Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki; again, they wouldn't sell those characters to me. :sob: Anyway, ignore the tears of despair. This is just something that I really wanted to do, because I was watching the series and reading the manga, and I just really wanted to write a story! Damn it, I promised myself no more yaoi stories until after my other stories were done! Well, we can all see how that worked out. xp Whatever, read on, please. This is a GokuxHakkai story, just so you know. There's also going to be a little HomuraxGoku, but it's not the main pairing. One-sided, and all that. Oh, and I'm making Homura and his little enturage still alive, because I love them, and they deserve to live. So, when they show up, please don't be surprised.

Warning: This is yaoi. If you don't know what that means, it means that it's going to be a boyxboy story. There's going to be lemons in the later chapters, probably. Maybe. Um, swearing, mentions of rape, mpreg, violence, and humor. That's it! If it bothers you, then you'd better not read this.

What Dreams May Come

Chapter 3

Golden eyes set around elongated pupils slowly opened, dilating in the warm sunlight. The lithe figure they belonged to groaned, twisting his head around as he sat up, dislodging the cloth that clung to his face over his mouth. Almost growling in annoyance, he reached up a hand to fling away the cloth.

"Goku! You're finally awake!"

Goku turned to watch Hakkai's surprised but smiling face get closer and closer to him, until it loomed right above him. He flinched, inching away; he wasn't ready to be this close to anyone yet.

Hakkai frowned; since when does Goku flinch from him, or anyone? What happened to him? I'm...almost afraid to ask him. And, Konzeon said not to ask him. So, what should I do? Well, I suppose I could get him some water; I remember Kougaiji said to give him that.

"Would you like some cold water, Goku?" He asked quietly, his smile sad.

Goku nodded without saying anything, breathing a sigh of relief as Hakkai backed off. I hate this. I'm so afraid of having anyone near me, of having anyone touch me. I can't stand it! He felt his eyes burning; what was wrong with them?

Relax. The gutteral voice of Go commanded, sounding loudly in his mind. You will make yourself sick if you keep worrying over these things. You'll be fine; just keep to yourself for a while, and refamiliarize yourself with the group. Your fear will mostly likely leave you eventually.

I...guess. Thanks. Goku whispered back, his head down. He supposed there really wasn't anything else he could do.

"Here you go, Goku." Hakkai handed him a cup of water, but made sure not to get to close.

Goku thanked him and drank the whole cup, although without his usual gusto. It wasn't enough to moisten his dry throat; Hakkai saw this and took back the cup, refilling and returning it.

Goku sighed when he was finished; that was better. He felt a little dizzy from sitting up, but that was alright. It would pass, in a moment. Lifting his head, he looked at Hakkai, but wasn't quite able to meet his eyes. Hakkai noticed this, but didn't say anything on it; he waited for Goku to speak.

"How long have I been asleep?" Goku asked quietly, hands settled loosely around the cup.

The older monocled man answered just as quietly, "A little over two days now. Would you like me to get you another set of clothes to change into?"

Goku nodded, setting the cup on the nightstand next to the bed as he watched Hakkai pull out a white shirt, tan breeches, and a brown and orange vest. He accepted them from the human-turned-youkai, but couldn't muster up a smile when he next spoke.

"Um, Hakkai? Could you...please leave, while I change?" Saying this hurt him, but he couldn't bear to be around another while he changed.

Hakkai was shocked; he was thankful Goku wasn't looking at him at the moment, for his face was unguarded. But he spoke the affirmative, and left the room, his thoughts in a jumble.

Gojyo was just coming out of the other room; he instantly asked about Goku.

"He's just awoken; he's changing now. Gojyo, something is very wrong with him. I know the Merciful Goddess said not to be surprised by a change of attitude in him, but it's just too different. I don't like this."

Gojyo looked at the closed door, but didn't move towards it. "Let's just let it go, Hakkai. If something's wrong with him, he needs to get over it on his own."

Hakkai was about to say something else on that effect, but Sanzo walked into the hall, giving them a glare.

