TW: pedophilia

Chapter 8

Christian

I sit on the front steps as a familiar car pulls up the driveway. It's barely come to a complete stop before Grace is jumping out of the car with tears streaming down her face. "Oh, my sweet boy! Christian!" She rushes forward and strokes both my cheeks lovingly. This is as close as she's ever gotten to giving me a hug.

I lean up and kiss her cheek. "Hi, Mom."

Another car door slams, and I look up to see Carrick walking towards us. I'm surprised to see him as red-eyed as Grace. "Hello, son. It's great to see you." He smiles fondly and pats my cheek.

"You must be Mr. and Mrs. Grey!" Dr. Webster steps outside and shakes both of their hands. "We've spoken on the phone before. I'm Dr. Webster, Christian's lead psychiatrist."

"Pleasure to meet you. Please call me Grace."

"Carrick."

"Then you must call me Tim, though Christian still refuses." He gives me an amused sideways glance. "Shall we?"

He walks us through the building and gives a brief tour of the facilities, during which I manage not to roll my eyes even though I'm not sure why I have to come along. See? I've grown. We end up in his office for a pre-discussed parent progress report.

He claps his hands together when we're all seated. "First, I want to inform you as Christian's parents that everything I'm about to tell you has been approved by your son and he's signed an information release form. He was very willing to allow you to be updated on his progress, which I must say, not every patient is." Grace beams at this information. "Christian has made tremendous strides during his time with us. In the beginning, he wouldn't speak in group therapy, which is very normal, as group settings aren't a fit for all patients, but he wouldn't speak in our individual sessions, either. But now, Christian shows great reflective and critical thinking skills in our sessions and has even formed a friendship with another patient."

Grace moves her gaze over to me at break-neck speed. "You have a friend?" I nod, feeling my cheeks heat a bit. "That's wonderful!" she gushes. God, did I really seem that hopeless?

"Christian is also doing very well at targeting his anxiety when it flares up. He's declined any medication, but I'm happy with his ability to recognize and reduce his symptoms in the moment through mindfulness. Overall, he's made a remarkable improvement and we're very proud of him."

"So are we," Carrick says, smiling warmly.

"Now, we can discuss treatment options going forward when your son goes home next week. Of course, Christian can return to his activities while we do that, and he and I can talk about it later." I nearly sag with relief. I'm glad that my parents are here, but the emotion radiating from them is getting a little exhausting. Small doses. "Before you go, is there anything you'd like to say while we're all together, Christian?"

I inhale slowly, considering my next words. I glance at Dr. Webster, and he gives a small, encouraging nod. "I want to know what happened to her."

Grace's mouth twists in disgust and Carrick's expression turns stoic. He clears his throat. "Well… she's in jail awaiting trial. She was denied bond. She's been charged with rape of a child in the third degree, child molestation in the third degree, and sexual misconduct with a minor in the second degree. The first two are Class C felonies, the third is a gross misdemeanor. In total, she's being faced with up to eleven years in prison and $25,000 in fines. But…" He fidgets in his seat, a very uncharacteristic move. "That's just for you. The state is building a case following evidence that there may have been others."

A roll of nausea hits me. I stare at the shiny wooden surface of the coffee table and take five deep breaths before I look back up at Dr. Webster. "How do you feel about this information. Christian?"

"It's not… entirely surprising, knowing what I know now." It tracks. But it's still repulsive and makes me feel very small. Where I once felt special, I now feel used.

"According to my contacts, I believe they're seeking the maximum sentence," Carrick adds.

"Christian?" Dr. Webster prompts.

I gulp. "Good." I've officially reached my limit for talking about this. I could crawl out of my skin. "Can I go now?"

"Absolutely," Webster confirms.

"We'll be along soon, darling." Grace pats my hand and I hightail it out of there.

I already know where my feet are taking me before I cross the threshold. Weekends mean no mandatory therapy sessions, so Anna will probably be in our spot by now. Sure enough, my hunch is correct. She looks up and smiles when she sees me. "I thought you'd be busy."

"I was. Now I'm not. What's the book today?"

She holds it up for me. Wuthering Heights. Cheery. "Are your parents here yet?"

"Yeah. Talking to my shrink. You still want to meet them?" My scalp prickles at the thought of her backing out now.

She lightly smacks my shoulder with the book. Paperback, thank God. "Obviously!"

