Derek twisted his back side to side as he made his way down the stairs to the living room. After the game had ended, he had been one of the last to escape upstairs to shower and change for dinner. He had traded his jeans and old sweatshirt for slacks and a sweater over a button-up. Thanksgiving dinner at the Shepherd household wasn't overly formal, but attire needed to be a tad bit of an upgrade from the rest of the weekend.
He had barely seen Meredith since the kids had joined the game hours earlier, but any worry he had faded away as he caught sight of her on the couch, dressed in dark grey pants and a simple blouse, squished between Kathleen and Spencer as they explained the full rules of football to her as they watched the game. She looked up as he entered the room and smiled brightly at him. He smiled back, shaking his head slightly. He had never seen her so...radiant. She was happy and relaxed and looked completely at home with his family. He felt his heart swell as Spencer made a joke about one of the players and she laughed. God, how he loved that sound.
Ducking into the kitchen, Derek found Nancy, Anna and Dean sitting quietly with Carol at the table while Mark flittered around by the oven.
"What are we doing?" He asked.
Nancy widened her eyes and glared at him, and Derek inhaled, realizing they were waiting for Mark to try one of the cupboards. How they had gotten him out of the kitchen long enough to install the locks was beyond him.
He motioned that he understood with a smirk and took a seat between his mother and Anna. No matter how old they got, playing practical jokes on each other, especially Mark, never felt too immature.
"Meredith seems to be doing well, dear," Carol commented.
Derek smiled and nodded his agreement. "She is. I..." He shrugged. "I was afraid she was going to be uncomfortable, but she's really not."
Carol nodded warmly. "She just had to know she was welcome."
Derek nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah, but you have no idea how hard it is for her to feel welcome, to feel accepted..."
"I think I do, Derek," she told him honestly. She regarded him for several seconds, before standing and motioning for him to follow. He stood and followed, right in time to hear Mark cursing as they left the kitchen. No one took notice as they crept through the back of the living room, past the graduation wall, and through the hallway to the small den. It was quiet and isolated, and perfect for private talks.
"What are we doing?" Derek asked suspiciously.
Carol smiled at her son and motioned for him to sit in one of the worn arm chairs that furnished the peaceful room. She sat across from him.
"Mom..." He prompted gently.
"Don't rush me, sweetie. I want to talk to you, and I need a moment to sort out my thoughts."
"Okay," he agreed, still confused. He couldn't remember the last time his mother had pulled him away like this.
Carol sighed and met his eyes. "Firstly, Derek, I want to tell you how proud I am of you."
"Mom-"
She shook her head. "No. I talk, you listen. Derek, I'm proud of you. And your father would be proud of you. You've always been such a pleasure to have around, and you grew into such a wonderfully kind man. You've given so much to this family."
"Mom, this isn't necessary..."
"Yes, it is. Because I also need to apologize. You have been such a joy to this family, but when you needed us, we weren't there for you."
"You've always been there for me."
"No, we haven't. Not like we should." Carol sighed. "You've been through so much in the past year and a half, Derek. And when we found out that you left, and then what had happened..." She shook her head. "I couldn't believe it. I still can't fully believe it. And instead of supporting you regardless and letting you make your own decisions, we pushed you to take Addison back."
"Mom-"
"I know that you felt obligated to her, but we were a big part of that. And even though you basically disappeared and barely spoke to us, we shouldn't have judged you so quickly. And we should have let you make your own decision." There was no anger in her voice about his leaving. There was no left over tension or sense of upset, just pure honesty.
"You're my family," Derek stated quietly. "Of course you're going to be annoyingly over involved and pushy. That's what mothers and sisters are for," he said, happy to hear his mother laugh. "And as annoying as you people may be, I love that you're always there for me."
"But Derek, when you really needed us to be there, we failed you."
"I don't understand."
She sighed heavily and met his eyes and for the first time in his life, Derek recognized guilt in his mother's expression. "What we did, the pressure we put on you, the sense of obligation you felt to us, it made you choose Addison over that amazing young woman out there." She motioned towards the living room.
Derek wanted to argue, but in the end he answered with a simple nod. He had never been able to lie to his mother.
"We didn't know anything about your life other than that you lived in a trailer and worked at that hospital. And it's not all your fault. Addison told us she was flying out after you, and then she told us you had a girlfriend. And that's all we heard, all we knew. And we took everything she said at point value, and failed to see anything from your point of view. After what happened, you shouldn't be expected to put all the effort in. We should never have let ourselves believe you were having some sort of midlife crisis and throwing everything away. That's not you. I should have flown out there a year before I finally did." She sighed. "I'm so sorry, Derek." She blinked and there were tears in her eyes. "Because we couldn't fathom what had happened. We couldn't accept that we could lose you, Mark and Addison all in one moment. And it wasn't your fault at all. You didn't do anything wrong. We should have been on your side, instead of pushing for you to forgive Addison and Mark."
"I'm not completely innocent in all this. Addison and I were going down hill for a long time."
