Return to the Jasmine Dragon

Author's Note: I have a message for the anonymous racist troll who has been harassing readers and reviewers in this fandom. Please stop. If you believe you are defending me or my work, you are wrong. Leave people alone and stop sending offensive messages. It's not hard. This fandom does not have room for your toxicity. Go away.

This chapter is dedicated to chocolatelova, who binged this fic very recently and became my newest internet friend. Check out their wonderful missing moments story, The Waterbender's Heart.

Two more days of flying later, Appa landed in the square outside of the Jasmine Dragon. Zuko jumped down eagerly and approached the door of the tea shop. Noticing the commotion of the sky bison, his uncle came outside.

"Nephew!" He embraced Zuko proudly. "I have been waiting for an invitation to a formal celebration of your engagement! But I didn't think you would come here to share the news in person. Where is the future Fire Lady?" He looked behind the tall young man for his partner, and didn't see her.

"That's not why we're here. I….haven't proposed yet." Zuko admitted sheepishly. The old man's face fell, and he looked around at the other youths, trying to figure out what was wrong. "We're looking for Aang. He's missing and I thought you might be able to help."

Iroh's expression became even more grave, and he invited them in.

Once they had settled in a private room with a kettle of tea, Sokka and Zuko summarized their efforts to search for the Avatar in Republic City, the theory they had constructed of a global conspiracy, and the way that idea seemed to have come to nothing.

"So we went to see Jun." Zuko explained.

"Jun?" Iroh's eyes lit up. "How is the gorgeous bounty hunter? I think of her from time to time."

Zuko rolled his eyes at his lascivious uncle's ridiculous crush. "Still young enough to be your daughter. She said Aang isn't in this world."

"Just like before the comet." Sokka went on. "But this time we can't just assume he's going to come back on his own to confront the big bad. And we don't have our own battles to fight to support him."

"We have to go after him." Katara said, her voice raw. "Wherever he is."

"Zuko said you know about the spirit world, old man." Toph got straight to the point.

Iroh nodded sagely and began his story. "After my son Lu Ten was killed in battle, I descended into a deep depression. I became determined to reunite with him in any way I could. As a last effort to avoid suicide, I decided to try to enter the spirit world."

"Did you find him?" Zuko asked softly, remembering his own sorrow at the loss of his beloved cousin.

"Yes. We said our goodbyes, and I was able to find a measure of peace."

"Is that what you want me to find, peace in being separated from Aang forever?" Katara snapped.

"My son was not the Avatar. He was dead." Iroh answered gravely, not put off by the waterbender's show of emotion. He was used to dealing with volatile teenagers. "If Aang were dead, Jun would have found his body. It is more than possible that we will find him in the spirit world, safe and whole."

"Well, he's not in this one." Sokka stated matter-of factly. "How do we get to the spirit world?"

"I researched for almost a year, traveled to mystics and spiritual advisors." Iroh explained, while the young people leaned in eagerly to hear what he knew. "I did not find a way to enter the realm of the spirits until I joined the Order of the White Lotus. Once I was initiated, they told me all that they knew of the world beyond. At that time, the Order had recently investigated a mountain where there had been some mysterious disappearances and unusual apparitions. One of my brother scholars called it a wormhole, and recommended that the White Lotus maintain a guard at this entrance."

"So we can go through this wormhole into the spirit world?" Zuko questioned.

His uncle nodded. "Just as I did a decade ago."

"I didn't know there were, like, physical entrances." Sokka mused. "I thought the only way in was meditating. Like Aang does." He shut his eyes and put his fists together, imitating their friend.

"It is the only entrance we know of that is currently open." Iroh answered. "And since we will be able to enter in body as well as soul, we will retain the use of our bending skills."

"Where is it?" Zuko asked.

"In the mountains between the city and the Northern Air Temple. Long before Fire Lord Chaeryu's time, the portal was covered by a rockslide. After a second avalanche two or three decades ago, mountaineers discovered it, and the Order acted to gain access and control. It is in a very remote location; cut into the sheer mountain face near a snowy peak."

Sokka pulled out his map, and Iroh pointed to the portal's approximate location.

"That's probably only half a day's flight on Appa," the planner estimated.

"Then let's go." Katara stood, ready to get right back on Appa for another long flight.

