Thanks to Fran, Dani, Ariel, and Gemma for holding my hand and making this story what it is.
Bella
Have you ever woken up one day just feeling different?
Like the sun has never been brighter and the grass has never been greener?
I never believed in those kinds of things. What reason did I have? Dreams of princes coming to rescue a princess from the clutches of an evil monster were just that - dreams. Daydreams that held no truth in my life growing up. I had grown up seeing monster after monster, some of them appearing behind the eyes of my own mother, so I had given up on anything magical to save me.
Not even to save me; I stopped believing in anything at all.
I learned at a young age to rely on myself, and when I had ended up giving up on myself like everyone else in my life did, I welcomed the darkness that had been fed to grow within me. It festered like an old wound, and the only way to rid myself of it was to say goodbye.
What I didn't expect was for someone to bring me back—for someone to want me back.
Meeting Charlie was an unexpected part of my life, but in hindsight, I see how it was kind of inevitable. He had this way of getting me to open up, even when I was a kid back when we first crossed paths, and he didn't give up on me even when I had given up on myself.
Now, he is a big reason why I've spent the last six months finding my self-worth. And now that I have it, saying goodbye to Mary is both cathartic and self-gratifying.
Now it's hard for me to think back on that night on the cliff. It brings back harsh memories of someone I no longer am and times I no longer like to dwell on.
Especially now when I know, I'm standing on the edge of something.
Stretching against my blankets, I yawn and try to recall my dreams from the night before. Thinking back, Emmett never told me he was coming today—only that he was close.
But with undeniable certainty, I just know.
I know Edward is almost here.
It's a truth as obvious as the breath I take.
When the sun breaks through, I sit up quickly before stilling in my bed. I listen to the soft sounds of Sue and Charlie downstairs in the kitchen, smiling as they talk amongst themselves about Sue's upcoming doctor's appointment. It's been almost three weeks since Charlie told me that night on the back deck about Sue's pregnancy, and we've spent every minute since then counting our blessings and praying for a healthy pregnancy and delivery.
After struggling to conceive for as long as they have, every minute is precious, and every now and then, I try to give them a little extra privacy to enjoy together. I know I'm never intruding, never a bother, but I can't help but think about how special this time is, and I laugh at the thought of them having to enjoy their quiet time now before their little Swan arrives.
As I listen to them from my bed, the house filling up with the smells of whatever Sue can stomach for breakfast these days, a feeling trickles slowly through my body, starting at my toes and traveling all the way through my fingertips to the top of my head.
It's warm, consuming me with each passing inch as it infiltrates my blood and body, and there is no doubt in my mind it's the feeling of our worlds colliding.
Edward's and mine.
The last time this happened, it had brought both of us back to life in our hospital beds, and the feeling now is undeniable.
Today is the day.
I dress quickly, throwing on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. I grab my purple headband and throw my hair up in a messy bun, hoping it helps hide the rush I'm in to see him.
I don't know where he will find me, but I close my eyes and trust the feelings surging through me.
"Done at four again?" Charlie asks as I make my way into the kitchen. I head on over to each of them, bringing them both in for a deep hug that takes them both off guard, and they share a look over my head they think I don't see.
"I'm not sure," I sing with a shrug. "I'll let you know."
I hum as I gather my things like I always do, eager to make my way to work. Today is a perfect day to walk, as I have a lot of thoughts to sort through before my day officially begins.
"Okay then," Charlie laughs. "Have a great day."
I owe a good part of my happiness to him, knowing all my great days in the months before today were because he listened to his gut and decided to help the girl who thought she didn't need any help.
I smile at him anyway, hugging him again to show him the feelings I'll never be able to convey with words.
I like to think I saved myself, but I know that's not entirely true. Charlie and Sue and their never-ending support play a huge role in the person I am today and the person I'll always strive to be.
I take in the town with new eyes, growing more appreciative for everything on my journey with each step I take. It's the beginning of October, and I still like to walk to work even though the weather has grown chillier in the morning. The leaves are starting to turn a little more each day, and I remember loving this time of year even when I was a kid lost in the darkness. The wind gusts as I open the doors to the library, and I feel my body shiver as I adjust to the inside temperature.
It's hard to keep myself busy knowing today is the day but not knowing when or how. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, glancing at the front doors like it's part of my job description.
I head towards the back corner of the library to occupy myself, and it's there the tingling in my body from earlier returns, but this time with a current so strong I have no choice but to move.
I feel him coming before I see him.
And suddenly, since that night, six months ago on the cliff, I'm once again stuck between two worlds.
Except this time, I love both of my realities. I watch them flit together in silent, slow motion; tears fill my eyes, and my hands fly to my mouth as I remember seeing him for the first time in our perfect place. Time means nothing as I watch what happened in Willow Creek blend seamlessly into what's happening here, now, in Forks.
Slowly I duck up and down the rise and fall of the books in front of my gaze as he comes closer, one step at a time. I bend further with each step; he's tall, and my eyes can't take him in all at once. What I can see, however, makes me nod my head in appreciation.
I know a good-looking man when I see one.
And this one right here?
Magnificent.
I need to know him.
A sob escapes my lips when I realize I do know him. God, do I know him. He's the only person in this whole world I've allowed myself to truly know.
He's the only one I've ever loved.
And in return, his proximity alone sends me mirrored waves of his own love for me, paralyzing me where I stand.
It's overwhelming. Consuming. No one has ever loved me before, and even though I knew he loved me in my dreams, it doesn't come close to feeling it in the present.
