June 15, 2007
The Bachelor Party, Round 2
…
Angel wasn't feeling right, no that wasn't exactly true. What he was feeling couldn't really be classified as wrong, but something he hadn't felt in a long while. Not since his evil days, or more recently since his first real fight with Buffy, when she'd denied him when he'd remarked her.
He felt like snapping someone's neck.
That had been a common feeling while being a soulless demon, he'd practically gotten off at the sound a neck makes when you twist it just right, like how Jenny's neck had snapped under his fingers that night in the school all those years ago.
Yeah, some would classify that feeling as indeed wrong, but Angelus didn't. And that was what Angel was feeling right now, very Angelus.
His demon side and his soul may exist together now, but his soul didn't have 'sole' rights to his mind, dark thoughts did occur, fairly often even. However most of those dark thoughts usually got worked out though other channels than violence.
He'd work the gym hard, let his muscles feel the burn of exertion, help run down that rage that resulted from not being able to satisfy the evil in him.
He'd train hard, push the trainee slayers into being what they needed to be to survive.
He'd stalk demons, slay vampires, and hunt down the evil in the world.
Fighting released a good deal of pent up anger, but fighting mad could be dangerous. It could fuel your strength and give you focus…or it could be the exact opposite, distract you into a fatal error.
So mostly he'd make love to his wife.
Angelus was a highly sexual creature; there was never a doubt about that. He was fueled by passion. A passion that only really had two outlets in him; violence or sex.
He was never really one to mix the two. He'd preferred to seduce potential lovers, talk them into doing what he'd wanted as opposed to brute force. Not that he'd never out right raped someone as a demon, but he did find greater satisfaction in messing with their heads enough to make them a willing participant in his desires.
It was the emotional damage he'd always preferred, ruining someone from the inside out, molding people to his will, breaking down their minds so he could rebuild them to his liking.
He didn't force anything on Buffy. That was one of the things he'd been attracted to her for, her own strength and power. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally.
He couldn't break her…he found that highly intoxicating.
She had fire in her eyes, and he was drawn to it like a moth to a flame.
Her fire didn't burn him, but he was engulfed by her. She acted as his own personal brand of accelerant, fueling his passion to limits previously unknown even to him.
That's why he'd hated her so much the first time he'd lost his soul. With a soul, that passion for violence and sex had been transformed into a passion for redemption and love. Love wasn't sex, it was more powerful than straight lust and it was all consuming, it nearly ate him alive.
No demon wanted that in their heads.
It was different now, he had a soul, but he had a demon too. He knew there was anger in him, that his evil side would always be present inside. He accepted it, he was Angelus, and there was no shame in it to him. However he was Angel also, that meant there was good in him too. Keeping a balance of good and evil inside one's self wasn't an issue with him, he accepted it. There were still conflictions within him, but when it came to his passions, Buffy owned every shred of it.
The demon within him, the man within him, Buffy kept both parts of him well satisfied, the passion that consumed him was directed to loving her completely.
Except when the passion runs dry.
It had been month since he'd last made love to Buffy. He knew she needed time, he wanted to give it to her, he really did.
But it was killing him.
Not literally, he wouldn't actually die, but he felt that balance in him shifting.
The weak love she gave him recently wasn't satisfying the depth of his passion.
He knew she loved him, but she'd been unable to show it lately. Not just in sex, but emotionally too.
Somehow a dam got built between them; love still trickled out through the floodgates, but not enough.
He was cut off from the main flow and slowly starving for her, like a vast river ebbing into a tiny stream.
That fire he craved so much was burning so low in her eyes he had to squint to see it. The cold around him was barely being chased away and he had to huddle closer to feel any heat at all.
He didn't care for the cold anymore, he'd known the warmth from her fire, and he needed it now. Like a junkie, he was addicted to her.
As he sat on the chair next to Oz he felt like a junkie in need of his fix.
He felt the cold encroaching on his limbs.
He felt like snapping someone neck in frustration.
"Angel? You ok man? Been quieter than me all night." Oz asked his best man.
The guys were seated around a few tables in the local bar, Sal's Place, and feeling pretty good. Oz was actually almost grinning; some of his old pals from Dingoes Ate by Baby had shown up, along with a few more recent buddies. Xander and Spike had joined in too. That brought the total to nearly 15 people, which was pretty impressive given the usual 5 or 6 regulars like for Angel's bachelor party.
