Chapter 9

Christian

Sixteen.

I feel very young and very old at the same time.

It's a strange feeling waking up for this one. Normally, there's a party to dread and the fuss that my family makes is hanging above my head all day. This time, I'm almost grateful that no one is here for it. I'd like it to just be a normal day. I know Anna knows what day it is, but she hasn't said anything about it all week, so I'm hoping maybe she's picked up on my discomfort about it.

It's a Saturday, so I go straight to the meadow after breakfast. She's already there. She smiles and waves when she sees me, and when I get closer, I see that the lesion under her nose has healed. That means she hasn't had a tube placed in a while. That means she's getting stronger. And that makes me smile. "Hi."

"Hi. Happy birthday." Okay, so she's acknowledging it. I mean, she's not a mind reader. My smile wavers. "Birthday blues?" she asks when she notices.

I shrug. "It's not my favorite day."

"Why?" she asks, her brow creasing.

"I have to spell it out for you?"

"I don't like to assume."

"I was born unwanted."

"Unwanted? Not at all." She seems almost offended that I would think this. It lightens my mood.

"For the first four years," I amend.

"Oh." Her expression softens and she rests her hand over mine. "Do you have any good memories?"

"Some…" I admit. "Playing with her hair… and she baked me a cake once. A birthday cake, I think." Ironic.

"Did she hurt you?" she says quietly.

"No… she just didn't protect me from the guy who did. And she let me go hungry. She wasn't always around." This conversation is spiking my blood pressure. I've never, literally never, talked about this with anyone. What is it about her?

She seems to sense my disquiet, rubbing the back of my hand. "I guess I just find it hard to believe that anyone wouldn't want you. But maybe I'm biased."

I'm instantly calmed by her gentle touch. "Anna?" My voice sounds a tad whiny, but I don't care.

"Yeah?"

"Why do you like me?"

"A lot of reasons. I can tell that you try so hard to be the best version of yourself, even when you mess up. I can be myself around you. You're not judgmental when I tell you things about me that I know would really freak out most people our age. You're smart and I feel like you hear me when I talk. You are kind, even though you think you're not, or maybe you try to pretend you're not. You're a lot more emotional than you realize, and you have the courage to try to unlearn all the hatred that's been put into your head by people who hurt you. And you try so hard to be enough for the people you love, even though you already are. But it shows how much you think of them."

She says this so nonchalantly, while still rhythmically and lightly stroking my hand, I know without question that she's telling the absolute truth, even though I have no hope of understanding how she sees all that in me. An idea strikes me, and I stand up and hold my hand up. "Come with me."

She takes it with no hesitation. "Where are we going?"

"Surprise."

We get some weird looks as we get into sight of the building, as we often do when we're seen together. Nobody seems to understand our companionship. I guess maybe it looks strange from the outside, but it certainly seems to feel right to us. They can all fuck off. If they're here, they clearly have their own shit to figure out.

I lead her to a room that's been pointed out to me many times, but that I've never actually got into. Thankfully, no one is in here. "You said you'd like it if I played for you."

She smiles hesitantly. "I would."

"I figure, why wait until you visit?" I lead her to the bench, and she sinks down next to me.

I run my hands over the keys, reacquainting myself with the old ivories. It's been so long. Since Mistress… no, since Elena… I never had the time or energy to play. Anna waits patiently while I sort through my own head, and finally, a piece comes to me.

Playing the piano for me is like what I assume the saying "it's just like riding a bike" means. Even if I stop for a long time, deep down, this will always come naturally to me. The melody I choose is mellow, calming, reflective of how I feel most often now that I have Anna in my life. I allow myself to get lost in the piece I know by heart, and when I finish, I turn to her.

She's looking down at the keys and smiling, meeting my gaze after a moment. "What was that?"

"Gymnopédie I and III. Satie and Debussy. It's widely considered to be a piece reflective of friendship. So, I thought…"

"It was perfect. You were perfect."

I smile and begin to play something else. She watches my hands with fascination, her gaze never wavering from the keys. She seems to genuinely be enjoying the music. It makes me feel good that I can give her this. Maybe we should go see the symphony when she visits Seattle.

After dinner, since we can't eat together, we've taken to meeting in the garden. I get there first, then I'm not waiting long before I see her peek out the door, and she quickly joins me.

"Hey. What do you want to do?" I ask as she scampers up. We don't always go to the meadow now, although we've never actually gotten in trouble for how often we sneak off. Sometimes we play board games or something, or just talk somewhere away from everyone else.

"Um… can you go back to the meadow? I'll meet you there. I have to do something."

"Go back?"

"Just trust me? Pleeeease?" It's the most childlike she's ever seemed to me, practically bouncing up and down. It makes me laugh.

"Okay, you win."

"Okay. I'll be there soon. Go!" She dashes off without waiting for a response from me, and I head outside with a stupid grin still gracing my face.