"That's still no excuse for what she did. No excuse. And there's no excuse for our behaviour. We were selfish, Derek. We wanted everything to go back to the way it was before, without any thought of your feelings." She smiled at him through teary eyes. "She's perfect for you," she said quietly.
"Meredith?" He smiled.
Carol nodded and sniffed. "She's absolutely perfect for you. I never... I knew you and Addison weren't...well, I knew you didn't have what your father and I had, but you seemed content enough at first. And you were successful, and she may not have been your match, but she was pleasant and fit in. And it was easy."
Derek nodded. "It was too easy. I don't think it's worth it if it's easy."
Carol breathed, still not allowing a single drop to fall from her eyes. "I suppose you're right. I know I don't know the whole story, but from what you've told me, and from what she said last night... it couldn't have been easy on either of you."
"What did she say last night?" Derek had been shocked to find his girlfriend sobbing in the kitchen when he had ventured up to check on her. And he had been even more taken aback when she had sent him back down with so little hesitation. But by the time they had gone to bed the night before, there hadn't been any time to talk.
"Just some things, Derek. Obviously not anything you don't know about. And she told Nancy that you had forgiven Addison, and then she..." Her voice cracked for just a second. "She told us that you see Mark as family and that you want us to see him so."
Derek nodded, not understanding his mother's sudden emotion. "I do." He sighed as a tear finally slipped its way down her cheek and he leaned forward, reaching for her. "Mom..."
"No," she waved a hand. "No, Derek, I still have things to say." She sniffed and continued. "Derek, that girl stood in my kitchen and told us about you and Mark, and I know she was the reason you invited him out to dinner when we were in Seattle. I know she was the influence that got you talking to him again. And she's the reason why he's here now. And I've seen them together, Derek. They're obviously close, and yet that doesn't seem to bother you."
He smiled. "I trust her. And I'm starting to trust him again."
She nodded. "I just... Derek, that girl has brought my family back to me. She's brought you back. And she brought Mark back. There was a hole in my family, and she fixed it, Derek. She fixed it."
Derek nodded his agreement. "She did," he said with a smile. "She's amazing."
"And yet, even after all she's done for us, that girl stood in my kitchen last night, in tears, claiming that no family had ever wanted her, that they hate her. She wouldn't accept my thanks."
Derek nodded. "Yeah, she's not good at realizing when she's done something good. I'm working on that. She's not good at accepting thanks."
"No, Derek, you don't understand. She cried when I told her this family wanted her. She cried, Derek. And she countered every good thing I tried to tell her. She said she destroys families, that her father blames her for killing his wife? That he hit her? That he told you to run away?"
Derek inhaled sharply. He definitely hadn't expected that to come out of his mother's mouth. "I can't believe she told you that," he whispered.
"She countered everything, Derek. Everything. As if she was trying to keep herself from getting involved and getting hurt again."
Derek felt tears spring to his eyes. His mother was nothing if she wasn't perceptive. That was exactly what she did. She shut herself off to avoid future heartbreak. "Yeah, I'm working on that too," he said quietly. "It took her a long time to trust me again, to let me in, but..."
"But that's just it, Derek. You should never have left that girl in the first place. She's absolutely perfect for you. But you were a good boy, and you did as you family asked. You gave in to our pressure, our opinions, and you went back to Addison; for us."
Derek laughed out loud before he could stop himself. He had been right when he had identified guilt in his mother expression. "I'm sorry, mom," he chuckled. "I'm sorry. I... Now I know where I get it from. I did exactly the same thing. For so long, I felt guilty about what I did to her. And I bottled it up until I felt like I was drowning." He sighed and shook his head gently. "Mom, it wasn't your fault. You may have expressed an opinion. But I'm the one who made the decision, and yes it was very wrong, but it's not your fault, and it's not anything that you can fix. It took me a long time to realize that."
"She was broken, Derek," Carol whispered. "Last night, she was broken, like no human being should ever be. Like no one's ever loved her before."
Derek nodded sadly as the tears welled in his eyes again and he breathed deep. His mother had hit it bang on. His heart constricted. "None of this is your fault," he repeated. "And contrary to what I choose to believe some times, very little of it is my fault. Her parents divorced when she was five. She didn't see her father again until this year, because he wasn't man enough to stick around. Her mother basically ignored the fact that she had a daughter. She didn't celebrate holidays. They didn't have family get-togethers. She's never been trick-or-treating. Never believed in Santa clause. And she was conditioned for years and years not to get close to anyone, not to seek attention or affection or love, and not to let anyone in.
"And Ellis wasn't an evil person, which maybe makes it worse because you can't blame it on any particular trait. She just cared far more about her job than her daughter. And then she got sick, and Meredith spent five years of her life taking care of her mother, alone. All the while she completed medical school, alone. She's amazing. If only she could see it. But her mother scarred her. And she had to listen to her sick mother rant about her regrets on having a daughter. And when she finally looked up Thatcher, he wouldn't even invite her in off the front porch." Derek sighed. "And one day he showed up at the hospital with his wife and adult daughter, who was pregnant with his first grandchild, and all Meredith saw was the father she had never had. And after Ellis passed away, Susan and Thatcher came forward to try to get to know her. Well, more Susan than anything, but it was something. And she had hope. And then Susan died. And it was tragic."
