I'll bet she's beautiful,
that girl he talks about.
'cause she's got everything that I have to live without.
-Taylor Swift
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He was beautiful, dammit. The way his hair fell in his face and never lay flat, the way his eyes, his beautiful green eyes, sparkled in the sun. She loved him.
But she could never take him away from her. She couldn't do that to her best friend. She'd loved him for five years, but Ginny had been her best friend for six. And she hated her and him, and their precious them together for that, but still she loves him.
She loved him more than life itself. And he couldn't tell, foolish boy.
"Mione, I think I love her," he'd say.
And her heart would break as the words she hated fell from her mouth, "I'm so happy for you. She loves you, you know."
Because he was happy, dammit, happy with Ginny, and she loved him so much that she cared more about that than herself. If he was happy, that was all that mattered. And those little moments that made her love him all the more didn't need to matter, not anymore.
"Thanks Hermione, I love you, ya'know," he'd say after she'd help him yet again, and she nearly dies as she thinks of living without him.
And it wouldn't be half as bad except everyone always expects her to marry Ron of all people, and she'd rather rip her nails out one by one and stomp on her heart than marry that egotistical egghead who had a problem with chewing while his mouth shut. But she's Hermione Granger and she can handle anything, anything but this. So she'll keep silent, and Harry will never know, and if it weren't for his stupid Oedipal complex maybe he'd love her instead of that stupid red-headed, beautiful girl.
And it feels like she's dying, and she wishes she was because then she wouldn't have to strain not to tell him how she feels and ruin everything. Because of course no girl would steal her best friend's fiancée.
Maybe she'll use poison, and maybe she'll knife herself, because without him, life's not worth living. He understands her, dammit, and without those moments that they share, because he'll be a married man, and it won't be proper, she'll be dead anyway. Harry was always there. When she was crying in fourth year because Cormac McLaggen tried to feel her up in a broom closet, he was there. When she had to cover her bruises magically and he found her, and held her close and let her cry, he was there because unlike Ron, he knew that sometimes tears are healing.
And through it all he still couldn't see how much she loved him and needed him. But she'll marry Ron because it's expected, and otherwise it won't work out. "Harry marries Ginny and Hermione marries Ron" was the way it had always been, ever since Ginny caught Harry's eye. That stupid twit will never know, but Hermione cried the night Ginny was so happy to be by his side. And the best nine months of her life were those alone with Harry in the tent, Horcrux hunting, with Ron gone and Ginny "Out of sight, out of mind." But it didn't work, because she can never be as beautiful or as bubbly as her.
Besides, boys don't fall in love with the girls they grew up with and cried with and told their secrets to. They fall for the pretty ones without a thought in their heads. The ones with skin like porcelain and eyes like gems. They especially don't fall for the ones that they once saw as cats, can you believe it? And they probably should, and it seems like the universe is falling because she's stopped breathing, and why isn't she dead yet, because he's what makes her heart beat and her lungs breath and without him she's nothing.
And all these thoughts flash through her head at once as her eyes try to process the red-head on one knee before her, a box in his hand, and she knows what she has to do, but she just can't, and so goody-two shoes Hermione Granger breaks the mold and does something she'll regret and says no to Ron Weasley. And the collective gasp brings her back to the present as she stares into his heartbroken face and tells him that she can never love him, and this is goodbye.
Because if she can't have Harry, she won't have anyone.
Fin
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Author's Note: Based on some thoughts about me and…someone. I cried a lot while writing this. You don't have to review if you don't want to, but I'd appreciate it.