Chapter 1 - This Weapon is Your Life

Sabine mourns the loss of her friends, Kanan and Ezra are gone. Lothal celebrates around her whilst her own world starts to unravel one thread at a time.

Sabine turned over the smooth metal in her hands. She ran her fingers along the edges of the hilt lightly tracing every imperfection, dent and scratch the Saber had endured over the years. It had certainly seen some history, truth be told most of that history involved her in some way or another.

Sabine knew she could easily hold her own in nearly any fight, as could any Mandalorian, but more often these past few months she'd found herself being shielded from harm behind it's harsh emerald glare. She used to get annoyed when Ezra got in the way, but she couldn't help but realize that he had matured, both in attitude and skill, she had to admit that together they made a pretty good team.

She ran her thumb slowly and carefully across the activator, not enough to ignite it, but just enough to feel the rough and well worn surface. It was heavier than the Darksaber, she thought, as she apprehensively lifted it out of her lap, of that much she was certain, yet to her it was no less familiar and just as elegant. What it lacked in artistic flare it made up for in sentiment and memories.

Kanan had once told Ezra "This weapon is your life".

She couldn't help but feel like, at this point, this was all she had left of him.

She'd sat in her cabin on the ghost for what felt like nearly an hour now, repeating this silent ritual. Inspecting the Lightsaber, turning it over in her hands and getting lost in the details and vivid memories from a happier time. Wilfully letting her emotions blend the seconds into minutes, and soon enough the minutes into hours.

She should have been in the cockpit celebrating with the rest of the crew. Last time she saw them they were still looking down at the streets of Lothal, filled with an impromptu assembly as Hera made loops around the city, to the applause and admiration of a now liberated people.

But this room, and this moment, were the only places she could bear to be.

…

...

'Lothal was finally free'

What Ezra had helped her set in motion for her people, she had helped him achieve for his.

'That still doesn't come close to settling the debt I owe him...'

The Empire wasn't gone entirely, a few holdouts remained scattered across the planet. But for all intents and purposes, they were finished. With the destruction of the Imperial Dome and the loss of the 7th Fleet, the Empire had lost the strategic foothold they once held.

The value the Empire originally saw in Lothal was all but destroyed. The Jedi Temple had been sealed to the annals of time and mythology, the only evidence that it had ever existed to begin with was a small marker on the ground and the memories she held.

The factories that had previously belched toxic fumes, scarring Lothal's beautiful surface and staining the sky were currently being liberated and repurposed by a workforce that for the first time in decades, didn't have blasters aimed at their backs. Whatever plans the Empire had for Lothal, they had ended with the destruction of the dome.

Even if they could regain control, they would have to start from scratch. Decades of infrastructure and investment had been lost. Whether that meant they would just leave them alone however, remained to be seen.

'The Empire isn't known for it's live and let live attitude'

Yet a thought still swept through her mind, one of hope.

'Mandalore's still around. We're in complete open rebellion, against the Empire…
We killed their puppet governor, even took out a Star Destroyer right over Sundari'

Sure they've not given up the fight yet, but there's something unusually subdued compared to the brutality and ruthlessness she knew they were more than capable of.

They had the resources and firepower to wipe Mandalore clean, lay its cities low and render the planet back to the dust from whence it came, and yet so far they had only reinforced Sundari.

Of course the more pessimistic outlook that her mother had taken is that they were simply biding their time. Civil War raged across the planet and surrounding systems as Bo Katan vied for control of the various Houses and Clans, perhaps the Empire were simply willing to let them slaughter each other…

'Why waste Stormtroopers and Star Destroyers when they could simply arm and turn some of the more loyal houses against us?'

Her mind flickered away from her people and back to Lothal. There would be time to think about Mandalore in the future, her standing with her people had always been contentious, even more so now than before. It felt to her like she was always being torn between the responsibilities that were expected of her as the daughter of Ursa Wren, and the responsibilities that she herself had chosen. But life and this moment she currently lived in were already complicated enough without carrying two burdens, so she moved those thoughts deep to the back of her mind and renewed her focus once again on the present.

