woman continued quietly, "How much?"
Natsu narrowed his eyes in confusion.
"How much was he holding back?" her voice quivered as her battered pride drew emotions out she wasn't ready to handle.
The dragon slayer desperately wanted to spare them the truth, but he knew that wasn't the right thing to do.
Natsu blew a puff of air from his nose, stating grimly, "There was no way you two could've won."
Both the barmaid and the scarlet knight didn't provide much in the way of reactions.
Mirajane gulped nervously but said nothing, while Erza's tensed fists lost their vigor.
"You aren't weak by any means, either of you. Gray is just… made oddly."
This instantly broke the she-devil from his haze, Mirajane letting out a soft heartwarming giggle that made Natsu want to hug her tight to his chest.
"His middle name is also Maurice." she guffawed to herself, giving Natsu incentive enough to let out an arid snort of amusement.
Erza made no such attempt to display anything other than sullen sadness, a meaningless stare cast at the wall as she hugged the pillow in her arms tighter.
Unlike her former rival, the redheaded woman could not be cheered up so easily. Mirajane motioned to Erza with her chin, clearing her throat at Natsu to get the message across.
The wooden legs of Natsu's chair screeched as they scraped against the dull beige tile floors, signifying the pink haired mage getting up. Erza felt his presence tilt the mattress she lay on, as well as a gentle yet rough palm cup her cheek that turned her head to face him.
Somber understanding wet his words, "Erza, I'm serious. Don't destroy yourself over this, over the fight, over what I told you, hanging onto past failures is the same mistake I have made hundreds of times before.
Despite nuzzling into his hand and leaning into his chest, she remarked bitterly, "You almost ruined your relationship with your best friend over us."
"I-"
"I don't want to hear it." the scarlet knight stated, visage contorted in such a way it appeared she was disgusted with her own existence. It was a look Natsu knew all too well, having seen it in a mirror almost every day of his adult life.
Erza explained, sniffling as she looked down once more, "The fact a pact had to be made in the first place, a pact that specifically detailed not treating us like we did you, tells me something I have to live with. I was… I am a bully."
"Bullshit."
Both women flinched at the sternness behind Natsu's curse.
Nudging her chin up to meet his fierce gaze, he spoke with masculine authority that neither S-class mage knew he was capable of.
"Remember what I told you when we first talked?" he rumbled roughly, his baritone practically rattling the tectonic plates beneath them, "What I said about how you talk about yourself?"
The redheaded woman gave a shaky nod, trying to submissively avert her gaze. If she had a tail, it would be tucked between her legs right about now.
Soft, yet firm, Natsu continued, "You made bad decisions, so what? You're speaking to the master of failure, and let me tell you, everyone is always learning new lessons. Heck, Juvia has taken me to school over the past few days about having some respect for myself."
"Just keep moving forward, one day at a time. That's all anyone can do." Mirajane pipped in, her mother hen nature out on full display.
Erza said nothing, chewing at the inside of her mouth as she huffed a weary sigh and rested her chin on her knees.
Stifling a frown, Natsu didn't push it and pressed smooch against her temple, but still made sure the scarlet knight was looking him in the eye as he ran his thumb over her pale cheek over and over. After a minute, he stood up, shuffling over to elder Strauss' side of the room once more.
"Alright, rest up and take it easy." the dragon slayer finished, fluffing Mirajane's pillow before he turned for the door.
Natsu left them both with one last glance, one swimming with an irregular combination of concern and affection, before slipping out of the room shortly after.
"Hehe, Maurice." the elder Strauss sibling giggled incessantly to herself, obviously tickled by this new nugget of knowledge as settled into the sheets for a nap, yawning out,
"It's like being named Keith."
"What's that?"
"Hydrogen Peroxide. It'll disinfect the wound. You are a grown man darling, how do you not know this?"
"W-will...will it hurt?"
Juvia groaned in mild frustration, the only reason for a lack of facepalm being a rectangular purple bottle in one hand and a cloth in the other. Gray sat on a stool right outside the bleak grey clinic doors, bandages applied mostly at his sides and forearms, textbook defensive wounds.
