Anna was waiting for me by the gates. I had tried to avoid her, walking to school the long way so I wouldn't pass her house, but I knew it was a pointless task. She was in all of my classes after all. The second she spotted me, she stormed over, her free flowing fiery hair like a ferocious mane. She looked mad.
"What gives?" she demanded, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the side while girls filed into campus next to us.
"Anna…" Her bright teal eyes were boring into me, making me want to shrink into myself entirely. "I didn't mean for you to find out that way. I wanted to be able to tell you-"
"That you have a penis." She said it so loudly and a couple of people looked our way. Some even began to walk slower to eavesdrop on our conversation.
"Will you keep your voice down?" I asked desperately. "I don't want to announce it to the whole school."
"But you couldn't tell me. Your best friend." Her arms were crossed across her chest defensively.
"I wanted to find the right time to-"
"Are you in the middle of transitioning?" she asked with an accusatory tone, eying me up and down.
"What?"
"Do you want to be a guy, is that it?" she probed. "Because if that's what's happening, I'm fine with it, I just-"
"It isn't!" I insisted
"Then what is it?"
"I'm… intersex," I whispered that last word like it was forbidden. People were gathering around us now.
Anna glanced around us, noticing a few familiar faces in the crowd. "Say that again, but louder. Whatever you have to say, you can say to all of us."
"I…" my throat dried up, tears welling up behind my eyes again.
"Go on." Her eyes darkened.
I couldn't believe what was happening. Never would I have expected for Anna to be like… this. So aggressive, so insensitive, with such a desire to expose me to everyone else. It was so unlike her. I mean, I knew I was new but I wasn't that new. The Anna I knew would never want to do this. It was almost… unreal…
Hang on a second...
My eyes scanned the surroundings, looking at the clock by the bell tower. The little hand was lodged between the ten and eleven, the big hand pointed straight down. That didn't make sense. We would have to be in class at 10:30. If we were filing in, the clock should have read eight. I needed to check to be sure, and although I didn't wear a watch, I knew someone who did.
"Hey!" Anna cried out and tried to bat me away when I grabbed her wrist and pulled it towards me, staring at the face of her watch. It read 1:55.
I read that in dreams, there are some things your brain isn't capable of replicating. For one, a lot of people can't read in dreams. Another thing is time. Clocks won't display the same time, and sometimes their hands won't even move. When that happens, either the whole world is playing a cruel prank on you, or it's what I had been expecting.
"This isn't real," I said matter of factly.
Anna chuckled nervously. "What do you mean? Of course it's real! And everyone around can see it!" The people surrounding us nodded in unison, their movements perfectly mirrored, as if they were all one being controlled by a massive puppeteer.
I shook my head, a grin turning the corners of my lips upwards. "Nope. This is a dream. Or a nightmare. Same difference." Dream Anna looked at me, stunned and at a loss for words, so I continued. "Number one, I don't even know how I got here. I don't know a route to school that doesn't pass your house so that should have been a dead giveaway. Number two, it's nearly winter, and yet none of us are wearing our winter uniform. Yeah, it's not that cold, but statistically, someone would be wearing it, and yet here we are. And finally, real Anna could never be this mean. At least, not to me. Unless she's just very good at pretending to be my friend, and if there's one thing I know about Anna, it's that she's too much of a goof to act without breaking character."
There was a low murmur around us as the crowd closed in. Anna glared at me, her brow scrunched up as if deep in thought. Finally, she spoke, her voice sounding familiar yet unwelcomed, sending chills down my spine. It sounded like Aunt Gothel.
"Clever girl."
I watched in horror as before my very eyes, my friend began to transform. Her strawberry blonde hair curled and darkened, fanning out jet black across her shoulders. Her freckled face broke, cracking like a porcelain doll that had been dropped. The pieces fell away, revealing the paler skin beneath lined with the slightest of wrinkles. Her eyes went from teal to an icy grey. She grew about half a head taller and there she was. Aunt Gothel standing before me. Again.
"You're not nearly as ignorant as I thought," she hissed as the ground below me began to open up.
I was falling.
A loud gasp for breath could be heard when I woke. It was a strangled sound, and although I wasn't crying, I was panting, struggling to regain my composure.
"Just a dream," I whispered under my breath, trying to soothe myself. "Just a dream. Just a dr-dream… just… just a-"
There were two quick knocks at my door before Mom pushed it open. She didn't even wait for a 'come in'. Clearly noticing my distraught state, she quickly flicked on the lights and crossed my room in four wide strides, sitting on the edge of my bed but not saying a word. Her presence was enough to calm me, even if it was just a little bit.
