Her & I Chapter 1: Her, a doki doki literature club fanfic

Chapter 1: Her

Texas, November 22nd, 2017

(Queue 'Prodijay ft. Vince Ryouta - What Up (Prod. By Felly)')

I sat in my room, bored, scrolling through Steam. I had run out of games to play. Usually, I'd be doing some writing for one of my books-in-progress on Wattpad, but I was just so not in the mood that I decided to just scroll through Steam for tonight.

"The whole selection this year sucks ass." I mumbled to myself. Yes, I was one to mumble to myself out loud. According to WebMD, I was a legally diagnosed psychopath. Go figure.

My Senior school year was coming up to winter break, and I was ready to hibernate and hang out with my friends. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to do all the winter things that other states could, namely throwing snowballs, building snowmen, making snow angels- I lived in Texas, so everything was just cold as fuck when winter came, no snow.

Nonetheless, I wouldn't be deterred by that. I'd try and make this winter break the most exciting and memorable. After all, I was about to go off to college. Might as well make some lasting childhood experiences. And hell, maybe I'd be able to talk to Grace a few times...

My eye caught on one particular game in the Top Selling section, interrupting my train of thought.

Doki Doki Literature Club

I made a face as I glanced through the images on the side bar. I was starting to question the sexual integrity of gamers around the world.

Fuck it, I thought, bored out of my mind. Might as well take a peek.

I was more than surprised. I saw the reviews. I noticed the rating. The warning of graphic content.

I was intrigued. And it was free.

Within minutes, it had downloaded. I was ready to play.

And so, I booted it up. A few seconds of black screen, before it lit up with a bright, almost harsh array of feminine colors. Sickly-sweet music pierced my ears, and I got another warning of the graphic content.

I was starting to get excited. I was more of an action-strategy type of person, but I was looking for something to seek thrills from. It seemed I would get my chance here.

Finally, it came up to the starting screen, and four questionably-sexualized women popped up alongside it, all of them holding their own odd poses.

I took one more minute to look around the screen, trying to spot anything that might give away the contents of this game ahead of time. I was fully and mentally prepared to dive in head-first into this game, to get the thrill I sought.

And thus, I hovered my mouse over 'New Game'.

Click.

(End Music)

6 hours later…

…

That was… tragic.

I stared at my screen for another few moments, contemplating what had happened.

I had gotten several different kinds of messages throughout the game, both subtle and not-so-subtle. The mental problems? Very intriguing, and this was an interesting way to shed some light on these kinds of issues.

The cutting, self-stabbing, the suicide by hanging, and other grotesque features? Not so appealing. I had to clear my mind with some nice pictures of Virginia landscape and some inspirational quotes a few times before I got back into the game.

Then again, I guess a message wouldn't be too compelling if it didn't have some intensity to it.

One particular girl that had stuck out to me, though…

Monika.

In my opinion, despite inflicting all of that pain and misery, I personally thought she had gotten it the worst. At least the other girls were spared from the epiphany of being in a game. Coming into existence, like a baby with the intellect of a grown adult, to find the world you lived in was fake? That everything around you was nothing but code, lines on a script, even the only friends you knew?

I would've been surprised if she didn't go insane from the start.

I slouched back against my chair, staring at the snowy town that was my wallpaper. The little visual effects of the falling snowflakes and piping chimneys was courtesy of the beautiful program known as 'Wallpaper Engine'. After using it, it was like I could never revert back to any old boring wallpaper now.

…

It was starting to get painfully silent in this room. The pity I felt for those girls, especially for Monika, was almost similar to that of depression. Sure, it was just a game, but for some reason I...I couldn't simply disconnect myself from them like that. Even if they were just characters...they didn't deserve that fate.

| They don't deserve that fate |

Whatever, I thought. I'll just play something else to get my mind off of this.

I opened up my Steam Library, scanning the game list I had.

"Ooh, Darkest Dungeon…"

I was a fan of that game. Despite being a 2D scroller, turn-based combat system, it was so much fun to watch my protagonists annihilate enemies with such vigor and brutal force.

Booting up the game, and hearing the dark and dreary music, I decided to mute it and put on my own soundtrack.

I navigated to my Spotify playlist, scrolling down to my 1980s songs playlist, and pressed 'shuffle'.