"Come down for breakfeast. We'll spend an hour eating, and then we'll leave. Is Goku up?"

Before Hakkai could answer, the door opened, and Goku stepped into the hall. He hung onto the doorframe for a moment, before stepping foreword. He came to stand by them, but still kept a good few feet away.

"Come on, saru, time for breakfeast." Gojyo laughed, already walking down the hall. He stopped, shocked, when Goku didn't even comment on being called "saru." Turning back, he noticed that Goku was walking foreword, walking about two feet from Hakkai, but still next to him.

He was about to say something, but Sanzo gave him a glare.

"Shut up. You aren't fighting, and that's good enough. Go eat."

Goku positioned himself at the very side of his seat, practically hanging over the side of Jeep. He was surprised that no one had asked him anything, or mentioned that he was acting strangely, but he was happy about that too. He wasn't ready to explain anything yet.

The ride was actually quiet, for once, except for the occasionaly comment made by Gojyo. He was mainly talking to Hakkai, who was driving with a small smile. Sanzo was sitting next to Hakkai drinking a beer while he finished off his cigarette, alone with his thoughts.

Goku decided it would be better to not talk to anyone and instead think about what he'd begun learning last night. Go had started teaching him quicker ways of calling Nyoi-bo, and better ways of handling it. He was even taught a way of channeling his energy into the staff, allowing for it to become even stronger than it already was. It was ineresting and, although he hated to learn new things, it was pretty fun. Now, he concentrated just a tiny amount of his seemingly unlimitless Chi and gathered it in his palm, making sure to hide the glow from the rest of the group. It felt good, a relief of some kind to release even that small amount of Chi. (a/n: This is a bad way to describe it, but think: you've been waiting to go to the bathroom for over an hour and you finally get to go! That relief is similar to releasing Chi, like releasing tension.)

"Goku? What're you doing?" Gojyo asked, glancing over from his conversation with Hakkai.

"N-nothing." The youkai muttered, releasing the Chi instantly from its captivity. He resisted looking at the red-haired hanyou; he knew he'd have a guilty look on his face.

"Whatever. Just so long as he's not bothering me, he can do what he wants, Gojyo." Sanzo commanded, finishing off his beer. He stashed it below his seat, putting out his cigarette at the same time.

"Ah, you're so honest today, Sanzo." Hakkai laughed, holding out a paper cup for the cigarette butt.

Sanzo just looked at him, a vein twitching at his temple. But he didn't say anything. Instead, he just turned his head to watch the endless desert go by.

Goku felt himself relaxing indefinitely; it was all so normal. He may not want to get close, but he loved how they still teased each other, even though they seemed to sense something was wrong. It was just what he needed to help rid himself of the memories that plagued him. Maybe everything would be all right, after all.

"Hey, Hakkai, are we stopping to eat soon?" Surprisingly, it was Gojyo who posed the question; Goku wasn't hungry yet.

Hakkai turned his head a little to glance back at the natural redhead, before nodding and turning back to the road. "Yes; there's a village just a few more miles ahead. We'll be there in about an hour, and then I'll shop for dinner! You and Sanzo can get rooms for us. Goku? Would you like to join me in grocery shopping?"

Goku almost turned him down, but decided against it. He really did like Hakkai, and he didn't want to hurt the other's feelings by constantly being afraid to get close to him like he used to. And besides, maybe he could talk to Hakkai, possibly open up to him on what had happened to him. At least, that's what he hoped would happen soon. And besides, Go thought it'd be nice to hang around the human-youkai; it could possibly help his mental state. And that's why, instead of shaking his head in the negative, he nodded, not even having to force excitement in his voice when he answered, "Sure!"

Hakkai smiled, happy at this turn of events. Maybe it wouldn't be too long before Goku told them what happened to him. Maybe.

Goku walked just a few feet from Hakkai, carrying a green basket almost full with food and drinks. He was watching Hakkai walk, as odd as that sounds; the youkai seemed to be emitting a really strange smell that was almost intoxicating. Not that he would say anything about it. Instead, he just turned so he was almost completely facing Hakkai, inconspicuously taking a small whiff every now and then. It was really good smelling; better than any food he'd smelled before. But what was it?