At least for now, Lothal would remain free from the Empire's grasp, that reprise, no matter how brief, would last as long as she could make it. It had to. She owed them, and him, that much.

Her thoughts drifted back to the Saber and her missing friend. Once more she turned over the hilt in her hands, carefully inspecting every element she could discern in the dimly lit room which admittedly wasn't much. Her tired eyes and the low lighting made for a poor combination. She knew she couldn't see much at all of the Saber, yet she still clung to it all the same.

She tried thinking back to happier times. Sparring with Kanan and Ezra. Kanan had always taken their sparring sessions very seriously which usually ended up with her in the dirt or with a saber to her throat in less than a minute, if she were lucky. But she always felt that Ezra deliberately slowed himself down to give her a chance. She could remember his cheeky grin and laughable attempts to cheer her up when she'd make a mistake and expose herself. He was still quick to capitalize on those mistakes of course and won more fights than he lost, but something in the back of her mind was telling her that he was dragging it out far longer than he needed to.

This Saber in her hands represented many of the good memories of their past, not just the sparring, but the deep conversations, the hushed discussions about what a future without the Empire could be like. This Saber had been there for nearly all of it.

Her mind settled on another memory...

'That night on Krownest…'

She had kept coming back to that night over and over again for the past few months. Brief flashes of falling snow, conversation barely louder than a whisper and an unmistakable warmth that shouldn't have been possible on a freezing balcony. But right now the usual comfort it brought had been replaced by a callous emptiness.

Whilst she inspected the Saber she let her mind wander back through the events of the day, trying to come to terms with the chaos that had consumed their lives.

Her breath hitched and her chest tightened as she remembered those agonizing final moments. Her inner turmoil was far from resolved, her emotions raging just beneath the surface. Sabine was good at suppressing her feelings, but right now her facade was failing.

'There was no chance Ezra had made it off the Chimaera before the jump...'

She already knew that he was going to face Thrawn, that alone worried her beyond measure. Thrawn was ruthless, cunning, calculating and everything a buckethead wasn't. He was one of the most dangerous adversaries they had ever faced. Perfectly capable of picking them to pieces with a cold indifference to collateral damage. But somewhere deep inside she'd figured Ezra would find a way out.

'He always found a way out'

The final look they had shared spoke more than words could ever amount to.

In that instant she'd seen resolve, and an almost pleading from Ezra. She was the only one that could have stopped him. Hera for all her love and protection had said her piece and considered the matter settled, But Sabine knew him far better than that. With one look she knew what he planned to do.

He knew the path ahead and whilst she wanted, like Hera, to keep him safe, she understood his need to protect his home, his friends and more importantly his family.

'I… I couldn't deny him that…'

But that all fell apart when she saw the Purrgil.

The sudden realization in that moment, that this would be the end.

She began to relive the painful memory, the Saber weighing heavily in her hands as the memories flooded back, still fresh and raw.

"Ezra, Please! Get out of there!"

Begging him with more emotion than she would normally ever reveal. This was her fault. She had let him go in that crucial moment. She wasn't sure if she could convince him to stay, but she damn well sure could have stopped him, by force if necessary.

'If only I'd stopped him, maybe he would have found another way'

…

His response over the comm link had confirmed what she had feared, he always knew where his path would lead him, and he followed it all the same...

"I can't do that. It's up to all of you now. And remember, the Force will be with you. Always…"

'Spoken with the same certainty Kanan had spoken with before…'

…

Sabine's final barriers started to crumble as the Hilt started to shake in her grip. Tears began to sting at the edges of her eyes, begging to be released. Her breath became irregular and staggered as she fought to suppress her emotion.

...

Just like that her companion, her confidant and her closest friend was gone. Leaving behind his life in her hands.

Nobody could be certain where the Purrgil had taken him, the trajectory led to the Unknown Regions, but without a tracker onboard the ship she couldn't be sure. There were thousands upon thousands of uncharted systems. More than could be searched in several lifetimes. Without a proper course and an exit point, they would be searching nearly hopelessly amongst the stars.

The idea that he was out there somewhere, in the vast expanse of space, alone. Sabine couldn't bear to dwell on the thought.

And yet her mind kept coming back to just that.

