Author's Note:

By the way, my opinion on Console vs PC…

PC wins every time, it's just better in every way except for the mouse and keyboard kind of sucking for FPS combat. Yes I know people get used to it, but I plug a controller in.

I will say that Console would win over PC if you couldn't plug a controller in. A controller was the deciding factor for me.


Cover Art: Cruz7808

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Chapter 34- Catch Up, No Mustard

"Catch Up, No Mustard" appeared on screen with the theme.

Yang laughed, "That's a good one."

"I'm not even going to attempt to glean a meaning from that." Blake shook her head.

"I like ketchup but not mustard." Jaune commented.

Fade in to the forest base. The Reds and Blues surround Grif, who is aiming his Suppressor at them.

Carolina: "Grif,... we just want to look at it."

Grif: "That's what the UNSC guys said about the 'Grif Shot,' and I never saw it again!"

Ruby sagged, "Really? The UNSC took it? What a waste! His weapon was awesome."

Nora nodded, "Yeah! I love having my Nora-shot."

Carolina: "(confused) The what?"

Simmons: "Meta's weapon. Grif kept it as a trophy until the UNSC confiscated it."

"Donut mounted it." Yang chuckled.

Donut: "Until then, I thought I was the only one man enough around here to cry, but Grif proved me wrong."

"It is manly to show emotion." Yang crossed her arms, as if daring anyone to oppose her.

Jaune's face contorted into one of righteous fury, "Yeah! It is."

Ren looked up, "Thank you, Yang."

Tucker: "Ha!"

Grif: "(lowers Suppressor) It had sentimental value!"

Nora looked at her own weapon, "I definitely don't want to lose my baby now that she has an awesome knife like the Meta's."

Sarge: "Damn it Grif! Hand over that laser this instant!"

Grif: "You can't tell me what to do! I outrank you, again!"

"Grif went from private to Sergeant to junior private negative first class to captain." Jaune chuckled.

Sarge: "What th- bur- Well... (loads Shotgun) Let's see you outrank the end of my shotgun!"

Grif: "Uh, done. (raises Suppressor) Fucking space laser, bitch."

"Shotguns are cooler." Yang gestured to her gauntlets.

"Even if it disintegrated people.. it's still pretty cool." Ruby's love for weapons quickly overshadowed her disgust.

Church: "(appears next to Carolina) Yeah, this is taking forever."

Church switches to his 'ghost' form and possesses Grif

Grif: "Hey! Hey wait a minute—Hurk-egh!"

Church: "(possessing Grif) Hoo! Ugh... Okay, alright here you go. (drops Suppressor)"

"I kind of forgot that he could do that." Ruby admitted.

"He hasn't done it since season six I think." Jaune rubbed his chin. "Since Church was the Alpha."

Carolina: "Thanks. (picks up Suppressor) Ugh... Why is this so greasy?"

"She can feel the grease through her suit? Ugh!" Weiss gagged.

"I guess he ate food off of this weapon too." Ruby grimaced.

Church: "You think that's bad? Imagine how I feel right now. Being inside this body is like trying to breathe through a trash can."

Weiss gagged at the mental smell and taste.

Church exits Grif's body

Grif: "He-gurk-gah... God damn it! I hate that!"

Dr. Grey: "(excited) FASCINATING! An A.I. with the ability to jump from soldier to soldier!? (to Carolina) Tell me, does he travel via your neural implants or is it something more subtle?"

Carolina: "Implants. All Freelancer personnel have them."

"So anyone not a part of project freelancer can't be inhabited." Jaune nodded.

"Aww I was going to say that in a fight he could possess the other person." Ruby sighed.

"Me too." Jaune laughed.

Tucker: "I thought only the Alpha could do that."

Church: "Yeah, Just another trick I picked up from one of my... (starts flickering) old memory... buddies. God, it gives me a headache though…"

Carolina: "C'mon, let's dismantle this thing and see what we can learn."

Grif: "Hey- look- but-"

Carolina: "When we're done, you can have it back in one piece... probably."

Simmons: "(excited) Ooh! Ooh! You mind If I tag along?"

Ruby nodded excitedly.

Sarge: "Yeah! Advanced weaponry is my fifth favorite hobby! Right behind destroying my enemies, but just ahead of karaoke!"

"Fifth!?" Ruby gasped.

"It's ahead of karaoke?" Yang crossed her arms.

"Destroying his enemies is only fourth?" Nora gasped.

Carolina: "No... thanks, uh... I think Epsilon and I have it handled. Why don't you catch up for a while? You've all been through a lot. (walks off)"

Church: "Yeah, I'd stick around for the reunion but uh... some of you guys still seem pretty pissed at me so... I'm just gonna wait for that to settle... (disappears)"

"…They are running from the problem." Pyrrha sighed.

