Hey guys. This is so bittersweet. I feel like I'm close to rounding out and ending this. It's been more than a year in the making and this is one of the longest things I have ever written. I thank each and everyone of you who stuck around.
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change."
-Avatar Aang
Chapter Forty-One: The Choices We Make
KATARA
Republic City.
Aang had decided that in honor of the city's success, and his 30th birthday, that we'd celebrate. It had been a long time since I had rode on Appa's back. The feeling of nostalgia very nearly overshadowed any trepidation as Ember Island came into view.
I wrangled with the kids. Tenzin sat studiously while Bumi and Kya grappled in the saddle. It was enough to drive me mad and not think twice about the only letter Zuko had sent me in fourteen years.
I had seen Zuko many times over the last decade and a half; it wasn't as if we could avoid each other at diplomatic events. Especially where Republic City was concerned. The first two years were unbearable, but the moment I grew pregnant with Bumi my life suddenly had another purpose.
He was beautiful. And he was a non-bender. I took pride in raising him but we were quickly pregnant again under the pressures of the world. I wondered if Bumi ever felt the weight of it on his little shoulders.
Sometimes I saw his eyes cast into shadows darker than any child's ought too. When Kya was born I cried for hours after her delivery. Clutching the babe to my breast like my own life depended on our closeness.
When my blue eyed baby turned out to be a water bender, I thanked the God's twice over for her. For the little girl I saw in my vision nearly four years prior.
After Tenzin was born I was able to breathe deeply for the first time since Aang and I wed. With that first push of air from his small palm I knew there was hope for Aang's people. At the young age of seven, Aang trained with Tenzin every day.
The boy didn't complain and didn't argue. This would be the first vacation Tenzin would ever have. And it would be the first time he'd meet Lin, Toph's daughter.
I had never been introduced to Kanto, the man Toph fathered Lin with. She had told me about him in her letters and when I had flown in to deliver her baby he was not present and she didn't mention him. It seemed they either weren't that serious or one of them had grown bored of the other.
It made me wonder if I'd meet Zuko's daughter. The girl was nearly three years of age but I still didn't know her name, the royal family keeping tight lipped even to the closest of friends. Zuko's wife, Fire Lady Akali, was of a noble, diplomatic family who Uncle Iroh had hand picked. I had met her a few times and she was absolutely stunning. So when I had heard she passed away during childbirth I only wished he would have reached out to me.
Though I'm sure the most capable midwives were at their disposal, having a healer at the birth of a child virtually guaranteed a healthy mother and baby.
I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. The warm, briny air, muddling my senses as I clambered off of Appa. Aang tossed me down a bag off Appa's back as I spun towards the same house we took refuge in during the war.
My heart stopped beating when I saw Zuko on the front deck. Gone were his Fire Lord robes and pinned up hair.
Here, in his summer home I'm sure he never had the time to visit, he raised a hand in greeting. The other stroked a small head of shining, obsidian hair as the little girl clutched onto his calf.
"Uncle Zuko!!" Bumi's squeal of excitement sounded from behind me as he took off in a full sprint towards him. Kya right on his heels giggling cheerfully. Tenzin helped Aang and I with the bags and we made our way up the small path.
Zuko spoiled my children rotten on regular occasions and had already promised my two eldest gifts that lay just inside; if their hoots and tearing of paper were any indication. Tenzin bowed to the Fire Lord, prim and proper, before joining his brother and sister.
Something happened in that moment. Aang exchanged a long, pointed gaze with Zuko before following our kids and taking my pack, leaving Zuko and I alone.
Well, almost.
Tucked into his billowing folds of lightweight, red swaths of fabric, was his daughter. I came to my knees in front of the child. It seemed to pique her interest and she spun cautiously towards me.
"This is Master Katara. Say hello, Izumi."
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach.
Izumi.
She mumbled a hello before retreating in the direction my husband left in.
