Loving You Forever is What I Need Chapter Twenty-One

If you were running away from me, down a straight hallway with an oiled hardwood floor, and I had a machine gun and a pointy mustache, I still couldn't hit you with a bowling ball. But what are you doing? You should be running toward love, not away from it. - Author: Jarod Kintz

Alina walked into the BAU building around eight in the evening, her flight had arrived about two hours ago, but she had struggled finding a cab and checking into a hotel. She was not even supposed to stay the night, this was a short trip, she was supposed to be here for a few hours at the most and then head back to London. No one even knew she was in the States. She had called Clyde earlier making some excuse about catching the virus from Emily and feeling sick. They both knew she was lying, they also knew there was no virus, Emily had been in her apartment pining for an idiot. Which was the reason that had brought her to Washington in the first place. Emily had informed them she was taking a job in Singapore working for Sean McAllister again. Alina couldn't believe what she was hearing, she was sure her friend had hit her head or something worse . They were not talking since the argument in Emily's apartment several nights ago. Emily was being stubborn, and Alina didn't have the energy to try to reason with her. However, she didn't like the idea of her friend moving across the ocean just to run away from her problems. The problems that started when a certain someone walked back into her life.

"Oh my God, hi!" Alina heard the chirpy greeting that could be none other than Penelope Garcia.

"Hi, Penelope." Alina said with a genuine smile on her face.

"To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit, and oh my God, is my raven-haired beauty here as well?" The analyst asked, looking behind Alina in case she had missed her friend.

"No Garci, sorry, but it's just me, I'm here on a quick Interpol matter."

"Please don't tell me there's another serial killer out there after one of us, because I could not take it."

"Don't worry, Pen, no one is after the team, I'm here to see Hotch, is he here?"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure he lives here." Penelope said with a grin. "I'll lead you to his office."

Hotch was reviewing a few cases that had just been transferred to him earlier in the afternoon; the rest of the team had already left, and he really just wanted to go home and have a few drinks before getting some really-needed sleep.

"Well, so you're not actually sick or dying, that's good to know." Alina's voice sounded at the door way.

"I'm sorry, what? Alina, what are you doing here?"

"You're not on a case, Agent Hotchner, and you seem to be in pretty good shape, so we can rule that out and get to the important matters."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"You're sitting here reading without a care in the world while Emily is ready to move to an entirely new continent because of you!"

"I'm very confused as to why you are in my office screaming at me." Hocth said with a stern glare looking at the woman in front of him.

"You know, I knew you were a piece of work the minute I met you, but I never took you for a coward."

"What the hell are you talking about?" He said through clenched teeth.

"I'm talking about Emily and the fact that you have done as you please with her, every time you come near her, she's a wreck, and now she's talking about moving to Singapore…and this is all your fault, the minute you walked back into her life, everything fell apart. I just want you to know I think you're scum."

"Alina…" Hotch said sternly.

"You are never going to find anyone else like her. She's a fantastic person, she is beautiful and smart, and she doesn't deserve to be treated this way."

"What way?" Hotch asked indignantly, about to lose all sense of decorum.

"I don't even get why she's so in love with you. You're egotistical and a jerk who cares about no one but himself."

"That's enough!" Hotch shouted, making Alina jump at the harshness of his tone. "I'm sick and tired of everyone blaming this on me, I made mistakes, but it was not just me. You and the entire team looked at me like I was some sort of criminal. I fucked up a long time ago with her and I've already paid for that. But at least I tried, I told her I loved her, I asked her to marry me for the fifth time since this whole thing started. If she has her own issues, that's fine, but this time this is not on me!"

"What?" Alina asked confused. "You asked her to marry you?"

"I really don't care what you or anyone else thinks, if things didn't work this time it's because of her, now…I would appreciate it if you leave me alone, I have a lot of work to do!"

"You proposed?" Alina asked again to make sure she had heard right.

Hotch just smirked, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair.

Flashbacks

It was her last morning in D.C., they were both hungover; they had gone to have dinner with the team the night before. It was perfect, as perfect as Hotch could remember, delicious Mexican food, margaritas, amazing company and lots and lots of tequila. God forgive him, he drank more tequila than he should ever have done, although that didn't stop him from taking off her clothes and make her see stars over and over. Now, he was hungover and tired but he didn't regret a thing. They both sat on the balcony of her hotel having breakfast, Emily was staring at her food pushing it around the plate with her fork.

"What time does your plane leave?"

"Three in the afternoon, but I have to stop at the D.C. office before I leave." She said, not meeting his eyes.

"Okay, we can shower and then I'll take you down there, I can drop you off at the airport afterwards."

"Thank you, but that's not necessary." She finally met his eyes, "I can take a cab; besides you should get back to work, you've already called in the last two days."

It was true, Hotch never took time off, but the minute he knew she was in in D.C., he called in to take a few days. Emily had several meetings, and she even managed to have brunch with JJ and Penelope, and aside from last night's dinner, they spent every other second in bed in each other's arms. Which was why he couldn't explain her odd behavior.