"And he blames her?"
Derek sighed. "Yeah. Why; I have no idea. She wasn't even in the OR with her, she was sitting with Thatcher in the waiting room during the initial procedure." He shook his head. "She didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes these things just happen."
"Did he really hit her?" Carol asked softly.
Derek nodded, the unwanted memory flashing through his mind. "Yeah, he did, right in front of me. I wanted to beat the crap out of him." He sighed and felt his fists clench involuntarily.
His mother surveyed him quietly for a moment. "And I assume you won't be taking his advice?"
"Hmm?" He questioned, his gaze meeting hers once again.
She offered a gentle smile. "Meredith said he told you to run away from her. I take it you won't be doing that."
Derek's eyes softened and he shook his head. "Not in a million years." He sighed. "I looked over the entire hospital for her that night. She ran after he hit her, and I didn't react quickly enough to follow her, and when I finally found her, she was curled up against my car, fast asleep in the pouring rain. You think you've seen her look broken..." He trailed off.
"So, she's pretty much lost three parents this year, and because of us, she almost lost you."
Derek shook his head with a gentle smile. "She never lost me. No matter how hard I tried with Addison, and I actually did try, it was just no use."
"Because it was the wrong decision."
He nodded. "Yes. But that still doesn't make it your fault."
Carol sighed. "Maybe not completely, but I played a big part. And then, after you'd spent months trying to make up for everything, I show up in Seattle and yell at you, right in front of her."
Derek smiled at the memory. "Mom, you were within your rights to yell. You were right. I didn't tell you anything about my life. And, had I done so from the beginning, maybe things could have been different, but I can only assume we'd still be here now." He tried to reassure her.
"You tried to tell me there had been a lot going on, but I wouldn't accept it."
Derek sighed. "Look, mom, I don't know what you're looking for here. If you want my forgiveness, you've got it. It you want hers, you've got it, even though she'll have no idea why."
"How are you so calm about all of this?"
He smiled. "Because life is too short to be constantly living in the past. We've all made some mistakes, but we're moving forward. Meredith and I have gone over everything that's happened between us, and we're past it. We've forgiven each other and we've moved on. We're not stuck on it, so you shouldn't be either."
"Thank-you, Derek." She nodded appreciatively at him. "I... Derek, I don't want to pry, but she said that...she said that she died."
Derek blinked in utter surprise. She really had opened up. He nodded, somewhat numbly.
"And I know that something happened the day her mother died. And I... I don't want to pry. But I want to know that you're okay. Because you reacted so badly when we were in Seattle."
Derek nodded and sucked in a breath. The memories had become much less traumatic after he had talked them through with Meredith. "I'm okay. I'm getting past it. We're moving past it." She nodded and looked as if she wanted to ask for more information, but was hesitant. He sighed. "Please don't tell anyone else about this yet. She... we don't need to talk about it yet."
Carol nodded. "Okay, Derek. Okay. We don't need to talk about it."
"I drowned," Meredith's soft voice came from the doorway.
Derek's head shot around to see his girlfriend standing timidly in the entrance to the room.
"Meredith, dear, I didn't see you," Carol said quickly.
"I'm sorry. They sent me to find you two. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, really..." Her eyes widened as the rambling started and she shifted her weight back, ready to leave.
"Nonsense, dear, you're welcome anywhere. Derek and I were just talking about the two of you. I'm sorry if touched onto something I shouldn't have."
"It's fine," Meredith said, her eyes glancing over to Derek's, looking for his assurance that it was okay for her to be there.
He smiled reassuringly at her and motioned for her to approach. She stepped forward lightly and sat on the arm of his chair, but offered little resistance when he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her onto the seat beside him. She closed her fingers around his, and leaned into his warmth. "I drowned," she repeated.
"Meredith, you don't have to..."
She nodded. "It's okay. You deserve to know. Your son saved my life," She said, very matter-of-fact. She offered a small smile and took a breath. "We were on scene at the ferry crash in the summer, and I got knocked off the pier and I..." she trailed off for several seconds. "It was cold. And it was terrifying. And it apparently only takes a second for it all to be over." She breathed and Derek held her even tighter. "But Derek found me. He pulled me out, and got me to the hospital. And it took them several hours to get my heart started again. But, thankfully, they did. And I'm still here, because of Derek."
Derek buried his face in the side of her head, inhaling the lavender as he swallowed the lump in his throat. This was one of those times he simply couldn't fully comprehend the amount of love he felt for her, or the amount of bravery she showed. And he was more thankful than ever that she was who she was, and that she was there with him, and that he had found her.
