Halloween 1998

"The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death itself".
Harry Potter sighed as he read the cryptic family motto, which had been etched onto the smooth marble of his parent's gravestone. He didn't have all that many reminders of Lily and James. But on the anniversary of their death, while the rest of the Wizarding World celebrated, there was nowhere else Harry would consider going. He was wearing his father's invisibility cloak, wrapped tightly around his body like a comfort blanket. He shivered as a whisper of wind brushed his ear; all Hallows eve was thick with souls of the deceased, and he was only too aware of those who had died for his cause. He had finally succeeded that summer in destroying the Dark Lord, but there had been a hefty price to pay. Another shudder ran up his spine, and he decided it was time to leave.

Harry squeezed his frugal pieces of memorabilia; the cloak, his mirror from Sirius, his treasured Marauders Map, and finally, his fingers rested on the Resurrection Stone. After the last battle, Harry had ventured into the forest to find Slytherin's heirloom ring; it wouldn't do for just anyone to stumble across it, and these things had a way of being found. With a sharp pop, he apparated away.

By the time Harry arrived home, he felt uncommonly exhausted. He allowed one large tear to role down his cheek before collapsing into bed. Meanwhile, in the graveyard at Godrics Hollow, the souls and spirits continued to whisper excitedly.

####

Harry woke bleary eyed, and blinked away his sleep. Glancing at the windows, he saw that the sun was already high in the sky, and in the next room, he could faintly hear voices. Guessing it to be Ron and Hermione, Harry crept to his bedroom door, planning to ambush his friends.
"shh, you'll wake him if you're not careful!" whispered a high pitched womanly voice.
"It's about time that lazy bugger got out of bed; he's been sleeping all morning, and I want to see him," announced a deeper tenor.
"Our Harry is NOT a lazy bugger!" retorted the woman.
Harry chuckled to himself, and grabbed a scrap of paper. He brought his wand out and transfigured the scrap into a replica of Batman's mask; Harry always liked to claim (jokingly) that he and his muggle superhero would have done well at taking out Voldemort together.
He apparated into the living room behind the two intruders, cast a quick sonorous, and bellowed, "who DARES try to wake the Dark Lord Potter from his precious slumber?"

Two figures visibly jumped and spun around to face him, shock etched over their features. But nobody was more shocked than Harry Potter, when he looked up to see not Ron and Hermione, but carbon copies of James and Lily Potter, stood in his own front room. Harry opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't get any words out before James crouched into a defensive combat posture, and fired a bright red stunner straight at Harry's forhead. He promptly collapsed and remembered no more.

When Harry regained consciousness, he kept his eyes shut, trying to remember where he was. He could hear two frantically whispering voices nearby, and strained to listen in.
"James!" scolded a woman- "Do you really think it was necessary to tie him up like that?"
Harry squirmed, and realized there were thick ropes tying him to one of his own chairs. So he was still at home; good.
"You heard Harry! He just admitted to being a Dark Lord, I'm not about to let him run around cursing us."
"Well don't you think you stunned him a little hard maybe? I don't think he was going to attack us-"
"He was wearing a bloody mask Lils, I think he was ready for combat!"
Harry squirmed again when he heard the nickname 'Lils'; the morning's disastrous events came back to him and he faintly groaned.
"You just can't let that Auror stuff go, can you?"
"Don't blame me, the last time we were alive Voldemort was attacking people left right and centre and I like to give as good as I get-"
"shh James, I think he's waking up-"
"About bloody time-"
Harry opened his eyes to find James Potter, his presumed-dead-father, bending over and studying the sculpted black mask which was still transfigured onto his face.
"AAghh!" James screeched as he lept backwards, surprised by a pair of piercing green eyes, pointed a shaky wand in Harry's face. "Try anything funny and I'll- I'll turn you into a frog!"
"Isn't that slightly... 4th year behaviour honey?" chided Lily gently.
"Fine," he said, smiling indulgently at his wife, before turning to Harry with a hostile expression. "If you refuse to cooperate, I'll hand you over to the Aurors, Dark Lord Potter."

Harry stared at his presumed-dead-parents, baffled for a moment. With a sinking feeling, he realized that he had just made a very bad first impression. Of course they did not understand his muggle outfit, and had taken him at his word.

So Harry did the only appropriate thing he could think of; threw his head back and roared with laughter.

It wasn't long before James Potter hit him with another red stunner.
"I told you he was crazy," he mumbled to his frowning wife.

