Derek was minding his own business, other than the fact that he was curiously surveying a particular conversation occurring at a table across the cafeteria, when a series of thuds resounded beside him. He turned his attention away from the intriguing interaction of the other table to find Cristina and Izzy setting their trays down beside him.
"Hi," he greeted cautiously as he discreetly glanced behind them for Meredith. There was no sign of his girlfriend.
"Hey," Cristina said as she sat down across from him.
"Hi, Derek," Izzy greeted warmly as she sat beside him.
There was still no sign of Meredith. Derek was somewhat taken aback by the fact that her friends were sitting with him, even though she didn't seem to be anywhere around. This had definitely never happened before. And it wasn't as if the cafeteria was full and his was the only table with space. There were plenty of free tables.
"So," he cleared his throat. "Anything interesting going on today?"
Izzy shook her head. "Not really. I scrubbed in with Dr. Bailey this morning."
Derek nodded and shifted his eyes over to Cristina, who shrugged.
"My interns are getting on my nerves."
Derek smiled, and then laughed when Izzy rolled her eyes at her friend.
"Who's that sitting with Dr. Sloan?" Izzy asked. She too had obviously noticed the conversation that had held Derek's attention before.
Derek shook his head. "I don't know." He smiled. "But I want to know." He turned and shifted his eyes in time to see Mark smile at the woman he was sitting with. Derek didn't think he recognized her, but he could only see the back of her very blonde head, so he couldn't be sure. Mark obviously said something funny, because she laughed and reached out to lay her hand on his and he smirked. Derek definitely recognized that look.
"Who ever she is, she's definitely getting McSteamied," Cristina commented.
Derek snorted, but had to nod his agreement.
"Hey, what are we looking at?" Alex asked as he, too, joined the table.
"Trying to figure out who the woman with Sloan is," Izzy filled him in.
Alex glanced across the cafeteria and shrugged. "Don't know, don't care." He glanced at Cristina. "Yang, I hear Hahn finally let you scrub in with her."
Cristina nodded emphatically. "Yeah," she glanced triumphantly at Izzy before continuing. "She let me scrub in yesterday. And I'm still working on her patients today."
Izzy scoffed. "Just because you have Bailey on your side."
"And she's obviously recognizing that I'm better than you."
Izzy rolled her eyes. "Think whatever you want."
"I will."
Alex shook his head and exchanged a quick look with Derek. A look that said, women, I wish I hadn't brought it up. Derek was surprised at how easily the exchange occurred, as if they had lunch together every day, as if they regularly interacted outside of work when Meredith wasn't involved. Derek smiled and nodded to himself as he realized he was being accepted as one of them. His family was accepting Meredith, and hers was accepting him.
"What about you?" Izzy asked suddenly, causing him to blink as he tried to understand the question.
"I'm sorry?"
"Any interesting surgeries today?"
Derek shook his head. "No. Did a small nerve graft this morning. Then caught up on some paperwork. More paperwork this afternoon."
"Anything else scheduled for this week?"
Derek almost smiled as he realized he was being questioned out of interest for him, rather than hope for an interesting surgery. "I have to repair a shunt tomorrow morning. It was supposed to be this afternoon, but there were no free ORs, and it's nowhere near critical yet. And I have a BDS case scheduled for Friday. Other than that it's supposed to be a dull week."
"That's too bad," Cristina said.
He shrugged. "You may think so, but once you've been doing this for a while you'll start not to mind some down time."
Cristina scoffed and he knew it was to signify that she never expected to end up like that.
"Oh, hey," she said suddenly. "Do you know where Meredith is?"
He shook his head. "I haven't seen her since she left this morning."
"Hmm," Cristina muttered. "She must be scrubbed in somewhere. I looked for her for like an hour."
"Do you need something?"
"I have to tell her something."
"Do you want me to get a message to her?"
Cristina shook her head. "Nope. It can wait if I don't find her today." She smirked to herself, and Derek narrowed his eyes, knowing she had something important to tell Meredith. He contemplated pushing for an answer to satisfy his curiosity, but decided against it. He was being included, and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize his current standings.
000
"Honey, I'm home!"
Derek laughed as he stepped out of the kitchen to greet Meredith as she arrived home from work. He hadn't seen her all day. "What did you say?"