Blake grimaced, it's what I would have done.

"Doing nothing isn't going to settle things, it will only get worse." Yang pointed out.

"They're going to let it fester." Weiss scoffed.

Donut: "Sooo... How have you guys been?"

Grif: "Shut up."

Donut: "Same old, same old, huh? That's cool."

Dr. Grey: "Well... I don't want to intrude on such a sweet moment of reconnection…"

Washington: "Fine with me."

Blake chuckled.

Dr. Grey: "I was being polite, I'm actually far more interested in foreign technology. Bye! (runs off)"

"Take a lesson from her Ruby, be polite before you run off to look at weapons." Yang stared Ruby in the eyes.

Ruby looked away and blushed, "I will! An- and I already do that.. be polite I mean."

Yang chuckled and shook her head, never change Ruby.

Caboose: "Okay bye! ...She seems nice."

Donut: "Right?"

Simmons: "I think she has a few screws loose…"

"As if they don't." Blake rolled her eyes with a smile.

Tucker: "Oh-ho I could always help her out with that. Bow-chicka-bow-"

Caboose: "WAIT!"

Tucker: "Aw c'mon dude, it's been ages!"

"Thank you Caboose." Pyrrha chuckled.

Caboose: "Washington! I-I almost forgot! Uh-uh-uh... Where- Where's Freckles? Uh, he probably had some screws loose also."

Pyrrha grimaced, "Oh no."

"It might not be so bad." Ruby winced, "Church is back."

Sarge: "Ohhh... Y'know what? I think I'm just gonna go take a peek at that laser thing after all. I'm just dying to see it... (Simmons and Lopez look at him) Uh... I mean it's just killin' me not to- Uh... Oh... (pauses to think) Nope. Got nothin'."

Sarge runs off.

Simmons: "Yeeaahh…"

Simmons and Grif run off.

Lopez: "Suave. [Smooth.]"

Lopez runs off. Washington looks at Tucker. The latter walks off.

"They're leaving Wash to break the news to Caboose." Pyrrha shook her head.

Blake winced again, if I were in Wash's position.. would I tell Caboose? Or leave like the others?

Yang looked down, remembering when the news of Summer's death was broken to her dad.

Caboose: "Yeah, this is great. Church is back, you're back, it's like all of us made it back safe and sound in one piece! No problem."

Washington: "Ehh, Caboose…"

Caboose: "Alive!"

Pyrrha and Yang sighed.

"He had to twist the knife." Blake chuckled.

Washington: "Caboose, uh... I'm not really sure how to tell you this... without both confusing you and breaking your disturbingly fragile heart."

Caboose: "I AM AN EMOTIONAL TIME BOMB!"

Washington: "Jesus Christ…"

Pyrrha burst into a fit of laughter, "Oh Caboose."

Ruby glanced at Yang, "I uh.. know someone like that."

"Excuse you!" Weiss glared.

Ruby held up two fingers, "Two people like that." Weiss groaned.

Ren gestured to Nora behind her back and gave Jaune and Pyrrha a look. The two nodded and paled.

"Caboose does have a disturbingly fragile heart, like a kid's." Yang commented.

Washington: "(clears throat) Caboose, I'm afraid this... is all that's left of Freckles. (shows Caboose Freckles' storage unit) It's his brain... sort of."

Caboose: "(stares at the storage chip) Freckles? You're- you're- (joyfully) you're so tiny now!"

Caboose grabs Freckles' storage unit out of Wash's hand and joyfully points it to the sky.

Pyrrha laughed out in relief, Yang exhaled a held in breath, and Blake took in a calming breath.

"Caboose is an optimist." Ren chuckled.

Washington: "(confused) Uh, what?"

Caboose: "(fondles the storage unit) It's so good to see you again! (pets the storage unit) Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy, Freckles?"

"I'm so glad they animated that, it's so cute!" Yang laughed.

Weiss nodded in agreement absent mindedly.

Washington: "So you're... okay then?"

Caboose: "Ah, Wash this is great! Now he can fit in my pocket and I don't have to worry about him trying to kill you anymore."

Blake chuckled and shook her head.

Washington: "I guess that is sort of better."

Caboose: "Thanks for looking out for Freckles, Wash. I know he can be a handful."

Washington: "Literally, at this point."

Yang laughed, "Good one."

Caboose: "Alright, let's go for a walk Freckles, (quietly) 'cause Wash is acting weird and dramatic again. (runs off) Good to have ya' back, Agent Washington!"

Washington: "Hmm. It's good to be back."

Blake smiled, "He was preparing for the worst."

"And was pleasantly surprised." Ren nodded.

"I'm glad things worked out for him, I can't imagine what it would be like to lose Zwei." Ruby winced.