Giles had volunteered for babysitting duty so Buffy and Angel could go the bachelor/bachelorette parties. That and he wasn't really feeling up to another night in a bar surrounded by men half his age gawking at scantily clad woman. Not that he was old, but he greatly enjoying being a grandpa. Spending time with his grandchildren was an entirely soothing experience to the years of fighting demons and researching monsters and evil. With the little ones, he felt younger, more like a man as apposed to a watcher. He felt as all the years of sacrificing his happiness for the fate of the world, the years spent training and supporting Buffy as opposed to finding a wife and starting a family, were all worth those two little smiling faces. It was times with them he realized he hadn't lost out on having a family at all; he'd made one stronger and deeper than straight blood alone could ever have given him. He wouldn't change it for the world.
Back at the bar, the night was young and the festivities would soon begin, meaning a stripper would find her way onto the small stage within the next 10 minutes or so.
They were the only large party in the fairly small establishment, but far from the only ones there. It was a Friday night, and word of a stag party brought in more than a few looking to see a little 'beautiful and bare' dancing on stage.
Oz sat in the middle of the tables the guys gathered around, his best man, Angel, sitting by his side. They both had untouched glasses of tap beer foaming in front of them, neither yet willing to break the seal for the night.
Angel really wanted to down his drink, maybe ask for a bottle or two of Jameson, but refrained. He remembered the last time he got drunk, his bachelor party…it brought out his darker side. Not that Angelus was trapped inside, he was Angelus…but alcohol would loosen the weak grasp he still held on his anger. No one needed that right now.
When a leggy brunette sauntered her way from behind the curtain to the pole set up in the center of the small stage normally reserved for karaoke, the nearly all male crowd went wild.
Xander's eyes bulged in his head, "Whoa." He whispered, taking in the very shapely curves and well proportioned measurements.
"I hear that." Angel muttered back, also finding himself unable to not stare. A few months of getting nothing but sleep in the bedroom made his brain and body very hyperaware of the beauty gyrating her nearly bare hips on stage.
Passion was a bitch.
"What?" Oz asked, looking around.
Angel abruptly turned his gaze away from the woman, his brown eyes focusing on the beer waiting at his hands. "She's…good." He muttered, trying not to turn back around and watch….and failing miserably by watching her reflection in the mirror.
However, in his head, Angel wasn't seeing a shapely brunette with deep brown eyes and mocha skin dancing on stage; he was picturing a beautiful blond with hazel green eyes and soft silky suntanned California skin. Oh how he wanted to see Buffy performing that show for him, a private session for his eyes only.
Minus the meek coverings the woman wore.
He quickly turned from the mirror took a few large gulps of his beer, pushing the thoughts aside. He knew Buffy wasn't ready for that yet, and boy was that hitting his libido like a fist to a punching bag.
Thus, it was killing him. He wanted her, he wanted his wife something fierce, and she didn't want him back.
That hurt…a lot.
He'd tried to satisfy his own urges, and quickly found the act too empty to do anything for him. Buffy had spoiled him too much. He needed her love, not just her body…but her love, her passion, her fire.
He'd been cut off for months now, he was cold, he was edgy, he was undersexed and mad and tense as all hell about it.
He wanted to snap a neck.
Xander's jaw was practically in his lap as he watched the woman on stage sway around the pole, "Yeah…very." He mumbled when he'd heard someone say she was good.
"I've seen better." Spike said between gulps of his beer, "There was this contortionist in Prague, she had moves that could break your back just from watchin her." All the while his eyes never left the stage.
"Huh…by the cheers and music, I assume a stripper must be on stage. However, I seem unable to actually see her." Oz admitted, only seeing a barren pole.
Xander turned towards him, "You don't see her? Gees Angel, what's the point of hiring a stripper if the groom can't watch her?" He said only half listening as his eyes bounced up and down with the rhythm the dancer kept.
Spike laughed, "Willin to bet the bride-to-be put the whammy on you. Red doesn't want you on the prowl for your last night as a free man."
"That's cold." Angel added, feeling a little bad for Oz, but at the same time, a little jealous. At least the werewolf didn't need to watch a sexy woman dancing around while knowing he wasn't going to be getting any anytime soon.
