"And there's this guy Oaken. He lives with his husband and their kids near Northuldra. They own a gift shop and sauna, but the sauna is like a sauna-onsen hybrid. Not the most traditional but absolutely amazing in the frigid weather. I was already speaking with my mom about it and she said we should all totally make a trip out after graduation! You and your mom, of course."
Anna and I were on a video call. Her bright, cheery face lit up my room through the screen of my computer. We had been calling every day, just to get to know each other before school officially started. Admittedly, I felt a little awkward at first, but Anna's extroverted nature did most of the talking and also really brought me out of my shell. By that Sunday night, I was about as comfortable around her as I was with Hiro and Tadashi. I especially loved hearing about her family in Norway and all the small traditions they had. Apparently Northuldra held Saami traditions but was more modern than one might expect, with cars and electricity and everything. But there were reindeer. A lot of reindeer.
"Anyway, assembly tomorrow is at eight thirty. I'll meet you at the gates at eight? Then I can show you around before we have to go to the auditorium."
"That sounds good," I replied.
Knock knock.
I turned to see Mom nudging open the door to my room with a glass of milk and a cookie. "Hi girls."
"Hi Arianna!" Anna waved from the other end of the screen.
"I'm guessing you both are getting ready for the start of senior year tomorrow?" Mom stood by my side, placing the food on my desk.
My friend nodded. "Just filling Rapunzel in on some important notes. You don't have to worry, I'll take good care of her."
"I know you will," Mom replied with a smile. "Now, it's getting late. You two should be off to bed, you have a very big day ahead of you."
I nodded, closing up a few things on my laptop. "Right, goodnight then Anna. See you tomorrow."
"Yup, definitely going to go and get a good night's sleep. Bye!" There was a final giggle before the small beep indicated that she had hung up, leaving the screen in darkness. Something I knew through our week of friendship was Anna was just as much of a night owl as Tadashi was.
"You know she's not really going to bed, right?"
Mom shrugged, "I'm not her mother so she can do as she pleases. But I am yours and I'm telling you that it's time for bed." She nudged the food closer to me. "Got you this from Subway. Double chocolate chip."
"One of my favourites!" I exclaimed. I broke it down the centre and passed her half, before dipping mine in the milk, letting the chocolatey goodness wash over my tongue. "I'm supposed to meet Anna at eight at the gates tomorrow."
"I'll walk you over. It's an easy walk from here," she offered. "How're you feeling about it?"
"Honestly… a little jittery," I admitted, "but I guess that's to be expected. Anna and I are pretty comfortable with one another now so I'll be in good hands. It's the other girls I'm worried about."
Mom squeezed my arm lovingly, gently leading me to bed and leaving the dishes on my table. "Remember what I said. You don't need to tell anybody anything you don't want to. You don't owe them anything. If they start asking you about things you're uncomfortable answering, just change the topic of conversation."
"You make it sound easier than it is," I sighed.
She gave me a comforting smile. "Anna will look out for you, I know she will. First days of anything aren't easy. Even as an adult. But having a familiar face in the crowd does make things easier."
"Thanks, Mom. I'm sure it'll be fine." I let her manoeuvre me until I was under the covers. That small action of her tucking the blanket over me made me feel like a little kid, even though I had never had anyone do that to me growing up.
"Goodnight, dear," she cooed, kissing my forehead before making her way to the light switch.
"Goodnight, Mom."
Click.
XXX
Who are these people?
I was in the hallway of a busy high school. Anna was the only familiar face in the crowd. Well… her and… oh no.
Aunt Gothel was next to her, her uniform matching the rest of ours with the tie and blazer. That was a disturbing sight to behold. I could see her whispering something into Anna's ear, pointing in my direction. My friend shot me a sideways glance, wearing a look of mild confusion.
"What are you telling her?" I demanded, storming up to them. Wait. This didn't make sense. I'm dreaming. This is a dream. She's dead. So why can't I just walk away?
"You're gay?" Anna asked, her eyes sweeping me up and down.
I froze, like roots had sprung from my feet and kept me stuck to that spot. "I… you… you outed me?" I turned to the black haired witch, watching a sinister sneer tug at her lips.
"She would have found out anyway, dear," she jeered.
