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"How do you know?" I ask him, the tenderizer heavy in my hand as my mind races with all the horrible ways Edward would have reason to be familiar with guns. I feel this is the worst part of living through trauma. The second-guessing. The feeling of being unsure even though your gut tells you it's okay to trust this person or this situation. Even without Emmett and Embry's vouch of Edward's good nature, I can see it for myself, and I know it to be true, despite the alarm bells always ringing in my mind.
I try my best to ignore them as we drive along, even though I still can't loosen my grip on the tenderizer I brought in case I needed to…pulverize some meat?
I sound horribly ridiculous.
I don't know what I was thinking with this one. Impulse thought, I guess.
Edward shrugs and continues driving. "You can't live out here without knowing these kinds of things." Oh. Right. Hunting is a huge part of life out here. "It's how I was raised. Hell, most of us out here, really."
I nod, worrying my lip between my teeth. A moment later, I shake my head and laugh at myself. "I must stick out like a sore thumb, huh?"
I decide to use this moment to look at my reflection in the side mirror to see if there is any truth to my observations. To anyone, I'm just a tiny stranger who has no idea how to dress in this new climate. I have no idea what to expect with this weather, and it shows.
Edward laughs beside me. "Only because everybody here already knows everybody here." He looks over at me out of the corner of his eye. "No one here knows you."
It's a fact that both soothes and worries me at the same time.
"Good," I reply, turning my gaze back to the town passing me by outside my window. "No one needs to."
I see in the window's reflection the brief, but strange look Edward shoots my way. Regardless of what he's thinking, he accepts my answer without question.
"Okay."
The next few minutes are the same as before, though now the air is charged with wonder. I know I've got him thinking. I know my story, my past, threatens to define me as we make our way through our errands for the day.
It's funny how even I can't keep up with my own mood swings. One minute I'm accepting my past and determined to rise in victory from the ashes. The next, I'm wallowing from the woman I've become. I fluctuate between these two moods like a passing wind - quick and simultaneously long.
"You comin' in?" Edward's voice coaxes me back to the present. I didn't even realize we had arrived at his friend's place to get the part for my car. He sees my hesitancy and adds, "I'll just be a minute."
I shake my head and give him a small smile. "I'll wait here."
Right now, the only person in town who knows I even exist is Edward.
Even then, it's one too many.
I'm determined to keep it that way.
As promised, we'll have our EPOV coming in at Chapter 50. I'll also double post that day as a thank you for 1k :)
See you tomorrow!