"That's just wrong." The blond vampire stated, finishing his beer. He glanced over and happened to catch Angel eyeing the girl as she swayed. "Well, well, well, won't Buffy be interested to hear how you're eyes wandered all over that young woman tonight?"
Angel abruptly looked away, feeling sheepish and angry with himself over being caught gaping as a fish at a scantily clad woman. It didn't matter if he was picturing Buffy in her place or not, he got caught red handed, by Spike of all people. "I'm sure Faith would love hearing the tale of you doing the same." He retorted to the vampire, figuring they would be at a stalemate at least.
"Lover don't mind me lookin, as long as I leave the touchin to her parts only. You, however, haven't even had a woman besides Buffy register on the radar in years. Do I smell trouble in paradise?" Spike probed.
Angel spun away from him, "Shut up Spike." He growled quietly, taking a long swig of his beer.
The vampire grinned, finding a crack to fester in. "That lil filly of yours isn't lettin you out of the stables anymore is she?" He teased, looking for some dirt to dig up or just to push Angel's buttons…that never got old.
"Go f*ck yourself Spike." Angel snapped, downing his beer and feeling very un-Angely at the moment.
"Perhaps you should take that advise? Go answer the bone-a-phone, get some batting practice, butter your corn, change your oil, charm the cobra, play a round of couch hockey for one."
"Enough Spike." Angel growled louder, dangerously, annoyed at the younger man's not so subtle insinuation.
The blond didn't even pause, "Get a dishonorable discharge, give yourself a hand, play a solo on the skin flute, wind your Jack-in-the-box, squeeze the cream from the flesh twinkie, season your meat, have a meeting with Palmala Handerson."
"Spike!" Angel growled louder, the meager amount of alcohol rushing straight to his anger.
"Slap boxing the one-eyed champ, play the stand-up organ, go a round of one man tug-o-war, get a little hand to gland combat, hang out with Rosie Palmer and her five sisters." Spike insisted, knowing he was getting on the one nerve Angel had left for the night. What could he say, he loved pissing the ponce off.
In a flash, Angel grabbed the vampire off his chair by the scruff of his neck and dragged him out the back door and into the back alley, slammed him against the brick wall. "Ya have about two seconds before I shove that dumpster up ya arse and out ya mouth." The old Irish brogue was thick on Angel's tongue, memory and alcohol bringing his old accent back full force.
"Pull the old root, leakin the main drain, launchin the hand shuttle, one handed clappin, givin the Masonic secret self handshake." Spike defiantly grinned back, not seeing the extremely thin ice he was walking on, his judgment somewhat clouded by alcohol swimming in his head from a pre-gaming bottle of bourbon.
Angel had enough, he yanked Spike in close and whispered in his ear, "Think back Willy, to the last time ya pissed me off while I was in need and had no one else to release my passions upon."
Spike visibly paled, sobering instantly when seeing Angelus very much looking back at him in that moment.
He vividly remembered the night Angelus was referring to, a night that changed his outlook on life forever. Spike may have hated Angelus for stealing Dru from him, but this is what really drove the wedge between them. Darla and Drusilla had played a game on Angelus, getting him all hot and bothered then ditching in revenge for something that had happened a day or so before. Spike, still called William at the time, had come home and had a huge laugh at the older vampire's expense. Angelus, not one to be made fun of, proceeded to both teach the boy a lesson in respecting his elders and get his needs satisfied at the same time. William being newly turned hadn't the strength to fight Angelus off, and had learned the hard way that Angelus had no moral codes…about anything…especially rape when he wanted to get his way.
Spike may have taunted Angel repeatedly about being a poof, nancy-boy, and a multitude of other homosexual remarks from the incident, but he never once repeated any of them to Angelus. There was fear deep down from that lesson the unsouled vampire gave him that night, and he was feeling it again.
"Uhh, right mate, you know I should be getting home now…sun'll be rising in…oh 8 hours or so. Need to give meself plenty of time." He nervously laughed as he tried to pull away from Angel(us).
The dark haired living vampire tightened his grip, an internal debate warring in him on whether to re-teach the lesson or not. "I don't know Willy, perhaps you don't remember...maybe you need a reminder" The living vampire growled.
"I swear I don't need my memory jogged, I remember! I'll shut up, I'll go home. You won't see me for days. Weeks. Ever again. I'll…" Spike ranted horrified at the idea. His original English accent flushing though, not the tough-guy one he'd adopted after turning.
