BIG disclaimer: I have ABSOLUTELY no head for science. I don't understand it, know anything about it, nor am I even vaguely competent in trying to explain it. Therefore, please read the following with a BIG grain of salt and please suspend all disbelief. For those of you who DO know something about it, my humble apologies – all I can say it's 'my universe and I'll screw it up if I want to" (sung to the tune of 'It's my Party')
Secondly – we are coming to the end of this story (one more chapter to go – really, truly) so I let myself play with this one a bit. I hope you'll enjoy – and if not, I hope you'll forgive me. What can I say – I was in a silly mood. Thanks for bearing with me, oh loyal readers. I luv ya all!
"Aaargh!"
The painful groan came from Janet's office so Daniel hurriedly rushed over and knocked on the door. "Janet? You okay in there?"
The door opened so abruptly that Daniel stepped back, worried that something was about to rush out at him. Instead he saw the cute backside of the petite doctor walking away from the door and back towards her desk.
"Uh – Janet?" he asked, carefully stepping into her office. "Are you okay?"
"That man! He's going to drive me insane." She plunked down into her chair and put her head in her hands.
"By 'that man' I assume you mean Jack?" the SGC's official archaeologist and unofficial counselor asked. "What's wrong? Is he being obnoxious again?" Daniel was used to Janet's occasional 'melt-downs' anytime she had Jack in the Infirmary. His ability to drive the medical staff – hell, any of the staff in Cheyenne Mountain, crazy was legendary.
Janet slowly lifted her head and looked blearily at the man opposite her. She sighed dejectedly and pushed herself to sit up straight. "Obnoxious?" she said, practically spitting the word. "No, he's being nice Daniel." He almost laughed at her tone when she said 'nice'. You'd have thought Jack was spreading the bubonic plague or something.
"Nice?" he asked, confused, but trying not to grin.
"Yes – nice. And it's driving my staff crazy. It's just not right Daniel. He's actually cooperating. The Colonel. He does what the nurses ask, he says 'please' and 'thank you'. He didn't even mind when Nurse Jenkins took a blood sample and actually gave a urine sample without complaining. What the hell is wrong with the man?"
Daniel couldn't help the laugh that finally escaped. "Uh Janet – you usually complain about how uncooperative he is. Aren't you being a bit – hypocritical?"
"I'm supposed to complain about it", she told him, as if he was an idiot for even asking. "That's what the Colonel does – and that's what I do. Now he's gone and changed things and it's driving us all crazy. How can I treat him when I don't even know who he is anymore?"
Her last comment caused a silence to descend in the small room. Both the people there looked at each other, Daniel's humor of a moment ago dissipating instantly. Janet went from being irritated (okay totally pissed if they were being honest) to simply looking sad and worried.
"What's really wrong Janet?" Daniel finally asked. "Surely you can't be that upset because the man is being cooperative?"
"No, of course not", she sighed. "It's just – it's just not the Colonel Daniel. It's not like him – and I'm scared."
"You're scared that we've really lost him this time, that he won't 'come back'?" Daniel looked at her in compassion, although if truth were to be told, he was every bit as worried.
"Yes, that's what I'm worried about", she admitted quietly.
"Have you got his tests back?" he asked, wondering if she knew something the rest of them didn't.
"No, not yet", she said, a small smile on her face. "I'm – over-reacting. It's just – he's been through so much in his life and this is just one more thing. And I don't really know how to treat whatever's wrong with him."
"Janet, he was severely injured, but according to Sam he's come a long way since then. He's not quite the Jack we knew, but he's still Jack. I think -" he grimaced, wondering if he should be saying anything. Janet was far more of an expert than he was.
"What Daniel? Say it, please."
"Jack doesn't remember much and I think he's – searching – for who he is. He's lost his point of reference and doesn't have confidence in who or what he is because he doesn't remember who he was. But he is the same person Janet. I saw it – we all saw it – on the planet. When push came to shove he stood up and was the Colonel O'Neill we know and that we have faith in. He just doesn't quite believe it yet and so what you are seeing is a Jack who is – afraid."
"Afraid?" she said, surprised. "Of what?"