Kokomo

"Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya…"

The sound of the Beach Boys track, along with the almost-nostalgic beat (despite me being born in 2000), served to soothe my nerves. I went to work navigating the characters in the game, clearing rooms of monsters.

They don't deserve that fate.

Sure, it was 11:00 at night, but I could do with a little more gaming before going off to bed. After all, we were close to-

She doesn't deserve that fate.

-Christmas break.

She doesn't deserve that fate, she doesn't deserve that fate-

I turned up the music that was playing, humming to myself.

She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

"Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya-"

"Dang, it's a little silent in here." I proclaimed loudly, laughing for no reason. "Holy shit, oh dude you should have dodged that attack-"

SLAM!

I banged the table with my fist, laughing loudly. Goddamn, this was starting to get annoying. I turned up the music volume.

She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

"Alright, calm down dude." Despite my parents being at a party elswhere, I didn't want to disturb my sleeping dog.

At random, I screamed loudly, trying to clear my head. I typed loudly on the keyboard, navigating the characters while clapping my hands several times-

"UH HUH, YEP, YEAH. KILL THAT FUCKING CRETIN!"

She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

"BERMUDA, BAHAMA, COME ON PRETTY MAMA!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Crack!

In a feverish panic, I smashed my head against the desk. The pain was overwhelming, and I cried in pain as I felt my head with fingertips to see blood.

(Queue 'Crawl Space' from Breaking Bad)

"Oh, god, oh god." I mumbled, scrambling to turn off the screeching music. Shaking, I got up from my desk, heading for my bedside drawer and pulling out the second-to-bottom cabinet. I hastily grabbed the band-aids and ripped open a pack, fumbling to put a bandage on my head.

"FUCK! FUCK!" I screamed in pain as I lined the band-aid across the laceration on my forehead.

I sat there for a moment, leaning against the wall as I panicked, wondering in terror if I had done something irreversible to my brain.

Moments passed.

…

Then I realized...the thoughts had stopped.

Thank God.

I slumped against the wall in relief, breathing heavily. I was tired. So tired.

I decided, maybe I could close my eyes. Just for a little bit….

….

…

….

…

…...

…..

She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

CRACK!

I slammed the back of my head against the wall behind me, but this time it didn't stop. The thoughts kept coming.

Oh, god. Oh god oh god oh god-

She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

I began to hyperventilate.

"No no no no, this can't be happening. This isn't real. FUCK! This ISN'T REAL!"

I felt my arm begin to shake uncontrollably. This room was too small

This isnt right no I dont like this no no no no n no

SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!

My head hurt, oh god its hurts but no matter how many times I slam it it won't go away

I stood up, grabbing my desk and flipping it, screaming.

What the fuckwhat the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

I punched the wall I made a hole I punched again and more holes came my hands are bleeding

I need some air "I need some air" I walked out of my room, trying the knob. She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

It won't fucking OPEN!

I slammed against the door repeatedly with my shoulder hopefully that would do it, over and over, it finally broke open, She doesn't deserve that fate I'm out

She doesn't deserve that fate

She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

I walked out I saw my dog I scratched my head it hurts so much this isn't right Okay i just need AIR!She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

She doesn't deserve that fate

I ran down the steps of the stairwell i slipped CRASH! Fuck fuckShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate fuck fuck I can't feel my hand but i kept going what dued okay She doesn't deserve that fateokay okasy I feel air…

It's still going, need run to run run run run I kept running I just neeShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fated to breathe breath and breatheShe doesn't deserve that fate

Oh god oh my f ucking god this is horrible im scared i don't like this

She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateW HY ISN'T SHE FREE?! HELP HER!
FUCK HELP HER NOW SHE DOESN"T DESERVE IT FUCKYOU! Crack.

I feel tired, one of my legs isn't working, it hurts, I think I fell over in the park. H0w did I get to the park?

She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

What am I doing? How do I help her?! Is there some way?! Somehow?! What? How?!

She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateHOW HOW HOW HOWH OWH OWH WOHWOW OWHO WHOW HOWH OWHO WHOW OHW WHOWH OWSH

" . . ."

' d

Im lightheaded, everything feels so fluffy and calmShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

So She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate calm so calmShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

Wow

She doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fateShe doesn't deserve that fate

The sky is so beautiful tonight.