"I don't even know what to say," Carol spoke softly, and although Derek wasn't watching, he could hear the tears in his mother's voice. "That's... I don't even know what to say, other than I am so glad that you're here. And I'm so glad my son found you. I'm so glad he moved out to Seattle. Meredith, I can't express how happy I am that you've come into his life, into our lives. And I'm so sorry we almost got in the way of that, even if Derek here claims it wasn't our fault."
"Got in the way?" Meredith's confused voice rang out so close to him, as he breathed against her, his eyes still blinded by her hair.
"We pushed him to give Addison another chance. We pushed him. And without that push, he would never have made the wrong choice."
There was a pause. Derek finally found the strength to look up. He found his mother and his girlfriend staring thoughtfully back at each other, realization and understanding passing between them. And then, to his surprise, Meredith shrugged. "There were a ton of factors, Carol," she said softly. "And it sucked at the time, but now at least we know there are no regrets. You son is a good man. He always tries to do what's right."
"He does," Carol agreed. "But I still-"
"Don't," Meredith said simply, waving a hand. "It's water under the thing, or whatever. We've let it go. There's no way of knowing anything for certain. Who knows what would have happened if things had been different, really."
"Thank-you, Meredith."
Meredith shook her head. "There's nothing to thank me for."
Carol smiled warmly, her eyes darting to Derek. "You're right, sweetie, that does need work."
Derek laughed and nodded as he pressed his lips against his confused girlfriend's cheek.
"Anyway," Carol continued. "I'm sorry to bring up bad memories at a time like this, but it's Thanksgiving, and when I sat and thought about what I was thankful for this year, you were at the top of my list. And I had to say my piece."
"I'm thankful, too," Meredith said quietly. "I... Trust me, I'm gaining a lot more out of this than you are."
"Oh, sweetie, I think that's all relative. Seeing my son so happy again is the best gift I could ask for." Carol smiled warmly. "Now, what was it they sent you for?"
"Oh, right, uh, your sister-in-law is here. Abby?"
Derek smiled. He hadn't seen his aunt for years.
"Wonderful," Carol spoke happily. "Perfect timing, we should be able to sit down for dinner in less than an hour." She stood and paused to smile at Meredith and Derek before she nodded and left them alone.
Derek shuddered as the effects of the conversation dissipated. "I love you so much, Meredith," he spoke quietly. "So much."
She turned to him with a gentle smile and met his lips. "I love you more."
He snorted and shook his head. "Not possible."
"Is too, possible. And true."
He kissed her again and sighed when they finally broke apart, but remained close, Meredith resting against him, their hands intertwined and her head against his chest, tilted so that it rested right under his chin.
"You doing okay?" He whispered.
She nodded against him. "Perfect."
"I'm sorry we were talking about you. I never expected that she would feel guilty..."
She sighed. "It's okay. Really, it's okay. You have every right to tell her about us, and I'm the one who let it slip about the drowning thing." She paused. "Are you okay that she knows?"
He breathed. "Yeah. I think so. I'm okay with it. I'm past it, but every once in a while, something just..." He shook his head. "Once in a while it's hard to remember that everything worked out fine."
"I know the feeling."
"But it did work out fine, better than fine."
She nodded. "Much better than fine." She shifted and turned herself so that she was crouched half in the chair, half on him, her eyes sparkling as she leaned forward, her hands supporting her body against the headrest behind his head. "It's Thanksgiving," she whispered.
He raised his hands to her hips for added and smiled. "It is."
She brushed a hand lovingly over his cheek and smiled brightly. "You know what I'm thankful for?"
He shook his head.
"You."
He smirked. "Well, do you know what I'm thankful for?"
She laughed and shook her head.
"You." He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers.
She sighed when she pulled away, her eyes sparkling. "Seriously though, Derek. I am thankful for you. More than I can begin to tell you. A year ago, I had a job and a house and a few friends. But now..." She swallowed and her eyes welled. "Now I have a career, and wonderful friends, and a home. And most of all, I have you. And you're helping me to do things that I never thought I'd be able to do, much less want. But I do, want it; everything. You've made me want everything. And you're right there beside me at every step and I..." Her voice cracked. "I just can't believe that all of this is actually happening. I never thought that I'd have plans for the future, and a wonderful man, and a..."
"A family?"
She nodded and closed her eyes as a single tear squeezed out of each one.
He pulled her down to him so that she was basically in his lap, her upper body pressed flushed against his chest. "It's pretty amazing, isn't it?"
She buried her face in the soft fabric of his sweater and nodded. "I didn't think it would happen like this. I didn't think is could happen like this. I actually feel like they like me."
He rested his chin on her head and tightened his grip on her. "They do like you, Mer, they love you."
"I didn't think it could happen this fast."
"It just shows how well you fit in."
She exhaled a shuddery breath. "I like them," she told him softly. "And it's not..." She trailed off.
"Not what?"
She sighed and lifted her head to meet his eyes. "It's not scary. I have no idea how you did it, Derek, but it's not scary anymore. The family thing. I'm not afraid to talk to them, or to be alone with them. It's strange."
