A/N: Hey guys!! :) I wanted to take a short 'Your Night' break by writing this fic. I don't know. Realized I don't have a Comic Relief written yet this year!! I know. It's very sad. I'm really not very funny any more though. I will try anyway to write a funny fic. This is inspired by Sinical-Sarchasm, who's stuff I command you to read! : ) Anyways, happy reading!!
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warning: This is stupid, pointless, and plotless. Of this I already know. Continue at your own risk.
Now, Silver Ice proudly (well maybe not too proudly) presents...
COMIC RELIEF: Apples and Bananas
Hermione, Ron, and Harry sat in the back of the dungeon during Double Potions. They were working on a complex potion that would feed you with just a tablespoon of the mixture. Hermione was frantically trying to make sure Ron and Harry didn't ruin the potion.
"Ron! How many times do I have to tell you the eighth of apple goes in every six minutes, not every five!" Hermione exclaimed, grabbing the apple slice Ron had nearly dropped into the already sickeningly green potion.
"Sorry Hermione, I'll wait another minute," Ron mumbled. Hermione smiled in satisfaction as she added the precise amount of powdered newt that was needed. Ron added in his apple eighth seconds later. The potion bubbled and began to turn blue. Hermione looked in deep concentration at the potion.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked at Hermione's look of thought. At the sound of his voice she frowned.
"Harry, did you add the orange peel?" Hermione asked, suddenly understanding why the potion hadn't turned orange yet.
Harry suddenly tapped his foot nervously. "Oh, you mean, this orange peel?" Harry asked, lifting the peel from the table.
"Yes, that orange peel! I swear, the two of you can't get anything right," Hermione exclaimed as Harry dropped the orange peel into the potion. Instead of turning orange the potion turned purple.
"Er, sorry?" Harry offered as Hermione began to breath angrily. (can you breath angrily?)
"We are going to receive failing marks for this potion! Do you understand what that can do to my grade?" Hermione exclaimed as she desperately thought of how she could save the potion.
"Hermione, one ruined potion won't do anything to your grade," Ron instead with a shrug, waiting for six minutes to pass so he could put his final piece of apple into the cauldron.
"Think, think, think. There has to be someway to save this potion. As long as it's yellow in the end we should get a decent mark." Hermione said, pulling out a textbook and flipping humidly thorough it's pages.
She closed it angrily and looked instead at all the ingredients laid out in front of her. She gasped suddenly in realization and pulled her backpack on to her lap. She opened it and began to push aside books and papers until she finally grabbed a small bag.
"What's that?" Harry asked curiously, hoping this wouldn't be another potion for Snape to spill before grading.
"Dried bananas. It's my favorite snack," Hermione answered, grabbing a handful and tossing them hopefully into the cauldron. Much to the trio's relief the potion bubbled and turned yellow.
"You're a genius Hermione!" Ron exclaimed with a smile as he tasted the potion, "You know, this doesn't even taste too bad."
"Perfect," Hermione said, tucking her bag of dried bananas away before Snape saw them.
"We still have to pretend like we're working though. We have 15 minutes left in class," Harry said.
Hermione nodded in agreement and told Ron to crush newt eye and Harry to crush bat wings.
"So guys," Harry began, trying to pass time, "if you got one wish, what would you wish for?"
Ron was the first to answer, "More wishes."
"Ron that's silly. You should wish for something more sensible," Hermione said.
"Yeah? Well what would you wish for?" Ron asked.
"I would wish for world power, or perhaps the knowledge of every book ever written," Hermione explained. Ron still thought his wish was better.
"What about you Harry? What would you wish for?" Ron asked when Harry didn't state his wish.
"I wish I could be a mermaid and be with the Mer-King!" Harry exclaimed excitedly. Ron and Hermione didn't comment and continued to work on in silence. While Harry happily sang 'Mer-King is the thing' to himself.
They were grateful when Snape finally spoke.
"That is all the time you have. Please turn in that sample of your potion in the vials you have been given." Snape directed as students ladled a variety of colored potions into vials.
Much to Hermione's relief it looked like no one had correctly made the potion. She filled and securely closed their vial before handing it in to a sneering Snape. He didn't break the vial much to Harry's joy. The trio quickly left the dungeon at the end of class, glad they had managed to make a good potion.
"Aren't you coming to lunch?" Ron asked Hermione as she walked past the Great Hall.
"No, I think I'll stop at the library first," Hermione replied before continuing down the corridor.
"Who would rather read than eat?" Ron asked in confusion. Harry didn't answer though, he was too busy looking at Ron in alarm.
"Um, you--," Harry began raising his eyebrow in confusion.
"What is it?" Ron asked.