"Hold up, sis." Sokka put his hand on her arm. "Appa needs to rest. And we do, too."

"We will also need some climbing equipment and warm coats." Iroh cautioned.

"What do you mean, climbing equipment? We have a sky bison and an earthbender." Toph objected.

"There is no space for Appa to land near the portal, so we will have to leave him at the base of the mountain and proceed on foot." Iroh informed them. "I have never gone rock climbing with an earthbender, so I don't know how much you will be able to help us, but surely at the least some strong ropes would make us safer."

"So we need to go shopping before we go." Sokka clapped his hands together eagerly. "Winter clothing, ropes, maybe some harnesses and pickaxes. And who knows what we'll need once we get inside the spirit world."

"It probably would be best to wait another day to get ready." Zuko agreed. "I'm sorry, Katara."

"Aren't any of you worried about what he might be going through?" She asked incredulously. "Every minute we delay, he might be-"

"I know Aang would never want to exhaust Appa." Toph pointed out.

"And none of us will last the flight into the icy mountains without proper attire." Iroh added. "Make yourselves at home in my apartments upstairs. Tomorrow we'll prepare, and then leave the next day."

Unhappy with the answer but knowing further protest was useless, Katara stormed off.

Figuring the meeting was over, Zuko excused himself to unpack Appa. Toph followed when he asked her for help.

Sokka and Suki stayed behind, glad for a chance to talk confidentially to Iroh about their responsibilities as members of the White Lotus.

"It's not time for the Cradle Combing protocol, is it?" The Water Tribe boy asked in a fearful whisper.

"Not quite yet, I believe. I hope that day comes long after my own time is up." Iroh answered, causing the young couple to relax in relief.

"Should we tell the Order before we go through this wormhole? Or keep Aang's disappearance secret?" Suki asked the old master in a low voice.

"It is impossible for anyone to use the wormhole without the Order's knowledge because of the guard. But I will also write to Jeong Jeong and Pakku of the reasons for our journey." Iroh replied. "We should always notify someone of our plans before an expedition like this. And perhaps leave one of our own number behind as well. Going off into the unknown without a tether is unwise. It may become necessary for someone to rescue the rescuers."

Sunset found Katara on a familiar balcony, watching the clouds change color, hugging herself as tears streamed down her face. She could remember the taste of that first kiss so perfectly. She heard someone approach behind her and wiped her cheeks.

"What's up, sweetness?" Toph joined her.

"Nothing," Katara murmured.

"Revisiting happy memories?" The earthbender asked with a knowing smirk. "Oh, I know what you and Aang got up to the last time you were on this balcony. These feet see all. Sokka was about to open that door to bug him about taking some stupid joy ride on Appa, but I stopped him from bothering you two. I knew how long Aang had waited for that moment. How crazy he was about you."

Katara was torn between laughter at Toph's insight, gratitude for her prevention of the interruption, and sorrow for how the moment they were discussing over and past. "Was?" She repeated, her voice raw.

"He's still crazy about you, wherever he is." Toph clarified, not wanting her friend to jump down her throat again. "I used past tense to talk about a past moment, not because he's…..you know."

Katara nodded, then spoke, remembering that Toph couldn't see it. "Right."

"I feel good about this new plan." Toph stated confidently. "I think we'll find him soon. And then you two can get back to grossing the rest of us out with your smoochies."

"Thanks, Toph." She couldn't feel optimistic or pessimistic or much of anything about their planned trip to the mountains. Just determined.

"Do you, uh, want a hug?" Toph offered awkwardly. Usually she showed affection by punching people in the shoulder, but that somehow felt inappropriate now. She'd probably knock Katara over, the waterbender seemed so weak and insubstantial.

"Sure." The girls wrapped their arms around each other. Though it was unaccustomed, and thus a little uncomfortable at first, they both found some relief in the other's embrace.

"I miss him too, you know." Toph spoke into her friend's shoulder.

"I know. I'm sorry I'm…..not myself lately." Katara pulled away, looking down guiltily.

"It makes sense. Your other half is missing. We'll get him back. Twinkletoes will turn the Ice Queen back into his Sugar Queen with a magic kiss or whatever."

Katara sighed, and turned back to the fading colors of the sunset. As appealing as that image of instant transformation was, she was starting to worry that might not be possible anymore. She was afraid that something inside her was changing or freezing, and she might never be the same.