"That tongue is still flapping Willy." Angelus threatened, "Perhaps I should rip it out once and for all."
"I'm sorry. Please Angelus, I'm sorry." Spike begged, that fear from long ago making him forget he actually beat Angel in a fight once. Granted it was only the once and the older vampire had been already weakened by his own feelings of self-worthlessness.
"I've a thing for blonds." Angelus grinned out, that smile cold.
Spike felt absolute terror.
"Be lucky I prefer them, alive and Buffy." Angelus unceremoniously dropped the vampire, letting him crash to the ground in a pool of fear and panic.
With that said, Spike instantly took the mercy and quickly fled the alley, wanting as much space as possible between him and the angry part-demon.
Angelus sent a swift kick to the retreating vampire's rear as he went, adding a little more insult to the already wounded pride, and he hoped a bruise too to remind him to hold his tongue while he still had one.
…
"Problem?" Oz asked his friend, seeing Angel reappear in the bar but not Spike.
"Not anymore." He said, sliding back into his chair. He turned to his friend, "Sorry Oz, I didn't mean to interrupt your party." Angel apologized, not wanting to make a scene but having gotten caught in the moment.
Lately he was finding himself more and more short tempered and cranky. He didn't pretend to not know why. Lack of love life was getting to him.
Being with Buffy gave him an outlet to quell his aggressive side. No Buffy, no love, no outlet…thus a buildup of Angelus-like emotions that just weren't dissipating.
He wanted to snap a neck…
Bottling that aggression, Angel bought a round of beers for the party group and forced himself to have fun the rest of the night.
…
Across town, at Willow and Oz's apartment, Faith was pouring another round of something blue and bubbly.
"You know, I was never one for these fruity little toilet bowel freshener colored drinks, but I'm liking this. What is it?" The dark haired slayer asked.
"If I told you, I'd have to kill you." Buffy grinned as she took another sip.
"You could try." Faith muttered.
"Already did." Buffy played back.
Dawn almost choked on her drink, "Umm, guys? Do I need to separate you two?"
Faith and Buffy both turned to observe the younger Summers, "Why?" They asked.
"Well, you know, you are reminiscing about trying to kill one another at my bachelorette party." Willow chimed in.
"Ancient history." Faith shrugged off.
"Relax Will, we're good. Just give me a few more of these drinks, and I'll even forget we've met before tonight." Buffy smiled as she filled her cup.
"Well don't get too drunk, I need you able to stand and walk down the isle tomorrow...preferably without yacking on my family." The redhead urged as she sipped her drink.
"Slayer here, takes more than a smurf colored drink to bring me down." Buffy defended.
"So, you and Oz have any exciting honeymoon plans?" Dawn asked, looking for a little spoiler.
"So far just the moon part, which isn't until the 30th. You think planning to avoid your period is bad, try making sure all events don't land on full moons." The redhead admitted.
"I thought wolf boy didn't go all wolf boy anymore?" Faith asked.
"He can control the change now, but it's hard on full moon nights, we usually try to stay home just in case. It's easier on him if he does transform, even if only for a few hours." She explained.
"Kinky." Faith grinned.
Willow went red, "No…no kink…there is no kinking."
"Come on Red, you've never tried taming the wild beast? That's got to be one hell of a ride. Talk about being an animal in the bedroom and tearing up the sheets." The dark haired woman teased.
"Says the woman dating a vampire." Dawn commented.
"Hey, there is nothing wrong with dating a vampire…well…certain vampires...like ones with souls." Buffy added.
"Only one of those around, and he's mine." Faith defended.
"Hey, me too." Buffy shot back.
"Angel doesn't count anymore, he's alive." The dark slayer denied.
"Alive or not, there's still a demon inside." The blond slayer countered.
"Well, looks like we all agree. We need a little monster in our men." Faith toasted.
"What about me? I'm not dating a demon." Dawn chimed in.
"Your first kiss was a vampire." Buffy deadpanned.
Dawn's cheeks reddened, "Yeah…well he wasn't when I started to like him…plus I used the distraction of a kiss to stake him."
"Really? To me it looked like he was going for your neck."