"Why is it strange?" He questioned gently.
She shrugged. "It's like I don't know how to live without being afraid."
Her simple honesty was almost too much for him. All he wanted to do was pull her close again and just never let go. "Oh, Mer..." He lifted a hand to cup her face. "I'm glad you're not afraid anymore. You never have to be afraid again."
She bit her lip and nodded. "I know."
He pressed his forehead against hers and sighed before pulling away to press his lips against the space just vacated by his brow. "Do you want to get back to everyone?"
She smiled and nodded as she carefully backed off of him and reached a hand out to pull him up. He stood and refused to let go of her hand as he led them back to the living room.
000
"Aunt Abby," he greeted warmly as he stepped into the kitchen, where his aunt was talking away with their master chef.
"Derek," she spoke kindly, stepping forward and hugging him close. She pulled back and held him at arm's length. "I'd forgotten just how much you look like my brother," she shook her head at the memory. She reached a hand up to run through his hair. "You're hair is longer," she commented. "But you look good."
"So do you, barely any older."
She scoffed. "No one likes a wiseass, Derek."
He laughed. His aunt Abby had always been a favourite of his. Not only was she a link to his father, but she had a certain quality about her that always made him feel special. "Aunt Abby, this is Meredith," he introduced, slinging an arm around Meredith's waist.
"Meredith, it's nice to meet you, dear. I hope Derek hasn't told you too many bad things."
Meredith smiled. "Only a few," she played right along without missing a beat. "But mostly they were good things."
Abby laughed. "I like her, Derek, very on the ball. Good choice."
Derek laughed. Abby was notorious for simply speaking how she felt about just about everything.
"So, Meredith, I hear you're a doctor as well?"
Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I'm a surgical resident."
"Good for you. That's what I like about this family," she said, glancing at Carol. "Helping to destroy the stereotype that medicine is male dominated."
"What about me and Derek?" Mark asked. "And Phil?"
"I see you three men out numbered by five girls." Abby countered.
Mark scoffed, but remained silent, choosing instead to turn back to the dish he was working on as an excuse for having nothing to say.
Abby rolled her eyes in good nature. "So, how did you two meet?"
Derek blinked. This could be awkward. He definitely didn't need his seventy year old aunt knowing that he had picked Meredith up in a bar. "We, uh, work together."
She narrowed her eyes. "That's not an answer."
Derek sighed. He could see Mark smirking at him over Abby's shoulder. "Well, there was a mixer for the new interns... and we met that night..." He trailed off and prayed she wouldn't dig any further. He hadn't technically lied yet. He didn't specifically say they had met at the mixer...
"Hmm, that's a little better. And now you're what? Dating? Getting married?"
"We're living together," Derek answered easily, happy to be away from the subject of their first encounter. And it wasn't until after he had responded that he realized Meredith hadn't even tensed at the marriage question. He glanced at her to see that she was smiling and content. She really wasn't scared any more.
"The table is set," Spencer called as he stepped into the kitchen, smiling at Abby. "Did Meredith tell you she's a star football player?"
Meredith snorted. "I'd hardly say that..."
"Spencer knows what he's talking about, child. If he says you're a star, you're a star."
"I missed more throws than I caught."
Spencer waved his hand. "Have you ever watched a football game?"
She smirked. "Part of one, about an hour ago."
Derek laughed, but before anyone could respond, Mark was ordering anyone in the kitchen to start taking food dishes out to the table. The kids were already seated downstairs with their own share of the food, leaving the adults to eat in peace.
"Isn't Andrew eating with us?" Carol asked Kathleen as they were taking their seats.
Kathleen shook her head. "No. He said he didn't want to, even though he did last year." She sighed. "I just don't know what's gotten into him. He's been doing the teenager thing for a while, and that's fine, but lately there's been something else. And I know not to push, but he's not talking."
Carol smiled reassuringly at her psychiatrist daughter flummoxed by her teenage son. "Just give it time, sweetie, these things have a way of working themselves out."
Derek furrowed his brow as he listened to the conversation across from him. Andrew had always tried to spend time with the adult crowd, being so isolated by age and gender, he was a good two years older than any other cousin, and six years older than Natalie's twin boys.
"I know you're right, mom, but I feel like I should know what to say."
"When the time comes, you will know."
"Hey," Meredith said as she slid in next to him, jokingly bumping his shoulder.
He smiled and bumped back. "You ready for your first real Thanksgiving dinner?"
She nodded. "Am I ever, I'm starving after playing football for so long."
He snorted. "It wasn't that bad. You're just out of shape."
She scoffed. "I get exactly the same amount of exercise as you." She raised an eyebrow.
"Which, this weekend, is precisely none." He countered.
She laughed and kissed him quickly. "What am I going to do with you?"
He smirked. "Well, I can think of one thing..."
She shook her head at his antics, but didn't have a chance to respond.