"I didn't mean to wake you," I mumbled, pulling myself into a ball.
Mom gave me a sympathetic look. "I've been up for ages, don't worry," she lied. Mom was almost always asleep before I had even brushed my teeth. "Anna was worried about you yesterday." I flinched at the mention of her name. "Wanna talk about it?" she asked, reaching out to gently rub my back.
"I was so stupid," I mumbled pitifully, my voice small.
"Why, honey? What happened? Talk to me."
"Yesterday after school Anna and I had MMA and we were just talking after and I forgot to go into an individual cubicle when we were changing and I had an…" I couldn't bring myself to verbally say I had an erection, but I think Mom could tell. "And Anna definitely saw and she couldn't even think of anything to say she just stared. And before I could even explain anything I bolted because I couldn't bear the thought of her knowing and I just had to get as far away from her as possible but in hindsight I realise I probably should have said something or at least explain myself but it's all too late now."
Mom scooched a little closer to me. "It's not your responsibility to explain yourself. Remember what I said before, that it's your choice entirely who you tell."
"I wanted to tell her but just not like that."
"I know… I know…"
"At first I was so worried she was going to tell everyone but I was letting my emotions get ahead of me. Anna wouldn't do that. And now… what did she say to you yesterday?"
"Not much. She looked a little nervous but didn't mention that you had run off. She just said you forgot your phone and left it with me. Didn't ask to see you or anything."
I buried my head in my hands. "Ugh, why did I have to do that?"
"People do all sorts of stupid things when they're nervous or afraid," Mom reassured me. "I think if I had been in that position I probably would have done the same."
"She must have been so confused and I didn't even stop to say anything."
"Well, now she knows, so it'll be a little easier to open up that conversation. And whatever you had, whatever she saw, those are just hormones. You're a teenager. It's to be expected. I'm sure Anna can sympathise with that even if your bodies are different."
"Do you think she told Iduna? Or Elsa?"
Mom tucked my hair behind my ear. "Anna has a good heart. She must have seen how upset you were. You take a second to think about whether she would tell them when it's clear that you've been keeping it a secret and yesterday was a mistake." She did have a point there. It brought me some comfort.
"Maybe I should just stay home tomorrow. I… I don't feel well," I said hopefully.
She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "I'm not letting you bunk off to avoid seeing someone you don't want to see."
"Please?" I pestered like a little kid.
"No," she insisted firmly. "Darling, it'll be okay. Anna is lovely, she wouldn't want to cause you any unnecessary pain or hurt. You know this deep down, no matter how you might be feeling now."
"But I have Math tomorrow and I am really not in the mood to deal with being emotionally distraught while trying to wrap my head around differential calculus," I bargained.
Mom chewed on her bottom lip for a bit. "Okay, how about this. Tomorrow, you go to school and you talk to Anna. If you do, then next week, I'll let you pick one day to bunk off, I'll take a day off work too and we can spend the day at the coast together."
"Really?"
She nodded and extended her hand out to me. "Do we have a deal?"
I weighed the options in my head. Either avoid seeing Anna tomorrow but see her next week anyway, or see her tomorrow and get a break from any social interaction over the weekend. We only had one day left of the school week anyway so the latter option did seem to make more sense.
"Okay, fine, deal," I groaned, shaking her hand firmly.
Mom leaned over and kissed the top of my head. "I know you'll be fine."
XXX
When I glanced at my phone, the same screen flashed back at me. By the next morning, there were a handful of missed calls and over half a dozen messages, all of which were from Anna, none of which I could will myself to open.
Mom had to lure me out of bed with pancakes. My weakness. Just like her to know that she could use sugar against me.
Once I was fed and dressed, she had to practically force me towards the door.
"Maybe I should just stay home. My stomach hurts."
"It's just the nerves, dear," she assured me, "unless you're trying to insult my cooking." Mom pulled me into a tight hug at the front door. "Just think of the coast," she whispered before pulling away. "I'll be right here when you get back."
My shoes felt abnormally heavy as I trudged my way down the road. I wondered whether I should avoid her as much as I could or just find her and spill the beans. That's a stupid idea. She was in all of my classes. Find her and bite the bullet it is.
"Rapunzel!"
When I passed by Number 5 Crescent Road, someone called out to me, but it wasn't the Krysi I expected.
"Oh, Iduna, hi- uh- good morning," I tried to sound casual, not knowing exactly how much she knew. The fact that she was looking beautiful in workout clothes that hugged her figure perfectly was not helping my already incoherent self. She must have just finished her morning run, sweat making her bangs stick to her forehead.
