-Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the CW show Supergirl.
Trigger Warning: Self Harm
Alex's POV.
Confusion. Complete and utter confusion. That is what I am feeling right now.
And hurt. A lot of hurt.
How could he do this? My own father, the person who is supposed to be here for me and protect me no matter what. How could he
just betray the DEO. Betray me. Betray Kara. Betray J'onn.
How could he leave us again? Leave me. Leave mom. Leave Kara.
And how could she see through him and I couldn't. I mean I know she can literally see through people with her x-ray vision, but that is physical. This emotional. This is mental. And I couldn't see it. Just another way Kara is superior to me.
These thoughts keep me up at night, but I have no one to call. I said terrible things to Kara. I'm not sure if our relationship can ever fully recover from them. I tried going by her apartment to apologize, but Mon El said she needed sometime. I don't blame her, though honestly I'm not sure how much longer I should be around for. I have spent two days holed up in my apartment wallowing in my pain. Tomorrow my time is up. I have to return to the DEO and begin the great game of pretending.
Pretending that everything is fine, because I am Alex Danvers. I am calm and collected always. I never cry. I never panic. I never feel pain.
If only they knew the truth. Not only do I do those things, but I feel so intensely. So intensely that sometimes I have to find a way to make it all stop.
BEEP! Be...
I cut my alarm of as quickly as possible, groaning as I roll over in bed.
"Buck up Agent Danvers," I say to myself.
I walk into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee which I can't get into my mouth fast enough. Th rest of my morning routine is completed as follows, make bed, put on uniform, brush hair and teeth, apply foundation and concealer to cover the bags under my eyes, finally grab my bag and go.
"Welcome back Agent Danvers!" J'onn beams as I walk through the door of the secret government facility.
"Good morning Director," I say. My voice is oddly quiet and timid as Supergirl came into view.
"Hey Alex," she beams at me. Her usual sunny self. "Listen I've thought about our fight a lot and I know your love for Jeremiah blinded you."
She sure is right about that I thought to myself. Stuff like this is the reason I'm generally distrustful of others. "I'm really sorry for what I said Kara. I love you," I replied.
"I know Alex. Sisters forever?" she asked; extending her pinkie to me.
"Of course," I said as tears threatened to leak from my eyes.
Keep it together Alex. Crying is a sign of weakness. Never let them see you cry.
The rest of the day was pretty tame. A couple of car accidents and a bank robbery, but that was short work for the Girl of Steel, especially with Mon El as her new sidekick. I couldn't help but think about when I used to be her sidekick. For the most part everything was fine.
Until...
Until...
It happened.
The dreaded moment.
Someone brought up my father.
It was clear that they didn't mean for me to hear.
The embarrassed look on their faces said it all.
Uh oh. We've been busted. She wasn't supposed to hear that.
But I did hear it. And it ripped me apart. It confirmed every thought I had, because other people had it too.
"How could she not know? He's her father? They share DNA, what if she is like him? I feel sorry for her honestly; she must feel terrible about it. He was right in front of her and she couldn't see past the fact that he's family. It's sad really," I heard a chorus of voices tossing these phrase and ones like them around as I walked down the corridor. I turned a corner and they were silenced instantly. "Agent Danvers, didn't see you there," one of them said, "We're really sorry. We didn't mean to gossip," explained another. "How can you not mean to gossip?" I yelled, "Here's an idea: how about you go look for the insurgent and do your job you are paid to do, instead of standing around her chatting about the poor agent who's father betrayed her. Huh? How about that?" As I was saying this tears welled in my eyes, tears of anger and grief. I had to stop them. I HAD to. So I did what I had to do. I sunk my nails into my palms as hard as I could on my left hand. In an instant my focus shifted from the emotional pain that I felt to the physical, and to the agents currently be reprimanded, my tightly clenched fist just emphasized my anger.
The now extremely embarrassed agents scurried out of the room. I was left alone and noticed little blood drops falling on the floor. I began to reach for something to clean it up, but apparently J'onn heard the commotion and came to see what was going on. He saw the blood and began to joke. "You didn't punch anyone did you?" he questioned, "Please say no. That is a whole lot of paperwork that I do not want to fill out," he chuckled. When I didn't respond his tone changed to a concerned one. "Agent Danvers turn around and look at me. Are you okay? Someone didn't hit you did they? I can make sure they never make off desk duty if they did."
Knowing I couldn't escape without my sister's powers, I turned reluctantly to face him. I put on the best calm Alex Danvers face that I could muster. However, it didn't take him long to notice that the blood was coming from the inside of my hand. He walked over and uncurled my fingers revealing the crescent shapes full of dried up blood on my palm. "It was an accident," I quickly supplied. "I have hard time understanding how you can do that on accident," he replied. "I just got so angry," I said. "Oh, Alex, there are better ways to manage your anger," J'onn said as he rubbed my shoulder. "Come on how about a sparring match right now, it's a slow day," he urged. I nodded and followed him out of the room. "Look alive Danvers, you usually take any opportunity to beat me up," he said, patting my head affectionately.