When the others went to bed, Zuko stayed behind to talk privately with his uncle. Of course, Iroh guessed his trouble.

"Tell me what else is bothering you, nephew." He invited, passing him a cup of tea. "I saw your face when I asked after Lady Mai."

"You know that I was supposed to propose on her birthday. I'm over two weeks late now."

"Surely you sent word. She will understand."

"I sent her a letter, and I asked Joshu, and Nozomi, and my mother to speak to her on my behalf. But I haven't heard back from any of them."

"The messenger hawks are not that fast."

"I know. But-"

"But you're still worried that you may have lost her completely? If she could not handle waiting a few days while you help a friend, then what kind of wife would she be?"

"One who reasonably expects her husband to keep his solemn word."

"Perhaps the punctuality of this proposal would not feel quite so crucial if you hadn't been enjoying a husband's pleasures before marriage." Iroh's tone was gentle, and his nephew knew that this mild chiding was the most serious scolding he'd receive.

Zuko sighed. He'd known his uncle wasn't clueless. "You're probably right. It kind of….just happened, once we were living together in the palace." That was really only true of their very first intimacies, but after they had begun sharing a bed, sex had become inevitable. His conscience had been their only brake, delaying consummation only a few months. Nevertheless, he knew he could have waited if she had wanted to, or if circumstances had been different. She was worth it. He could never regret loving Mai, but a part of him wished they had been allowed to have a normal courtship. It really would have made this delay much less fraught.

"That is understandable." Iroh nodded. "You were young, and in love, and had every intention of marrying eventually. Have you had any other disagreements?"

"I've been working too much. Staying up late." He thought of the times he'd slept alone; she had warned him that she wouldn't wait up for him, and he had absentmindedly disregarded her. Now he wished he had changed his habits. Their warm bed should have been enough motivation to take better care of himself. "She wasn't happy that I was taking the last-minute trip to Republic City in the first place. And we've argued over a few policies and programs. She surprised me by being more conservative than I thought she was, and advocating for reforming the country more slowly than I'd prefer."

"Such disagreements are likely for any head of state with a partner who becomes involved in politics. Surely you prefer these intellectual arguments to sharing your throne with an empty-headed doll."

"Of course! I know Mai has the best interests of the Fire Nation at heart, even though our ideal pictures of our country's future might be somewhat different, and I place a higher value on worldwide harmony than she does. There have been a couple times when her challenges made the final policy we agreed on stronger."

"She will be a magnificent Fire Lady." Iroh declared. "Better even than your mother. Not because of any deficiency in Ursa, but because Mai's partner inspires her to devoted patriotic service, while my brother did nothing to deserve his wife's affection."

"I hope so. But I'm so afraid I've messed everything up."

"You must keep faith."

"She's the one who's being asked to keep faith. And she's already had to wait so long."

"You must trust in her love."

Zuko looked down. "That's always been the hard part for me. I still feel so unworthy."

"I know, nephew." Iroh cupped his left cheek in his wrinkled hand, forcing his adopted son to look up at him. "Those feelings are persistent, even when they have no basis in reality. Look at what you are doing for your friend. Searching diligently for him, supporting the others, making a personal sacrifice to offer your help. You have always deserved every happiness that life has to offer."

"Thank you, Uncle." He gave a small, strong smile. He'd known Iroh would make him feel better. "If that's true, it's only because I learned from your example."

"It has always been true. Your value is inherent. Love is not earned; it is given freely."

"And forgiveness?" Zuko pushed, recalling kneeling before this man in the tent outside this city.

"That is a gift one gives not to a person who has done wrong, but to oneself." Iroh stood and kissed the young man on the forehead. "Good night, nephew."

They spent a day in the market, looking for warm clothes, gear, and provisions for the long journey. Each member of the team got a new jacket in Earth Kingdom green. The people of the marketplace were tense and turbulent, full of an indescribable gloom or given to inexplicable bursts of impulsive violence. The group saw more than one fight break out in the shops. They left one store quickly after Sokka was falsely accused of stealing. Katara tried to rush through their purchases, hoping to get the others to consent to leaving that evening if they could finish their shopping early enough, but Appa was snoozing when she returned, and she felt guilty for pushing the bison so hard.