"She's beautiful…" I said as I stood up to face him fully. We may as well have been teenagers again. Though the angles on Zuko's face were more precise and his waist length hair flowed unbound, he looked the same as he did that night on the solstice.
"I'm sorry about Lady Akali. I didn't get the chance to offer my condolences in person. And I was unsure if you received my letter because you didn't respond. But I know you're busy and-"
"Thank you, Katara."
I said nothing. We just stared at each other until Kya came running out onto the porch.
"Mom! Uncle Zuko got me a water bending scroll! Can we go to the ocean and practice?!"
Unable to respond I only nodded and watched Kya run back inside to change.
"Will you be joining us, Fire Lord? You bought her the scroll after all."
He chuckled, "I'd never miss the chance to watch a daughter of La bend."
He wasn't referring to Kya I realized, as his eyes blazed into my soul. Despite my efforts I blushed deeply and he smirked at the obvious effect he had on me. I bristled like a schoolgirl before following Kya.
——————
Before I knew it Kya and I stood ankle deep in the ocean while gentle waves lapped at our calves. I tried my absolute damnedest to keep my eyes from wandering to Zuko's bare chest. To the enormous scar on his stomach that seemed to be swallowing him from the inside out.
Bumi played with Izumi, Aang trained with Tenzin and Zuko-well, Zuko watched me under the guise of watching my daughter. Kya and I warmed up, spinning the water leisurely around ourselves before Kya spoke.
"Mom, did something happen between you and Uncle Zuko?"
Her question lingered in the air as I fought for a response. My eyes flashed to Aang. He met my gaze unwavering. Grey eyes shining in understanding, in love. I opened my mouth to quell Kya's suspicion the same time the ground started shaking beneath our feet.
Question forgotten, I looked out into the ocean, to the water rippling on the horizon.
Zuko swung to scoop up Izumi and retreated to the house leaving Bumi with her before joining us back on the beach in the time it took me to blink.
Kya and I reacted at the same moment, a pillar of ice shooting us out of the water keeping us elevated. Aang took to his glider to get a better look and Tenzin stood next to Zuko in a defensive stance.
I shot a pointed stare at the Fire Lord over my shoulder before grunting with some effort to clear the water between Kya and our ice stanchions.
Out of the corner of my eye I watched Zuko step in front of Tenzin. Shielding him from whatever might happen. No matter the enemy, Tenzin must survive.
We all stared at the ocean floor. Barren as the earth beneath it tumbled and shook all the way to the sandy beach.
'Earth bender.'
"Tenzin!!" I screamed. Fear coursing through my veins as Zuko placed my son in a pillar of fire and stood guard as the ground continued to tremble.
I blinked. And Zuko was sucked into the sand below. The whole that opened beneath his toes closed before I could even react.
"Kya stay here!" I bent the waves to my command as I raced to get to him.
Then sand covered Zuko's fire. I could only watch as the sand mixed with the flames and boxed Tenzin in a room of glass.
Aang made haste towards him. His glider moving quicker than I've seen since the war. Just as he was within reach someone shot out of the sand below him, sending them two hundred yards away.
"Aang!" I yelled in concern. Then I heard glass shatter. Whipping my head towards where Tenzin was, or used to be.
"Is that the best you got?" A female voice sounded to my left where I saw Tenzin standing atop the roof.
The girl stood wrapped in rock made armour glaring up at my son.
My eyes flickered to Bumi's dark head bolting out of the house. Izumi clutched to his chest before hopping on Appa and taking flight.
Then Tenzin leaped from the house on the offensive, slamming into the girl.
"Enough!" I shouted, pulling water from the ocean to create a giant whirlpool.
I scooped up the earth bender, suspending her in the air only to send her plummeting towards the ground. Just as she neared the earth a cloud of air swooped down to catch her fall.
I heard her cackle. "Wow, Sugar Queen, you should've seen your face!"
I spun on my heels to see Toph walking side by side with an irritated looking Aang. "What the hell, Toph! You could have killed someone! And where the Spirits is Zuko?"