She smiled. "It's the traditional greeting. I'm getting used to being domestic." She laughed. "I've wanted to say that since we moved in together, but I kept forgetting."
"It took you six weeks to remember?" He questioned, shaking his head at her proud expression. "Plus, I think to be traditionally domestic, it's supposed to be the man saying it to the house wife."
She scrunched up her face. "Whatever, it's the effort that counts. Either that, or this makes you my house wife."
Derek snorted. "I am not house wife material."
"Neither am I."
"I never said you were. You're the one who said you were trying to be domestic."
She narrowed her eyes at him as he stopped waiting for her to respond and pulled her into a tight hug. "Hi," he offered quietly as a delayed greeting.
"Hi," she responded, turning her head to kiss him before he pulled away. "I haven't seen you all day."
"I know." He released her as he motioned that he had to head back to the kitchen. She pulled her shoes off and followed suit.
"Can I help?" She offered as she wandered up to the counter.
He placed the large salad bowl down in front of her, along with a bottle vinaigrette dressing. "You can mix the salad." He smirked.
"Hmm," she mumbled as she stared down into the bowl. "There's a lot more veggies in here than when I make it."
"That's what makes the salad," he responded evenly as the timer dinged behind him and he turned to pull the chicken out of the oven.
"Derek, no offence, but the whole cooking dinner to be ready when I get home thing, well that seems pretty house wifey to me."
He scoffed and came up behind her as she used the tongs to mix the dressing through the salad, his hands finding her waist and his lips finding the side of her neck. "Except that I went to work for the day, and then came home to make dinner. Plus, I'm not your wife."
She laughed. "No, you're definitely not my wife. And you don't get to complain about working and then making dinner. I started before you, and you left before me."
He released her with one final kiss on the back of her head. "Hey, I've put in my time." He stepped away to pull two plates down from the cupboard and scooped a piece of chicken onto each before heading into the dining room to set them on the table. Although they had planned to eat most of their meals in the kitchen, they had quickly realized it was much nicer sitting in the dining room with the windows overlooking the water right beside them.
Meredith carried out the salad and cutlery while Derek came back for drinks. After a month and a half of living together, they were quickly getting into a routine so that nothing was forgotten.
"So, how was your day?" Derek asked as he joined Meredith at the table and passed her a drink.
She thanked him for the glass. "Good. Busy. I was in the pit for fifteen minutes when a surgical case came in. Car accident. The poor guy was a mess. The Chief and I worked on him for hours, but we eventually managed to stabilize him. And the Chief managed to salvage one of his kidneys. The other was gone."
"That's good, that he'll keep one."
She nodded. "And then I scrubbed in with Mark on a large area burn graft. It was pretty routine, but he let me help a lot. And he let Myers help." She shrugged. "I'm surprised he's still so intent on using Myers. It's definitely got all of the rest of the interns jealous. But Mark's been in a surprisingly upbeat mood lately, have you noticed? He was humming during surgery. Humming, Derek. "
Derek laughed at the thought. "He has a girlfriend."
"What?"
"He has a girlfriend. I saw them today, she came and had lunch with him. I cornered him afterwards and he told me. Her name's Michelle. She manages some upscale clothing store downtown. He met her a couple months ago when he treated her father, and I guess it took him this long to convince her to go out with him. They've been dating for a few weeks."
"Well, that explains it. Does he really like her?"
Derek nodded. "He said he did. And it doesn't seem to be a shallow thing. I mean, you know Mark. For him to be happy with having a girlfriend, well, that's saying something. He's not exactly one for the whole exclusivity thing."
Meredith shrugged. "Or maybe he's just relieved to find someone who'll sleep with him after the hospital wide nurses ban."
Derek laughed as he nodded. "Maybe," he agreed. "That would definitely explain it, though he really does seem happy."
"Well, good for him. Maybe he's growing up."
"It's about time."
Meredith laughed at his light tone. "So, what were you up to today?"
"Did a small nerve graft this morning. And then my shunt replacement got bumped to tomorrow morning. But I did have lunch with your friends," he told her with a smile.
She looked up, surprised. "You sat with my friends?"
He nodded. "They sat with me, actually. Izzy, Cristina and Alex."