"Of himself, of this place" he gestured around him, "of his memories, once they return. He can't remember who he was, or what he did and I think he's worried that he won't like himself when it all comes back. I also sometimes wonder if who we're seeing is the Jack he'd be without all the crap in his life. I mean, don't you think that some of his – behavior, his being uncooperative and snarky – is just a defense mechanism. He's human and things scare him just like they do anyone, but he doesn't think he's allowed to show that so he – acts out."
Janet looked at him quietly and then gave a tiny nod. Daniel hadn't said anything she hadn't thought about the Colonel for years. She, as well as anyone, knew how vulnerable he was under that tough exterior and she guarded him jealously as a result. She and the Colonel had a mutual understanding; he'd bitch and complain, and she'd give him hell – and she'd make sure she kept him safe and well. She knew that he trusted her as he did few people – and she made damned sure she honored that trust. Right now though, their usual 'dance' had changed, and she'd been totally thrown by it.
"Thank you Daniel", she smiled again. "I knew I could count on you to make me feel better."
"No problem Doc", he told her seriously. "You're usually the one who makes us feel better. The least I can do is return the favor occasionally. So, how is Jack really?"
Both of them knew she couldn't talk about anything directly as she had to uphold doctor/patient confidentiality – but they also knew that Jack was family, and that he'd need the support of those closest to him to get better. So, with that in mind she gave what information she could.
"He's doing as well as can be expected Daniel. She grimaced again when she realized that that was 'doctorease' for not saying anything at all. "Physically he's fine, if a little underweight", she explained. "I haven't got the tests back yet so I don't really know anything more than that. The good news is he seems to be handling things pretty well."
"Really? Or is it just Jack's usual 'I'm fine so don't ask me any more questions', routine?"
She laughed at that and pushed herself up. "Your guess is as good as mine on that one Daniel", she said. "Maybe he's just able to hide it better behind this new front of being cooperative."
"Yeah – that sounds like the 'sneaky Jack' we all know and love."
"Come on, let's go see the man who's giving us all this trouble", she laughed again, suddenly feeling much better.
"Well, at least that's no different than usual", he laughed along with her, feeling suddenly lighter than he had in a while.
When they got to Jack's room it was to see the Colonel sitting on the side of his bed, his bare legs dangling over the edge and a scowl on his face.
"Colonel?" Janet asked, wondering what was going on.
"When the heck can I get out of here Doc", he snapped. "Your damned nurses have sucked practically every bit of blood out of me and if they ask me to pee in a cup once more I'm going to throw the damned thing across the room!"
Daniel could see Janet's shoulders relax and feel her entire mood lighten up a little more. He had to stop himself from grinning. Jack was coming back to them quicker than they'd hoped.
"That's the routine Sir", she answered calmly. "The sooner you cooperate the sooner you'll be out of here."
"I have cooperated", he complained. "I've done everything they've asked and they're still not satisfied. "I just want to get out of here Doc."
"I know Sir", she said gently. "Where do you want to go?" She wanted to bite her tongue the moment the words left her mouth. This Colonel was so what she was used to that she forgot that he couldn't remember much of anything.
"I don't know", he said softly, looking down at his gown covered legs. "I – I guess -" He looked over at Daniel. "Do I have a – house – or - or anything?"
"Of course", Daniel answered, matter-of-factly, although inside he cringed. "You have a house, a nice house. It's been locked up since you – left – but Teal'c and I go over regularly to make sure everything is okay. It probably needs to be aired out but it's still yours."
Jack looked at him gratefully, although his heart was still beating a mile a minute. He was glad he had a place to live, but was worried that he wouldn't know what to do when he got there. Although there were myriads of images running around in his mind, he really couldn't put them together to make a logical pattern. He knew this world was different than Mariscola – he just wasn't quite sure how.
"Don't worry Jack", Daniel interrupted his thoughts. "If it's okay with you I could stay with you for a while until you're back on your feet. I know it's all pretty overwhelming since you've been away for so long."
"How long were we gone?" he suddenly asked. He hadn't really thought in terms of time before now and for the first time it bothered him that he didn't know how many days or weeks or months had passed. He could only really remember the last three or four months. Beyond that were vague memories of Henry and Charlie and Sam and being looked after like a baby.
"Almost a year", Janet said gently. "In fact, it'll be a year in just a couple of weeks. We were all dreading the anniversary so –"
"So we're really happy you're here", Daniel finished.
"Yeah", Jack laughed bitterly, "except I'm not really here. At least, it's not really me."