Mark set the carved turkey down onto the table, and went to sit, but hesitated and remained standing. He cleared his throat. "I, uh... I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone." There was a chorus of 'Happy Thanksgivings' from everyone at the table. Mark nodded. "And I just..." The suddenly apprehensive plastic surgeon sucked in a breath and sighed. "I just wanted to say that I'm so thankful for all of you. I've made a series of bad decisions that strongly affected this family, and yet... and yet I still find myself here today; I still find myself welcome. And for that I will always be thankful." Mark nodded awkwardly and sat, avoiding eye contact with anyone at the table.
"Well, Mark, we're thankful to have you here," Carol spoke. "We're thankful to have you in our family."
"Thank-you." He spoke quietly.
"And we're thankful that Meredith has joined our family," Carol continued.
Spencer nodded. "Especially me. I already have dibs on you for next year," he said to Meredith. "You make an excellent wide receiver."
Derek laughed and wrapped an arm around Meredith, as his family groaned.
"What?" Spencer asked. "I'm thankful for football. And I'm thankful that I'm getting some better players. Come on, she took out Derek and Simon in one move."
"How did she do that?" Mark asked, suddenly interested.
"Oh, no one told you yet?" Kathleen asked, a sparkle in her eyes as she smirked across the table at her brother. "Mark, you should have seen it. She had the ball, Simon right on her tail, and somehow managed to duck in front of Derek, who crashed right into Simon..." She laughed. "I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. They both went flying."
Mark smirked and Derek glared back at him. "It was the sun," he said weakly. "I couldn't see him..."
Kathleen scoffed. "Whatever, baby brother. I'm definitely thankful for that memory."
"Oh, me too," Anna piped up.
"Honestly, can't you come up with something better to be thankful for," Carol chastised. "I raised you people better than this."
"I'm thankful that I have such a wonderful mother-in-law," Dean said.
Abby scoffed. "No one likes a suck up, Dean."
Nancy laughed as her husband huffed. "I'm thankful for my family. We've had a good year."
"That's only marginally less of a suck up ploy than your husband's," Abby said with a laughing smile. "I, for one, am always grateful to be invited here to spend my holidays with my brother's family. I know he would be thankful to see everyone so happy."
There was a moment of comfortable silence as the Carol and the four Shepherd descendents seemed to smile as one.
"Okay, so how was that not sucking up?" Nancy countered with a smile after the moment had passed.
Abby shook her head at her niece. "I never said it wasn't."
"Well, I'm sorry that Nat and Phil couldn't join us this year, but I'm thankful that they're getting a chance to spend time with Alice," Simon said. His mother had passed away two years prior, very suddenly, so he understood the importance of Natalie's family having the chance to say good bye to Phil's mother. "And I'm ever thankful for my family." He kissed Kathleen's cheek and she smiled and squeezed his hand.
Derek smiled and opened his mouth, but was surprised when he was cut off by the woman leaning up to him.
"I'm thankful for the opportunity to be part of a family," Meredith spoke quietly. "Especially such a wonderful one."
There was a second pause.
"Okay, now that's sucking up if I've ever seen it," Abby said with a laughed.
Derek smiled and raised his glass. "To family."
000
Derek made his way down the stairs and into the second living room, on the basement level. It was late, and the younger kids had all gone to bed, leaving only a few awake, upstairs with their parents. Mark had gone down to change and had returned with a worried look, telling Derek that Andrew was alone in the basement, not speaking to him.
He spotted his nephew on the couch, leaning against the arm rest as his eyes focussed wearily on the television.
"Hey, Andrew," he called cheerfully.
"Hey, Uncle Derek," he responded with a small smile, turning the volume down.
"What are you watching?" Derek asked as he collapsed onto the other side of the couch.
"Just an old movie," he responded with a shrug. "Nothing else on."
"Hmm. We missed you at dinner. Why didn't you want to sit upstairs?"
The young teen shrugged. "Just didn't feel like it."
"Why not?"
"No reason."
Derek sighed. "I think there is a reason," he pried gently. He had always had a soft spot for his first nephew, and they shared an important understanding of what it meant to be the only brother in a sea of sisters.
Andrew huffed. "I just didn't want to, okay?"
"Andrew," Derek said softly. "If you don't want to sit with your family on Thanksgiving, it means there's a problem. And that's not okay."
"I just don't want to be part of all the pretending," he answered after a pause.
"What pretending?"
"That everything is okay. That nothing is different. Except that a lot is different."
Derek nodded. "Things change."
"Things change? That's all you have to say?" Andrew scoffed.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Why is he here?"
Derek didn't have to ask to know who Andrew was talking about. "Because he's your uncle."
"He'd not my uncle," Andrew snapped back. "He's not related. He shouldn't be here."
"I'm sorry you feel that way, Andrew."
"What I don't get is why you don't feel that way."
"What do you mean?"
Andrew sighed. "I heard mom and dad talking. I know what he did to you. I know he had sex with Aunt Addy. And then you two got divorced. And she's gone, but he's still here."
Derek sighed. He didn't feel old enough to have nieces or nephews who knew what sex was. It surprised him to realize just how grown up Andrew was. "You're right. He slept with my wife."
