A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be dancing with me to "Sparks Fly" by Taylor Swift, because seriously, that song is pretty much word for word what Bella's thinking the first 1/3rd of this story. Even down to the green eyes. :D I tweeted a link to YouTube for it, so it's there. You should totally check it out. :)
This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I spent 2 hours Photoshopping Softball Awards and making them go with candy bars. Cute sayings and poems that use candy bars...just another random talent I have. :D
This is for my wifey, Mrs. Robward. She told me the end of her story that she's writing for me. I can't wait... :)
Thanks to Luxure & EdwardsBloodType for prereading this. "Are you crying? There's no crying! There's no crying in baseball!" Oh wait, this is fanfic and there's plenty of crying. Oh well, I still love that movie. :D Hey Luxure, were you born yet when that came out? :D
**disclaimer **
This story is a bit taboo. A bit of background from Bella...
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… Chapter Twenty Three - Leave … Bella …
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"Get out! Just you and that baby, the other children are mine! They stay with me! Take your clothes and whatever else you need and leave. If I never see your devious face again, it'll be too soon. You're the devil, the spawn of Satan. I can't believe I let you live in this house as long as I did, that I didn't find you out! Leave!"
He yells. I pack a few bags, pick up Claire. Kiss my children. Well, the ones who will still speak to me.
He's brainwashed them against me. I'm the sinner, committing the worst sin I could against not just him, but my family.
That's what he tells them, that I didn't love them enough. That I chose someone else over them. That I satisfied my own desires at the expense of their happiness.
It's not true. Not all of it, anyway.
Leah hates me. She's always been such a daddy's girl, in awe of him. Since the moment she was born, she's had starry eyes for him.
I was so young, too young. He was older, 22 when we met. I was almost 17, starting my senior year in high school.
He was a seminary student, having known from early on that he wanted to be a reverend. His calling was to serve God, and he was good at it.
At least he was good at something. Too bad it was never me.
He chased me. I let him. He was beautiful, tall, dark, so very handsome. All the girls were jealous of me, and I liked it.
I was young, stupid. I'd had sex before, but only a few times. When he begged me to let him touch me at Christmas, I gave in. He was loving, caring, but it didn't feel like the other times. It didn't feel anything like when I was with you.
By February I knew I was pregnant. My parents were good, church going people. They told me to give the baby away, to break things off with him and give myself a chance at a good life.
I couldn't. I wanted the baby, and I wanted him. His words were sweet, kind. He promised me the world, and he tried to provide that. At first.
Leah was born a few days before my 18th birthday. I was a young mother. Too young, and on my own. My parents didn't see me, wouldn't speak to me. They knew he was a good person, they just wanted more for me.
I should have wanted more, too. I didn't know there was more, until I met you.
It was like I was 17 all over again. And you were the perfect man, sweeping me off my feet.
I let you, giving in to all the teenage girl dreams I'd lost so long ago.
Who knew that I'd end up in exactly the same situation. With a baby, on my own, no family to help me. The only difference is that last time, I had a husband to support me. Even if it was just financially.
This time I am truly on my own.
The whole town thinks it was your father. Your mother hates me.
I don't blame her.
Even if she does hate me for the wrong reasons, the wrong man.
I was able to patch up my friendship with Alice Whitlock, though. I felt bad for that rumor. Her husband Jasper is a good man, a decent man. He was always nice to me, so I see how she could have believed it.
I had to plead with her, but she finally believed me. I was glad to smooth things over between them. If only it was that easy with every relationship.
I moved to the city. I'm hours away from them. Hours away from you. I wish I had your address. Or your phone number. He kept my phone, turned it off.
I feel so totally alone.
But when I go to sleep at night, in this tiny one bedroom apartment, I pull our daughter close to me and stare at the picture of our family.
I miss you. Your pretty green eyes. The mole on your neck. The scent of your skin.
I miss it all.
And I always will.
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A/N: A lot of you wondered why Bella didn't leave her husband. It's because she has no where to go. Her parents won't see her, she has no siblings, no friends, no extended family that isn't her husband's. She doesn't work, has no money, no skills, no education. She's basically trapped in his house and she stayed as long as she did so that she could stash away as much money as possible without him realizing it was gone.
Was there one thing that sent the Reverend over the edge? No. Did he ask for a paternity test? No. It's pretty clear that baby isn't his. He probably just overheard someone saying something about him and how pathetic he must be to take in and raise another man's child, and he blew. It had been building.
Also, Bella's children are 17, 15, 13, 10, and 7. Her husband's ranting and screaming at her, and the fact that it's clear she had an affair, made the older ones want nothing to do with her. The younger ones still love her and would have wanted to go with her, but it wasn't possible. You'll hear more on that later. :)
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