"That is kinda funny." Willow looked up and noticed them looking at her, "Oh not the vampire thing…ick…to unsouled ones I mean….what I meant before about the funny, we are all into beastly men. I wonder if that's some sort of Hellmouth side effect. Warning: Expose to Hellmouth may cause attraction to monsters."
"Would explain my dating history." Buffy mused. "Vampire, college horn-dog, demon hunting soldier, Ben/Hellgod, vampire…"
"Don't be so harsh on yourself Buffy. You have everything anyone could want now. A tall, dark, and sexy hero-type husband, two amazing kids, a beautiful home and a job you love. What else is there in life?" Willow expressed, a little jealous of her friend but knowing she was working on getting those things too.
"Yeah, totally hate you for being so lucky." Dawn joked.
Buffy grinned, but the smile didn't quiet reach her eyes. She took a long swallow of her drink and pasted on an everything-is-perfectly-fine face. "So, anyone want another chocolate chip cookie?"
…
Half an hour later, there was a knock at the door.
Willow immediately turned to Buffy, "Please tell me you didn't hire a stripper?"
Buffy reddened, "Come on Will, it's just a little fun." At her friend's serious look she added, "Shameful and immoral fun…oh come on Will, I was pregnant for my bachelorette party and I was less of a stick in the mud. It's just one night, looking isn't going to hurt anyone, plus I bet Oz is watching a stripper with the guys right now, so you'll be even."
Willow looked guilty, "Actually, he isn't seeing a stripper right now...or at all tonight."
"Why?" Dawn asked.
"Well" the witch explained, "I might have put a spell on him so he literally couldn't see any scantily clad women."
"Really? You spelled him? That seems a little…excessive." Buffy commented.
"Buffy listen to me, you know my history with men…Oz is it. If there is no Oz, there is no me with a man. Oz is my guy, literally my only guy. So yeah, I guess I got jealous of the idea of him looking at another woman. I guess I'm still not over that whole Veruca incident." Willow rationalized her actions.
"That was freshman year of college, what 7 years ago?" Buffy asked, remembering the affair Oz had with the pretty but wild lead singer who was also a werewolf. That had been the reason Oz left in the first place, to find a way to cure or contain his 'condition.' "Trust me Will, he only looks at you. I'm your best friend, if I saw his eyes wandering; I'd feed him to the nearest vamp for you no question asked."
"Was that supposed to be encouraging?" The red-head asked.
"The 'he only looks at you' part was." Buffy answered.
"Hey, were you guys planning on letting this poor, lost firefighter stand outside all night?" Faith asked, leading in the stripper that had knocked a few minutes earlier.
"I can see why I was called here, this room is smoking hot." The tall blond 'fireman' said as he shed his overcoat, revealing well muscled arms and chest. "Let me pull out my hose and put out this fire!"
Buffy raised an eyebrow, once upon a time she might have felt the temperature in the room skyrocket from the man undressing only feet from her, but now…bored. "You know, spending so much time with Angel kinda makes this guy look like a college geek playing dress-up." She whispered to her best friend.
"Buffy!" Willow hissed, but seeing her point.
"Hey fireman, I've got a bushfire that needs putting out." Faith grinned, waving a hand full of dollars.
"Scared for life." Dawn muttered upon hearing Faith, but had to admit, the guy should put himself out because he was hot.
…
After the stripper left the girls were sitting on the couch and chairs gossiping. Alcohol had loosened them all up and the words were flowing far more smoothly that usual. No one was drunk, just tipsy and feeling happy.
"Am I the only one here that never kissed a vampire?" Willow asked.
"You were one." Buffy offered, "And I think she wanted to kiss you. Don't think I didn't notice her pinch your butt."
"Evil alternate reality double, that doesn't count!" The witch injected.
"Kissing vamps is great, I love that little growly thing they do." Faith smiled as she daydreamed about snogging with Spike.
"Oh my god! I love that too!" Buffy exclaimed, feeling a surge of happy, "Angel make this rumbly noise in his chest when we're making out, it sends my libido skyrocketing."
"It's almost like a purr." Faith joked.
"Vamps don't purr…but yeah, sounds a little similar." Buffy amended.
"Umm…weird. You think they know when they make it? Or it is an unconscious thing?" Dawn asked, not having that experience herself.
"I don't know. I think sometimes Angel knows, but other times, defiantly not. It's cute either way." Buffy admitted.