"And you got divorced."
Derek nodded. "Yes. But it doesn't mean Mark's not still a brother to me. I've known him since kindergarten. That doesn't just go away."
"How can you just forgive him?"
Derek sighed and shifted so he was facing Andrew head on. "It didn't happen overnight. It took me a long time. Almost a year before I'd talk to him. Hell, the first time I saw him in Seattle, I punched him."
"You punched him?"
Derek nodded. "Yeah, I did. And I won't lie. It felt good. But eventually I started to miss my brother."
"How can you call him that?"
"Because it's true. And it's part of being a family. Sometimes the other members do things you don't agree with, and maybe you don't talk for a while, and maybe you're mad. But eventually, you move on." Derek sighed. "Andrew, I was mad at him for a very long time. I thought I'd never speak to him again. But he's like my brother."
"I still don't like it."
"That's your right. If you don't want to see him an as uncle, Andrew, that's for you to decide. You're at an age where you get to decide your family."
Andrew nodded and remained silent for several moments. "How come you forgave him, but not Aunt Addy?"
"I have forgiven Addison."
"Then why isn't she here? Why did you still get divorced? Why do you have a girlfriend?"
Derek sighed. "What happened between Mark and Addison isn't something that just happens. Addison and I weren't happy for a long time. We had drifted apart, but just hadn't realized it yet. We tried to make it work again, after what happened with Mark. But we both knew it was time to say goodbye."
"But you never seemed unhappy. At all the family things, you were fine. How can it just be over?"
Derek narrowed his eyes as he caught a tone in Andrew's voice. "We weren't necessarily unhappy, just not happy."
"But you never fought or anything."
"Sometimes fighting is a good thing, it means you still care. We never fought because we didn't have anything left to fight for."
"But-" He cut him self off.
"Andrew, what is it that you're worried about? You parents?"
He shook his head, but avoided Derek's eyes, causing Derek to sigh. He had been the only member of the immediate family to get divorced, but he hadn't ever thought about its effects on the kids. "Andrew, Addison and I were never half as happy as your parents. And they've been married for, what, almost twenty years?"
Andrew shrugged. "They still fight sometimes."
"That's normal, it's a good thing. As long as they aren't fighting all the time."
"They aren't."
"Then, Andrew, I don't think you have anything to worry about."
His nephew nodded. "It's weird, not having her here."
"Who, Addison?"
He nodded. "It was weird, watching the parade. She'd always watch because she hated football so much. But she's not here. But you are, and..."
"And Meredith's here."
Andrew nodded. "Are you going to marry her?"
Derek smiled and nodded gently. "One day."
"I like her. She seems really cool, it's just..." He sighed.
"Change is hard," Derek supplied.
Andrew nodded. "The rest of them don't seem to remember Aunt Addy, or at least don't care that she's not here."
"Do you miss her?"
Andrew hesitated. "I'm not sure. It's just weird being the only kid who seems to know she's missing."
"Do you want me to give you her number? Or her e-mail? I'm sure she'd love to hear from you."
He hesitated again.
"Look, Andrew. Addison and I parted on amicable terms. No one is going to think badly of you for wanting to stay in touch. She was a big part of your life. She came with me the day you were born."
Andrew sighed heavily. "I don't know."
Derek offered a gentle smile. "Well, how about this; I'll give you her number and e-mail and you can keep it and decide later."
"Okay."
"And I mean it, Andrew, you feel free to contact her."
"Okay."
Derek smiled. "Okay, I'm going to head back upstairs. You going to come up and join the family, or stay down here and do the brooding teenager thing?"
Andrew laughed. "I'll come up."
000
It was hours later that Derek followed Meredith up the stairs to go to bed. It was well after midnight, effectively making it no longer Thanksgiving, but he found himself on a Thanksgiving high. He had never been so thankful for his family before. He truly could not have a more supportive or more understanding group of people to have grown up with. And watching his girlfriend today as she gave in to their acceptance and found her own spot in the family had been...
It had been enough to make his heart swell at every thought, enough to make his breath catch, and his eyes well. She deserved the stability of a family, and she was getting it. And that was what he was thankful for the most.
He reached the landing as Meredith quietly pushed open the door, and strode forward to wrap his arms around her waist from behind as they stepped through the doorway together. She laughed and closed her hand over his. The door swung shut behind them, but he made no move to release her.
"Derek, what are you doing?" She whispered.
He rested his chin on her shoulder, rubbing his cheek against the side of her neck, and sighed. "Being thankful."
She sighed and leaned back into him. "What are you thankful for?"
"You. And every single thing about you."
She laughed and turned in his arms to face him, her hands expertly hooking behind his neck. "Like what?"
He smiled and pecked her lips quickly. "Like... your lips." He kissed her again. "And your hair." He ran a hand lovingly through her dirty blonde-brown locks. "And your toes." He gently nudged her sock clad foot with his own. "And everything in between. And the way that you're ticklish right here." He ran his hand lightly along her side, right where her ribs stopped and smirked when she shivered and grabbed at his hand. He spun his hand in her grip so that he was holding hers and brought it up to place a kiss on the back, "And your tiny, ineffectual fists."
