A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be lying next to me on my bed, telling how good my hair smells (I have good shampoo) and trying to undo the hooks on the front of my bra. He likes the front closing ones, easier to work, he says. :D Just a little tip for ya. ;)

This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I've been assaulted with Pokemon information all afternoon. While Sick Boy, who apparently isn't all that sick and must just suffer from allergies like I thought, draws picture after picture of the little card monsters. It's keeping him entertained...

This is for my wifey, Mrs. Robward. You should see the things she wants to do to me. They're almost unspeakable. And also featured on YouTube, so you know... :D

Thanks to Luxure & EdwardsBloodType for prereading this. "There's a stranger in my bed, there's a pounding in my head, glitter all over the room, pink flamingo's in the pool..." Yeah, sounds like something we'd get into. :D

**disclaimer **

This story is a bit taboo. I needed some incentive to write, and your amazing reviews are giving me that. :)

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… Chapter Twenty - Wonder … Edward …

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Leah calls me, saying she needs to talk, that things are bad at home. She can't wait to get to college, to be with me.

I wonder, are you okay? What's wrong? Did something happen?

I've tried to put you out of my head since Christmas, when I saw you with my father. I let the rumors get to me, worm their way into my brain. So many possibilities, and they could all be true.

Who am I to think that I was your only dalliance? Like you would ever really want an 18 year old boy. Not when you could get a grown man, secure with money, a career. Someone who knew how to make you feel good.

I didn't know, not really. I tried my best, but you taught me things. Things that I'll never forget, no matter how long I live.

The picture of you and me is with me all the time. I printed one for you, so you'd have some memory of me. At first, I thought it would bring you back, but then I wanted it to hurt you. The way you hurt me.

Claire looks so much like me, and I wonder. Is she mine? Or is it something worse?

My parents fought over New Years. My mom heard the rumors about you and my dad. It would make sense. He fathered me, so maybe if he fathered Claire, that's why she looks like me.

I hurried back to school, putting it out of my mind. Getting you away from me.

It was too much.

Leah says you and the Reverend scream at each other, that he accuses you of things, and you don't fight him. Why not? Why would you just let him say things to you? Unless they are true?

I play dumb, like I don't know you well enough to know if the rumors are justified. Leah is a good friend to me, I can't hurt her.

She's the only part of you that I'll ever be able to have.

And she's so much like you. It scares me sometimes.

I wonder why I can't just be happy with her, why I still feel an ache for you.

It would be so much easier to just love her, want her.

And I do.

But it's not enough.

It won't ever be enough.

And I know that.

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A/N: So, another BPOV tonight. Yay. :D

This story was nominated for Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand. I'm in shock, I've never been nominated there before. It's very flattering. :)

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