Ezra's biggest fear was always being alone, losing his parents at such a young age must have been difficult, but something even Sabine had recognized is the way he clung desperately to his new family aboard the Ghost.

'In a way Hera and Kanan had finished raising him'

His biggest fear was always losing this new family and being alone again.

…

'And now he truly was…'

…

Her final barrier failed as her hands shook and her knuckles tightened on the hilt, turning a pale white as the near silent patter of tears striking metal filled the cabin.

She couldn't stay in here forever, but she could stay just a little longer.

"Sabine?" a voice softly called.

"Sabine are you in there?" Hera repeated, apprehensive of the reaction or potential disaster she was about to walk in on.

'If she's painting then barging in probably isn't the best idea… Maybe she's just sleeping? she'd deserve it more than anyone after the day we've had' Hera mused.

Hera considered leaving her be, the thought had crossed her mind to let the crew sleep for the rest of the day. Everyone was exhausted after all, but to her surprise most of the crew and their friends had filtered out into the crowds the moment they touched down.

They had won after all. It had taken them years of losses, setbacks and heartbreak but finally the Empire had been defeated on Lothal.

Something however still concerned her, it had been two hours since she'd noticed Sabine slink away from the cockpit without so much of a word. Sabine was always a reserved and private person, but whilst the rest of the crew were celebrating their victory, Sabine had opted to retreat to her quarters.

Even if she were just being her usual reclusive self, she'd say where she was going or what she was doing. Sabine wasn't one to share emotions, but she certainly kept people updated on where she would be, mostly out of a need to prevent them from disturbing her, something Chopper regularly ignored...

To leave without a single word or warning as to where she was going... that was unusual.

'Sabine… are you okay?' She thought… she knew better than to ask the Mandalorian a silly question like that, but she was still concerned nonetheless. After all, this was one of her children, adoptive of course, but one of hers all the same.

She had landed the Ghost 30 minutes ago, to a mass of people all in varying levels of excitement and joy, a few drunks too of course, but it wouldn't be a proper celebration without them.

They had freed Lothal and a deeply grateful people had surrounded the ghost to show their support and rather loud appreciation. Cheers and chants echoed through the streets as Bars, Restaurants and Cafes went into overdrive to serve the crowds, some of them even generously waiving fees and tabs, just throwing their stock out to the people in celebration.

'It wasn't every day you overthrew the Empire… Might as well make it a good one' She lightly chuckled.

Hera just hoped she would be able to keep them Off the ghost. More than a few had tried to treat her ship like a glorified museum exhibit. Something that made Hera's blood boil. This was her ship and her home. It wasn't some guided tour for people to wander through. Luckily Chopper had figured out early on that a few of the locals were a bit too eager and sealed the ramp before they could flood it.

The rest of the crew had opted to leave and celebrate out in the city, Rex, Zeb and Hondo were busy drinking themselves under the table in a bar just across the street, Melch had gone with them, but knowing the bar they were in well enough, she knew that Melch had automatically lost before they'd even began. The bar was a standing bar with exceptionally high counters and tables. Something she was sure Hondo and at least Zeb had known before they took his wager...

'My money is on Rex…' Hera smiled, she knew better than to bet against an old timer. He'd stay above the table purely out of pride and spite if he had to. He definitely wouldn't allow himself to be beaten by Zeb, or Hondo for that matter. Though either of them would give him a run for his hard earned money.

Pirates and Lasats weren't exactly known for being lightweights.

Kallus and Ryder on the other hand were much more focused. They had instead opted to head for the Imperial garages, a large contingent of Stormtroopers and equipment remained there being held at blaster by the overly "enthusiastic" people of Lothal. If only to try and defuse the tension and secure the prisoners, Ryder decided someone with actual experience would be needed. Kallus on the other hand had loftier ambitions... if they could convince some of the troopers to defect then Lothal wouldn't be starting entirely from scratch when it came to defense and policing.

This was made easier by the fact Lothal was a major imperial recruiting station in this sector, many of the Stormtroopers were already Lothal natives, the officers may be a problem, the Empire tended to ship them in from the Inner rim and the Core. For the Empire, family name, prestige, loyalty and political connections mattered more than skill or talent, so convincing any of the officers or upper command, that survived the Dome, would be difficult. But the average Stormtrooper would at least hear them out.

