Loving You Forever is What I Need

Chapter Twenty

"I think perhaps I will always hold a candle for you – even until it burns my hand.

And when the light has long since gone …. I will be there in the darkness holding what remains, quite simply because I cannot let go." ― Ranata Suzuki

Alina knocked on Emily's door around six in the afternoon, she would have come to see her earlier but she just couldn't get out of work until now. Clyde had been on her ass for the past week and she just couldn't bear him anymore. Emily was off and had been for about eight days now, according to Clyde with a very serious case of food poisoning. But Alina had seen her plane ticket receipt when she used Emily's computer at work. She had gone to D.C. a few days before, and when Alina asked Clyde about it, he mumbled something about a random meeting at the D.C. office. But Alina knew better than that, something was with wrong with her friend. After a few seconds, the door opened revealing a very distraught Emily Prentiss.

"What the hell?" Alina said, stepping inside the loft without waiting for an invitation.

"Sure, go ahead and come in." Emily said sarcastically, her voice sounding raspy and tired.

"What happened here, Emily?" Alina demanded looking around.

Emily had never been the messy kind, if anything she was the neatest person Alina had known. Her apartment was in disarray, case files all over her coffee table and dining table. There were clothes gathered all over the place, and several empty bottles of wine sat on the kitchen counter. The worst was Emily whose eyes were so swollen it looked like she had been beaten.

"I'm sick, I thought Clyde told you."

"There is no medicine?" Alina whispered still looking around in shock.

"What?" Emily asked confused.

"You said you were sick, stomach bug, if I remember correctly, yet there are no signs anywhere of you actually taking any prescriptions or OTC medicine, no water bottles or electrolytes, nothing"

"Okay, Miss Profiler, first, I don't take medicine and you know that, and second, what are you doing here?"

"Something happened in D.C., didn't it?" The blonde woman asked ignoring Emily's question, "Did he do something to you?" Her voice defensive. "I swear to God, Emily, I will kill him."

"Who? What the hell are you talking about?" Emily asked finally losing her temper.

"Hotchner!" Alina said, stating the obvious. "You went to D.C, and you returned a mess, now tell me what the hell did he do?"

"Okay, why don't you back off for a little bit here?' Emily glared "I'm an adult, I don't need you to treat me like a fourteen-year-old, and I definitely don't need you to come into my apartment demanding answers…."

"You are my friend, I'm doing what friends do, care for each other."

"I'm fine."

"Have you even looked at this place? Jesus Christ, Emily, your face is swollen from you crying yourself to sleep every night."

"I am not!"

"What happened with Hotch?" Alina's voice was persistent, yet there was a warmth to her words and Emily couldn't be mad at her even if she tried. Alina had been her one and only friend for the past two years, she knew more about Emily that perhaps even Clyde himself.

"Why do you assume this is about Hotch?"

"Because the minute he walked back into your life you started spiraling down the drain."

"That's not true…he has nothing to do with anything, he and I are just friends, I've told you that a million times."

"Then why does he affect you so much?"

"Affect me how?'' The brunette asked in disbelief.

"Look at you, Emily? When was the last time you cried so much that your face swelled like a balloon? Look at this place, Miss OCD who has every one of her books organized by author's last name? And whose cleaning service comes once a week, regardless of whether you've been here in the first place…this? it looks like someone broke in."

"Oh, please, just because I have a few things scattered around does not mean Hotch…look, I'm fine, thanks for your visit, you can go now." Emily moved around her living room clearing the clothing items that have been scattered around the past few days.

"Emily, please talk to me." Alina followed her into the bedroom.

"There is nothing to talk about, I wasn't feeling well, I am allowed to sulk around and sleep for a few days, aren't I?"

"Right, and drink an entire case of wine while you are at it?" Alina rolled her eyes.

"Look, I get that you always have to be Miss Expert at not letting anything get to you, but there are people out there that care for you, and regardless of what you might think, you can trust me." Her voice was so kind Emily's heart was warmed by her kindness and stubbornness to always watch after her.

"I know that Ali, look…this is not about Hotch, if you really want to know Liam came by the other dap."

"He did?" Alina asked, "What happened?"