"What do you mean?" Daniel frowned. "Janet said the DNA checked out and you really are Jack O'Neill."
"But not the same Jack O'Neill that left here – almost a year ago. I'm different Daniel – you know it, I know it, hell everyone knows it. I'm not that soldier, that man who saved the world anymore. God, I don't think I could even save a puppy now! What good am I to anyone if I don't even know who I am?"
"You're you Jack", Daniel said softly. "You may not be able to remember everything, but you are the same man who left here. We all saw it back on the planet. Ask Sam or Teal'c or Reynolds or his team. When it really mattered you became who you've always been; the brave, smart –sometimes irritating, but always honorable man you are. So you can't remember how to play hockey or what a toaster is – big deal. You do remember what it is to be a friend and someone who cares about those closest to him. Jack we know you and believe me, you are the same man."
Jack looked at him carefully, trying to see whether the younger man was telling the truth or not. His gaze then swung to the doctor but she too wore the same look. It was one of faith and affection – no, more than affection. The two people in front of him were looking at him like – he mattered to them. He took a deep breath and let it out. "So – I was this obnoxious before I lost my memory?"
Both Janet and Daniel burst out laughing. "Yes Jack", Daniel answered. "you were definitely this obnoxious."
"Actually, I was telling Daniel how cooperative you were this morning Sir", Janet jumped in, "although I'm glad to see that changed."
"Glad?" he said, his eyebrows raised.
"Yes, you may have been obnoxious in the past Colonel", she explained. "But we loved you for it – and we're glad you're back!"
He grinned and for the first time since he returned, felt like he might just be okay.
Of course by the time he made his way to the briefing room that feeling had faded. He was nervous. Hell no, that was putting it mildly. He was terrified. He did remember George – ur Hammond – but wasn't sure what was coming. Was the General going to tell him he was finished, that the Air Force was wiping its hands of him? Was he to be let go so that he'd have to find his own way back? He didn't know if he could do that.
And then, of course, there was Sam. He hadn't seen her yet this morning and he missed her. He also continued to worry that she wouldn't want him now that they were home. If they really had been in love – if she had cared before – why hadn't they been together? And why had she seemed so uncomfortable around him since they got back. He stopped suddenly. What if she had been with someone else before they went on their mission? What if their 'feelings' for each other hadn't been appropriate? Maybe she was regretting what had happened on Mariscola and she'd rather be with someone else. Was there someone else? God – he should have asked Janet or Daniel.
When he arrived at the briefing room it was to see that only Teal'c was present. He felt a slight easing of his tension – there was something about this man that made him feel like things would be okay. He sat down at the table, but felt his tension rise at Teal'c's strange look.
"Uh – is everything okay Teal'c?" he asked, looking around the room.
"Indeed it is fine O'Neill", he large friend answered. "I was simply surprised to see you in that chair."
Jack looked down at the chair, trying to discover if there was something wrong with it. "Uh – shouldn't I sit in it?"
"You may sit there if you wish", his friend answered. "It is simply that that is not your usual seat."
"Oh." He looked around the table and stood up slowly. Did they have assigned seats? Was it inappropriate for him to sit here? "Where -?"
"Your usual place is there", Teal'c pointed, "although you are free to sit where you wish. I did not mean to imply you were wrong to sit there."
"No, no, that's okay", he answered, moving to his 'usual' seat. "I – thanks for telling me." He really was grateful to Teal'c for letting him know, although now of course, he was really nervous. What else would he screw up today?
Soon the others filed into the room, including Colonel Reynolds and Janet Frasier. He smiled at both of them, although he was still bothered by the fact that, for the life of him, he couldn't remember Reynolds. From the comments of the other man they must have been friends – before. He sighed silently – he so hated this.
Daniel and Sam came in together, chatting casually to one another. Daniel looked over at him – in his usual chair – and smiled. Sam gave him a quick glance, a small grin, and then sat down and didn't look at him again. He felt a headache coming on. He should have known she wouldn't want him anymore. He wondered what she was going to do about the baby. He felt a twinge of fear as he thought about losing another child.
The General finally entered and with a smile welcomed everyone and sat down. "So Colonel, Major, let me say again how good it is to have you both back."
"Thank you Sir", he answered. He wanted to say it was good to be back, but the words wouldn't come. Right now he desperately wanted to return to Mariscola.
