Shattered Chapter 1: The letter, a pitch perfect fanfic

Greetings Mortals, I have returned, now cue the applause. Thank you thank you. So, we all know I hate happy endings, and when I hear a song where everyone ends up sad, I just have to write something. So, yeah. I heard Gavin Degraw's song Not Over You on the radio, and come on guys. Does this scream Bechloe break up, or what? And I know I said that I wouldn't do Bechloe, but I just had to, so Bechloe fans, enjoy.

Warning, this is REALLY angsty. I actually almost cried writing this, so if this ain't your cup of tea, then please don't read this. I haven't ever recieved a word of hate, and I don't want this to be the start.

I'm done now, and obviously I own nothing. It sucks, but its true, and I say this so you can't sue!

Dreams, that's where I have to go
To see your beautiful face anymore
I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio
Hope, hope there's a conversation
We both admit we had it good
But until then it's alienation, I know
That much is understood
And I realize

If you ask me how I'm doing
I would say I'm doing just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
And finally I'm forced to face the truth,
No matter what I say I'm not over you, not over you

Damn, damn girl, you do it well
And I thought you were innocent
Took this heart and put it through hell
But still you're magnificent
I, I'm a boomerang, doesn't matter how you throw me
I turn around and I'm back in the game
Even better than the old me
But I'm not even close without you

And if I had the chance to renew
You know there isn't a thing I wouldn't do
I could get back on the right track
But only if you'd be convinced
So until then...

Do you remember all of the promises that you made me? All of those things you swore to me when we first started dating? You promised me that you'd be there for me everyday. You pinky promised that you'd never break my heart, and that I'd never be alone ever again. Above all, you swore to me that you would never ever leave me, no matter what happened. I should have know that you were lying.

Anymore, the only time I can see you is in my dreams. You plague my thoughts every fucking night, always so close, so sweet, so perfect, until I wake up and find that you aren't there anymore. You're off with Aubrey, living the life you wanted, but could never ever have with me.

Everyday, I just sit at my desk, staring at the picture of you. You know, the one of you where you were standing at the cliffs with the sunset behind you. You looked so carefree, so beautiful, that it fucking hurts me every time I see it. Fuck me, but every day I torture myself staring at you perfect face and wonder what I did wrong, what I could have done, should have done, to keep you with me. I hope that you know that if you asked it of me, I would do it. I would change everything in a moment just to be with you again.

Yesterday, I ran into Jesse. He asked me how I was, and I just plastered a smile on my face and said I was fine. He was fooled, but I know that you would have seen right through it. You knew me so well, that even without saying anything, you always immediately knew what I needed. You have to admit, it, we both had it pretty good while we were together. I did every fucking thing you asked of me, and you were always there. I never felt alone or isolated as I use to when I was with you. Now, I feel even more alienated and alone then ever before.

Its funny, Jesse asked if I was still hung up on you, and I just turned to sarcasm, and pretended like I barely even remembered us. But that was perhaps the biggest lie I've ever told. God, I think about you when I'm alone, and dream about you every night. I would kill for us to be an us again. I'm so not over you, that if you gave me once chance, I'd give it all up.

I haven't mixed a single song since you left, and I would stop drinking if you would just come back. Yeah, you don't know this, because you're in New York with Aubrey and you never answer my calls, but I started drinking to try and numb the pain that you caused when you left. It doesn't work to well, and in order to even get a minute of sleep, I need to drink myself into oblivion. I swear to God though, hell I swear to anything and everything that I have ever held dear, I would give it all up, and I would get back on the right track if you said that you'd take me back. I would do anything if only you could be convinced that we could be together.

You know, the funny thing was, when I first met you, I though you were innocent. I thought that you were this happy, care free woman, without a single trouble in the world. I thought that I had finally found the one who'd never hurt me, because I just thought that you COULDN'T hurt me. That you were too beautiful, innocent, perfect person, to ever even consider hurting anyone. But damn, I have to say, you sure know how to completely destroy a girl's heart. You fucking left me on our 2 year anniversary, so that you could be with Aubrey and go to New York. You used every single fucking one of my insecurities and fears against me. You shattered me, I hope you know. I broke ever single fucking mirror in the house the day you left. To this day, I still can't even bare to look in the mirror. I hate everything that I see, and ever single lie that you told me, every time you said that you cared, though my freckles were cute, or the scar on my forehead was sexy, it all comes crashing down on me. Fuck, I can barely even drive anymore.

I was going to propose to you that night, to, you know. I'd spent ten days standing in front of a mirror trying to find the perfect words. I said them over and over again, changing it every time I said them, until I finally found the perfect words. Now though, it fucking kills me to even think about that. To think that words so pure and true at the time are now lies and reminders that i wasn't good enough. I even got my mom's ring for you. I went to my dad, and we actually finally have a civil conversation. He was so excited to meet you, by the way. You almost finally fixed things between me and him, but now, I've shut him back out, just like I've shut everyone else out.

The funny thing is though, you put my heart through fucking hell, but still, I love you. More then anything else in the world. I'll never leave you, and I wait for you until the day I stop breathing, I hope you know. You can throw me and my love for you any where, any way you want, and I'll always come back to you. I'll come back even better then the last time, but I can never be as good as I was as when I was with you. Remember what you use to tell me? Alone, we're alright, but together, we're perfect. We make each other better. Do you say that to Aubrey now?Does Aubrey make you better? I don't even have to ask if you make Aubrey better. Chloe, you're perfect, and any person's life that you touch, you make infinitely better. Like mine. Chloe, you made me so much better, but now that you're gone, I'm in this fucking black hole.

But Chloe, baby please, just give me one chance. One chance to show you that I can be better. That I am your soul mate. You said it yourself. You and I were meant to be. We still are baby, and if you just gave me the chance, I could show you. I know that you're favorite color is neon pink, and that you love Disney movies more then you love singing. I know that you cry every time you watch The Lion king, and that you're afraid of chickens because when you were little, one pecked you, and you've been traumatized ever since. I know that you have three different thinking faces, and I can immediately recognize each one. Like the one where you're thinking of your next 'project'. Your eye's get a bit unfocused, and you have this tiny dreamy smile. Or the one where you;re thinking about something that scares you. You're eyes get a bit glassy, and you bit your lower lip. Every now and then, you'll jump a bit, because you'll scare yourself thinking of all the bad things that could happen. And then my favorite face. The one you get when you're thinking about something you love. You're eye open up really big, and you just don this megawatt smile that I swear could light up a black hole. Baby, I could go on and on about this, but what's the point?

You love Aubrey now, not me. Did you ever love me Chloe? Baby please, just text me, Skype me, send me a letter, anything, and just answer that one question. Chloe, did you ever love me, or was I just some college fling to occupy your time? Please, if you have any feelings at all left for me, just answer that one question. I loved you with everything I had, and its killing me to think that I was a fool and fell for someone that never even loved me.

Chloe baby, this will be the last letter I send you. I can't keep doing this any more. So, this is my final farewell to you. Please baby, I'm begging you on my hands and knees. Just come back. Baby please, I'd say that this is killing me, but it can't be because I'm already dead inside. I'm a corpse walking at this point, and I'm done. Baby, I'm not over you, I never will be, and I will always love you. Please come back Chloe, before I forget what its like to be alive, to be loved. Baby, I'm not over you, and though you might be over me, I just can't move on. I've tried so fucking hard to, believe me, but I can't. Baby, I love you, and I always will. Please, if you remember nothing else, remember that.

As always, with all my love,

Beca Mitchell