Flashback

Emily had barely walked into her apartment when there was a knock on the door; she was tired and her head was pounding, she had barely arrived from the airport ten minutes ago. All she wanted to do was drink wine and pass out. Her visit to D.C. hadn't been as great as she had planned, of course, she had seen her BAU family again, and she was happy for that. But, she had made the mistake of spending the majority of her time in Hotch's bed. That had been a very bad move, sex with Aaron had always been magical, but there were other things too, too many strings, too much had happened in the past. Things would have been easier if it was just sex and nothing more, she was good at that, she had partners like that before, strictly sexual and nothing more. But that wasn't the case with Aaron Hotchner, there was always so much baggage with him. Things were never easy when it came down to them, there was a reason why they broke up in the first place, and why they couldn't be together. So naturally spending two- and-a-half days in his bed had been a huge mistake; things turned out icy in the end and there was a big argument Emily didn't want to think about. She probably would never be able to talk to him again, even as friends. She closed her eyes for a second trying not to think about the memories and headed to open the door.

"Liam, what are you doing here?" She asked surprised. She had not seen or heard from him since the night she was in the hospital after Mr. Scratch had kidnapped her.

"May I come in, please?"

"Um, look, I just got back from a work trip, now isn't good time." The last thing she needed was getting into a new argument with her latest ex-boyfriend.

"Please Emily." He begged. Huffing, she moved out of the door to let him in.

"Look, I'm sorry I haven't called this past month; I was in Belgium for work matters and I just needed time to think."

"It's fine, I've been very busy myself."

"Listen, Emily, I'm really sorry about what happened before…I know l let my emotions get to me, and I was a bloody asshole. But I do know that I love you and I know I made mistakes in the past."

"Liam, I don't think this is a good time…."

"Everything was fine, and then we let it get weird between us with all the arguments and stuff, no matter how hard I tried."

"You weren't particularly trying hard, Liam, you started seeing things where they're weren't any."

"I know, love, I know, and I'm sorry about that…I love you, Emily."

"Liam," Emily tried to stop him, she was beginning to feel dizzy and irritated again, she shouldn't have opened the door.

"Marry me, Emily."

There was a pregnant pause where her mind went blank and shock was the only emotion her face registered.

"Give me a clue as to whether you're kidding or not."

"I'm not kidding, I love you." Her mouth dropped again and she stared at him unable to comprehend what had just happened.

"What do you say, love?"

"Nothing." She said as her anger finally bubbled up. "You did not just propose to me as a way to prove a point, did you?"

"It is to prove a point, that I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"No, Liam." Emily cried out. "A proposal has to be something more than a desperate way to end bickering, or to win a contest."

"It was more than that."

"No, Liam, I haven't seen you for five weeks, you ended things remember?"

"I was angry and confused, I thought there was something going on between you and Hotchner."

"That's exactly my point, a month ago you sat there accusing me of sleeping around and trying to cause a brawl with my ex-boss, you ended things and went to Belgium, and now you show up here out of the blue to ask me to marry you, you haven't even thought about this."

"I have thought about it." Liam said, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a velvet box.

"Oh my God!"

"Darling! I love you, I have loved you since the day I met you."

"Liam…."

"Emily Prentiss, will you marry me?" He asked, kneeling in front of her; she froze for a second, but was quick to shake off the feelings of anger and frustration.

"No, Liam, I'm sorry, this isn't…I can't do this."

Liam looked heartbroken and angry, He stood up, rejection on his face, it was obvious he hadn't expected Emily to turn him down.

"Is this because of Hotchner?"

Emily scoffed angrily and replied, "No, this is exactly why, Liam, because of this!" She pointed with her finger, "You are already starting shit with Hotch, and this has nothing to do with him. I don't want to marry you because of everything that has happened in the past few months. You don't actually love me, you just want to prove a point."

"That's not true, I love you, Emily."

"That might be true…but the fact that you didn't speak to me for five weeks and all of a sudden you show up with a ring expecting me to jump into your arms and say yes. A proposal should be more than that, it should be planned and magical, there should be flowers and candles and, God! I don't even know, but you don't show up to someone's door with a ring and a desperate need to fix something that has been broken for a while."