"I mean, I'm fine with it," Anna said, "as long as you don't fall in love with me or anything. I'm not into that." That didn't make me feel any better. It made me feel worse. It made me feel so much worse.
"Oh, and that's not even the half of it!" Aunt Gothel was bouncing eagerly on her toes.
"What do you mean?" Anna looked at her curiously.
I knew what was coming. "Stop."
"Well…" her words were slow. Intentionally keeping us on edge. Keeping Anna on edge. "Rapunzel is different."
"Shut up."
"Very different." She casually wound a lock of black hair around her index finger. God, if I wasn't practically frozen, I would have ripped her hair right out of her skull.
"Stop it!"
"Rapunzel, what is she talking about?" Anna's blue eyes found mine.
"She didn't tell you?" She feigned surprise, batting her stupid eyelids.
"It doesn't matter," I tried to insist but my voice just wouldn't keep steady.
"Rapunzel is… well… you can see for yourself." She flicked her wrist mindlessly, as if she was a witch casting a spell. I could barely stop to think before my skirt and boxers crashed to the ground, revealing my penis for the world to see. Every eye was on me as I desperately pulled them back up, but the damage was done. My secret was out.
Their whispers sounded like screams in my ears.
"What the hell?"
"Is that normal?"
"Oh my God what if it spreads."
"I'm not taking any chances. I'm out of here."
"What a freak."
"That's unnatural."
I looked helplessly at my friend as everyone began to back away from me. "Anna…"
"Maybe this is why your mom didn't want you."
The colour drained from my face. "What?"
She shrugged. "I mean… who would?"
I felt faint. "But… you… you don't know that. She told me it wasn't her choice to be separated. It… you shouldn't see me any differently because of this…"
I don't know who did it, but someone started a chant in the crowd.
"Freak. Freak. Freak."
"No…"
It got louder.
"Freak. Freak. Freak."
"Stop!" Fat hot tears were streaming down my face.
"Freak. Freak. Freak."
Someone was screaming. Screaming at the top of their lungs, a shrill, piercing sound. It took me a moment to realise it was me.
The real kicker was when Anna didn't say a thing, instead opting to turn around and leave me to fend for myself while everyone closed in around me.
"Freak. Freak. Freak."
"Shut up!" My knees buckled and I sank to the floor, my back against a cold metal locker.
"Freak. Freak. Freak."
I curled myself up, willing myself to disappear. My hands ripped my hair to shreds, the nails scratching into my skull in the hopes that I could block out that horrible sound. "Stop!"
"Rapunzel!" I woke up screaming and gasping, clawing at the sheets that threatened to suffocate me. At some point in my panic, Mom had flicked the lights on, standing frozen in the doorway for a second. She looked groggy from being ripped away from her slumber, her hair flowing freely down her back and her thin nightgown leaving little to the imagination, but I was far too distraught to dwell on that. She made her way over to me, her footsteps muffled as she moved from wood to carpet, until she reached the edge of my bed and sat down next to me. The mattress dipped under her weight.
"It's okay, you're okay, it was just a nightmare," she cooed, stroking the hair out of my sweaty face. I flinched at her touch at first, causing her to pull back a little. Instead, Mom opted to rest a hand on my thigh, feeling it rise and fall rapidly.
"I used to get nightmares a lot growing up too. Your grandma and grandpa would make us sleep with the doors open so they would be able to hear me. Your grandpa in particular was a really heavy sleeper, so this was essential." She paused, giving me time to try to steady my breathing and stop shaking. "The key thing to remember is that it wasn't real. None of it was real."
"I… she… they don't… and I didn't…" any attempt of speech was completely incoherent.
"Hush. Don't try to speak," she instructed. "Steady your breathing first. Deep breaths. Nice and slow. Four counts in, hold for two, out for eight. Do it with me, okay?" I watched as she took in deep breaths through her pursed lips and tried to do the same. It was a difficult feat, especially since I felt like my lungs were going to give up on me entirely. Slowly, she brought her hands up to my cheeks, and I let myself melt into her touch. When she knew I was comfortable with her holding me, I felt her wrap her arms around me, pulling my shaking body into her stronghold. Using a handkerchief, she dabbed away the tears, drying my splotchy red face.
"Try to talk to me, honey. What's something that can help you calm down?"