Toph sighed dramatically before unclenching her fist propelling Zuko out of his sand prison panting. He caught his footing before sprinting into the house then back out again.
"Where is Izumi!?" His fear was real and unending and I glared at Toph with as much annoyance as I could muster. My heart began aching.
"She's fine! It's ok, Bumi took her on Appa. Aang could you please go get them?"
Aang didn't speak before opening his glider and taking flight. "You've gotten soft, Sparky. I didn't think I'd be that easy." Toph said nonchalantly, picking at her nails like she didn't just attack all of us.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Toph? You're fucking crazy! You put my daughter in danger for some laughs?!" Zuko strode over to her as she rolled on the ground in laughter before I turned towards Tenzin.
He looked stoic and unamused like always as he stared at Lin in her stone suit.
"Well, this isn't how I thought you two meeting was going to go. But Tenzin, this is Lin. Toph's daughter."
She stood, her rock armour falling away revealing her petit self. She looked unimpressed as she stared upon him.
Her black ponytail shimmered against the setting sun and her skin was much tanner than Toph's. Something she most likely received from her father. Her eyes, as green as emeralds.
She cocked her hip out and crossed her arms over her chest. "Your defense is weak. You lack a strong foundation and you're too quick to initiate an offensive counter measure without evaluating your opponent thoroughly. If this were a real fight, you'd be dead."
I wanted to roll my eyes at the girl and apologize on her behalf but when I turned to Tenzin he looked utterly floored. Eyes wide in adoration-in reverence. I smiled softly at the pair when I heard Appa groan from above.
Aang landed them on the sand next to Toph and Zuko when I heard Izumi squeal in excitement.
"Daddy! Daddy! We were flying!" Zuko's rage at Toph melted before my eyes as Izumi leapt off Appa's saddle and into Zuko's arms. He gripped her closely to his chest and kissed her forehead before heading inside without another word.
"That's so messed up, Toph. You know Izumi is all he has left. Why would you do that?" I questioned, tone serious.
And for the first time since I've known her, Toph had the nerve to look sheepish; maybe even embarrassed. "I didn't know she would be here. I figured the uptight royals wouldn't allow it...fuck...I'll be right back."
Toph followed after Zuko.
Aang eyed me. Gaze blank. "I'm going to meditate." He took to his glider.
"Mom?"
Kya gripped the worn out taffeta scroll in her small hand.
——————
The flames burned hot.
Wood crackled.
Firebugs glowed against the ocean to play in Yue's light.
Toph apologized to Zuko and tensions eased. The kids had gone to bed hours ago and Aang never came back from meditating. I could still feel his Chi from the opposite side of the home; stagnant-yet stretching out across the entire property like a protective veil. Toph had excused herself as well.
So I sat there on the sandy beach with Zuko like we were total strangers. We hadn't been alone in such a casual setting since the solstice. How I yearned for Kiri or Suki to be here with me. But they had both stayed behind with Sokka and their newborn.
"You lied to me, Katara." Zuko said just barely over a whisper.
I dug my toes into the cold sand as I thought over his words. As I tried not to be infuriated by them.
"You must be confusing me with yourself."
I spoke just as quietly hoping Toph couldn't hear my voice carry over the water's pulsing tide and the fires' insistent crackling. There would be no disguising my pounding heart though as I waited for Zuko to say anything to the contrary.
The Fire Lord sat directly across from me. The flames of the campfire kept us separated. Safe.
Then he laughed deeply. Darkly. It had me thinking back to when I fought Azula in Caldera nearly two decades ago. I had never heard Zuko's voice reach such an octave. Gooseflesh rose up on my bare arms and stomach.
The fire flickered. Flames growing higher, but only just. Zuko met my eyes through it. Those golden orbs glowing brighter than any flame. Like he himself, was responsible for its creation entirely.
His head cocked to the left, like he was sizing up an opponent. I planted my hands as firmly as I could on the shifting sand below seeking stability I would not find.