"Goku? Is something wrong?" Hakkai asked, having noticed that Goku had been staring at him for a while now.

Goku almost jumped when Hakkai spoke; he'd been completely wrapped up in that new smell. Guiltily, he looked away, scratching the back of his head. "N-no, nothing's wrong. Hey, Hakkai! Let's get some apples, okay? The green ones are in season!"

"Of course, Goku. Why don't you go grab about ten and put them in the basket. I'm just going to go over there to get some tea for us later."

Goku nodded and took off with his basket, to where all the fruits and vegetables were stationed. It didn't take him long to count out ten green apples, (a/n: Yes, I'm making him being able to count in this story; it's really just Go's influence, though.) and he decided he wanted to get some oranges too. Although, he only got four of those, because he was planning to be the only one to eat those. Once he was done, he went to join Hakkai, who'd just picked out some green and oolong tea.

"Oh, you got some oranges too, Goku?" Hakkai asked, smiling.

"Yeah! But I only got four, because I figured I'd be the only one to eat them. Gojyo doesn't like most fruit, cause he's a stupid kappa, and Sanzo says they burn his mouth. But if you want some, you can have some." Goku grinned, holding up an orange.

"Thank you, Goku. That's very nice of you. Now, I was thinking of roasting sweet potatoes tonight for dinner, with a side of vegetables and smoked meat. What do you think of that?"

Goku wrinkled his nose at the mention of vegetables, he really didn't like them, but the rest sounded really good! "That's awesome, 'Kai! I can't wait! And I bet the others will be just as happy with it! Let's go, so you can get started right away!"

Hakkai laughed as Goku eagerly led the way to where the cashier was waiting. (a/n: Do they have cashiers in Shangri-La? Whatever; they do now! If you have a problem with that, get over it.)

"Goku! Slow down; I have plenty of time to fix dinner, so don't run so fast!" Hakkai called, afraid the monkey-like creature would fall and hurt himself if he kept running like that.

"Oh, sorry, Hakkai! It's just that I can't wait until you cook; it all sounded so good!" Goku replied, turning so he could walk back with Hakkai. It was all going perfectly; the walk, being with his old friend, and actually feeling hungry!

That was, until he started feeling sick to his stomach. At first he ignored it, thinking the feeling was nothing. But then it started to get worse. It was like an unusual cramping feeling in his stomach, causing bile to rise in his throat. Finally, it got so horrible that he actually dropped the bags he was carrying so he could stop at the side of the road and relieve his stomach of its contents. What the heck? What's going on?!

"Goku? Are you okay?" Hakkai asked, leaning down so he could help his friend.

Goku, however, pushed him away, lurching to the side as he continued retching. He didn't know what was wrong but from the way Go was suddenly really quiet in his mind, he guessed it couldn't be good. All he could hear was a strange buzzing noise in his mind and his ears; even Hakkai's voice was drowned out. At last, his stomach stopped retching; his body tried to put out a few last dry heaves, but collapsed on him.

The last thing he remembered was Hakkai's unguarded, worried face bearing down on him, and that manaical laughter that he remembered from his attack. It wasn't what he wanted to pass out to, but that didn't matter.

And for the second time in less than five days, Goku passed out, practically dead to the world.

And there it is. If it seems a little rushed, I'm sorry. I wrote it in about 40 minutes, in Sociology, because essays are boring, so sorry about that. Um, just a little thing: something big is goin down! What is it?? Well, you'll be finding out in the next chapter, towards the end. And also, Goku will finally cut loose! Yes! And Hakkai's showing some other emotion than humour?!

Ayame

Sneak Peak:

"Yes; I didn't want to talk about it at first because I was afraid how you guys would react. I'm sorry I didn't really trust you."

"Who did this to you, though? Do you know?"

A deep breath. "I recognized his voice. Deep, playful...we fought him. I thought he was just like me, but...I guess I was wrong."