Pausing to ponder, my mind landed on something. "Can I braid your hair?" I could feel her hesitate. "Sorry… it's just, I haven't been able to do that since… and it was something I did from when I was little so-"
"You don't need to apologise, Rapunzel. For anything. You hear me?" I nodded helplessly, trying to ignore the burning sensation behind my eyes, pushing back the tears that threatened to spill out. Mom cupped my cheeks in her hands, leaning forward to kiss my forehead before getting up and rummaging in my dresser for a hairbrush. She sat at the edge of my bed, encouraging me to shift towards her as I took the brush from her. Wordlessly, I began gently running the brush through her long brunette hair, parting it on the side and untangling the knots that had formed in her sleep.
"Who taught you how to braid hair?" she asked.
I shrugged nonchalantly. "Myself, I guess. I watched tutorials online but it was more trial and error. It wasn't too hard to do though." Once her hair was brushed out, I began to braid, trying to steady my fingers. The strands felt silky smooth in my hands. "Whenever I had nightmares when I was little, or I couldn't sleep and needed to calm down, I would do this. I need to be in total control of my fingers or else everything becomes a tangled mess, so it forces me to collect myself and calm down. Once your fingers stop shaking, your body will follow It was… therapeutic." My fingers worked on their own. Left to the middle, right to the middle, left to the middle, right to the middle, gather more hair on the way.
"I can tell it's working," she said with a small smile. She was right. My voice was calm, my breathing had steadied and I had stopped trembling. I gathered more hair as I went, the repetitive actions doing wonders for calming my panicked state of mind.
"When you were a baby, there was a period of time where you would never sleep through the night," Mom lamented, her shoulders relaxing. "You would have been about two months old. Your dad and I would take shifts to rock your cradle but you just kept fussing, your little limbs kicking and flailing everywhere. It was only when I picked you up and sang you a lullaby that you would slowly fall asleep, only for you to wake up the second your back touched the mattress again." She chuckled fondly at the memory.
"Do you remember the lullaby?" I asked curiously, the braid about halfway done.
"I do. It originates from an old fairytale. Mind you, it wasn't the most cheerful, but it did the job and helped you sleep."
"Can you sing it?"
Another laugh. "Rapunzel, one thing you should know about me is that I cannot sing to save my life."
"That doesn't matter to me." I insisted. "If you really don't want to, you don't have to. But I'd love to hear it."
She seemed to consider the idea. "Okay, I'll give it a shot, but don't have high expectations," she said finally. Taking a shuddering breath, Mom began to sing.
"Flower gleam and glow
Let your powers shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt
Change the fate's design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine
What once was mine"
Her voice was angelic. I felt goosebumps creep up and down my arms. "What do you mean you can't sing? That was beautiful."
I could see her blushing in the mirror. "Thank you. I'm glad you think so." We stayed silent for a moment. I could practically see the thoughts bouncing around in her head.
"Hair tie?"
"What?" She was pulled from her thoughts.
"I'm done."
"Oh, right." She held up her wrist and I took one of the thin black hair ties, securing her hair neatly behind her. "It's lovely," she commented, feeling it in her hands. It was only then that I realised how close we were, our bodies nearly touching, both wearing very minimal clothing. I could see Mom's hairs stand on end from the heat of my breath on the exposed part of her neck.
"Thanks," I said sheepishly, crawling back under the covers.
"Are you alright now? You should get some rest, you have a big first day tomorrow."
My stomach clenched just thinking about it. "Actually… Mom… can you stay with me for a bit? Just until I fall asleep."
A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "Of course." Mom got up briefly to turn the lights off, the door slightly ajar so I could still see her face in the semi darkness. She sat herself next to me, gently stroking my hair while I tried to fall asleep.
"Is it crazy that after all this time I still can't get her out of my head?" I asked into the darkness.
"Who, love?"
"Aunt Gothel."
"Ah." Mom shifted slightly to make herself more comfortable. The large bed made it so that she had enough room to lie down on the bed next to me, on top of the blanket. "So that's what you've been dreaming about."
"Whenever I have to face something big, she just always shows up. It started after the wake, when I saw her there. Cass said that I would get closure, but the more I think about it, the more I think she's haunting me. Sometimes it's not so bad. I see her in passing, when she's not messing with my life. But right before I have to do something big, like meeting you for the first time, or the first day of school, it gets worse. She was telling me that I was never going to find you. And she was telling Anna…" my voice trailed off.