"You're right, love." He apologized. "I should have done things differently, maybe we can start from zero and see where it goes?" He asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry, I can't." Emily said with tears prickling at her eyes. "You're one of the most amazing guys I have ever met, but right now I need to be alone."

"Love…."

"This is not about Aaron, I promise you that, too much has happened, and I just need to work on healing myself before I commit to anyone again."

"Alright, darling, I respect that, but if you ever change your mind, I'll wait for you." Liam said, placing a kiss on her forehead and walking out.

End flashbacks

"Wait, he proposed?" Alina asked in disbelief. "Why would you turn him down, is this because of Hotchner?"

"Oh Jesus, not you too!" Emily said exasperated. "Can you guys just drop that subject, please."

"Oh my God!" Alina said, realization settling in, noticing the vanishing purple marks on her neck.

"What?" Emily asked, so close to being annoyed at her friend.

"You slept with him!"

"What?"

"Hotch…you slept with Hotch, that explains it all!"

"Alina, please."

"I knew it, I knew he was bad news the minute he showed up here, I knew he was a piece of shit."

"You don't even know him." Emily said in disbelief.

"I don't want to know him." Her voice going up an octave. "Everything was perfect, you were doing great, you and Liam were doing great, you were happy…suddenly he shows up here and wrecked your life completely."

"He didn't wreck anything, what are you talking about?" Emily's voice sounded tired and irritated…as much as she loved her best friend, she just wanted her to leave her alone.

"For God's sake, Emily, you were kidnapped and held captive by a serial killer all because of him…and not content with that, he destroyed your relationship with Liam, how can you not see it?"

"He didn't destroy my relationship with Liam, I ended that myself, why can't you get that through your head."

"Look me in the eye right now and tell me you did not sleep with Hotchner when you went to D.C.?" Alina's gaze was so intense it made Emily look away from her.

"I knew it!" She yelled. "I knew the minute he talked sweet into your ear, you would run back to bed with him."

"That's enough, Alina!" Emily finally shouted, "This is my private life, not yours. I appreciate your friendship, but I am an adult and I'm perfectly capable of watching after myself."

"Right, by sitting at home pining and crying over a piece of shit who broke your heart three times, and who only seems to want to get you in his bed and you are so damn blind you don't see it."

"Get out!" Emily said, angry tears already burning her eyes.

"What?" The blonde said in shock.

"You have absolutely no right to meddle in my personal life, please get out!"

"Emily!"

"Dammit, Alina, just leave!" Emily shouted?

"Fine, do whatever the fuck you want Emily, it's your life."

Emily closed the door angrily; she was so fed up with everyone right now, she just wanted to disappear. Tears burned in her eyes, why did everything have to be so complicated all the time, she just wanted to have a simple life, and be happy, why wasn't that possible. She took a deep breath to try to calm herself down. She knew exactly what she needed to do, this time, after all she was an expert at running away. Filling a wine glass with a generous amount of red wine, she walked over the window dialing a number.

"As I live and breath." The raspy voice came on the phone.

"Sean," She smiled, blinking away a few tears, "How are you?"

"What can I say, getting older and grumpier each day." Sean McAllister replied in a soft tone, Emily always liked his voice, it was always so calming and peaceful.

"What can I do for you, gorgeous? I know you didn't just call to chat."

"You know me so well." Emily laughed taking a long sip of wine. "I was wondering…do you remember that time you asked me to come work for your team?"

"You're not serious, are you?" Sean asked confused. Emily was now in charge of the London office, as far as he was concerned, she was flourishing and happy there.

"You know I'm nothing but serious."

"Let me get this straight…" Sean asked, "You want to leave your position as a team leader in London, a city you love, to come work for me in Singapore?"

"You know, I can always go back to the CIA."

"You are definitely serious!" Sean couldn't believe it. "Alright then, just say when, and the job is yours."

"When!" Emily said, looking straight ahead, the River Thames glistening in front of her, it was time for her to leave everything behind, even her favorite place on earth.

"Don't run away.
Im not running away. Im already gone.-Lena and Ethan"