"Are you feeling any better?" she asked in a concerned tone.
My heart raced a little quicker. What exactly did she know? "Better?"
"Well Anna said you were feeling ill yesterday after MMA and went home first. I thought I would have seen you walk by, I was out front unloading groceries, but maybe you passed before I got home. It could have been dehydration. MMA is such a high impact sport and you need to make sure you drink up. Are you alright now?"
"Oh. Sick. Right. Yeah, much better after some rest. And water. Lots of water."
Iduna smiled. "I trust that Arianna would have taken good care of you. Did you know she did a nursing unit when we were in school?"
"Wow," I said, surprised. I really was learning something new about Mom every day. "Um, you wouldn't happen to know if Anna is in, would you?"
She shook her head. "She would have left by now. Told me she didn't want to wait around because she wasn't sure if you were going in today. But since you are, I'm sure you'll see her anyway."
I nodded curtly, glancing at my phone to check the time. Thankfully, it showed a time that logically made sense. "I should really get going then. Wouldn't want to be late.
"Right. See you around, then."
"Have a good day!" I turned to leave before her voice stopped me in my tracks.
"And Rapunzel, dear?"
"Yeah?"
"I want you to know that I'm glad you and Anna have gotten so close. She really does adore you." Heat rushed to my cheeks. Why did that make it seem like Iduna knew more than she was letting on? "You'd better head off before you're late. I'm sure Anna's probably in your homeroom class waiting for you."
XXX
When I got to Mrs Davis' class, the seat next to mine was still empty. Thankfully, it looked like she just wasn't there yet. I think if she had gone and blatantly switched seats, my soul would have just up and left my body.
"Have you seen Anna?" I asked Ariel, sitting down and dumping my backpack on the floor.
The redhead looked at me with a slightly confused expression. "I was about to ask you the same thing. It's unlike her to be late. Don't you two usually walk in together? You live on the same street, don't you?"
I tried to keep myself from blushing. Ariel's nice. She's not trying to belittle you. Keep your cool. Don't overthink this. "I wasn't feeling well yesterday so I think she thought I wasn't gonna come in."
"Well, I haven't seen her yet. Sorry."
"Wouldn't she have texted you to ask?" Megara always seemed a little cynical to me. Her attitude was pretty snarky like she was only looking out for number one. I didn't dislike her, but I certainly didn't consider her a close friend. "Aren't you guys like… best friends?"
I don't know why that comment managed to get under my skin. "We are… I think. But we don't have each other on leashes the whole time. We have our own lives."
She didn't seem satisfied with my answer, her purple eyes gleaming at me. I was pretty sure coloured contacts went against the dress code, so how she'd been getting away with them for so long, I had no idea.
"Did you guys have a falling out?"
My heart was in my throat. "I-"
"Because if you did, I mean, it's normal for friends to do that. But will you tell me what about? Pretty please?" The eyelids she batted at me were dusted with lavender eyeshadow, again definitely against the dress code.
My eyes felt like they were burning. "We really didn't-"
"You're gonna tell me you really didn't fall out but you just happened to bolt out of school yesterday without Anna who you commute with every day, and now you don't even know where she is?" Did she see me?
"We didn't have a falling out." I heaved an audible sigh of relief when Anna walked through the open classroom door and put her stuff next to mine. "Yesterday Rapunzel just wasn't feeling well and she needed to take some meds. Neither of us had any on us and since she lived so close, I told her to go on without me. I forgot to text her to ask if she was coming today, so that one's on me. Stop digging for gossip, Meg"
Meg looked like she was about to argue back, but thankfully wasn't able to pry any further as Mrs Davis walked in. "Take your seats, girls, I have to give you all a presentation this morning so eyes in front."
She began to give a presentation on young adults and the importance of good sleeping habits, a talk which I'm sure was entirely lost on Anna. Speaking of, I stared ahead, too nervous to look her in the eye. Then, Anna leaned over a little closer to me, though not looking at me directly. I could see her out of the corner of my eye.
"Hi," she said, smiling softly.
"Hi… hi me?" Anna nodded. "Oh. Um… hi."
"We need to talk," she whispered.
"We do," I agreed.
"I'm sorry."
"What do you mean?" My surprise made it so that my voice was a little louder than I anticipated. Mrs Davis took notice and gave us a Medusa-like death stare, reminding us to keep our attention focused on her. "Free period in the courtyard?" Anna's proposition was nearly inaudible but I still managed to pick it up.
I have a small nod. "Free period in the courtyard."