I lounge beneath the tree, enjoying the evening sun and the breeze and how it plays with the flowers. I can't quite believe how light I'm feeling. And on my fucking birthday, too. It must be having a friend. Or maybe it's just having Anna. I'm not sure. Whatever it is, I'm hoping it sticks. I don't plan on losing touch with her.

It fills me with a strange melancholy to think of her here without me. It's not long at all until I leave. The Kelsey Squad's snide little comments seem to roll right off her back, but she tends to put on a brave face. I wonder how much of it is for show. She shouldn't have to be so brave all the time.

"Hey!" I hear her calling, and I look up to see the standing at the edge of the clearing with both her hands behind her back. "Close your eyes."

"Are you serious?" I laugh.

"Yes! Christian!"

"Okay, fine!" I close my eyes and even cover them with my hands for good measure.

I hear her tromp through the flowers, some rustling when she's near me, and then an odd clicking noise. I recognize it, but I can't place it. "Okay, open them now."

I open them and see Anna holding a plate with a very fancy-looking slice of chocolate cake on it. There's a single lit candle sitting in it. She starts quietly singing "Happy Birthday" and then pushes it a little closer to me. "Make a wish!"

I blow out the candle and make a wish. I wish that she would always be in my life. "How did you get this?" I ask incredulously.

She hands me a fork. "My therapist helped me arrange it. I told her it was your birthday and I needed help, so she brought in the cake from a fancy bakery near her house. She was so nervous giving me the lighter." Ah, the clicking sound. "I had to promise her so many times that I wouldn't burn this place to the ground. Well, not yet anyway," she says mischievously, which makes me snicker. Yeah, maybe someday. "But I couldn't let you have a birthday cake without candles!"

I notice that she's also holding a fork. "You can eat this?"

"I can, but if you want the whole thing, that's okay, too."

I've still never seen her eat. It thrills me to no end that she's at a point where she could eat a slice of cake. She's doing so much better and I'm so proud of her. "Here, together." I take a forkful, then she takes one, and we clink them together. We take the bite at the same time, maintaining eye contact, and react at the same moment in the same way. "Mmmm!"

And then she laughs. Not the small, reserved ones I usually see. A real mouth-open, teeth-showing, belly laugh. She looks so different that way, and I realize what a goddamn privilege it is that I'm the only one here who's ever seen her like this. Even when she stops, she keeps smiling widely. If this is what her smile really looks like, it's a crime that she hardly ever shows it. Those blue eyes are practically sparkling along with it. "This is yummy!"

It's an astute observation. This cake is fantastic. "This is the best birthday I've ever had."

She smiles a touch wider. "Really?"

"Yes. I've never seen you smile like that."

She shrugs, a little self-consciously. "I haven't felt like this in a really long time. There was a time that I never saw myself eating cake again. And I definitely never thought I'd have a friend like you."

"Me neither." That's the best present I'll ever get. "Hey, when is your birthday?"

"September tenth."

"By then, you'll be out of here and strong and healthy, and you can visit Seattle, and I'll get you a whole chocolate cake and we'll do whatever you want, no matter how touristy."

She smiles, and I swear her cheeks pink a bit. "I don't care what we do. I'm just really excited to visit you. But I'm down for more cake."

I take another bite. "I can't wait for you to meet my brother and sister. You'll fit right in."

"You're so lucky. I wish I wasn't an only child," she all but pouts.

"Well, you have me now. And my family is used to gaining new members through adoption. So, you don't have to worry about that anymore. We'll basically adopt you."

"That will be my best birthday ever." She takes another bite of cake. "Do you feel any different?"

"Different how?"

"Being sixteen."

"I don't know. I guess I feel… optimistic. Which, I don't know if you noticed, is rare for me," I say sardonically.

"You? No. You're optimism personified." We both snort a laugh. "There's so much to look forward to. For both of us."

"I don't think I'd feel this way without you. I don't think… I don't know if I would ever have seen what she did as wrong." It feels like a dark confession. "I mean, you saw how stubborn I was." How long would the wool have stayed pulled over my eyes if she hadn't come along?

"You don't have to wonder about that, though, because she didn't win. She never will. The version of you that she tried to create isn't you."

How does she always know exactly what to say? We each take our last bites of cake and then lay back against the grass. I reach over and take her hand, both of us gazing upwards at the branches shifting in the wind in the ever-dimming light.

"I don't think I'd feel this way without you, either," she comments after a moment.

"What way?"

"Happy."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, committing this moment to memory. The sweet smell of the earth surrounding us, the warm, breezy air, the feel of her warm little hand in mine, the taste of chocolate still lingering in my mouth.

So, this is happiness.

Happy birthday to me.

For once, I can't bring myself to curse this day, because it led me here.

A/N: Highly recommend listening to the piece Christian played for Ana. It's not very long and it's lovely on the ears.

This was one of my favorites to write, so I wanted to get it posted as soon as possible. I hope you liked it! Next chapter will answer some questions you've been asking for a while, and I will do my best to get it to you as quickly as I can! Feel free to review and share your thoughts with me in the meantime. xo