Carter smiled and said a brief 'thank you' as well, although she continued to refuse to look at him.
"So", Hammond continued, "we're here to debrief about everything that happened on P -"
"Mariscola Sir", Jack interrupted. It was something he remembered, something he knew. He didn't want to speak in letters and numbers – that was the old Jack, it wasn't him.
"Yes", Hammond looked surprised, "Mariscola, if that's easier. So everyone, can you tell me what happened?"
For the next hour and a half everyone gave their explanation of all that had happened since the team had been attacked and Sam and Jack had been kidnapped. For the first time Jack realized that both Daniel and Teal'c were suffering from guilt over having 'left' their teammates behind. He hadn't realized how much they were hurting over that fact and knew that he'd have to have a long, serious talk with the both of them. Either that or he'd harass them until they caved. He grinned slightly – yeah, that was the better way, the 'O'Neill way' to deal with this. He looked at the two men affectionately and not for the first time thanked God he had them as friends.
Most of the time was spent with Sam and him telling their stories. Although to be totally honest it was more Sam than him as she told all about their life on Mariscola. There were plenty of sympathetic looks, which just about drove Jack around the bend, but there was also some laughter and some serious discussion. Jack was relieved that she left out any reference to the two of them being together or her being pregnant – or at first he'd been relieved, although the more he thought about it, the more upset it made him. She was making it pretty clear she no longer wanted there to be a 'them'. Well fine, he decided, suddenly feeling angry. If that's the way she wanted it – he could put her into his pile of 'things he forgot'.
"So you didn't think there was a way home?" The General asked, compassion in his voice.
"No Sir", Sam said simply. "I looked everywhere I could but there was absolutely no sign of the gate. I heard a rumor from one person but there weren't enough details to go on. I eventually decided that we were stuck there for the rest of our lives."
He could feel the sympathy from everyone in the room, although he refused to look up. His anger died down when he realized again all that Sam had gone through on that planet – without anyone to help her through it. Damn the aliens! Damn his bloody head! Damn the fact that he wasn't 'whole', that he was only half a man.
"Colonel?"
He lifted his head quickly, realizing everyone had been staring at him. "Sorry Sir", he said. "I – my mind wandered there for a bit."
"That's okay Colonel", General Hammond said sympathetically. Jack felt a brief flash of irritation; sure the General wouldn't have been quite so forgiving a year ago. He guessed they all had to be tolerant of the 'retard'. He closed his eyes briefly and swore at himself. Don't be such an ass Jack. They simply care.
"So, in conclusion", Hammond said a few minutes later, once everyone was done speaking. "We don't think there's any danger from these aliens?"
"No Sir", Carter replied. "As far as we know, they don't have Earth's address and Bart – he was the one who took the scepter – was going to make sure Pasha's soldiers were taken care of. Of course, we can't really be sure, but I don't see any danger in the future. We do have their gate address and we can ask the Tokra to check their planet out via ship. The Colonel also recommended that the gate on Mariscola be buried so that they don't have to worry about future visits."
Hammond looked surprised and gazed at Jack. "You were sure about that Colonel? It means you can't return either."
"I know Sir", Jack said, a sick feeling in his gut. "I think it's best this way. There's really nothing there for us and this way the people can lead a peaceful life without fear of more advanced races taking advantage of them."
George nodded, although he looked like he wanted to say more. From his expression he must have realized how difficult a decision it had been for Jack to forever throw out any chance of returning to a world he knew. Instead he'd chosen to go home to a place he could no longer remember.
"Thank you, all of you", the General finally said. "You all deported yourself with honor and integrity and I'm proud of you. Colonel Reynolds, please convey my congratulations to your team and tell them that they will all receive a notation in their files. Major Carter, you especially deserve a commendation for all you did on Mariscola. I know it was difficult for you – but you did a fine job and you are to be congratulated."
"Thank you Sir", she answered, although to Jack's eye she looked anything but grateful for the General's words. Instead, she looked guilty. He felt the anger and bitterness return and build inside him.
"And you Colonel O'Neill", the General said, not quite finished. "With all that you've been through and with the fact that you're still dealing with the aftereffects of a head injury, you still managed to bring everyone back safely. I'm proud of you Colonel – well done!"
"Thank you General", he said quietly, although inside he knew he didn't deserve the praise. It had been no more than a fluke that had gotten them home, that and Reynolds and his – and SG1.
