Author's Notes:
Part One of the 'Willa Girl' Series
(Written before the release of PP3 and so that movie doesn't exist in this series. Placed post PP2)
Care Reminders: Drinking, intermediate drug use, distant discussion of addiction
Rating: M: Adult themes. Sexuality, swearing, smoking, drunk driving, drugs, being an all-round bad example to the youngins.
It will be a slow burn, y'all.
In other news; I had to figure out how to do two separate kind of line breaks since I decided to try a different POV thing from what I normally do, which means I'm switching back and forth throughout. So a line break is a line break and the '****' is a change of POV. The changes won't be abrupt; I just didn't want to do it chapter by chapter as I normally would with duel POV. It's a strange way to do a POV change but the asterisk apparently do not stay without the single quotation mark. It's annoying but, there it is I suppose.
Before we get started I have to thank my wonderful beta, SQBookQueen! She spent LITERALLY hours on the phone with me going over head canons and plot lines for this fic. I've been writing SwanQueen for so long that writing new women was frazzling at first. She deserves a cookie.
And of course iEliseHorn - my fucking rock. This ship finally convinced her that shipping is a legit thing. I'm so proud! I will make a fangirl out of her yet, damn it.
Okay! And on with the show…
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"Jesus Christ!" Beca groaned into her hands as once freaking again the god awful sound of her buzzer scared the living shit out of her. At some point she had to get used to it, right? She had just jumped out of her skin - again. She got it. It was effective. She never missed it, even when she was lost in the world of her headphones that noise was one of the only forces on earth that could pull her back… but really, any noise...pretty much any noise, would be better than that one. The scream of dying cats as a doorbell would be better than what she currently had. Christ!
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And then just like that her annoyance was forgotten, replaced by a secret chuckle, her eyes rolling to the ceiling because she totally already knew who it is. She could tell by the obnoxiously long ring; totally obnoxious with just a hint of adorable. No one else would give her buzzer such an enthusiastic workout...well, maybe Aubrey but that wouldn't be enthusiasm as much as anal-retentive craziness.
Despite the eye roll, she smiled up at the cracked ceiling.
She always smiled for Chloe.
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That fucking - adorable - brat - what the hell? "Alright, alright, I'm coming! Damn, gimmie a minute!" She pulled herself up with a lazy groan, "Chloe, why are you ringing the doorbell? You have a freaking key!" She shuffled to the door, fixing her ratty hair as best she could and muttering about being forced to get up off the couch on her day off.
She might be showing every sign of discontent, but she was not fooling herself; she knew her day had just gotten a million times better.
"Chl-" The moment the door swung open there was a loud squeal and then all Beca could see was a blur of titian curls as Chloe jumped on her, wrapping her legs around her waist and her arms around her neck. "GAAAAAH!" Beca cried, barely catching her before they both tumbled to the ground. "Jesus, Chlo!" But just like the long ring, this was also not uncommon and so when she said it, she did so with a laugh, feeling her giddy heart rate shoot through the roof as she clamped down on the underside of Chloe's knees for support. Chloe was a very physical person; the kind of person who, when moving through a crowd, would rather touch a strangers back and have a moment of human connection instead of trying to awkwardly squeeze by without contact. She always had been that way – especially with her. There had always been lots of hugging, cuddling, touching; hell, half of Beca's cardio had always been lugging Chloe around when she was feeling particularly clingy. Again, not that Beca was complaining...like...at all.
"BEC! BEC! GUESS WHAT?"
"Hereeruagh?" Beca had to shift a bit because, well, she was very tiny - like 5'-nothing kind of tiny - and Chloe…yeah, okay she might be smallish too, but she worked out like crazy! Aubrey, her workout buddy, was always pulling her from one new workout trend to the next; last year it was CrossFit and P90X and now, post move to L.A., Chloe seemed to be getting into high intensity yoga. The woman was half freaking muscle; she was fucking heavy. Beca let out an unwilling grunt and shifted her hands to the underside of the thighs that were wrapped around her, enjoying the little tingle in her lower belly at the action - this could be soooo...When she had her situated so she knew she wasn't going to rip something, or break something or...drop her, she finally pulled her head back so she could see Chloe's waiting, radiant and flushed face.
It happened every single freaking time; hitting her like a tsunami, knocking her senseless and momentarily robbing her of speech and yet somehow she was still surprised by it - after all this damn time! She was so goddamn beautiful; that toothy grin and those intoxicating eyes constantly blew Beca away. To be fair, it was a proximity thing. Seeing her across the room was...powerful, like sticking a fork in an outlet, but having her suddenly sprung on her like this, so close, it was going to give her a heart attack. Fuck.
Ugh, how was she even real?
Beca could feel her lips curling into a smile too, simply in response to the fact that Chloe was smiling at her; it was a reflex, like shielding your eyes from the bright afternoon sun after stepping from a dark room, "What?" Chloe as the sun? Yeah, that was an apt description.
"Look!" Chloe reached behind her to pull something from her back pocket, not seeming to register at all that they were still in the doorway of Beca's apartment or that she was still comfortably wrapped around her like a sloth. It made Beca's smile grow all the wider because it was so Chloe.
Oh! Take that. She was supposed to – okay. Right.
It took her a second of situating to be able to pull a hand free and take the thing.
"Wha..." The long pink stick sat in her hand for one beat...two...three, then, "Oh! Ew! Dude!" She didn't mean to send it flying across the patio, but she couldn't help spasmodically shaking her hand like somehow that would get the cooties off, "The hell? You peed on that!"