"Oz had been doing that lately. It's adorable. He's been blending his two sides more, letting his beastly side and his human sides mingle. It seems to help him during those times of the month, make his animal side more human. We've been working on spells and mediations to help him change at will."
"That would be so cool if he could control it, like vamps do!" Dawn said excitedly. "Instead of a fangy game face, he can have a furry game face…well furry whole body…not just the face…I either need more to drink or less…I can't tell."
"Hell yeah, think of the kink! I knew I should have bought you a muzzle." Faith added.
"No muzzle." Willow denied.
"Ohh, someone likes love bites!" Faith giggled, sipping more of her drink.
"Oz doesn't bite." Willow objected. After a sip she muttered quietly, "Hard."
Faith laughed, "Ha! Knew it!" She looked over at Buffy, "Well I guess we're not the only ones with nippy guys."
"Angel doesn't bite me." She stated.
Faith just looked doubtfully at her.
"Ok so he has, but not all the time, occasionally his demon side needs a little attention too" she amended.
"Really? Spike bites like every time. I'm game though, I like the rush I get from it, gets me good and hot." The dark slayer grinned.
"What!" Dawn gaped. "Please tell me that's not what you and Angel…" She asked her sister, feeling too mortified to finish the sentence.
"No! Trust me, he's man enough without his demon for me." After a moment, "But the demon stamina is kinda nice…and the growly…and the I'm going to stop talking now…" She said as her sister's look of disgust.
"Ew, never should one EVER hear those kinds of things from her sister's lips." Dawn shivered, not needing a mental picture of her sister's love life in any way, shape or form.
"You're jealous you're not getting any." Faith accused.
"Who says I'm not?" Dawn grinned.
"Dawn!" Buffy leaned forwards, "Spill!" She demanded, wanting every shred of gossip.
She huddle up close and giggled, "I've been seeing this guy Mark, he's so amazing. He's in college, senior, working on an engineering degree. He wants to build planes. He's so adorable!"
"Why's this the first I'm hearing about him?" Buffy asked, excited for her sister but a little hurt being left out of the loop.
"Well…I don't want him getting eaten by anything…I'm sorry Buffy, I love you…but things tend to go all hell-mouthy around you." Dawn admitted.
Buffy nodded, "Point taken."
"He's my date for the wedding tomorrow, you'll meet his then."
"Oh I was wondering who you were bringing, I'm so happy for you." Willow said, hugging the younger Summers.
"Me too, can't wait to interrogate him." Buffy smiled.
"Buffy!" Her sister whined.
"I meant meet, can't wait to meet him." She quickly hid her grin.
"Ok ladies, let's play a drinking game." Faith changed the topic to something more fun.
"Ok, how do we play?" Dawn asked.
"We'll take turns asking sexual related questions, the originator has to ask something she's never done and anyone who's done it has to drink. I'll start. You've had sex in a convertible."
Willow and Dawn didn't drink, but Buffy slowly lifted her glass to her lips and took a sip.
"Please tell me not the GTX." Dawn asked, shocked.
Buffy turned red.
"Never sitting in the back seat again…" Dawn muttered.
"Wasn't the back." She replied quietly.
Willow and Faith laughed.
"You've never had sex in a car?" Buffy asked Faith, "I can't believe that."
"Cars, hell yeah, but the type I 'dated' wasn't really the kind to afford a convertible. Always wanted to do it with the top down, watch the stars twinkle while a guys got his head down in my…"
"Faith" Buffy clamped her hand over the younger slayer's mouth. "Little sister right there."
"I'm twenty years old Buffy." Her sister deadpanned.
"Technically you're under seven." She pulled the 'you were a key' card.
"Spoil sport." Dawn muttered.
"You've had sex in an elevator." Willow continued the game.
Faith took three sips. She shrugged when they looked at her, "Three separate times."
"We were supposed to drink for multiples? Oops." Buffy alarmed.
"That poor car." Dawn said shaking her head. "I'm never riding in it again."
"You've had sex in the last week." Dawn asked.
Willow and Faith took a sip. Buffy didn't.
"Really?" Dawn asked her sister. I mean I haven't seen Mark since he's doing a research thing out of town, but you? What's your excuse?"
Buffy shrugged, "You know, been busy lately."
"You've had sex in the past month." Faith asked, sensing something in Buffy.
Willow and Dawn drank, Faith took a very long swig too.