She smiled widely, which made his heart swell. "That's good."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she reassured. "I was worried that they..." she trailed off.
"That they what?" He prompted.
She sighed and took a breath, but shook her head gently. Whatever it was, she didn't want to tell him.
He reached across the table for her hand and tilted his head as he nodded. "It's okay, Mer, I can take it."
She hesitated, but nodded. "It's just...I was worried they would never accept you again. I mean, you and Izzy have been making progress, but that was away from work, when you two were practically living in the same house. And Alex is surprisingly loyal. George is pretty forgiving, but he'll sort of follow the trend in doing so," she shrugged. "And Cristina...well, lets just say that if she was serious about half of the things she threatened to do for me for revenge, you would have lost a lot."
Derek narrowed his eyes. "Like what?"
"Well, there was a plan in the works about destroying the trailer... and your car... and your hair..."
"My hair?"
"Yeah... there was a lot of scheming about your hair in the first few weeks after you went back to Addison. We decided your hair was your prized possession. There was talk about cutting it, or shaving it... or dyeing it." She laughed. "Most of the planning was tequila influenced. I was never serious about any of it, of course, it was just a good way to vent, but Cristina...well, let's just say I always wondered if she was serious. It would have been interesting to see what happened if I had agreed to any action..." Meredith trailed off with a smile.
Derek laughed. "Knowing Cristina...well, I'll know to watch my back from now on."
Meredith rolled her eyes. "She'll only attack if she feels a reason to," she joked. "But seriously, I think she's really accepting you again. I'm glad. I don't want to keep you separate from the other half of my life."
Derek felt his heart tighten at her honest words. "Me neither. I don't want to be separate from anything in your life." He squeezed her hand. "And I... I won't ever give Cristina any reason to hate me ever again."
She smiled warmly back at him, squeezing back as she nodded. "I know."
"Really?"
"Really. I really do know, Derek. It's..." she shook her head. "I don't know how I know, or why I know, but I do. Know. Maybe it's the faith thing."
He smiled warmly at her. "Maybe." Derek felt his heart constrict as every fibre of his being seemed to call out for her at the same time. She knew. It was something he had feared he would never here from her, that she trusted him, that she knew he'd be around, that he'd never leave her. But here she was, saying it, and looking at him with those heavy, trusting eyes. He swallowed as he felt his temperature rise. She smiled at him as her upper incisors found her lower lip. He shook his head just so, back and forth several times, and then he suddenly found himself out of his chair, marching around to meet her. She was already on her feet. Their lips met without any hesitation. They didn't say anything more. They didn't need to.
000
Derek ran his hand up and down along Meredith's spine, smiling when she shifted against him, burying her face further into his neck. He tilted his head to bury his nose in her hair. Sighing happily, he let his mind drift back to their dinner conversation. She knew. She knew he wasn't going anywhere. She knew he wasn't going to hurt her again. Two months ago, when they had their talk, she had told him she believed he wouldn't hurt her again. But now she knew he wouldn't hurt her again. In Derek's mind, there was a significant leap between the two. And he couldn't be happier. He finally felt like he was going to be able to fully repair the damage he had done to her with one, stupid, decision.
He breathed in the intoxicating scent of lavender wafting through his nostrils from her hair. "I'm glad you know, Meredith," he whispered, and he could feel her smile against his neck.
"I'm glad to, Derek." She sighed and lifted her head off his shoulder, meeting his eyes. "It's a good feeling."
Derek smiled at her and lifted a hand off her back to cup her face. "Are you happy?"
She smiled warmly at him, leaning into his hand. "I am," she responded easily. "Happier than I've ever been, than I ever expected to be." Not only was she being honest, but she was being open; offering additional explanation to him.
He lifted his head off the pillow to press his lips into hers. "Yeah?" He asked breathlessly when he pulled away.
"Yeah." She sighed and gently lay her head back down on his shoulder. "I love living with you," she mumbled. "I think it's really helped with the whole permanence thing; gives me faith that this is going to work, that we're going to make it."
Derek forwent his hand's lazy path up and down her back to pull her flush against him in a tight hug. "I love you, Meredith, so much."