"Don't you remember, Katara?" Zuko's dangerous tone was gone; replaced by something that sounded as sweet as a lover. I trembled for a different reason as the fire in front of me shifted from dark oranges and canary yellows to every shade on the color spectrum.
I felt my body fall away as my heart put me back into a life that no longer existed. Where the sun swallowed the moon and rainbow flames engulfed my naked flesh.
When the Fire Lord willingly drowned by the hands of a water tribe princess; as she succumbed to his heat-as she turned into ash underneath digits that could summon the sun itself.
Then nothing.
Zuko extinguished the fire between us but the heat remained, taunting my ice to come out and play.
Under Yue's light Zuko was illuminated like a divine being. Like a God that had come down to Earth to tease us mere mortals simply because he was bored.
My voice caught in my throat and my heart ached. But my blood was singing at the challenge. At the mere suggestion of twinning my ice with his fire. To have him chase away the never ending tundra that consumed me whole.
When Zuko realized I wasn't going to respond he continued on. "You told me," he said carefully and I held onto every word. "That you'd heal the burn."
My cheeks flushed. But I would not back down.
"And you told me you'd write to me." His eyes narrowed and he stood.
"That is different and you know it." Harsh and clipped, his bedroom voice had vanished. It was a low blow. Zuko's council wouldn't allow it. Though many Fire Lords took concubines and courtesans, Zuko would not be permitted to meddle with the Avatar's fiancé. And I understood that.
The air quieted, the heat fizzled out between us.
'The beach has a special way of smoothing even the most ragged edges.'
"Why did you name her Izumi?" The question tumbled past my lips before I could stop it. Zuko smiled, a dazzling flash of teeth that sent my toes curling deeper into the sand.
"In honor of the woman who saved my life." Zuko walked inside leaving me alone with Yue.
I tipped my chin up to the moon, high and full above me. Tears glittering as they fell down my cheeks.
"Hear that, Yue? Izumi of all names-Waterfall. I'm sure the council fought hard against it. Imagine if I named Tenzin, Taiyō." I fell back hard on the sand letting it tangle in my hair.
Letting the high tide wash over my flesh like a priest cleansing a sinner.
Letting Ember Island smooth every jagged edge.
——————-
I woke on the beach hours later. To Aang scooping me up in his arms. To his lips warm and soothing on my brow.
"It'll be alright.." He spoke in my ear, his words having a certain level of conviction that they always seemed to have. I wiggled, and Aang set me down, my bare feet meeting the hardwood porch.
Aang and I walked through the house, careful not to wake anyone. In the common room a single candle burned. Surrounded by battle strategy scrolls pulled from dusty, unused shelves, Tenzin and Lin slept. Shoulders pushed against each other, her head snug in the crook of his neck.
Aang stiffened beside me and didn't budge. I grabbed his hand reassuringly. "It'll be alright." I whispered, mirroring his words from earlier.
Once under the thin sheets of the bed with my back turned from where Aang lay I found the courage to ask,
"Did you know he named her Izumi?" The question floating in the empty room like sakura petals gliding on the wind in the middle of the rainy season.
"Yes." His answer finally came in a sigh. "It wasn't my place to tell you." I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see it.
"How was the Spirit Realm?" I asked knowing he would pick up on my double meaning.
As usual, Aang didn't miss a beat. "Good. Soothing. She hasn't been since before Lin. It's an emotional ordeal for her, she had never even seen Lin's face. I'm sorry I took so long to get to you."
I spun on my back to stare at the depressingly bland ceiling. "Don't be. I understand." And I did. I truly did understand.
"I know…" Aang offered. "I know…"
——————-
"Keep your knees high!" A shrill voice sounded jolting me upright. I could hear the water running from the washroom, the empty space next to me explained. Lin was just as loud as Toph and I found myself peeking out the window.
Lin fired ball after ball of hardened sand and Tenzin bounced around her obstacles like he could walk on air itself. I always thought it graceful watching airbenders move.