One particular scuff on his left palm that had come from him sliding across dirty concrete required extra attention, attention the ice mage wasn't keen on receiving.
While Asuka watched on a stool of her own nearby, humming merrily as she slurped down a juice box, Juvia refocused on that task at hand. The noise coming from the first floor of the guild hall below certainly wasn't making this endeavor any easier. Why the guild's clinic had been moved to the second floor was beyond her.
"No."
Gray breathed out and finally produced his open palm, letting the rain woman cup the back of his larger hand whilst tipping the bottle's nozzle directly over the scrap.
At the last second before liquid flew, Juvia added, "Okay, maybe just like a little bit."
The fizzling concoction made contact.
"Huh, feels kind of cold."
"..."
Gray's eyes flew open in conjunction to let out a silent indecipherable banshee scream, his entire body trembling as his breath was greedily snatched from his lungs.
Before the ice mage could even begin to form a string of swear words, his attention flickered to the spectating Asuka, who giggled freely at his expression.
With his main option of venting not available, Gray made an audible on how to seethe.
"The hornets of Hades hath descended down upon me!" he stated, struggling to produce coherent sounds despite the inner need to let out caveman ounga-bounga noises
While Asuka found Gray's sudden transformation into what could only be described as an ancient nobleman hilarious enough to squirt juice from her nose, the blue haired woman could only apologize,
"I'm sorry Gray dear, I had to."
He heaved, "Lay two tokens upon my eyes for the ferryman, for I am fading to Elysium!"
Juvia frowned, as for the briefest of moments she pondered whether she had made the right choice falling in love with this man.
However, as Asuka squealed with laughter, a proud smirk flashed across Gray's handsome features, relieving Juvia of what infinitesimal doubt she had left.
"Bandage me in silk woman so that I may ride again!"
Grinning, the rain woman rolled her eyes and gently applied a bandage of his palm, "What has gotten into you? You've never tried to entertain her like this." she whispered.
Slowly reclaiming his composure, he huffed out, "Well, I can't exactly curse with the little lady here, so I might as well make a show out of it. Things are going on that she can't understand, best to keep the mood light."
Juvia conceded to that sound logic, teasing, "Since when did you get so good at fancy speak?"
"Growing up with a Levy who was insistent on reading her books aloud does that to you."
Juvia laughed, her audience being stolen when she felt a tug on the pant leg of her long skirt. The rain woman looked down to see one Asuka, holding her arms up expectantly.
"You want upsies?"
At the eager nod she received in answer, the blue haired woman couldn't help but swoon and scoop Asuka up, holding her against her chest. While Asuka was close to outgrowing this, no one except her Mom had mustered up enough courage to dissuade her of this habit.
"Are they gonna be okay?" Asuka prompted, pointing towards the clinic door, to which Gray chimed in.
"Erza and Mira are fine, they are tough as nails, remember? They've handled worse kiddo, I promise in an hour they are going to walk out that door and give you a big ole' hug."
The young girl pouted and buried her face under Juvia's chin, "But you and Uncle Natsu got mad at each other!" she pointed out, not happy her two uncles had supposedly been arguing.
"Best friends argue all the time, it's just a part of being friends. We got mad, yeah, but we both know it ain't nothin' more than a misunderstanding. One tinsy argument ain't gonna stop me and flame brain from being buds."
Asuka's youthful expression curled with worry, "Promise?"
The ice mage grinned, ruffling her hair,
"Promise."
Asuka relaxed against Juvia's chest, tiny fingers anxiously playing with the rain woman's long soft blue locks. Gray stared at the sight longer than he would like to admit.
"And Uncle Natsu, he has been gone a long, long time. What's wrong with him?"
This time, neither Gray nor Juvia had a soft reply for that.
Their eyes could only swim with the same nervousness and concern her words were soaked with.
Gray leaned forward in his stool, the very back joint of his thumbs rubbing against his eye sockets, "We're not sure hon. All we know is that he's in a lotta pain, and he has been for a very long time. He has just been hiding it really well."
"Is that what you and Poppa Gildarts were talking about earlier?
He nodded, "Yeah. But Aunt Juvy has been taking care of him as of late, so he is getting better. When he comes out, would ya mind keeping him company for the rest of the day? Don't ask if he is okay, just play with him. Can you do that?"