"I love you, too, Derek." She wrapped her arms tightly around his upper torso. The excessive clinginess of the past few weeks was slowly starting to fade into comfortable closeness. They had never discussed her sudden need to be touching him all the time, but he understood exactly what she was feeling. He had fully allowed, and welcomed, the behaviour; taking part in it. They had both needed it.
With a final kiss planted firmly on the top of her head, he released his tight hold and sighed as she resettled against him. "I'm happy too," he said gently. "Happier than ever. Happier than I knew was possible."
Meredith bent her arm at the elbow to bury her fingers in his hair. "Good." She laughed. "God, I can't believe we're here. If some had told me even three months that we would be here now, that we would be happy... That I would be..." She trailed off, but he knew exactly what she was trying to say.
He allowed a small laugh himself. "I know. I think we surpassed even our own expectations."
She nodded. "I never thought I'd be doing this." She scoffed. "I never thought I'd be able to do this."
"What do you mean?"
She sighed. "I just... after everything that I've done in my life, and everything I've been unable to do... I just didn't think I had the life skills, or whatever." She shrugged, which came out as an awkward shuffle seeing as she was laying half on top of him. "The whole relationship thing always seemed so natural... so second nature for everyone else. I always felt like I had missed out on some important life lesson... like I would never be able to learn, like I'd never be able to do it. But now... Now I feel like I actually have a chance. A really good chance to do it, to be in a real relationship."
Derek paused his hands, splaying his palms against her lower and upper back. "You don't just have a chance at doing it, Meredith, you are doing it. You're in a real relationship, and you're doing a wonderful job."
"Derek-"
"I mean it," he cut her off.
She scoffed. "Fine. I'm doing it, but I still have so much more to learn." She did the awkward shuffle-shrug thing again. "But I'll get there. I know I'll get there."
"Mer, I'm telling you. You are there. There's nothing you're missing."
She didn't respond verbally, but he could practically feel her rolling her eyes. "Seriously," he prompted.
"Exactly," she muttered. "Seriously."
He snorted. "Seriously," he said again. "What exactly is it that you think you're missing?"
"The rest."
It was his turn to roll his eyes. "There is no rest, Meredith. This is it. We're happy, and living together, and we're talking..." He shook his head, allowing his hands to begin their process of rubbing along her spine once more. "All the relationship thing involves is communication, support and love." He pressed his lips against the side of her head. "And we're three for three."
She snorted. "You sound like one of those love-yourself-self-help-books."
He laughed. "Well, that may be so, but it's true."
"But-"
"It's true," he repeated. "What else do you think we're missing?"
"I... the... well..."
He smirked. "I rest my case."
"There has to be more."
"Why?"
"Because. There are more steps."
"What kind of steps?"
She hesitated. "Well, there's the whole... marriage thing."
He smiled. "Meredith, marriage is only a big change for those who don't live together before hand."
"But, it's this huge step..."
"It is," he agreed. "But more of a symbolic step than anything else."
"But it's huge. And scary. And... huge."
He laughed. "But it doesn't have to be," he told her gently, and then continues before she could cut him off. "Look, I know you're not ready. But one day, hopefully, we'll be ready. I know this day and age marriage isn't nearly as important as it once was, you know? A lot of couples spend their lives together without ever actually getting married," he sighed, hoping she would be okay with what he was about to say. "And I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with you, Meredith." He smiled when her hand tightened its hold on his hair. "But I want for us to get married. One day. There's no rush. And I know I'm contradicting myself here, because it really wouldn't change us or how we live , but being able to call you my wife would be..." He trailed off when his throat tightened. "It would be the most amazing thing."
"Really?" She asked quietly.
He wrapped his arms over her back. "Really."
She sighed and buried her face into his neck, and was silent for several moments before continuing. "What else will change?" She asked. "When we get married, what else will be different?"
He almost choked up at her choice of words. She had said when instead of if. "Well, you'll be my wife, instead of my girlfriend. And I'll be your husband."
"Husband," she mumbled quietly into his neck, and he felt a chill run through her body.
"And you have to check a different box when you're doing your taxes..." He said, causing her to laugh.
"I don't know, Derek, that may be asking too much..."
He laughed. "Well, you asked."
"What else?"
"Well, there's the stereotypical joint checking account. And you could change your name, but only if you want. And according to all four of my sisters, as soon as a couple gets married, the man is automatically always wrong..."