"Okay, okay, lower your weapon," I laugh. "We should head back then."

I take her hand and help her off the branch. "What are they like?" she asks as we maneuver through the flowers.

"Well… my mom is a doctor, my dad is a lawyer. They're both really nice. And obviously they'll like you because I like you."

"A doctor and a lawyer?" she repeats. "Wow." She starts gnawing on her bottom lip like she's thinking an unpleasant thought.

"What is it?"

"I guess… I just never realized how different our lives are beyond this place."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, it's just… strange. I guess in some ways, it feels simpler being here. We're all kind of on the same level in ways that we aren't on the outside."

"I guess that's true. But you'll see when we get together outside of this, it won't be as different as you think."

She smiles. "Maybe."

The building is back in sight by now, so we sit on the front steps and wait for my parents to come out. I'm telling her about our house in Bellevue, and her jaw drops when I pepper in the fact that we host an annual gala there for Coping Together. "At your house? It must be massive."

I shrug. "We just own a lot of property. It isn't actually in our house."

"That must be one big backyard." She seems a bit dazed.

"You'll see when you come visit. You do want to, don't you?" I'm getting a little nervous by how stunned she is by the details of my life.

"Of course I want to. I'd want to even if you lived in a shack, or a… medieval castle," she giggles. There's no hint of insincerity in her voice, so I relax.

"Christian?" I hear my mother's quietly excited voice behind me and turn my head to see my parents standing behind us.

I shoot Anna a quick smile and stand up. "Mom, Dad, this is my friend, Anna."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," she answers pleasantly, smiling softly.

"Oh, my dear girl! It's so lovely to meet you. I'm Grace, Christian's mother." I watch as my mom shakes her hand excitedly and a feeling of contentment blooms in my chest.

"And I'm Christian's father. Please call me Carrick, dear." The feeling grows as my dad does the same.

"Hi, Grace. Hi, Carrick. I think your son is one of the best people I've met and I'm really grateful that our paths got to cross… even if it had to be like this." She lets out a small, somewhat morbid laugh at the end, and we all end up joining her. Yeah, this is weird… but good weird.

"This has just been the loveliest visit. So, how did you two even meet?" Grace asks as we loiter outside near the car. They've been "about to leave" for about twenty minutes now, but they just keep dragging out the conversation. Most of the other kids use their free time to sit inside and play video games or something, so it's pretty quiet outside right now.

My parents have spent the last few hours with us on a very long stroll of the grounds. They've caught us up on everything at home, filling in the gaps for Anna when necessary, then inquired on the bare bones of her background, but I warned them off of asking too many questions. I don't know what she's ready to divulge to near strangers. After that, they all but made plans for our first post-nuthouse visit. They've embraced her spot in my life with open arms, just as I suspected.

"I was walking around, and my stomach growled, then I just about jumped out of my skin when a voice from above asked if I wanted a snack."

"I mean… you seemed a little hangry," she says with a shrug.

"Oh, that certainly sounds like Christian. I was trying to figure out if there was a bakery close enough that I could have a chocolate cake delivered for his birthday next week. Come hell or high water, I'd never want to get between that boy and his cake."

Anna's eyes widen. "Birthday?" she asks Grace pointedly.

"You didn't tell her?" Grace asks me.

I shrug. "I kind of forgot about it." That's not entirely true. But I wish I would. Is my birth really something to celebrate?

"The eighteenth," she whispers to Anna conspiratorially.

"Got it." Gee, thanks a lot, Mom.

"How do you both usually spend your weekends here?" Carrick asks.

"Reading, mostly," Anna answers.

"Same." Or, rather, reading over her shoulder.

"No piano?" Grace asks.

Anna looks to me. "You play?"

"He plays beautifully! I'm surprised you haven't heard him. Christian, you must play for her when she visits us."

"Yes, Mother," I say indulgently. This comment would normally perturb me, but Grace is having the time of her life right now. And I'd play for Anna. Maybe she'd like that.

"I'd love that," she says, answering my thoughts.

"Oh, there you are, Anna." One of the patient aides sticks her head out the door. "Your dad is on the phone, honey."

She smiles, wider than I've ever seen her. Her expressions are usually so muted, it catches my attention. "I'm sorry, I have to go. It was so wonderful to meet you."