For all of Ryder's pomp and Kallus' ruthless calculation, they really were quite effective. They both understood the finer details of strategy. Hera and the others knew how to wage a war, and clearly how to win one. But it would be up to them to tie up the loose ends and secure Lothal's long term future.

But either way, for now it was just Hera and Sabine left on the Ghost. Which brought Hera's wandering mind back to her current predicament...

"Sabine?..." She softly called, one last time.

Silence rang back from the durasteel door.

'Karabast Sabine… You're really going to make me come in there… Well here goes…'

Hera braced herself for the expletives inevitably about to be hurled in her direction as she keyed in her command override to the door panel. Half of the words she could never understand, Sabine regularly dipped into her native tongue of Mando'a when she was angry, Hera had picked up a few words here and there, but not as many as she'd have liked.

Hera took one final breath, she didn't like using her override on the crew, they were family at this point, and especially not with Sabine.

'There are easier ways to get myself killed…'

With a quick flourish of the keypad the door near effortlessly swooshed open, revealing a dark room, Hera could barely make out the figures inside.

A bag here, a small pile of papers, maybe a canvas or two. It was hard to tell.

What she could see even in the darkness were the paintings across the walls, the dim light from the corridor grazed a few of Sabine's masterpieces. Not quite enough to reveal all of the stunning detail and colour, but enough to show just how much effort Sabine had put into her room.

The walls were covered in decorative pieces, some emblematic of her time on the Ghost, others carefully crafted vistas of the many planets they had visited.

Hera chuckled lightly as her eyes met the back wall, of course most of these were beautiful, but her anti imperial pieces were more… on the aggressive side, and perhaps a little too crude for her tastes.

She had long given up trying to keep her paintings relatively 'clean' aboard the Ghost. Sabine was a free spirit at heart, and her cabin was a perfect expression of that.

Edging carefully into the room, Hera dipped her head forward first, crossing the invisible barrier between the safety of the corridor and the uncertainty of Sabine's quarters. She could hear her heart beating heavily as she inched through the doorway.

As her eyes slowly adjusted she glanced at the bed, which was surprisingly empty.

'Huh, maybe she actually isn't in here?' she thought silently.

Hera was about to leave to grab her commlink when she noticed the Helmet sat on a small table.

Her brow gently furrowed. Not in annoyance, but rather in confusion.

'If her Helmet is here, where is Sabine?' She thought. It was unlike the Mandalorian to leave her helmet behind, if she'd ventured into the city she would have certainly taken it.

Her eyes quickly scanned across the room, it wasn't just the helmet...

Pieces of equipment and armour littered the floor, hastily removed and abandoned on the harsh metal surface.

Hera could barely make out the outline of a belt with two holsters, the grips of Sabine's signature Westars poking out from the crumpled mess of fabric and leather.

Just next to it lay one of her Vambraces, discarded in the same unceremonious fashion.

It was unlike Sabine to remove her equipment during the day, and to leave it just lying on the floor no less… Something was wrong.

She leaned in further, looking down to her right… And then she saw her...

Sabine sat, nestled tightly into the corner of the wall, her head half buried between the wall and her chest, whilst her knees were weakly tucked in toward her midsection, her legs gingerly reached outwards further into the centre of the room.

Her hair lay mangled across her face, almost completely masking her unconscious exhausted expression and raw eyes.. Almost, but not quite. Hera may have only glanced, but the sight she was looking at was all too familiar and far too personal.

This is nearly exactly what she had looked like after...

...

...

Kanan.

...

...

It felt like time had stood still. In that moment Hera was overwhelmed with a rush of unwelcome emotion.

'How should I handle this? Should I wake her? Move her to her bed? Or perhaps the best thing is just to stay out of her way… '

Sabine was a tough young woman, that much was true for anyone on board the ghost, they were all tough, but Sabine especially. Hera had always known that expressing emotions was hard for her, not just because she was a Mandalorian. Sabine was a rather special case.