Weiss gasped, "Don't say that!"

"Don't worry he has his aura he's fine." Ruby smirked. "He'll outlive all of us!"

Grif: "(off screen) Back off lady, or I will put you in the ground!"

Washington: "Aaand, the moment's passed."

Yang burst out laughing, Weiss and Blake sighed.

Cut to Grif aiming his Suppressor at Carolina. Dr. Grey and the Reds and Blues watch nearby.

Grif: "(angrily) You were about to take it apart!"

Carolina: "(frustrated) What did you think 'dismantle' meant?"

Wash approaches Simmons and Lopez.

Washington: "How did he manage to get the laser back?"

Simmons: "He's deceptively heavy."

"How.. that still doesn't answer how?" Weiss pointed out.

Lopez: "Pues, el ya parece gordo. O sea es mucho decir.[Well, he already looks fat. So that's saying something.]"

Carolina: "Grif, for the last time, put the laser-"

Grif fires at Carolina, prompting her to duck. Grif lowers his Suppressor

Grif: "(nervously) Uh, okay. Look that was an accident."

Yang let out a low chuckle. "Like mother like daughter?"

Pyrrha smiled, recalling the moment when Tucker shot Tex. "Like mother like daughter."

Carolina: "I'm going to break your fingers now."

Nora grinned, "Ooo now that's an idea."

Ren paled.

Grif sprints backward on fear.

Grif: "Uhh!"

Dr. Grey: "Excuse me."

Everyone turns to Dr. Grey.

Dr. Grey: "(to Grif) Where did you find that rifle?"

Grif: "Hey, I picked it up after Carolina dropped it at the snow base. (to Carolina) Are you even familiar with the international dibs protocol?"

"He wasn't until Sarge explained it." Nora crossed her arms.

"We should call dibs on a round in the tournament." Ruby mumbled.

"We should absolutely not! That would be extremely unprofessional and unsporting!" Weiss gasped.

"What!? Just one round.. not the whole tournament." Ruby mumbled.

"Wow Weiss, you're willing to let a viable strategy go to waste?" Yang asked. "What if someone else does it first?"

Weiss paused, "…Be discreet about it."

Carolina: "(To Dr. Grey) The pirates have been manufacturing these along with the armor enhancements. They've got facilities scattered around the planet. "

Dr. Grey: "So then you're sure it's man made."

Dr. Grey approaches Grif. Church appears beside Carolina

Church: "Yeah, I'm positive. Why?"

Dr. Grey: "Well, for starters, it isn't using human technology. It just fired some kind of modified plasma energy. Very deadly. And pretty!"

"It is pretty." Ruby agreed. "Modified plasma energy.. that means alien tech."

Dr. Grey crouches down.

Sarge: "Plasma?"

Dr. Grey: "Alien energy source. I've seen it countless times in archaeological digs."

Simmons: "Wait, I thought you were a surgeon?"

Dr. Grey stands.

Dr. Grey: "I have an IQ of 240. A prodigy can only cut people open so many times before she needs to find a hobby."

"Wow, your character is smart." Ruby turned to Blake.

"Insanely smart." Yang quipped.

Church appears before Dr. Grey.

Church: "Jesus. Couldn't try cross stitching?"

Dr. Grey: "I sewed them back up, thank you very much."

"She's also scary." Jaune backed away.

"She's why doctors scare me." Ruby admitted.

Tucker: "Hey, didn't Felix say that he was paid in alien tech?"

Caboose: "I believe he said he was paid in babies."

"Felix just called the weapons babies." Jaune corrected. "But I guess that's why he was paid in alien weapons. So he could reverse engineer them, or send them to someone who could."

"And Locus was probably paid in the same way." Pyrrha guessed.

Church: "The fuck?"

Grif: "Don't ask."

Simmons: "He was definitely carrying around an old plasma rifle. But I thought he said it was broken."

Dr. Grey: "It's likely it was. The Federal Army arranged a similar deal with Locus. They figured trading useless antiques for military assistance was a good deal."

"It was." Weiss grimaced, "In business it is always important to understand that if someone wants something, it is useful to them. Almost always in ways you can't see."

"That's a good lesson outside of business too." Blake commented.


Oobleck SS— Not Canon


Oobleck pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "Useless antiques, such historic artefacts are priceless! They're signs of conflict in a species' past, they could be used as a message to show that other cultures aren't so different. And that the past was not better or worse than the present in regards to war. Because war never changes, which of course is why these weapons are being reused in the first place! To cause even more death!"


Carolina: "So the mercs stock up on alien technology and hand it over to the pirates for reverse engineering."

Washington: "Giving them a new kind of weapon. Half human, half alien."

Church: "And every single one of them pointed at us. ...Fantastic."

"I like how Church puts it." Yang laughed.