And as I stand here, on the edge of an empty row, I'm frozen in place as I watch him from afar. He hasn't found me yet, but I know I'm the one he's looking for.
He's even more beautiful than what I've remembered.
His eyes roam the entire building, taking in the few people who have come in on this random Tuesday. There aren't many here, but I find out soon enough that it doesn't really matter.
Because when he finds me, when we finally find each other here in Forks, Washington, no one in the world matters but us.
His green eyes land on my row, his gaze flowing downwards until he spots the girl standing there, waiting for him. The girl who would wait as many lifetimes, as many worlds as it took, for him to find her.
Me.
Still unable to move, I stay where I am in my row and watch as his shoulders slump in a relief I feel within my own body. He exhales deeply as if he's been holding his breath for years, his eyes slowly closing as we realize that even though the physical journey to find each other is over, our story together is just beginning.
When he opens his eyes again, I can see tears of his own brimming inside and threatening to fall, but it's his smile that makes me gasp and forces my feet to move to him.
To run to him.
Suddenly I can't wait another second.
I don't have to run far; Edward meets me faster than my steps can carry me, and before I know it, I'm in his arms.
As I'm sobbing into his shoulder, clutching at him with a force so strong it nearly knocks us over, I remember this is my favorite place to be in all worlds.
Not the cliff. Not the beach. Not the library.
In his arms.
"Shhh, Shhh." Edward breathes into my hair, his arms squeezing around my waist as he lifts me off the ground and twirls us in a slow circle. "It's okay."
We stay like that for what feels like hours, my fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck.
"I knew you would find me," I whisper against his cheek as we hold each other in the empty row. I feel him nod against my skin, a sniffle coming from his nose.
"I'm so sorry it took me so long," Edward answers, his voice hoarse and full of years' worth of confusion coming to fruition as we cling to each other.
"I know," I answer because I do. I know exactly what hell he had to go through to get here. "I had to find myself first, too."
We're silent now, both of us thinking of the dark and winding roads that led us to each other in Willow Creek and the ones that brought us back to one another here in Forks. If we needed to find our better selves in order to live a beautiful life together, then I would do it all over again if it meant those roads would lead me back to him each time.
The reality hits me then; he's really here, and a fresh round of sobs are swallowed into his chest.
And as he always was in our other world, he's here now to make me whole again.
"I'm never letting you go," he promises.
I nod, and a small laugh slips from my lips unexpectedly. "I won't let you."
We separate from each other's grasp, only for Edward to smile through his tears as his fingers come to wipe away my own.
With a quick glance to my lips, he tips my chin gently with his fingers, and just like before, our two worlds flow together again.
Except this time, I see it all from Edward's perspective as he remembers our first kiss in the library in Willow Creek.
Faster than she can utter a single word, I close the space between us and press my lips to hers, my eyes closing. The rest of the world turns off as I use one arm to wrap around her waist, pulling her flush against my body. My other hand reaches for her face, my thumb resting against her cheek, my other fingers resting in the delicate space between her neck and below her ear.
She gasps into my mouth, completely unprepared for my visit, let alone for my kiss, but she doesn't falter.
Instead, she melts.
Where she melts, I burn.
He makes sure this time is no different.
But instead of catching me off guard like he did our first time, this time, I'm ready for it. This time I know to expect everything I've ever known to be turned upside down at the touch of his lips on mine.
Except he says something first.
"I love you, Bella."
"I love you, too."
And when he kisses me, everything makes sense. All of it. The abuse from Renee. The dreams. The nights waiting and searching for Edward when I didn't even know he existed.
But his lips on mine are the most real thing I've ever felt.
They're soft and familiar; new and exciting. We move together like we've done this a thousand times before, and I smile into our kiss when I remember we have.
And now that we've found each other, we can pull each other from the shadows for good.
And we will.
Finally, they're together after waiting their whole lives to find something they deserved.
Saturday, July 31st, I'll be posting the Epilogue and marking this story complete. I know I mentioned the 31st having significance to me, and I'll tell you now since Saturday I'll most likely be a huge ball of emotion to see this story go.
I wouldn't have been able to write this story if it wasn't for Dani. Dani and I had connected on facebook and had JUST started to talk to each other a little more when I posted in my group (last year!) saying I was stumped to find a title for a story I was working on but hadn't posted yet. Eventually, I told Dani the only way for her to understand why the title needed to have such significance was to understand the story I had not yet told anyone. Dani not only became my prereader, but also one of my very best friends in this world. She's walked me through so many plot holes, gave me ideas I hadn't even thought of (you can thank Dani for making Emmett appear to Bella, as well. I was just going to have his connection be through Edward but she said, wait wait...we may have something here!)
On July 31st, Dani (and Ariel) will be here in Jersey with me for a girls trip, and Dani will be with me when I mark this story complete. It may not seem like much to anyone, but Dani knows how much this story means to me. She was there when it was still barely written, she saw all my messy working outlines and talked me off so many ledges. I can never thank her for her help, and most of all, her friendship.
I hope this reunion made you as happy as it made me. I cried through it all, and while I'm sad to see their story end, I know it's just beginning. Even though the Epilogue hasn't posted yet, I already have several outtakes planned HAH. Let me know in a review what outtake you would like to see! (It may even pop up in the epi, you'll see Saturday!)
Thanks to you all, as well. Your love for these two, for all of them including Mary and Masen, has kept me afloat during a very trying year.
See you Saturday!