I rubbed my eyes of sleep and stood so I could stretch out my limbs, joints popping. The washroom door creaked and Aang appeared. Water dripped down his chest into the red towel tied dangerously low on his hips.
I could feel my cheeks heat under his heavy gaze. Aang had grown into such a handsome man, he was so goofy and carefree I often forgot just how attractive he was. But here like this, with hardly anything covering his modesty, he was undoubtedly beautiful.
"I think Tenzin has really taken a liking to Lin. Look at them out there...I've never seen his face so lit up."
I smiled fondly at our son; glad he was making friends. After years of nonstop training and dedication he was finally able to relax. To be a kid. It didn't fail to warm my heart. Aang came up behind me, wrapping strong arms around my middle and propping his head up on my shoulder to take a look for himself.
"I don't know if she's a good influence." Aang huffed and placed a gentle kiss just under my ear. I swatted at him; he dodged me easily. "Do you think we're too hard on him?" Aang asked, voice laced with concern.
I didn't respond right away. But as I watched my son roll around in the sand and his genuine laughter fill the air I sighed, "What choice do we have?"
I could only imagine what it was like for my kids-the Avatar's kids. Bumi who couldn't bend at all and Kya who didn't take after Aang's airbending. Though they never voiced any feelings of unworthiness; I wondered if they went through each and every day feeling illegitimate. And for Tenzin-the weight of the air nomads on his shoulders. A whole culture threatening to disappear. And there was nothing I could do to help.
———————
When the sun set Aang was once again on the back porch. Toph's body sat adjacent to his, legs criss crossed, small hands dwarfed by larger ones. They existed only in their physical forms. Their spirits drifted in a different realm entirely.
It was raining.
The gentle pitter patter was soothing against the roof of the house. The ocean was restless; crashing onto the shoreline with a fierceness that only happened when the moon and the ocean spirits argued. It had my blood racing. The ice in my veins reacting to the oceans pull.
The kids sat around the living room. Lin and Tenzin played Pai Sho while Bumi and Kya bickered over who was taller.
My body hummed with energy. I jolted when a warm hand ghosted over my hip in greeting. I turned to Zuko, Izumi nowhere in sight. Must be asleep.
Lightning flashed and the hair on Zuko's arms lifted. I could nearly feel his chakra itching to play with nature's lightning.
Another crash of violent waves and a shock of lightning sent a shiver down my spine. Zuko eyed me playfully; nostalgia tugging at my heart before my lips curled into a smile.
"Bumi, you're in charge. Stay inside!" The words were barely out my mouth as Zuko and I sprinted out the door. I inhaled the salty spray of the ocean, my feet striking the wet sand, my body coursing with adrenaline as we raced towards the ocean that beckoned me.
I dove into the water and she accepted me like a dear friend. Once I surfaced I pulled Zuko in with me creating a pocket of air so we could breath and dragging us down to the seafloor to watch the waves as the storm crested above us. As the lighting pierced through the sky.
I swirled my wrist in a lazy motion making sure the pressure of the water didn't crush us and our air supply stayed plentiful.
"Katara…"
Zuko's gaze was blazing into me and our carefree mood slipped into something far more serious. I closed my eyes. Truly not ready for this conversation, one even Aang never made me have.
But there was a reason Zuko's scar was on the front of his body. Always chasing conflict and his destiny, Zuko rushed towards it undeterred, consequences be damned. While Aang just wanted to run away from it all. I think about it every time I see the scar on his back. How much Aang has grown since our teen years.
"I...I wanted to write to you…" Zuko said, pulling me out of my own head.
I allowed his words to be drowned out by the ocean. There was nothing to say. Nothing I could say. I heard Zuko roll off his back to face me completely.
"Why didn't you heal yourself?" Another crackle of lighting. He reached for my free hand.
"I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to forget. You got my mother's necklace and I...I didn't get anything…"
Zuko didn't respond and as the time stretched on I couldn't help but feel foolish. "Akali adored you, you know?"