That evening, Zuko found Katara in the alley behind the Jasmine Dragon, where a deep well provided the tea shop with its water. She looked forlorn and dispirited as she waved a tendril of water around in the air.

"Would you like to do some waterbending?" Zuko asked her, surprising both of them.

She stared at him dumbfounded.

"I know that you and Aang like to waterbend together." He explained, trying not to let her blank expression put him off. "If it's anything like firebending is for me, it probably helps you stay on an even keel, emotionally speaking. And it's nice to have a partner to practice with." He imagined that for Katara and Aang, waterbending practice was at least sometimes kind of intimate, so he felt it was necessary to make sure she didn't take his offer the wrong way. "I don't want to...cross any lines, but I just wanted to help if I can."

"You can't waterbend." She answered flatly.

"No, but maybe we could spar?" He suggested. "Either with my firebending, or I could get out my Dao swords?"

She smirked. "Those swords would shatter if I froze them."

His smile drooped a little, but he was undeterred. "No swords, then. I'm kind of attached to them. Why don't you show me something you do with Aang that helps you keep calm, and I'll see if I can participate." If not, he figured at least doing half of the exercise might help her.

She tried the figure eight form, but without a partner to anchor the second loop, it devolved into a circle.

Seeing her frustration, he made a suggestion. "In the North, Aang and I taught the students how to neutralize fire attacks. Want to try that?" He shot a fireball to her left, and she sprayed water at the flame, neatly covering the circumference of the fire with a fine mist that turned to steam in the air. Zuko couldn't help laughing in delight at how exactly their attacks cancelled each other out.

They ended up shooting fire and water at each other with a regular cadence, counterbalancing each others' attacks. Their left hand strikes met in the middle, before they switched to the right side, and then they repeated, again and again. They focused on matching each other precisely, so that there were no scorch marks anywhere, and no extra water dripping to the ground. The rhythmic nature of their movements reminded Katara of what she did with Aang, but she had to do all of the waterbending herself rather than picking up the water from him, as he passed it off. She missed the feel of Aang's waves pushing back against hers, but at least she got to expend some of her energy this way.

After about an hour of exercise, they were both tired. They bowed to each other and turned toward the tea shop to go to bed.

"Oh, and Katara? Happy birthday." Zuko said, as if it were an afterthought, though he'd been aware of the date since he'd woken up.

"Thanks." She smiled, but the warmth didn't reach her eyes. "I was here in Ba Sing Se with Aang two years ago on my sixteenth birthday." She recalled.

"Mai and I were here for her sixteenth as well. Hers is just a couple of weeks before yours. What did you and Aang do to celebrate?" He asked conversationally, hoping the pleasant topic would divert rather than grieve her.

"Went swimming and waterbending in Lake Laogai. And then he helped me deliver a baby. What did you do for Mai's birthday?" She answered, politely keeping up her end of the conversation, though a part of her seemed absent.

Zuko blushed. "Um, the same thing you and Aang were going to do the night he vanished."

"Oh." Katara looked down, her voice flat.

He kicked himself for reminding her of Aang's disappearance, of her dashed plans. He should have mentioned taking Mai out to dinner instead, but his mind couldn't help going there. He considered opening up to her about how he was almost two weeks late for his promised proposal, but decided that Katara's own problems were too consuming for her to listen to his. He had spoken to Sokka, Suki, Toph, and Uncle about Mai, so he had plenty of support. It wasn't as if whining to Katara could solve his problems with his girlfriend; the only thing that could do that was finding Aang quickly so he could return to the Fire Nation and beg her forgiveness.

They arrived at their bedroom doors. "Well, uh, good night." The firebender rubbed his hair awkwardly. "Do you need help to get to sleep? I could…..uh…..I could get Sokka."

"You've already done enough. Thanks, Zuko." Katara closed the door. She remembered another birthday, her fifteenth, when Aang lay comatose on the ship. She'd thought that was the hardest, darkest time of her life, but this was somehow even worse. At least then she had known he was alive. Though his lingering unconscious state had terrified her, she had been able to hold him and listen to his heartbeat. Now her arms ached with emptiness; she had nothing to cling to.

She didn't even try to sleep, knowing it was useless. She simply wrapped her arms around her knees, and waited until morning.

Author's Note: Please leave me a review to tell me what you think of these developments! Next chapter, they go to the spirit world, and the more reviews I get, the sooner I'll post it!