Mom let out a tired sigh, but it didn't sound tired in an irritated way. It sounded like sadness. "You're not crazy. I think you're perfectly sane considering everything you've gone through," she reassured me. "You know, sometimes I still have nightmares about your dad."
"Really?" I exclaimed, surprise reflected in my voice.
"They were much more frequent just after the divorce, but they still pop up every once and a while. Of him telling everyone… well, that's not important. It's just our brain's way of trying to process the trauma we've been through."
"How do I make it stop?" My voice cracked.
I could feel her wrap her arms around me, hugging me from behind. "What sucks is that there's not much we can do during the process. Even if you know you're dreaming, it can be like you're not in control of your dream self."
"I know how that feels."
"But maybe we can try working through them when you're awake. Don't let them get to you. Don't let them win. Try to find good coping strategies. I've found that talking about them to a friend or a loved one is a huge help for me. Iduna hears a lot about my crazy night terrors. But of course, this varies from person to person. Other people might enjoy writing it down, then rewriting the ending. Try to alter what happens so it's not scary anymore. Like a Boggart from Harry Potter."
"Boggart?"
"Right, your aunt had no taste. We're doing a Harry Potter movie marathon next weekend."
Silence befell upon us again, Mom still stroking my hair. I curled myself up small, trying to leave more space for her, even though she was the one in my bed. Our bodies were so close, only just separated by a blanket.
After a moment, Mom began to sing that same lullaby, the notes softly filling the air. I don't know what gave her the impression that she couldn't sing. I consider myself a pretty good singer, but Mom was on another level. Each note was perfect, her voice navigating the melody both swiftly and effortlessly.
I could feel my eyelids get heavy and my breathing get slower. Within minutes of my mom beginning her serenade, I was out like a light, her voice the final thing I heard before drifting off.
XXX
I felt something shifting in my bed. Was it me? A soft yawn. Nope, not me.
My eyelids broke apart the sleep that kept them shut, fighting back fatigue. Next to me, Mom was beginning to stir, removing her arm that had been wrapped around me like I was her bolster. A quick glance showed me that her nightgown had ridden up at some point during the night and I forced myself to not stare.
"Morning?" I meant it as a greeting, but it came out more as a question.
"Oh!" Mom bolted up, adjusting herself so she was fully covered. It was like she only just remembered where she was. "I'm so sorry, honey, I must have dozed off last night."
"It's okay. I asked you to stay with me anyway," I reassured her.
"Bet it's a little weird waking up in bed with your Mom, huh?" I let out a small chuckle, not exactly sure how weird I really thought it was.
Mom got up, smoothing out her gown. Her braid had been knocked out of place. "I'll leave you to get showered and changed and all that. Come find me when you're done?"
I nodded meekly before she left, shutting the door behind her.
Mom's brow was creased, heavily focused on the task at hand. Her hands looped over each other methodically, securing the maroon tie around my neck and turning my collar down to hide everything but the knot and tail. I tried to watch her actions carefully but got lost in the twists and turns. So, the long end wraps twice around the short end, under… something… then back around… and through the knot? Where does she even pull it through?
"Your dad could never tie a tie," she explained as she worked. "I always had to tie it for him. Every morning, without fail."
"Really?" I asked, surprised.
"Mmhmm," she mumbled as she finished up. "It took me a lot of practise, but it's like riding a bike. Once you learn, you never forget. I'll teach you how to someday, but figured I should be the one to do it on your first day."
I smiled. "Thanks Mom."
Her hands were on my shoulders as we stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom. It stretched from the floor to the ceiling, taking up a small portion in the corner of the room. I couldn't help but stare at myself. The uniform for Willows consisted of a plain white blouse under a maroon blazer with a matching tie. On my right side of my chest stood the school crest. An upside down light crimson pentagon of cloth had been sewn on with the school emblem embroidered into the material with dark thread. Obviously, it was a willow tree. The skirt reached my knees, pleated with a checkered white and maroon pattern. I wore black leather shoes which Mom had to take me to buy. They felt heavy and clunky on my feet.
"You know what I see in the mirror?" she asked, stroking my hair behind my ear.