"Colonel Reynolds, you may be excused. I need to talk to SG1 - and again, thank you."
After the Colonel had left Hammond turned to his remaining people. "I wanted to discuss the technology that injured the Colonel and then I'd like to hear his test results. Colonel, if you'd rather the others not be present for that I'll understand and ask them to leave."
"It's okay", he muttered. Hammond looked at him sharply but when Jack didn't say anymore decided to leave it. He still wondered what was going on with Colonel O'Neill.
"So, what have you found out about the weapon that was used on the Colonel? Major?"
"Uh, we're still examining it Sir", Carter explained, "although we do have some preliminary results."
Of course they do, thought Jack. That must have been where she was – checking out her damn technology again.
"And?" Hammond prompted.
"Well Sir, it's like nothing we've ever seen before. It seems to send out a subatomic particle beam which turns regular matter into Bose-Einstein Condensate matter."
Jack stared at her blankly, having not a clue what she'd just said. He glanced around the table and was relieved to see equally confused expressions on everyone else's face. "What?" he finally asked. He could have sworn she grinned, although as soon as he narrowed his eyes she continued seriously.
"Bose-Einstein Condensate matter Sir", she repeated. "It's what is also commonly referred to as the 'zero state of matter."
"Zero state of matter" he said, hitting his palm on his forehead. "Why didn't you say so in the first place?"
"You don't have any idea what that is, do you Sir?" she asked, a twinkle in her eye.
He wanted to grin over the fact that he'd made her – if not laugh, at least want to laugh. Somehow he knew this was something he had a talent for. "Nope, not a clue."
"Well, sir, there are basically seven states of matter. The Bo – ur 'zero state' is when matter is frozen to extremely low temperatures that are a tiny fraction of a degree above absolute zero."
He stared at her again, although not because he didn't understand her. It was more that – it was so hard to believe. "Are you telling me that damned thing froze my brain?"
"Yes Sir, essentially. Although it's even more sophisticated than that. It appears to have 'selectively' frozen only parts of your brain, allowing the parts that controlled autonomous systems, such as respiration and circulation to continue. As I said, it's not something we have ever seen before. It's quite – incredible."
"Yeah right", he scoffed, "Incredible that someone turned my brain into a popsicle!"
"You said you're still examining this device", Hammond asked, although he felt as stunned as Jack.
"Yes Sir. We know what it does, we just don't know how. It could have some amazing applications if we discov -"
"Stop!" Jack said angrily. "Carter this thing froze my brain", he repeated. "I don't think 'amazing' is a word you should use for it. I say we toss it back into space otherwise the next thing you know the NID will have created an entire planet of zombysicles!"
"Colonel", Hammond said. "No one is going to let the NID get a hold of this."
"Yeah sure" he muttered. "Just wait!"
"Colonel!" Hammond glared at his officer for a moment and then finally turned to Janet. "So Doctor, I'd like to hear what the results of your tests were." He looked back at O'Neill. "You're sure you want your team to stay? They don't have to hear this Jack."
"No, it's okay Sir. Daniel will just worm it out of me anyway, and you should see Teal'c – nosey is putting it mildly!"
Daniel simply grinned and Teal'c did the old 'eyebrow lift' in response to Jack's quip. Soon however, everyone had gone quiet, waiting for the Doctor's report.
"Well Sirs", she said, "The good news is that Colonel O'Neill's physical health is good. He is underweight by about fifteen pounds, but with the right diet he should make that up easily. There is also some muscle weakness, but again that is something which an exercise regime should handle. It is very common in patients who have been bed-ridden for a lengthy period of time. Other than that there don't appear to be any serious physical affects, certainly nothing lasting or long-term.
Jack could feel himself breathe a sigh of relief. The muscle weakness especially had worried him, although he knew that what Janet had said was logical. He'd just have to get down to the gym and begin working out. He had a sudden moment of surprise when he realized he knew what a gym was. These occasional flashes of memory still surprised him.
"And the mental picture Doc?" he finally asked. This was what was really worrying him, although he fully expected it to be bad news.