Nodding determinedly, Asuka mustered a faux salute, "Yes sir!" she squeaked.
The sound of the door opening nearby triggered Gray to stand as out came a solemn dragon slayer. The ice mage and rain women shared a quick nod before Gray approached slowly, starting a quick exchange that Juvia decided not to tune into.
"Aunt Juvy?"
"What is it, little one?" Juvia hummed softly, removing Asuka's cowboy hat to attend to her disheveled hair, all the while swaying ever so slightly.
The young girl questioned, "Why does everybody think Uncle Natsu and Gray don't like each other? Daddy said they like practically brothers."
"I'm not sure sweetie, people only pay attention to the things they wish to pay attention to. When they were young they bickered, much like brothers, so everybody thought they didn't get along."
Watching as both men shared what was most likely apologizing from afar, Juvia looked down at the Asuka and smiled warmly, "But you know better, don't you? They are brothers, not by blood, but by bond."
Juvia looked back at the conversing 'rivals', finishing, "They only just matured enough to finally admit it."
When Natsu looked past Gray to Asuka, Juvia took that as her cue to let the young girl loose. The blue haired woman crouched down,
"Remember your assignment baby?" she sang softly, making sure Asuka's cowboy hat fit snug atop her head.
"Yeppers!" Asuka chirped eagerly.
Juvia playfully bopped the young girl's pale nose with a finger,
"Go get em'."
With a giggle, the child gave Juvia a quick hug before she scampered off towards Natsu, the keening soundtrack of her soul leaving behind a trail of audible bliss.
"Uncle Natsu, Uncle Natsu!"
The grin that forced Natsu's lips wide was a smile that used to come to the dragon slayer naturally. Now, it required an immense effort on Juvia's part just to see a fleeting glimpse of anything similar to that expression.
Juvia watched Natsu lean down to her level, plucking Asuka up into his arms, allowing the young girl to cling to his neck. Before she could listen in to their inevitably adorable interaction, Gray slunk back to her side, lips still despite a smile of his own warming his eyes.
Shoving his hands into pockets, he grunted, "Well, having her with him will keep the guild off his back for the time being."
"When are her parents supposed to be back?" Juvia folded her arms across her chest, attention following Natsu as he whisked Asuka away to whatever location she had requested they go to, the young girl waving at them from over the dragon slayer's shoulder as he descended the nearby stairs.
A half shrug came sluggish, "Bout an hour or two." The ice mage leaned against the railing, peering over his shoulder at the squirming first floor of the guild hall. His fellow guild members were still chittering amongst themselves about both Natsu's arrival and his own fight with the two S-class women.
"Everyone knows he is here. Funny thing is, I'm not sure most of them knew flame brain wasn't here to begin with." Gray commented spiritlessly, scratching an eyebrow, "It's only a matter of time before word reaches Lisanna or Lucy. They've respected his wishes, but they are going to jump at the first opportunity to talk with him."
Juvia, unease pulled at her skin as if she had been caught in a barbed cattle fence, rubbed her arms through her heavy coat.
"Did you know he has been having nightmares? Bad ones?" she blurted, having been disquieted by last night's events in ways she could not properly describe.
Gray stiffened, giving the rain woman all she needed to continue along with her questioning.
"How long?" she hissed.
The ice mage squirmed uncomfortably, fists clenching in his pockets.
Her voice wavered restlessly, "G-gray, how long?"
"I-i'm not sure. Since the Phantom Lord I think."
Moaning in grief, she hid her face in her palms to conceal quivering lips.
This had been going on for years.
Gray bowed his head in shame, deciding it was time to share what he knew.
"After each battle, there was always something that scarred him, physically and mentally. I've seen him have panic attacks, bad ones. I tried, really, to convince him to get some help, but training always took priority." the ice mage croaked, clinking his canines together.
He inhaled, troubled eyes darting to and fro as if he had to make sure his thoughts were drifting away from him, "He said he didn't get them anymore, b-but... but I knew better. Every once in a while, I could see him get this look in his eye, he would start scanning the room like a fight was just beyond the door."