"An amazing artist and a nervous wreck of a daughter?"
"No, silly," she laughed. "I see two strong, confident, beautiful young ladies, one of whom is going to have an amazing first day of senior year, while the other will spend hours trying to meticulously scrape a layer of oil paint off of a canvas."
We stared into each other's eyes for a moment, just basking in the presence of each other. Even riddled with fatigue and half asleep, Mom was beautiful. The light coming through her drawn curtains sparkled off her brunette hair, which she had asked me to braid again in the morning since it got messy over her few hours of sleep. Even though she wasn't terribly old, she had the faintest of wrinkles settling in, just under her eyes. Though, they didn't detract from her overall attractiveness. Not that I was thinking of her like that. It was just an objective fact that my mom looked amazing.
"Ahem," she cleared her throat softly, "we should start to make a move. Wouldn't want you to be late for your first day."
I nodded, "right."
My backpack was full of books the school had passed to Mom when I went to get officially registered. Chemistry, history, math, literature, the works. Of course, I took a sketchpad with me, with a small pencil and charcoal set. The prismacolors were just too big to haul around, especially since I needed a laptop which took up a considerable amount of space. Gym clothes were in a smaller drawstring bag which I attached to my larger one, just to free up my hands.
I slung the bag over my shoulders and followed Mom through the front door, grabbing a banana from the kitchen counter to snack on on the walk over.
"So you have the set of keys I passed you yesterday," Mom rambled on. "The one pained red opens the front door and blue is for the back door, though I doubt you'll have to use that. I'll likely be in the studio at home when you get back anyway, but on the off chance that I'm out getting groceries or something, you have the keys in case."
My toes were pinching a little in my shoes, but otherwise, the walk was relatively easy.
"The route to school is easy," she continued, "out of the house and to the left, down to the end of Crescent Road. You pass the Krysi's on the way, so maybe you and Anna could arrange to walk over together in the future. After that, it's just a right turn, then a left, another left, and Willows is at the end of the road!"
I mapped out the route in my head, quickly committing it to memory. A few nights ago, I had begun looking up the school and its history. Apparently, it had been a very old church before missionaries were chased out of the state. The school's founding fathers set up a school to specifically educate girls a couple hundred years ago. Although it was frowned upon at the time, no one could really do anything about it since girls who attended Willows came from wealthy households who could destroy you and your family if you spoke out against them. Over the years, particularly over the last century, the school has become more inclusive, accommodating girls of all social classes rather than just the richest of the rich.
As we made the final turn, Mom was right. I could see the school at the end of the road. It was a quaint little compound, mainly composed of three old brick buildings behind large, wrought iron gates. Two squat rectangular buildings lined each side of a taller one, which arched towards the sky, sporting a large stained glass window. Willow trees lined the path between the gates and the front doors. On one side, there was a large bell tower which began to ring, signalling the turn of the hour. Right below the bell was a large analogue clock, confirming my suspicion that it was just after 8am. Anna had told me there was a field and sports complex around the back. I noticed many other girls walking towards the campus, most of them younger than me. Though, I supposed it made sense since I was going in as a senior.
I breathed a small sigh of relief as we reached the gates, immediately spotting Anna in a uniform which matched mine. Her auburn hair was tied into two neat plaits, one over each shoulder, each secured with a pretty ribbon. I squinted and noticed her wearing small earrings, the leaf design clearly distinguishable.
"Good morning!" she chirped, greeting Mom and me as we approached. "Ready for your first day?"
"Ready as I'll ever be," I sighed, trying to shake off the final few nerves. Mom took one look at me and pulled me into a final hug.
"You'll be fine, honey," she whispered, kissing my cheek before pulling away. "I'll see you after school. Anna, thanks again for looking out for her."
"No problem," she smiled sweetly. Standing side by side, we watched as my mom headed back to the house, slowly shrinking until she was no more than a dot on the horizon, before making the turn and disappearing from my line of sight entirely.
"Come on," Anna said, gently tugging my arm, "let's go."
A/N - Hello lovelies. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm going to have a few chapters exploring Rapunzel's school life, but only a few since I do want to skip ahead to when she's of age, back to the starting lines of the story. Until then, enjoy the journey to get there. As always, stay safe and wear a mask.