She tended to bottle everything up, suppressing and pressuring her feelings down over and over again until her futile attempt to avoid them exploded out into the world.

Hera edged ever closer, careful not to disturb her. A slight glint reached out from her chest. Hera cocked her head slightly to the left and leaned closer to get a better look.

Her hand reached to cover her mouth, yet she knew her pained expression would have been easily visible had the young girl not been passed out and collapsed in the corner.

Sabine's hands were loosely wound around a lightsaber… Ezra's lightsaber.

Hera knew Sabine. She knew she wasn't going to take this well, but nothing could have prepared her for this. Seeing Sabine in so much pain, completely vulnerable.

No Blasters, no Vambraces, her armour strewn haphazardly around the room. Discarded without a second thought.

The loss of Kanan had saddened and enraged Sabine, she foolishly lashed out trying to hurt the Empire… but this was... something different.

'This was despair'

Hera slowly knelt down, edging closer to the young Mandalorian. She'd never seen her this vulnerable, she knew Kanan and Ezra had broken through to her before Mandalore, Kanan had returned shaken and silent that night. It had taken hours of prying and careful questioning to get him to reveal Sabine's turmoil, and even then he was tight lipped as to the details.

Kanan and herself had tried comforting Sabine after it all came out, years of pent up rage, sadness and shame had finally been released. But the only person who could get through to her had been Ezra.

Hera stared at her friend, her daughter in all but name. Regret filled her eyes as she looked down upon her lithe form. 'If this is the price my family has to pay to defeat the Empire, could it truly be worth it?' Hera already knew the answer, of course it was. With or without her these people would still have fought the Empire. They fought for what was right together, as a family. But it didn't help her from feeling at least somewhat responsible for how everything had turned out...

'I know it hurts Sabine, but it's going to hurt a lot more if you accidentally ignite that…' Hera knelt down and slowly, but cautiously, pried the Saber out of her hands, careful not to wake her.

'I can't.. I can't lose another today, especially not to an accident'

She gently placed the Saber on the table next to her helmet and silently retraced her steps back out of the room.

She knew better than to let her know she had seen her like this.

Sabine had retreated in here for a reason, and now Hera knew why.

THUNK…

"Kawabassst"

Sabine opened her eyes to the darkened room. A small glint of light beat from her holo, reverberating around the cabin, dancing a faint blue hue across the walls in a rhythmic and predictable pattern, evidently she had a message, she wouldn't be reading it any time soon…

Other than that the room was nearly in complete darkness.

The sound of feet shuffling loudly against metal rudely interrupted her thoughts. Someone must have returned, Zeb by the sounds of it.

"Heeeeyyy Choppa", the slurred words cut through the silence, what followed afterwards nearly brought a smile to her face.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

"I'll g… get… you back fur thaaat when I'm so.. Sober"

With another loud bang and some laboured movement she could hear Zeb crash through into his cabin. An eerie silence descended over the Ghost once again. She was used to hearing the Ghost quiet, but something about this silence felt wrong. There was a permanence to it that left her deeply uncomfortable.

Her mind slowly picked up the pace as the silence dragged on.

'His cabin…'

For nearly as long as she can remember now that particular room was shared. Countless arguments, Jokes and playful fighting between two of her friends, her family. But now it would just be Zeb, alone.

'Perhaps that's why he came back drunk tonight' she mused. 'Not the worst idea…'

Sabine had no idea how long she had been out for. Her Vambraces or her Helmet could tell her the time, as could her Holo, but she didn't have the energy nor the care to reach for them and find out.

Her head hung low over her chest as her exhaustion caught up with her. The wheels of her mind barely turned as time itself seemed to stand still.

She leaned her head closer into the wall and closed her eyes, her hands went to tighten around the Saber...

THE SABER!

Sabine's eyes shot open. In a sudden her heart was racing.

Her eyes darted downwards towards her hands.

'It's gone….'

If the Saber wasn't here where was it? How could she be such a Di'kut to lose something so important! (Di'kut - Mando'a for "idiot") The last thing she remembered was clutching at it desperately until… She must have passed out?

Could she just be sleeping, have they even gone on their mission yet?