"Mate, there's something growing out of your hair," Harry said.
"My hair? What's wrong with my hair?" Ron asked, feeling his head and realizing in shock that something was growing from there.
He dashed to the nearest bathroom and looked at his head in horror. "Well you're not looking to handsome today," A voice said with a chuckle.
Ron turned to see Moaning Myrtle and then turned back to the mirror. Growing out of his hair there were two small trees. On one tree there were apples, on the other, bananas.
"Harry! How the bloody hell did this happen?" Ron asked in fury.
"Well, you did try the potion before we turned it in, didn't you?" Harry asked as he saw the two trees grow increasingly bigger.
"I only had the tiniest bit though! We have to get these trees of my head, I can't be seen like this!" Ron exclaimed panicking.
"I think it suites you nicely," Moaning Myrtle said from above the toilets. Ron glared at her angrily before taking off his cloak and covering the two growing trees.
"Come on Harry, let's go to the library. Hermione better know how to fix this!" Ron snapped as he stomped out of the bathroom and to the library. Hermione, however, was not there or in the Great Hall. In a final frantic attempt Ron and Harry went to the Gryffindor common room, but did not find her.
"She might be in her dorm," Harry suggested, pointing up the spiraling staircase that led to the girls dormitories.
"How do you suppose we get up there without the bloody steps turning into a slide?" Ron asked in frustration as the trees grew nearly an inch more.
"That's easy," Harry replied as he walked up to a cluster of second year girls. "Hi, do you think you can go up to the sixth year dorms and ask if there's a Hermione Granger up there? If she is can you tell her to come down?" Harry asked politely. The girls giggled and nodded before dashing up to the girls dorms.
A few moments later they appeared with Hermione close behind them. "Here she is," one of the blonde girls said with a giggle.
"Thank you very much," Harry replied with a smile. The girls giggled again and dashed away to whisper excitedly.
"What do you two want? I was working on homework, and Ron, what are you doing with your cloak on your head?" Hermione asked in bewilderment.
"Follow me and I'll show you," Ron said as he retreated to the boys dorm. Hermione and Harry followed and as soon as the door closed Ron pulled down the cloak. Hermione gasped.
"Ron! You have...trees growing in your hair," Hermione exclaimed.
"Thank you for that Hermione. I've really been wondering what they were," Ron said sarcastically.
"Well if you're going to talk to me like that I might as well just leave," Hermione declared, turning back towards the door.
"NO! Please, I need your help to get rid of these bloody trees, there has to be a way Hermione!" Ron pleaded hopefully.
"Ron, I have no idea how to help you. What were you thinking when you tried our potion?" Hermione asked. Ron glared at her.
"Hermione, I thought that we did a good job on it. I mean it was yellow, wasn't it?" Ron questioned, trying to convince himself.
"Ron, I have no idea what kind of potion we made. Clearly I can see that it won't get us very high marks," Hermione said as she glanced again at the apple and banana trees.
"Hey Ron," Harry said suddenly, "I'm really hungry, you think I can have a banana?" Harry asked.
Ron looked at Harry in disbelieve before saying, "Fine, take one."
Harry, who hadn't had lunch, grabbed a banana and quickly took a bite just as Hermione exclaimed, "Don't!"
"Why Hermione? This is really good, you should try a banana," Harry said, finishing his banana and grabbing an apple. After Harry finished his apple he sat and began to sing.
I like to eat eat eat apples and bananas
I like to eat eat eat apples and bananas
I like to eat eat----
Harry stopped singing to eat another banana and exclaimed, "I really love your bananas Ron."
"Stop eating from my trees!" Ron exclaimed as Harry attempted to eat another apple.
"Sorry," Harry said, backing away from Ron smiling sweetly and batting his eyes. Hermione looked at both of them in disbelief.
"You need to go to Madame Pomfrey guys. I don't know how to help you, but if you don't get rid of those trees they're going to flatten your head," Hermione said as the trees in Ron's hair grew even more.
Ron wrapped his cloak around the trees again and left the dorm for the hospital wing. Hermione quickly followed behind Ron trying to keep her distance from Harry, who was now happily singing another chorus of I like to eat apples and bananas and growing two trees of his own.
And that's what really happened.
A/N: Okay. Thanks to Azkaban Fugitive who helped me think up some funny lines. ;) Check out her fic Something Wonderful. Anyway thank you for reading!
Don't be TOO harsh on flames. Really though, leave them if you don't want to review!! :) If you did by some chance like this then I highly suggest Comic Relief: Tea because it's cool and could explain Harry's mermaid wish. Lol. All right, -runs from the apples and bananas being thrown- sorry for this. ;)