"No fair, you said something you've never done." Buffy pouted, folding her arms across her chest.
"I changed the rules, now it's something you have done." Faith countered.
"What's up Buffy? Is there something wrong between you and Angel?" Her best friend asked, concerned for her. It wasn't common for them to talk about their sex lives, but they all knew her and Angel had a very healthy sexual relationship.
"No…we're fine…everything's good…" She tried in her best please-believe-me voice.
"Liar." Both Dawn and Willow countered, seeing the lie in her eyes.
"What's up B?" Faith asked, interested and concerned.
"Nothing…I'm just…we're just…I don't know…I don't want to talk about it, not here, not now, ok guys?" She asked, really not wanting to bring up a miscarriage during a party.
Faith saw something behind the older slayer's eyes. A pain she recognized. "You've had a miscarriage." Faith asked, still in the game.
Willow and Dawn stared as Faith took a long swallow on her drink.
Slowly Buffy lifted her glass, taking a sip.
"Oh, Buffy!" Willow quickly got up and hugged her friend, Dawn joining her.
While they were consoling Buffy, Faith took another sip.
"Faith?" Buffy asked, watching her.
"Multiple occasions…always knew kids hated me." She smiled to kill the numbing pain she felt whenever she let herself remember.
Buffy wiggled from her friend and sister's arms and sat next to Faith.
"When?" she asked.
"Show me yours, I'll show you mine." Faith joked, putting on her tough-girl persona.
Buffy sighed, not wanting to tell them but feeling that maybe if others knew it might help ease the burden. Slowly, for the first time, she explained what happened that night back in April; tears flowed unchecked down all their faces as they listened.
"I'm so sorry Buffy." Dawn told her as she hugged her, rubbing her back.
"Me too." Buffy whispered. She looked up across to the chair Faith was lounging in. "Faith?"
The dark haired woman knocked back her drink and as promised began her tale. "Nothing really to say, I've been with alotta guys…can't say protection was always available. First time it happened, I was only 15. I'd newly run away, shacked up with a guy…I didn't have any money so I paid my rent in…well you can guess. I didn't mind, not like I was a virgin or anything. Didn't really know what was happening at first, the blood really freaked me out. Went to the hospital, they told me I'd had a miscarriage. I was shocked to say the least, hadn't even know I was carrying."
"15?" Willow asked, "Oh Faith, that's terrible. I'm so sorry."
The younger slayer shrugged, "I was too young to even understand what had happened. Honestly I was relieved at the time, wasn't really thinking about being a mom then, especially with that dead beat as my baby's daddy."
"You drank twice." Buffy probed quietly, hoping Faith talking about her experience would help her grieve. Buffy wondered if those losses were what turned Faith into the 'tough-chick' she was now. All those bottled emotions, contributing to what made her unstable enough to side with the darkness in the past.
"When I was 17, I got pregnant again. Accident of course…but I went to Diana, my watcher, about it. She told me a few slayers had conceived before, but many didn't get to term, either by miscarriage or they're killed. I wanted to try though; I felt the kid deserved a shot, many get dealt a better hand at life than I got. I was three months when Kakistos showed up. Diana was taken by him, I had to get her back, so I fought him…got in a few good hits, took out his eye. As a result, he got me good in the stomach…and I lost more than just the fight."
"No wonder you were so freaked when he showed up in Sunnydale." Dawn muttered, understanding the younger slayers distress.
"Ancient history." Faith repeated, shrugging off the well of emotions "He's dead, I'm not. It's good."
Buffy ignored her and sat beside her, Faith was surprised when the blond slayer hugged her. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Faith"
The dark haired slayer tired to push her away, but Buffy held on. After a moment tears welled in Faith's brown eyes and she hugged Buffy back. "It's not fair." She whispered, letting out the emotions she'd never let herself have.
Buffy shook her head, "No, it's not."
"I had a false positive once." Willow admitted.
They looked over at her.
Willow shrugged, "I guess it's no big compared to actually losing one…but you know…I felt like I'd lost something. I really wanted it…and I never even had it."
"When?" Buffy asked, knowing Willow had never mentioned this before.
"Remember how freaky I was when Oz left?" She asked, referring to freshmen year UC Sunnydale.
Buffy's eyes widened, it would explain Willow's behavior a lot that year. "Oh Will, why didn't you say anything? I could have been support girl!" She beckoned for Willow to come sit with her and Faith on the couch.