Grace takes her hand warmly. "Oh, sweetheart, the pleasure was all ours. You're a sweet, bright, lovely girl. I can't wait for you to visit us at home sometime!"

"You'll be welcome anytime, Anna," Carrick adds.

"Thank you. I can't wait, either." She looks up at me. "See you later."

"Yeah," I answer with a smile. She gives us one last wave and then follows the aide inside.

"Oh, Christian, she's just lovely," Grace says, cupping my cheek. "And thank you so much for letting us visit you. It was wonderful to see you. We can't wait to have you back home."

"We'll be here to get you as soon as it's time," Carrick says firmly.

"I'm glad I got to see you, too. And… I'm sorry for being so distant… before. It just… it took some time—"

"Darling, you don't owe us an explanation. We're all muddling our way through this. What matters is that now we're doing it together. I hate to leave, but we do have the drive back, and I have an early shift at the hospital tomorrow…"

"Go. It's fine." They've been here for hours, which is way more than they needed to do. "I'll see you soon."

"Very soon. But it will feel very long." She kisses the top of my head. "Goodbye, sweet boy. I'll call tomorrow."

"Goodbye, son." He ruffles the top of my head gently and gives me a warm smile.

They both climb into the car and Grace waves, already misty-eyed, as they drive away. I wave back, and even when the car disappears from view, I feel lighter. Hopeful. Maybe everything isn't ruined for good. Maybe we'll forge a new way forward.

"Psssst." I feel a cool finger poke my face and my eyes blink open. Anna is smiling down at me with amusement, a book under her arm. I'm sitting under the tree in the meadow, and apparently my body decided it was a good time for a nap.

"Whoa… what time is it?" I don't nap. What the hell?

"It's just before seven. Don't worry, you didn't miss dinner."

"Oh, okay," I mumble. I'm still trying to process the fact that I was relaxed enough to take a nap. And no nightmares. I could get used to this.

"Did you have a good day today?" she asks, sitting down next to me.

I place my hand into hers. I enjoy the physical contact when we're together. "Yeah, one of the best in a while."

She smiles, looking down pensively at our intertwined hands. "They really, really love you," she says after a moment.

"More than I deserve, that's for sure," I mutter.

She gives me a sideways glance. "I have a question."

"Okay."

"Do you trust your parents?"

"Of course. They literally saved my life."

"Okay. So, don't you think you should maybe trust their judgement that you are worth loving?"

I blink in surprise. "Anna… they're my parents. They have to love me, even through all my shit."

She shakes her head. "I think that's a myth. There are plenty of people who are parents, but don't act like it. Besides, it isn't just them. I think you deserve love, too."

She's never said the words outright, but she's more or less alluded to it more than once. And I know I feel differently for her than I have anyone else. I know that theoretically, love can take many forms… maybe this is friendship love. "I know you deserve love."

"Maybe one day we'll both see it."

We sit there in companionable silence for a while, the only sounds being the quiet ones from nature, when something that's been nagging at the back of my brain suddenly returns to the forefront. "Anna?"

"Yeah?"

"When I told you what happened… why I'm here…" She looks up from the book in her lap. "You said you knew that sex wasn't for kids and adults. No one has… I mean, you've never…?" I will murder that son of a bitch all over again if he…

"Oh!" she says, finally grasping the words I can't seem to get out. "No. My mom just gave me the talk pretty early in life. I guess… I was a bit of a surprise." She smiles in amusement. "She explained what a healthy relationship should be like, and it didn't sound at all like the one you had. It didn't sound at all like the last one she had, either… but I guess sometimes even adults can't put into practice what they know is right and wrong."

"Do you… forgive her? I mean… her choices affected you, too." Flashes of my own early childhood come to mind.

"I think… she was trying her best. And parents are people, too. So, yes, I forgive her. I wish she'd made different choices so she could still be with me, but in the end, Stephen is the one who doesn't deserve my forgiveness, not her."

I file this away for later. Her words, as usual, leave me with a lot to think about, but I'm not ready to apply them to my own life. Not yet. So, I give her hand a squeeze and lay my head on her shoulder, going back to seeing what Cathy and Heathcliff are up to.

A/N: They're so cute. What did you think of his parents' visit?

Update schedule might be a little unpredictable this week, I'm on vacation so it's just whenever I have a moment to sit down and proofread/edit. I'll do my best!