Maybe it was just a dream, just another night terror…

Her spirits lifted for a momentary reprieve.

…

...

Then the doubt crept back in, and slowly it all came crashing back down as she slumped further into the wall.

…

...

'But then where… where is he? He could always sense these things, it started on Krownest and then Mandalore, since then he was always by my side for this. I'd hoped it would be the last time I'd have to deal with my nightmares alone…'

Tears tugged once again at the corners of her eyes.

No… no… She knew herself better than to get carried away in fleeting hopeful thoughts. Especially when all of the evidence around her pointed to the same conclusion.

Her armour still lay in shambles across the floor, her hair roughly strewn across her face, and her head lay resting against a durasteel wall, not against her pillow, or a shoulder.

She may be exhausted, but she could still feel the inner turmoil. She might have a hard time stomaching reality, but she knew she had to accept it all the same.

With a small sigh she began to crawl out of her position. Standing on her feet she flipped the lights. The harsh bulbs flickered rudely into existence. They were on a relatively dim setting, but for eyes as tired and accustomed to the dark as hers it was still painful.

She spotted the Saber shimmering on her table, right next to her helmet.

'This isn't where I left you…' she quietly mused.

She might be tired, but she remembered well enough.

The rest of her belongings however were exactly where she'd left them. Her helmet lay on its side on the table, her Vambrace and Holsters just piled randomly across the floor. Pieces of armour and a pauldron jutting out from the flat surface. Her mind fluttered back to earlier when she had paced backwards and forwards, tearing off equipment in a confused rage until she had finally collapsed into the corner. The state of her room left a lot to be desired.

She could deal with the Vambraces and her armour later. She was safe aboard the Ghost, but the Mandalorian inside of her still felt a little safer with her belt and holsters so she crouched down and rescued them from the cold floor. Reattaching them in a single smooth motion without even thinking. She moved closer to the table and with an audible sigh, she leaned over and took her helmet into her hands.

With a laboured motion she donned her Helmet and stared down at the table. The Lightsaber still glinting in the dim cabin light. Reaching out lightly with her hands she lifted it off the counter, clipping it to her belt. She wasn't sure why she was taking it with her, but it felt wrong to leave it behind.

With a final long breath Sabine steeled herself to re-join the outside world. Her inner thoughts still betrayed her, a storm of emotion and conflict brewed beneath the surface. Her crumbling façade being protected by her helmet as she hovered her hand over the door controls.

With a single forceful motion the door flew open and Sabine walked out into the corridor.

She glanced around, the other cabins were closed and silent, even Zeb's cabin was devoid of it's usual loud snoring, though she was sure he was in there.

She moved slowly and silently towards the cockpit. The unsettling silence occasionally interrupted by muffled speaking. There was a voice, it was dulled and far too quiet to make out, but something felt familiar about it.

As she got closer to the door the words became clearer and more defined, It was Ezra's voice coming from the same Holo recording they had watched earlier. She could picture the cheeky grin, the radiant smile and his distinctive blue sapphire eyes.

She removed her helmet and rested the side of her head softly against the door, now she could hear his words clearly reverberating through the durasteel.

...

"If you're watching this recording then I owe you an explanation…"

"There were several paths in front of me... While this wasn't the one I wanted to take, it's what I had to do. That's something Kanan taught me."

"I'm going to miss you all."

"Zeb you can have the top bunk back… For now."

"Hera I left a Meiloorun in your cabin, I hope it's still your favourite."

"Sabine, don't forget, I'm counting on you."

"I couldn't have wished for a better family. I can't wait to come home."

…

The words echoed in her mind, her thoughts mulling over the implication. Really to her there was only one line that mattered.

"Sabine, don't forget, I'm counting on you."

She hadn't quite decided what those words meant yet, to her, to Lothal or the crew. But they filled her with a resolve that calmed her nerves, at least temporarily.

"I'm counting on you."

And with that Sabine placed her helmet back over her head, hovering her hand just over the cockpit door controls. It was finally time for her to reconnect with the world. She knew she hadn't even begun to deal with the troubles that brewed inside her mind, but Ezra was counting on her, her family were counting on her, and that is all that mattered.