When the redhead sat beside her, Buffy's arms went around her. "Well, you know, you and Riley were…happy…I didn't want to get my sad on you."
"I wish you had, you should have talked to me, not held that inside for so long." Buffy scolded.
"You too." The witch countered.
Buffy sighed, defeated. "I know…I just…I wasn't even going to tell Angel, but you know…vamp senses."
"Did you guys know about the baby?" Dawn asked, sitting closer.
Buffy shook her head, "Not until it was too late. I think it was my fault, we we're training the slayers that morning, I got kicked…maybe if I hadn't…"
Faith cut her off, "Don't go down that road B, it's a dead end."
Hazel green eyes met brown and Buffy nodded. Knowing 'what if' statements really never helped anyone. You couldn't change the past, what's done is done.
"How's Angel about this?" Willow asked, concerned.
Buffy smiled a little, "A godsend, nothing but supportive." Her face darkened a little, "and I've been horrible to him lately, we haven't been intimate since it happened. I haven't really even kissed him."
"You just need some time." Dawn spoke, feeling sad for her sister's pain.
"That's what he said. I've had time…time isn't working…I need something stronger." Buffy muttered, frustrated with herself. "I want to be with him…but it's like something's in the way, blocking us."
"There is nothing between you Buffy; you're just not ready yet. I'm sorry, but there is no magic to make you ready." Willow explained, wanting to help her friend but knowing her hands were tired.
Buffy nodded, she knew Willow was right. She took a deep breath and sighed out, wiping tears off her cheeks. "Well some party huh?" Trying to lighten it back up.
…
It was midnight when the party at the bar was winding down. Sal's Place stayed open till 2am, but Oz wanted to get to bed before then. He was staying at Xander's apartment that night, Willow claimed it was unlucky for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.
Angel had snorted at that concept; he'd slept with his bride the night before the wedding….of course then they had an apocalypse. 'Hmm, maybe it was unlucky…' He shrugged it off, it worked out.
Angel drove Oz and Xander home, seeing Xander was too drunk to drive. Angel's alcohol had mostly burned off by then, a mix of demon tolerance plus he'd only had three beers all night. Back in the 1700's, he'd drink half the under the table and still be able to walk home. Of course that lifestyle had gotten him eaten in a dark alley by Darla…
When he pulled in the driveway the first thing he noticed was Buffy wasn't home yet, the SUV not being in the driveway. He glanced at the time and figured she'd either decided to stay at Willow's or just plain fell asleep.
If something was wrong, he was sure he'd have known it.
Opening the door he looked up at the stairs across the room, suddenly feeling extremely tired, then looked at the couch only a few feet away. The bedroom was a lot further than the couch, not to mention sleeping in the bed without Buffy was too depressing. He hated sleeping alone now.
He flopped down onto the couch, pulled the throw pillow under his head, and fell fast asleep.
…
A few hours later Buffy awoke on Willow's couch. Dawn was passed out on the floor, Faith was spread out over the two plush chairs and Willow was using her leg as a pillow on the other end of the couch.
She glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly 4am.
"Oh crap, we fell asleep." Buffy winced, wondering if Angel was freaking when she didn't come home last night as she planned to.
"Will." Buffy shook her dozing friend, "Will!" She said a little louder.
"Huh, Buffy?" Willow mumbled sleepily.
"Yeah, it's late…well early…I'll be over around 10am to get ready with you, ok?" Buffy told her friend, she'd promised to help Willow get her wedding gown on and do her hair and makeup. The wedding wasn't until 2pm, so 10am was plenty of time. She hoped.
"Ok." Willow yawned and spread out on the couch, taking over Buffy's spot.
…
Buffy slipped into her house a few minutes after 4am. She immediately spotted Angel passed out on the couch. 'Did he wait up for me? Or is he too drunk to make it upstairs?'
She bent down and placed a light kiss on his forehead. She was planning to head upstairs to bed, then realized she didn't really want to sleep where he wasn't. She hated sleeping alone now. He looked too peaceful to wake him, so she slipped off her shoes and just settled down half-atop him, half beside him on the inside of the couch.
His arms wrapped around her as she got comfy, not waking up, but just automatically holding her and keeping her safe.
She smiled and fell right to sleep.