I was so shocked-so utterly stunned, I nearly stopped bending. "She was an amazing woman. I told her everything about you. It was her idea to name our daughter Izumi. I even showed her your mother's necklace. She always told me how tragic it was. How unfair our duties to the world were. Before she died she made me promise I'd have this conversation with you…"
I breathed deeply through my nose as I attempted to process what he was telling me.
"I've never, not even for one single solitary moment, stopped loving you, Katara…"
That was all it took to have me bending us out of the ocean. To have me leaving Zuko on the sand gasping for air as I stomped my way towards the house.
The waves chased after him like a scorned lover. If he were any slower they would have swallowed him back into the ocean.
"Katara! Wait!" I could hear Zuko running after me. And the second his hand enveloped my wrist I froze him where he stood.
But Zuko didn't back down. No-he exhaled and the ice melted along with my composure. Before I knew it it was a full on battle.
For Zuko to even consider fighting me under the moon was laughable; but it also spoke volumes to how serious he was. How important this was.
With the ocean at my back I wouldn't lose. I couldn't lose.
"How could you! How could you say that!?" Tears blurred my vision as Zuko ducked and weaved around lances of ice. As he turned every water whip and heavy current of salt water into nothing but steam. The first few attacks Zuko threw at me I didn't even bother to dodge. I ripped through blasts of fire with my bare hands, relishing in the tingly burn on the tips of my fingers.
The more emotional I became, the sloppier I was. The more willing I was to take damage to my body; and the fewer attacks Zuko threw at me. It only furthered my rage.
"Attack me, Zuko! Fucking attack me!" His eyes shown through it all. Golden orbs interwoven with a mixture of pity and something far too close to sorrow.
I crafted myself a dagger of ice and set into a dead sprint towards him. Leaving every opening; every opportunity for him to take me out or incapacitate me. But he stood there unwavering, ready to take whatever I had to throw at him.
Whatever anger and feeling of despondency I had, Zuko would take every ounce.
A sound cleaved through my throat, like a scream or maybe a cry. Before my dagger could pierce through Zuko's abdomen it melted.
His hands were in my hair gripping the back of my nape and my knees gave out. He didn't bother to catch me. Falling to the sand alongside me. I screamed. Pounding my fists into his chest like a spoiled babe wanting a toy.
"I was fine! I was content! How dare you drag me back there! How dare you even speak of it after all this time. That life no longer exists!"
Zuko held my head into the crook of his neck waiting for me to finish my ranting. Once my breathing evened out finally said, "Heal your hands, Katara."
I pushed back on Zuko's chest and pain shot through the entire length of my arms. I took the chance to assess the state of my hands. I knew I sustained damage but it didn't feel as severe at the time. The adrenaline masking the pain receptors in my fingers and palms.
I grunted as I tried to pull water to my fingers but my fingers did not obey. I cursed. And Zuko just stared at me expectantly.
"...I can't…" I gasped, staring at my hands unsure of what to do.
"I can do it, Mom." Kya stood emotionless, palms glowing bright and approached me without another word.
She didn't speak and I hissed as she sent her healing chakra into my palms through her own. She stopped prematurely, blue eyes narrowing. "You can heal it the rest of the way."
She stood then with her back towards me and in a voice much older than my eleven year old had any right to sound she said, "The first thing you ever taught me was to keep my emotions out of a fight. And the second was to never take unnecessary damage."
She looked over her shoulder through her mass of chocolate waves, "I'll be ready to talk when you are…" Kya left Zuko and I on the wet sand.
I cursed again as I healed my hands the rest of the way and went to follow after her. "We will finish this conversation later, Zuko."
I met Kya in her room, unsure of what she saw-what she heard. I closed the door behind me ready to deflect and evade. But I realized that would be impossible when she asked,
"Mom, do you love Uncle Zuko?"
My heart splintered as I watched silver tears paint her chopper cheeks.