"Well, the findings here are a little more difficult to analyze", Janet said. She reached into the folder in front of her and pulled out what were obviously brain scans. "The PET scan showed that parts of your brain have definitely been affected. Right now the main area affected seems to be the temporal lobe, which controls memory. The frontal cortex also shows some effects, although not as bad. I won't say damage, because it's impossible to say at this point whether it's permanent or not. Certainly the fact that the Colonel has improved so dramatically in such a short" she stopped at Jack's objection. "I know Sir, for you it didn't seem so short, but it terms of brain injury it was. Anyway, as I was saying, with the dramatic improvement he's had, I suspect that the effects of the device may be mostly temporary. From what Major Carter said, it looks like the device severely affected most parts of his brain, except those involved in in controlling autonomous functions. The good news is that the rest of his brain now seems totally back to normal. That gives me hope that the remainder will get better over time."
"So my brain is thawing out", he quipped. He then continued more seriously. "But you don't know for sure?" Jack asked.
"I'm sorry Sir, there's no way of telling. I would like you to have some more tests and have a neurologist look at you. He or she may be able to tell more."
Jack just nodded. In a sense it was better than he'd hoped, although he was still creeped out over all this talk of his 'brain' and damage. Why was it that aliens always seemed to like to go for that part of him? If he was Sam or Daniel he could understand it. They were the smart ones with the big brains. He was just a soldier with a rather – plain brain. He had to stop himself from grinning at that, even though it wasn't that funny.
"So – what happens now?" he finally said. He looked at the General, who was giving him a sympathetic look. Uh oh, he thought, that was never a good sign.
"Colonel, it's much too early to make any decisions. You need to take some time, to get better and rest. For now you're on medical leave and we'll re-evaluate in" he looked at Janet, "how long do you think he'll need Doctor?"
"That's hard to say Sir. A few months at least."
"Months?" Jack wanted to yell, instead he simply glared. "You're kidding?"
"I'm not Sir", Janet replied calmly. "You've been through tremendous trauma and your body – and mind – need time to heal. If you're better before that then fine, but I expect you'll need at least that long. Don't try and rush it Jack", she said more softly. "You need time to heal."
He glared at her for a few more moments, but his were the eyes that dropped first. He took a deep breath and rubbed his face distractedly. "Yeah, okay." He then looked at Hammond. "Will they give me that long Sir?" he asked. He figured the Air Force might try and dump him before then.
"Of course we will Colonel", the General answered. "The President made sure to tell me that he wanted you back 'no matter what we had to do'. Dr. Frasier's right Jack. Take the time, rest, heal. We'll be waiting for you right here."
He nodded slightly, not sure whether to be upset or relieved. If he was honest however, he knew that what they were saying was true. He did need the time. He had a whole new world and a whole life to remember. He might as well get started.
"If that's all people, you're dismissed. Jack, you're free to leave the base although I suggest that one of your team stay with you for a while, until you've had a chance to re-familiarize yourself with everything. You'll find that all your affairs are in order. Both you and the Major were declared MIA so it's relatively simple to get everything back up and running."
"Thank you Sir", Sam said gratefully. "Any word on my father yet?"
"The Tokra have been notified and let us know that a message is being sent to him. He's on a mission, and they couldn't give me an estimate on how long it would be before he could make it here."
"Typical Tokra!" Jack said sarcastically. It was only when the silence grew that he realized. He grimaced. "That's one memory I could do without", he said. "Why couldn't I remember hockey rather than the Tokra?"
Everyone grinned and his teammates stood up. Janet gathered her papers together. "Colonel, I'd like you to come down briefly to the Infirmary before you go."
He nodded. "Okay, thanks Janet." He went to speak to Daniel, to ask him if he'd come home with him (wherever the hell that was), when her voice interrupted him.
"General", Sam asked, "Could I speak with you and the Colonel alone for a few moments?"
Hammond looked vaguely surprised but nodded. "Of course Major. Colonel?" When Jack nodded he ushered the two officers into his office. George sighed heavily as he shut the door. He'd been expecting this and wasn't quite sure how he felt about it. Although after a brief second he decided it was a good thing. He stopped the grin before it appeared, but couldn't help but hope that he was proved right on this one.
"What is it Major", he asked, after everyone had sat down. He noticed that Jack looked confused. George frowned – maybe it wasn't what he'd thought after all.
"Sir, I have something to tell you", she bit her lip and looked over at the Colonel, almost as if to get his support.
Jack was totally confounded. What was this all about? Surely she wasn't going to say anything to the General, not if she was wishing it hadn't happened.