Meredith laughed. "I like that, but you're right about one thing, that won't be much of a change..."
He huffed. "I'm right a lot."
"Yeah, when you agree with me."
He huffed again, but was secretly pleased she could still joke and mock him during this particular conversation. Other than vague mentions of the future, they had never talked in depth about marriage before. And she wasn't running or avoiding the subject. It showed exactly how much they had progressed in a few months. "It's not true," he muttered.
She scoffed, and then sighed. "Do you want me to change my name?"
He was slightly taken aback. "Only if you want to."
She nodded. "I get that it's my choice, but I've never really thought about it before. Is it important to you?"
He was silent for several seconds as he thought. Meredith Grey-Shepherd. Meredith Shepherd. He breathed. "It would be an honour," he said truthfully. "If you took my name, it would be an honour, but you are a very independent woman, and I respect that completely. And we work together, so I understand that it may become confusing."
"Thank-you."
"For what?"
"For answering the question. For being honest." She sighed. "I don't know how I feel. I'll have to think about it."
He nodded. "Again, there's no rush."
"I know. So, is that really all that will change?"
"Well, we already live together. We already share the expenses. You are, apparently, already right about everything." He smiled when she laughed. "Some terms change, and the outside world realizes we're in this for the long haul." He shrugged. "It does open us up to some legal choices, not that they can't be done without marriage, but it means we'd be responsible for making decisions for each other should the need arise. And we could actually do the power of attorney thing. That would give us complete control."
Meredith nodded. "Hey, that's something I've actually done before."
"Right, sorry," Derek said quickly, having forgotten she had gone through the process for her mother. He also knew how much trouble she had had trying to make the decisions she had been expected to make. "But the difference will be that we'll talk about what our wishes are, so that there will be no decision."
She nodded. "Good."
He smirked. Closing his arms around her small frame once again and pressing her lips against her head. "Look at you," he said lightly, his eyes sparkling. "Meredith Grey, actually looking forward to talking."
"Shut up," she mumbled, but her voice was light.
He laughed. "I'm serious."
She pushed up against his arms and raised her head off his shoulder, meeting his eyes. She looked as if she were about to say something, but instead she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.
Derek smiled into her mouth as he deepened the kiss and pulled her body up further along his.
Without breaking their contact, or removing her hand from his hair, Meredith ran her free hand over his shoulder to use as leverage as she manoeuvred her body so she was practically straddling him, her legs draped over his lower torso, and her upper body flush against his. She pulled away, panting. Her eyes were sparkling. "Are you ready for round two?" She asked breathlessly.
He smirked and expertly flipped them, pinning her beneath him. He straddled her leg and raised his knee to press against her. She gasped. "I'm always ready..." He trailed off as her hand pulled his lips back down to hers.
000
"That was..."
"Amazing," Meredith finished for him as they lay together, panting, revelling in the after effects.
"Yeah," he agreed breathily as he pulled her closer to him. He was laying on his side, with her pulled tightly against his chest, her face resting in the crook under his chin, which was resting against the crown of her head.
Meredith sighed in his arms and kissed the nook at the bottom of his neck before she pulled back far enough to lay her head on the pillow in front of his. She smiled at him and leaned her forehead in so it was almost touching his.
He smiled back at her and pulled the covers up to cover her shoulder before he expertly sought out her hand to lace their fingers together. "So," he prompted gently. "Did you have any more heart to heart talks with Bailey this week?"
She laughed. "No. I'm thinking that was a one time thing." Derek had been shocked when Meredith had come home a week before to tell him about her talk with her former resident, but he was glad for it. It probably meant more than Meredith would ever admit, or Bailey would ever understand, for Meredith to hear those words of praise. "Oh!" Meredith said suddenly, her head jerking back a bit and her eyes widening.
"Cristina had something very interesting to tell me. She caught up with me just as I was getting changed to come home."
"That's right. She mentioned she had something to tell you."
Meredith nodded, a smile appearing on her lips as her eyes sparkled. "Well, she was talking to Edith, you know, the floor nurse who's been working at Grace since she was like nineteen?"
Derek nodded. "Yeah, she's been around for at least thirty years."