XXX
Friday mornings meant that Anna and I shared a free period. Not many others had that slot so hallways and study corners were often quiet. Plus, as seniors, we pretty much had free reign of the place. As long as we weren't doing drugs or setting anything on fire, we could go as we pleased. Any unused space on campus.
The courtyard was used for smaller assemblies and some gym sessions for the girls doing it as an elective on top of the regulated weekly classes, but on Friday mornings, it was always empty. Along its perimeter, there were wooden picnic benches. The standard schoolyard style, with the seats attached to the table itself in that iconic 'x' formation. Our favourite spot in particular was the bench under the large ginkgo tree which was a couple centuries old. It was massive, providing lots of shade. Anna and I had spent many mornings at that spot, trying to wrap our heads around how to differentiate and integrate functions or having heated debates over the presentation of patriarchal roles in The Handmaid's Tale. But as we made our way to that space after the first period bell rang, walking an awkward distance away from each other, there was an immense feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.
She had seemed fine during homeroom, but as I thought about it more and more, it could have been just an act to defend me from Meg's interrogation. Anna knew I hated scenes and had the social capabilities of a slug, so knowing her, she would have jumped in just to save me from confrontation.
Not because of what had happened after MMA. Not because she had just magically forgotten.
We sat opposite each other, and for a while, neither of us said a word. I was twiddling my thumbs, fidgeting on the plank of wood. Anna was a relatively easy person to read. Always open, never secretive.
Her expression didn't look angry like how I thought it would. I saw confusion. Fair. And hurt. Also fair.
"Anna, I-"
"Hang on." She held one hand up to silence me. "You know I don't like secrets. You know that Elsa and I had a huge falling out about secrets a few years ago and that I want openness in any relationship. Yet you still kept this from me."
"I'm sorry, I-"
"But after yesterday, I know why you would have wanted to."
"You… you do?"
A look of guilt crossed her face. "I do. I don't know all the details yet, of course, but after yesterday, I think I've seen enough, I just… on the one hand, I wish you had told me, but putting myself in your shoes, I'm not sure I would have told anyone either." Her body, usually always fidgeting and bursting with energy, was uncharacteristically still in the moment. "I think expecting you to tell me something like that would have been the equivalent of expecting someone to come out as soon as you meet them. Which is unrealistic. But now that that's happened, you can talk to me about it. Or not. And if you don't, I won't be mad. Promise."
After a long gap of silence, I took a shuddering breath. "I'm intersex. Meaning while my top half may look like a regular girl, my bottom half… well… I'm not."
Anna was taking in my every word, letting my voice wash over her. She looked at me attentively, and at no point did she seem repulsed or disgusted. It made it easier to open up.
"I grew up with some backwards ideas drilled into my head. I was told I needed to hide that part of myself, and until now, that's what I've been doing. I'm so sorry for hurting you like this. I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I didn't know how to. I didn't know when to. I considered telling you earlier, but we hardly knew each other back then, and I wanted you to know me for me rather than for my body. It sounds dumb saying it aloud now but that was my reasoning back then. You weren't meant to find out like that but I shouldn't have just bolted. That's on me." I could sense her curiosity. At least she didn't look angry. "Do you have any questions?"
"You were born like that?"
I nodded solemnly. "My mom got sick while she was pregnant with me. It's suspected that the medication she took is the cause, but we're not sure."
"Can you get anyone pregnant?"
"Also not sure about that one."
"So this is why you've been changing in the shower stalls?"
"Yep."
"Are you going to tell the rest?"
"Eventually."
"Are you mad at me?"
I was taken aback. "Why would I be mad at you? If anything, you should be mad at me!"
"At first I was," she confessed sheepishly, a trace of a grin tugging the corners of her lips upwards. "But I realised I shouldn't have been. You aren't obliged to open up to anyone entirely right away, like how I didn't expect you to come out to me the day we met. There was no harm done in keeping this to yourself, so I'm not mad at you. What you have between your legs doesn't matter to me at all."
"Well I'm not mad at you either. You weren't snooping or anything. It was my mistake. I let myself get distracted. You have nothing to be sorry for."
Anna looked at me expectantly. "In that case… are we both in the clear? No hard feelings?"
I smiled and leaned over to capture her in a warm hug. "No hard feelings."
A/N - Hello lovely people. My laptop is finally back and I wanted to get this chapter out as soon as I could. I wanted to explore how Rapunzel would eventually become more open about herself and her body, and thought that Anna would be the best character to start with seeing as the two of them already have such a close bond. The next chapter will likely be a time jump scene and fair warning: things are going to be spicing up.