Sniffling, Juvia wiped her leaky eyelids.
"P.T.S.D." she whimpered as if just admitting the truth hurt, wiping her nose on the dark blue of her sleeve.
Gray gave an unsettled nod, brows twitching, like they were unsure what expression to form. They weren't sure what hurt worse, the helplessness, or their inability to act on the knowledge they had. Telling people would not assist Natsu in the slightest, at least not in his current condition.
"Could you…." he drawled off, hand coming up to lightly scratch his stubble, "Could you still get through to him?"
Juvia's porcelain lips moved, yet the runway of her tongue failed to produce any meaningful answer. Propping her heels against one of the stool's vertical rungs, the rain woman tucked an errant strand of hair back past the rim of her hat, "I-i think. He isn't a completely different person, but a lot of important parts of him are just... gone. "
"Natsu was protective as always. I don't think any enemy got within 10 feet of me the entire time." she began,
"I ain't questioning that Juvia, you went on a mission with arguably the most powerful man on the planet. I was more worried about what he would do to himself trying to protect you."
A sheepish smile played the water mage's uneasy visage, thinking back to all the times Natsu displayed his sense of affection was very much intact. When they were caught in a snowstorm, not only did he summon a ring of fire around their campsite to keep her warm the entire night, he even offered her his beloved scarf. She had to practically force him to take it back after a day.
Juvia wiped her nose, continuing thoughtfully, "When I was bathing in a river, he didn't try to scare me or tickle me, he just sorta stood guard and stared at the sky."
"It's been a while since I've been on a job with him, but I was expecting him to do something. Every time we goofed off, I had to instigate it."
"You?" Gray's eyebrow popped, "Goofing off?"
The rain woman flushed, puffing her cheeks as she defended herself snippily, "I did whatever it took to make him smile."
The ice mage's coming caustic remark died before take off when the blue haired woman's face fell.
"He barely reacted to anything that wasn't me. Even the one time we had to take a train, he didn't let his motion sickness show. No falling asleep in my lap, no groaning, just more staring. I was the one that ended up falling asleep in his lap."
The ice mage pushed himself off the stenciled railing in surprise, "Seriously?"
"So does it not affect him anymore?"
Juvia shook her head, "He said it still hurts, it's just that he is okay with pain."
Even Gray felt his chest twist up, cranked into uncomfortableness by silent grief.
"Whatever happened to him this last battle, i-it changed him."
"This has been a long time coming Juvia. Zeref and Acnologia were just the straw that broke the camel's back." removing his hands from his pockets, he turned around and grasped the wooden railing. "I would tell you what I know, but its not my place."
Gray's head bowed with shame, voice sounding as if he was getting tired of the guilt itself, "We all could have been better to him, but there is no use moping about it. He is already not too happy about how this has affected Erza and Mira, he doesn't need us adding more guilt to the pile."
Sliding from the stool, the rain woman eased her way to her beloved's side, joining him in playing spectator to the mess of chatting guild members below, "The best we can darling is just wait."
Juvia rested her head on his shoulder, immediately noticing the difference in reaction between Gray and Natsu. She had taken for granted how generous Natsu was with his hugs, as doing the same with the dragon slayer would most definitely earn her one. But Gray merely fidgeted uncomfortably, attempting to seem as casual as possible putting an arm around her back.
A small smile tugged Juvia's lips for a brief second, her mind wanting so desperately to squeal in excitement, as they stood in silence.
"How was your mission?"
"Well, he basically held my hand the entire time considering this was a job he could do within 10 minutes if it struck his fancy."
Gray said, "I meant beyond that, you were trying to overthrow some government, right? How did it turn out?"
Juvia stifled a yawn, humming, "Things went pretty smoothly until Natsu ended up having to pull two tectonic plates back together."
"I see- Wha?"
"What?"
"Don't 'what' me! How does that have to do with performing a coup?!" Gray demanded incredulously,
At the ice mage's perturbment, Juvia merely giggled, "You know how much Natsu hates taxes."
"That doesn't explain anything!"
The rain woman brushed him off with enough finality for Gray to realize this would be the second time he would be denied crucial context in the same day.
Juvia let out a light laugh, "You just had to be there darling."