####

Harry blinked his eyes open, and looked up at his very-much-alive-parents, who were seated across from him on the sofa, facing each other. This was getting ridiculous; he wanted explanations. Why were they here? And more importantly, where had they been for the last 17 years? His head felt like it was going to explode with questions, when James finally turned to face him, nudging Lily as he did so.
"We have come up with a plan-" James began addressing him. Harry opened his mouth to butt in with a few choice questions questions, but was stopped by a quick Silencio from Lily and was left opening and closing his mouth to no avail.
"Once you stop gaping like a fish-" -Harry clapped his mouth shut- "-Your mother and I have decided to take this whole mess to Dumbledore to see if he can fix whatever went wrong. Its time you were given some true Potter values; I can see that Sirius hasn't done his job nearly as well as I'd hoped."
"Can't say I'm surprised; whatever you saw in that funny old dog, he isn't exactly Godfather material-"
"Liiilly" hissed James, obviously pained to have this old argument dredged up in front of his son.
"Now, will you comply?"
Harry smiled sympathetically at his parents, who obviously didn't know that the old Headmaster was 6 foot under. As Lily lifted the silencing charm, he calmly said, "I'm afraid Dumbledore's dead."

Lily shreiked. "WHAT? YOU KILLED DUMBLEDORE? HOW-"
"HARRY JAMES POTTER" interrupted his father. "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?"

"I didn't, Snape had to-" Harry tried to defend himself, but his father jumped in, narrowing his eyes.
"Snivellous..." hissed James. "So that's who turned you over to the dark side. I should have known; the bat-like mask, your greasy hair-"
Harry squirmed again and tried to run a hand through his attractive black locks, but was held back by the thick ropes of an incendious charm. Ok, so he hadn't had time for a shower this morning, but GREASY? That was pushing things one step too far.
"You can't just barge in here after 17 years and insult my appearance, knock me out and tie me to my own furniture! You should be dead, both of you! I got rid of Lord Voldemort, I became Hogwart's best seeker in a century, I tried to make you really proud, both of you, even though I was terrible at potions, but where WERE you?" Harry panted. He watched James's eyes soften at his outburst.

"Quidditch? You played Quidditch?"

"I don't think that's the most important thing right now, honey-" said Lily, nudging her husband.
Harry huffed, and tried to continue. "What I'm trying to say is- I'm really not a Dark Lord. I copied this mask off a muggle superhero to prank my friends! Only- I didn't guess it would be you two in the front room..."

That word, prank, was like a key to James's heart. Prank. He smiled, imagining his son creeping up on friends in fancy dress.
"So- Sirius didn't do such a bad job after all?" asked James. He stuck his tongue out at his frowning wife.

"Look-" sighed Harry, "I think you'd better untie me, then I'll explain my side. And- don't think I haven't forgotten, I want to know EXACTLY where you two have been hiding."

####

Harry now sat, maskless and untied, on his plush leather sofa between his not-dead-parents. Three magical mugs of tea floated towards them, bumping against each other and giggling together at some stupid game. Sighing, Harry grabbed a mug and scolded it for spilling just over half it's contents on the way from the side-board.
"That should teach you not to stir so much sugar in," teased the mug, sticking it's creepy ceramic tongue out. Harry shuddered, and gulped down the tea before he could consider the implications of a sentient magic mug. When he was finished, he looked up at his parents, who were still inspecting him for signs of any injury.

Harry had skimmed over the events of his childhood, hurriedly describing life at the Dursley's and his discovery of magic and Hogwarts. He conveniently left out details like the Tri-Wizard Tournament, the spree of Defense Professors who had tried to maim him, and his miserable cupboard life at Number 4 Privet Drive. Harry wasn't even sure how to handle his parent's concern about the little things, and decided to broach the bigger topics later. He cringed as the conversation inevitably turned to Sirius, before covering his final year; fighting death eaters, hunting Horcruxes, and generally saving the world. His parents couldn't help but laugh at Harry's explanation of Batman, and Lily nodded approvingly when she heard his Bond-themed moniker, The-Boy-Who-Only-Lived-Twice.

"So-" began Harry, pushing away his empty magical mug before it tried talking again- "Now it's your turn. You've heard my story. I want to hear where you've been."
James stiffened, opened his mouth, then closed it again.
"Gaping like a fish indeed" mumbled Harry.
"Well, I rather thought you might have noticed, we've been dead."
"So what changed?" questioned Harry. He actually wondered why he wasn't more bothered by their sudden appearance, but shrugged when he remembered all the cool stuff magic could do.

"Voldemort wasn't the only one who could make Horcruxes..." James blinked when he noticed that Harry had flopped forwards and passed out. He turned to Lily, with a bemused expression.
"Was it something I said?"