"Yeah, meaning she was around when my mother was an intern. And, apparently, she had heard that Cristina was upset about placing second. And, in an effort to console Cristina, mentioned that it was okay to some in second, because..." She raised an eyebrow. "Are you ready for this?"
Derek narrowed his eyes and nodded.
Her eyes were sparkling as she continued. "Apparently, Ellis Grey placed second on her intern exam."
Derek felt his jaw open as he stared into his girlfriend's sparkling, albeit slightly watery, eyes. "Really?"
She nodded. "Really. Interesting she never mentioned that..." Meredith trailed off as she rolled her eyes. "She never admitted to being anything less than the top at anything."
Derek smiled. "No, I don't believe she ever would have. Who beat her? The Chief?"
Meredith shrugged. "Don't know. And to be perfectly honest, I don't care," she told him, with a smirk.
He laughed. "No, I guess it really doesn't matter." He smiled proudly as he met her eyes and squeezed her fingers. "You beat her."
She sighed and gently rolled her eyes. "The tests are different every year..."
He shook his head. "Doesn't matter. You did better than her, even though she thought you were unfocused. You're already surpassing your mother... on more than one front."
Meredith bit her lower lip as she stared back at him for several seconds, her expression thoughtful. "I really don't care to beat her professionally," she finally told him. "I want to be a surgeon, and I want to be a great surgeon, but..." She sighed. "It's not important for me to be better than her. It's not important for me to, I don't know, invent a new technique and have my name forever immortalized with it. I remember when she started getting all that praise for the 'Grey Method.' I was probably around ten or so, and she would leave me with a house sitter for a week at a time and travel to all of these conferences, spreading her namesake. And she was always so happy to go. I eventually asked what was going on, and she told me what she had done. She told me about her new technique. I mean, I didn't really get it at ten years old, but it made some sense, and I tried to be supportive to make her think she could talk to me..." she trailed of for several seconds. "But when I told her I was happy for her, that it was good that she was helping her patients, she... she just sort of stared at me. And then told me the most important thing in medicine was to be at the top of your game, to be the best.
"And don't get me wrong," Meredith said quickly. "My mother wasn't a bad person. She helped a lot of people, and she didn't do it for the money. She did it because she was good at it, and she was very competitive."
Derek nodded.
"Anyway, I asked why helping people wasn't the most important thing about medicine and..." Meredith rolled her eyes. "Well, that was the first time she told me I wasn't cut out to be a doctor."
Derek laughed. "She actually told you that you weren't cut out to be a doctor?"
Meredith nodded. "Many times. And they got more and more frequent as I got older and closer to college. I did my undergrad, and came out with pretty good grades, despite not doing a lot in the studying area," she shrugged. "Anyway, I told her the summer before my senior year that I was serious about wanting to be a surgeon, and she told me I would never make it. We had a huge blow out and didn't really speak to each other for months, until I showed up at her office with four acceptances," she smiled at the memory. "She was stunned at first, but within a week or so she called me and told me the only reason I got in anywhere was because of my name, that everyone knew who my mother was. She was so freaking proud of herself. She told me that she had people to impress and I had better make her look good, that she expected me to be top of the class and study all the time. Oh, and she demanded I go to Dartmouth, when I wanted to go to NYU."
"You wanted to go to NYU?"
She laughed. "Yeah, ironically enough, I did. But, after her lecturing me about being the best, and that was all medicine was about and everything for months, I decided against med school all together. I guess I kind of got disillusioned; started to believe everything she had told me about medicine and my place in it. So, I ran away to Europe, and when I finally called home, I found out my mother was sick. I came home and it was the end of July, so I called Dartmouth, even though I had declined their acceptance. And after some begging and..." Meredith rolled her eyes. "Some name dropping, they let me back in. I guess the only reason I ended up going to med school was her. I thought that maybe, if I made her proud, I could bring her back or something." She became silent and pursed her lips.
Derek felt his heart go out to her. "You wanted to make her proud," he repeated quietly.
She nodded as her eyes welled and she pulled herself closer, once again burying her face in his neck. "When I finished my sophomore year though, I remembered how much I wanted to be a doctor, for the right reasons. And I came to Seattle in the hopes that she would be comfortable back in her home town, and... I guess a little for the same reason as me choosing Dartmouth. It's stupid..."