"I left something out of my report", she said.
"Yes?" the General looked at her expectantly.
"You see, it was true that we – I didn't expect to make it back to Earth and I'm afraid – well -" She paused, looking nervous. "I'm pregnant Sir", she finally blurted out.
Jack didn't know who was more shocked, the General or him. He looked at her and saw that she was gazing at him – hopefully, but still nervous.
"Pregnant?" Hammond repeated. He hadn't been expecting this at all. "I – see. Uh – was this – uh -" He didn't seem to know how to continue.
"It was consensual", Sam said. She looked at Jack again, seeming to beg him with her eyes.
What did she want him to say? Did she want him to confess it was his or would she rather keep the father anonymous? God, he wished he knew what to do. She seemed to be losing confidence and her eyes were suddenly glistening with unshed tears. Shit! What did she want him to do, to say?
"Jack?" her voice, so quiet, so unsure, finally made him decide.
"It's mine Sir", he told the General, refusing to look directly at her. "I – what Car – ur Sam, said was true. We didn't know we were going to come home and I -" Hell, just do it Jack. Get some balls and for once in your damned life just say the right thing. "And I've loved her for a long time. I needed her and I – Sir, I love her and that's my baby."
"I – see" the General leaned forward, not quite sure what to say. Finally, looking up at his officers he decided to keep it simple and smiled. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you both."
The two across the desk just stared at him, more than surprised by his answer. He really wanted to grin at their shocked faces but spared them that. "What?" he finally asked. "Did you think I wouldn't be happy for you?"
"No – I mean – but Sir", Sam finally got out. "I thought we'd be in trouble."
"Well, normally it would be frowned on, but as you said, you didn't think you were coming back. You were gone a long time, almost a year. I don't think that anyone is going to make a fuss over it. And anyway, for now you're not on the same team – in fact, neither of you are on any team, not until I assign you to one." He glanced between the two – still stunned – looking officers and frowned. "I assume you're pleased by this?" He certainly hoped so, but you never knew how people dealt with things.
Jack turned to Sam, hoping that he hadn't screwed up royally. What if she hadn't wanted this? What if he'd put pressure on her, made her feel guilty, forced her to go along with him? What if – he stopped and stared. She was – beaming – that's the only word he could think of – at him. Tears were running down her face and she looked like she wanted to launch herself at him. In fact, if it wasn't for the General sitting there he was pretty sure she would have.
"Did you mean it?" she asked.
"Mean it? – oh, you mean about me" he gestured between the two of them, suddenly feeling tongue-tied.
"About loving me and wanting the baby."
"Of course I meant it", he said fiercely. "I may have forgotten a few things", he told her, "but I haven't lost my mind – at least not all of it. I've loved you for a long time and there's nothing I want more than -" he stopped, realizing that General Hammond was sitting there listening to his whole confession. He could feel his face start to turn red and wanted to swear. It had been a lot of years since he'd actually blushed for God's sake. He glanced carefully at said General and winced when he saw the big grin on the man's face. He was never going to live this down!
"I love you too", she said softly, not seeming to care that her commanding officer – or to be accurate, her commanding officer's commanding officer, was sitting in the room across from her. "And I'm glad you want the baby. I wasn't sure."
"You weren't sure?" he said incredulously. "You've been the one avoiding me."
"Well – I thought – I was worried – I didn't want to get you in trouble."
"In trouble?" he said, feeling even more confused. "Why would I get into trouble?"
"Because it's against the rules to sleep with your subordinate Jack" the General said, sounding like he was enjoying this way too much.
"It is?" Jack asked, startled. Oh shit – that was something he'd clearly forgotten. "Uh – I didn't know" he tried to explain, but the General just waved him off.
"I told you Jack, it doesn't matter."
"Really Sir?" Sam asked. "I thought for sure we'd be in some sort of trouble."
"Leave it to me Major. Now, I think the two of you need to talk without me here. Although I must admit I haven't enjoyed anything quite so much in a long time." He stood up. "Colonel, get yourself down to the Infirmary and then have Major Carter take you home. I don't want to see you back in for a while. Just go and - rest and get yourselves back together. Jack, you especially. You're going to need all your strength for what lies ahead of you."
"You mean with the Air Force Sir?" Jack asked, standing up slowly.
"Hell no son", Hammond grinned. "I mean fatherhood!"