She laughed.
He released her hand and returned his to her lower back. "And the way that you fit so perfectly against me." He kissed her again, longer this time, and smiled as her hand found its way back over his shoulder to his hair. "And the way you always smell like lavender," he continued, ducking his head to sniff her hair. "And the way that you like simple things." He ran his hand along the chain on her neck. "And the way that you keep me in line."
"Someone needs to," she mumbled.
"And the way that you're a surprisingly good football player."
She mock glared at him. "Why is that surprising?"
He laughed and ignored her question. "And the way that you're a good doctor. And the way that you get along so well with my family. And the way that you love me, even though I can be an ass."
"Derek-"
"No, I get to say this. I'm not being self-deprecating, I'm just being honest. You've forgiven me for a lot. And I'm thankful for that, that you have such a big heart. And that you're such a wonderful person. And that you're always there for me. And that you have an amazing spirit. And that you're very, very smart, and I don't have to cheat on the crosswords anymore, because I have you to help me."
She laughed and he kissed her.
"And you're a good kisser," he mumbled as he finally pulled away. "And because I love you. And because you're breathtakingly beautiful." He tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and sighed. "And because you'll fly across the country with me to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family." He sighed and tilted his head just so as he smiled his best McDreamy smile at her. "And because you put up with me. And because I love you, which I know I've already said, but I just wanted to make it clear." He kissed her again, much longer this time. "And because when I'm with you, it feels like time stops." He pecked her lips twice. "And because you're so strong. And because I love you."
Meredith snorted.
"I'm just making sure it's out there."
She smirked. "Either that, or you're running out of things to say..."
He mock glared at her and shook his head. "I could never run out of good things to say about you," he whispered, his lips only a breath from hers.
"Well, I think you're forgetting one very important thing about me."
"That I love you?"
She smirked and shook her head. "That I'm always right."
He exhaled with a laugh. "Not yet, you're not."
"I'm as good as..."
He was momentarily overcome and pressed his lips against hers in a sudden need to feel her. His arms tightened to bring her as close to him as he could. He wanted to feel every square inch of her body at once as he could. Her hands tightened in his hair and she moaned deep in her throat, and deepened the kiss.
When he finally pulled away, panting, he opened his mouth to continue, but she stopped him by placing a finger against his lips.
"Derek, do you want to know what I'm thankful for?"
He closed his hand around her fingers and kept them by his mouth, kissing every digit. "That I'm so dreamy?"
She laughed aloud and shook her head, before leaning in conspiratorially and grinning.
"What are you thankful for, Meredith?"
She smirked. "That rules are meant to be broken," she whispered.
He groaned and kissed her again as her hands found the hem of his sweater and began working it upwards. He moved them backwards towards the bed and sat as he was forced to break the kiss so she could slide his sweater over his head. And then her lips were right back against his as they manoeuvred up the bed together. She straddled him when they came to a stop, her deft fingers making easy work of the small buttons up the center of his shirt. He moaned against her lips when her hands ran against the hair dusted bare skin of his chest.
"Mer, Mer," he sputtered when the kiss finally broke. He somehow managed to find enough coordination to capture her hands in his. "Are you sure? Cause there won't be any stopping soon."
She giggled and expertly shifted her body against his. "I'd say there already isn't going to be any stopping."
"Evil," he muttered, releasing her hands to find the hemline of her shirt. "You're an evil woman... And you're wearing far too many clothes."
She laughed as he pulled the top over her head, revealing his favourite black bra.
"That's better," he mumbled as his hands found her bare skin.
"You know what else I'm thankful for?" She whispered as she leaned over him.
"What?" He brushed back the wave of hair that cascaded down from behind her ear when she leaned over him.
"Doors that lock."
He snorted. "Is that a hint?"
She raised an eyebrow, and he laughed, before carefully disengaging himself from under her to head for the door. He pulled off his shirt and tossed it towards the suitcase as he walked by and quietly turned the lock. When he turned back towards the bed, he felt his heart jump at the sight of her, sitting, waiting, with only her bra and panties. Derek made quick work on removing his pants and joined her again on the bed, coming down on top of her.
"You're making the sheets very happy," he mumbled as his mouth found her clavicle.
She giggled. "I think I'm making someone else very happy."
"Mmmhmm," he agreed against her.
"You make me happy, Derek," she whispered, causing him to pause in his motions and look to her eyes. "You make me so happy," she repeated. "And today has been the perfect day. And all I want is to end it on a perfect note."
There was nothing he could say to add to her sentiment, so he raised his lips to hers and showed her that he felt the same.
"You know what I'm thankful for?" He asked quietly.
She stared up at him, love and trust and desire shining in her eyes. "What?"
"That you're unpredictable."
She laughed and pulled his lips back down to hers.