Dr. Grey: "Do you have anything else like this?"

Grif: "What about the future cubes?"

Carolina: "The what?"

Cut to three teleportation grenades set up on a table. The Blood Gulch Crew and Dr. Grey gather around them.

Donut: "Future cubes! The cubes of the future!"

Grif: "They look kinda like the laser gun, right?"

"They do." Ruby nodded, "They were probably made by the space pirates too.. or stolen by them."

Simmons: "That's your deductive reasoning? They're related because they're both orange and glowy."

"They are clearly similar." Weiss scoffed, "Simmons just wanted to be the one to say it."

Grif: "So."

Simmons: "So?! If I heated your armor to a thousand degrees, would you think your related too?"

"What kind of point is that?" Yang laughed. "He's reaching."

Donut: "Fahrenheit or Celsius?"

Grif: "Oh come on, there's clearly a resemblance!"

Ruby nodded.

Sarge: "(sarcastically) Oh, of course. Just like the uncanny resemblance between apples and fire trucks, or Caboose and the Pacific Ocean, or Lopez and a dingleberry!"

Grif: "Okay, I get it."

"What is their problem? He's right, right?" Jaune asked.

"Are we stupid or are they just being mean to Grif?" Weiss asked.

"Being mean to Grif, there is clearly a resemblance." Ruby repeated Grif's point.

Church: "Hey Grif, let me ask you a question, you ever get your sister confused with mustard? You know, since they're both yellow and cheap?"

Yang snorted, "Burn, Grif just got burned to 1,000 degrees."

"Celsius or Fahrenheit?" Weiss rolled her eyes.

"Whatever we use." Yang shrugged.

"Catch Up, No Mustard?" Blake frowned, "I still don't know what the title means."

Grif fires at Church, the blasts pass right through his holographic projection.

Church: "Yeah, nice try. Still a hologram by the way."

"They tore into Grif for no reason." Jaune crossed his arms.

"And Church is abusing not having a physical body to get shot with." Ruby added.

Carolina: "Epsilon, he's right."

Church: "Yeah, I know, I just wanted in on the action!"

"Church is the worst kind of person." Jaune huffed.

Carolina: "Both types of equipment seem to utilize some form of alien engineering. (to Grif) But... how did you know what the teleporters look like?"

Grif: "'Cause we had them in the canyon, duh."

Church: "Wait, you did?"

Donut: "Yeah! They were awesome!"

Sarge: "We found them while we were sneaking aboard our ship one night in an attempt to destroy the Blues."

Wash, Tucker, and Caboose turn to Sarge. He notices.

Nora giggled, "Their plan was foolproof!"

"They were the fools in making it so it wasn't." Weiss shook her head.

Sarge: "I mean, the Blues' robot. May he rest in peace."

Grif: "(to Carolina and Church) Which reminds me, how did you guys teleport with those things? We could only figure out how to transport random junk."

Lopez: "Y Doc. Usted accidentalmente teletransportó a Doc. [And Doc. You accidentally teleported Doc.]"

"At least Lopez remembers." Weiss chuckled.

Donut: "Oh my gosh, that's right! We did use them to defeat Dos.0!"

Lopez: "Oh, por el amor de Dios...[Oh, for fuck's sake...]"

Church: "Okay! Everybody, shut up! Listen, if the same people making weapons on Chorus had cargo on our ship, then we might be able to find out who they are."

"There has to be some evidence left on the ship." Blake agreed. "Or there once was, I doubt they left anything."

Simmons: "How?"

Carolina: "A manifest?"

Church: "Yyyyep."

Washington: "That's right. A transport ship that size would need to keep track of all its cargo."

"So just look for the stuff that isn't listed on the manifest!" Ruby grinned.

Carolina: "So if we find the manifest, we find out who supplied the teleportation grenades."

Tucker: "(skeptical) So you think a bunch of evil bad guys, working outside of the law, are gonna worry about paperwork?"

"He makes a good point." Jaune nodded.

"Actually he doesn't, logistics are very important even to criminals." Weiss pointed out.

Blake nodded, "We- the White Fang kept track of any and all shipments and member numbers. It's how they survived for so long where other movements did not."

Church: "Wha- you got any better ideas?"

Tucker: "(sighs) No…"

Carolina: "Then we have our objective: Half of us will travel back to the canyon and search Crash Site Bravo for the manifest."

Simmons: "Why split up?"

Carolina: "Because the rest of us will be searching the other half of the ship... at Crash Site Alpha."

The episode ends.

"The front half of the ship." Ruby realized.


Yes, Yang's insanely smart joke was taken from Borderlands 2. I loved the way they introduced Tannis in that game.

This episode and last episode haven't had much for either group to react to. It's a little refreshing to have an episode without anything major happening in it.