"It's not stupid. She's your mother. It's okay to want her to be proud." He paused. "And I, for one, am infinitely glad you decided to come to Seattle, regardless of the reason."
Meredith sniffed, still not quite crying, but close. "Me too." She smiled gently at him. "I guess in the end her influence didn't matter that much. I ended up becoming a doctor because I wanted to, but there was still this small part of me that wanted her to know and to be proud. But..." she shook her head as her voice cracked.
"Is that why her words had such an effect on you?" He asked quietly, no judgement, just general wonderment.
She took a shuddery breath and nodded. "I think so. It's just... I went to med school, the one she wanted me to. I got into the same surgical program as her. I'm good at what I do. But... It just wasn't enough for her."
Derek sighed. "Maybe it was too much for her," he said gently.
She took a breath and slid back again, meeting his eyes with confusion lining hers. "What?" She asked quietly.
He sighed and cupped her cheek lovingly. "Maybe she was intimidated by you."
Meredith shook her head. "Derek, there's no way she could possibly be intimidated..."
He smiled warmly at her, running her hand down from her cheek to rest on the side of her neck. "I'm serious, Meredith. You are an amazing, wonderfully competent and independent woman. And she obviously did what she could to keep you from becoming something. And then she woke up after five years, and there you were; with a med degree from Dartmouth, and a position at one of the best surgical programs in the country. The very same surgical program she herself completed at your age."
She sighed. "But she was years ahead of me. I was only an intern. There's no way I intimidated her."
"That's not what I meant, Mer," he told her gently. "You told me that she got mad when you told her about me. She was an amazing surgeon, but it's no secret she didn't have much in the sense of a personal life. But suddenly the daughter she ignored and didn't expect much from was, quote on quote, following in her professional footsteps." He smiled at her. "And you've already exceeded her in your private life."
"I-" Meredith began before cutting herself off.
"Do you think your mother was ever this close to anyone? Do you think she ever let anyone get as close to her as you've let me?"
She blinked twice and shook her head. "No."
Derek pressed his lips against hers for several seconds before pulling away enough to lean his forehead against hers. "Maybe she was jealous," he whispered. "She yelled at me, when I talked to her. I told her who I was to you, and she yelled at me, accused me of 'happening to you,' and told me to get out. Maybe she'd just never had anyone 'happen' to her before. It couldn't have been easy for her to know that you were getting both; the surgical career and the relationship."
She breathed deep. "You think?"
He smiled and kissed her again. "I do. Do you think she could ever have survived the year you had?"
"She probably wouldn't have cared much," Meredith said honestly. "She wouldn't have gotten involved in any of the friend and family stuff."
"Exactly. And do you think she would have forgiven me and taken me back? And been amazing and supported me while I freaked out about everything I've done all year?"
Meredith smiled. "No."
"You have it all, Meredith. You're a wonderful surgeon and an even better girlfriend."
Meredith laughed. "Is that a fact?"
He pressed his lips against hers again, quickly, like a habit. "It is."
"Thank-you," she said quietly as she pressed her forehead against his again, and he knew she wasn't just talking about the last comment.
"It's what I'm here for."
Meredith laughed. "Good. And me too," she said quickly. "I'm here, for you, I mean. If you need help or whatever, with anything."
"Good," Derek responded happily. He sighed and wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her head back down to his chest. They fell into a comfortable silence and Derek closed his eyes and began breathing evenly, waiting for her breathing to lull him to sleep.
"Derek," she whispered quietly. "Thanks, for talking about relationship things without any pressure."
"There's nothing to thank me for," he answered quietly. "We both have to be ready for any step to be worth anything."
She nodded against him. "I know, and just for you to know, I definitely don't want to be your girlfriend forever." She took a breath and he could practically feel her smiling. "Suddenly the marriage thing isn't nearly as scary as it was before."
Derek inhaled at her words and closed his eyes as he tightened his arms around her. "Good."
She sighed happily and nuzzled into his neck. "I love you," she whispered.
"I love you, too."
AN: Ah, just the kind of chapter I like writing; happy, open, progress being made. I'm hoping to wrap this story up by the end of February, good thing it's a leap year, I'll prolly need the extra day... lol