"Emily, what's the matter?"

"I don't know what you mean, everything is fine, I should really get moving." She responded, dropping her fork and standing up.

"So, what…this is it?" He asked irritated. "You go back to London, and I never see you again?"

"Of course, you'll see me again, I promised Penelope I would come for Christmas."

"Emily, I'm being serious."

"So am I , you have your life here, I have my life in London, what else is there?"

"I'm not going to do this, Emily." He said in a harsh tone looking at her.

"Do what?"

"Be at your beck and call, whenever you please, just be here for this." He pointed at the tangled bed sheets and their barely-covered bodies.

"It never bothered you before."

"I was in a relationship with you," he gritted. "Hell, I'm still trying to be in a relationship with you, one that you don't seem to even care about anymore."

"What relationship, Aaron, we broke up more times that I could count on my fingers, whenever it was Haley, it was work, or Straus, there was always a fucking excuse. Why is it so different now?" Her voice beginning to escalate.

"Because I want to do this for real, I'm so tired of dancing around this relationship, for the past decade, Emily. We love each other, I love you, I want this to work, I don't care what I have to do."

Emily smirked, closing her eyes.

"You have no idea what you want, Aaron."

"I do!" He shouted. "I want to be with you…I want to get married…I want you to stop running."

"Aaron just…"

"Marry me, Emily. Let me fix this, let me spend the rest of my life with you."

"Have you even thought about this?" She asked for lack of knowing what to say. When he strode to the other side of the hotel room to reach for his pants that had been scattered around the night before, he pulled out the velvet box.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed in a low whisper, her shaking legs barely keeping her steady. "You have thought about it!"

"I have loved you for so long…you're the love of my life, Emily," He said, walking toward her and pulling her hand into his.

"Please give me a chance to prove that."

Her mouth wanted to scream yes, but her chest was fluttering so hard it felt like it was going to break. She began panicking just like she did when she was truly terrified of something. All the images of their past break-ups and fights coming into her mind like poison filling her lungs.

"I can't," She choked out. "I'm sorry, I can't."

He looked at her heartbroken and maybe even angry. For years, he had loved her and tried so hard to be with her; but maybe she truly didn't love him after all, maybe it was for the best if things ended once and for all.

"Then, let's do us both a favor and stay out of each other's way for good."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I love you, Emily, more than life itself, but I won't do this. I won't just have sex and play this fantasy whenever you wish. If you want it to be over then it is, but I'm going to ask you not to call me again. I know the team is like a family for you, and I can't take that away from you, so if you ever come to D.C., I'll make sure I won't be here, I won't call or bother you ever again."

"Why does it have to be all or nothing?" She asked, fresh tears pooling in her eyes.

"Because it hurts too much, don't you understand that?" He asked, looking at her with tears in his eyes. "Standing here right now is killing me, I love you, God, I fucking love you and no matter what I say or do, it's not going to change, I won't do that, Emily, I'm sorry. If you want it to be over, I get it, but I need to not ever see you again…I won't survive seeing you one more time."

"Aaron," Her eyes were full now, but she didn't know what to say. For a minute, they just stared at each other, and she was at a loss for words…she wanted to scream that she loved him, too, but she couldn't.

"Goodbye, Emily." He , putting the ring away and kissing her lips one more time, then he left without looking back.

End Flashbacks.

"You proposed?" Alina repeated again, aghast.

"Look, I don't care what you think about me, please leave me alone, I really have a lot of work to do." Hotch said at his wits end. He was so sick of this subject, he just wanted to move on with his life and be at peace.

"She does love you!" Alina said, looking away for a second. "She is just scared, if you can just listen."

"Emily is an adult, she made a decision, and now we both have to live with it."

"Dammit, Hotchner, can you stop with the unbreakable act bullshit!" For a minute, Hotch looked at her taken aback by her harsh tone.

"You broke her heart so many times before, you might be serious now, but she's still scared." Alina reasoned.

"She loves you so much, she is taking a job on the other side of the globe."

"I told her I loved her, I asked her to marry me, I told her I would do anything to make her happy, I would have done anything even quit my job to move to London."

"She doesn't need you to make her promises!" Alina was now shouting, "You broke promise after promise in the past, of course, she doesn't trust you, of course, she's scared!"

"Then, I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make her believe me."

"Stop bullshiting around making promises and actually do it, you said you would move to London, don't just say it, actually do it…fight for her, move there and win her heart back, don't promise her the moon and the stars, bring the moon and the fucking stars to her, otherwise, it's just another promise in the air."

Hotch looked at the woman in front of him in shock; no one had ever actually spoken like that to him, no one had ever cursed so much and put him in his place like she just had. But something clicked inside his head. He took too much time to actually respond.

"Emily leaves for Singapore at the end of the week. If you really love her as much as you say you do, you'd better start moving, otherwise, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life."

"I had something to fight for, and I was fighting for the love of my life. I couldn't give up or give in—not now. Not after all I'd been through—all we'd been through." ― Shanora Williams,