Chloe just rolled her eyes, not caring in the slightest that some people might find that kind of gross, "Did you see?"
Beca frowned; still trying to get over the gross out factor...and then it clicked home.
Two little pink lines.
Two pink lines...it was like she had just been immobilized, utterly and entirely frozen in place. Two pink lines?
Something on her face must have changed, must have shown...something, some type of recognition because Chloe let out a high excited squeal and clutched tighter around her neck, choking the life out of her as she yelled into her ear, "I'M PREGNANT!" Beca felt her eardrum rattle, but she couldn't - she was too surprised, she couldn't move. Chloe's legs started to excitedly kick on either side of Beca as she squealed again, the momentum knocking them into the doorframe. Beca blinked, barely noticing the new position because Chloe's forehead had just fallen against her own so they were nose to nose, those vibrant baby blues piercing into her very soul. "We're pregnant."
Beca opened her mouth, waiting for words but she couldn't seem to find any. She could hear so much joy in Chlo's voice, so much peace as if everything in her world had just begun to finally align. She could hear the reverence brought on by those two tiny and yet oh so meaningful little pink lines.
The way Chloe said that…it was almost like…it was almost as though… ugh god, Beca could see it…a tiny baby with blue eyes and red curls, ugh, giggling as it ran and jumped. She watched as a scene played out in her head, the toddler singing and playing, Chloe chasing after it, her hair shining in the sunlight, her face aglow. She watched as Chloe tackled the child to the grass, and though she's the one doing the tickling, they are both laughing - the same laugh, mother and child.
Beca could see it, and oh god, she would want it to look just like its mother.
She opened her mouth again, commanding herself to speak but she still had no idea what to say. A small wheeze was all she could manage. So she just looked back, speechless as Chloe rubbed the tip of her nose against Beca's, making her eyelashes flutter and her head spin.
So close.
"Okay!" Chloe gave her a big, sloppy kiss on the lips, the same kind she always gave her and hopped down. Beca blinked stupidly and it took her a second to remember how to lower her suddenly empty and lonely arms to her sides. "I can't stay! I have to go tell Nicholas!"
Nicholas. Beca hated how she still said his whole name as though he were the most amazing thing in the world, as though he were the inventor of sliced bread and not just the fucking bread itself. It's not Nick, or Nickie or...whatever the fuck the Nicholas' of the world go by these days; no, it's always Nicholas. Douchy, stupid faced, brunette hair shining in the sun, white teeth sparkling when he smiled, dimpled Nicholas.
Chloe flashed her that resplendent smile, running her hand down Beca's arm until she could squeeze her palm with open affection and wink, "I just wanted you to be the first to know that there is a bun in this oven! Whoo!" Beca smiled habitually at the little booty dance that Chloe did...the same one that Chloe did the first night they hung out together...the same one that Chloe has done a million times since Beca's freshman year of college, whenever she was excited really. Beca had always found it to be so silly, so funny and so sexy...
But this time she saw it and laughed a moment too late. Chloe didn't seem to notice though, scooping down to pick up the positive test. She tossed another wink over her shoulder at Beca and started hopping down the stairs, back toward her car.
Beca barely managed a small, "Bye." Normally she would call a joke after her best friend, something about being careful driving or – 'good job on the successful baby making' or – something – but nothing was coming to mind right now. Everything was just...blank...numb...broken.
Then her hand was automatically closing the door because - that's what comes next, right? Closing the door? That's what she should do? Maybe?
She knew this day was coming, she had known it since the wedding...because that was how that definitely worked...right? 'First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the love of her life with a baby carriage'; at least that's what they were taught in grade school anyway.
She turned and leaned heavily against the door, thankful for its dependable sturdiness. 'Ha!' The thought crossed her mind and she almost laughed, 'That's not all, that's not all, here comes Beca drinking alcohol.' She let out a bubble of almost-giggle but it dried before it could pass her lips.
She knew this was the next step...despite, you know, that um, thing that had happened in the bathroom at Chloe's wedding...so...why did she feel like someone had just reached in and ripped out her windpipe?
A pain in her chest let her know that she was holding her breath so she released it and pulled in a long shuddering gasp as her butt finally hit the carpet with a thud. She took another breath but to no avail, the action brought her no relief.
The pain was still there.
She...Beca Mitchell...she was Chloe's best friend. All through college, all through dating and love lives and gossip...all through competitions and fights...through their move to L.A., through marriage...she had always been Chloe's best friend. No matter what she needed Beca had always been there by her side...just like her love for Chloe had always been there for Beca...like a drowning weight around her neck.
Chloe was pregnant. She was going to have a baby. Chloe was going to have a Nicholas baby. It was going to have Chloe's beautiful eyes and Nicholas' stupid perfect teeth.
Beca had always been there for Chloe...but suddenly she knew, as the first few tears slipped down her cheeks, she knew that she couldn't be anymore.
She just - she couldn't.
Her heart hurt. It hurt like a sore muscle after years and years of contracting and expanding, years of torture and neglect.
She had watched her date that tool, she had watched her marry that tool, she had even sung at her damn wedding...but she couldn't watch her have that tool's baby, she just...no...
She pulled in another rasping breath and the tears broke free, fast and hot on her cheeks, wracking her body as her fingers dug into the carpet beside her until it hurt, her whole body hitching as she spasmed out the sobs.
Oh god. It was time…it was time to let Mrs. Nicholas Cavanaugh go.