A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be doing a rain dance in my front yard. There are clouds a'brewin. Let us pray...
This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Reactions of characters also belong to me. I made them do it. It was fun. :D I'm gonna make them get lemony again, before all is said and done, so you might enjoy that, too. :D
This is for my wifey, Mrs. Robward. I got my picture! Score! Takes me back to my old high school days...standing down on the track...cheering and dancing for the plays that we couldn't see because all the sidelined football players were in our way. And they didn't have nearly as nice of tushies as the hot guys playing out on the field. Bummer... :D
Thanks to Luxure & EdwardsBloodType for prereading this. I'm pretty sure neither of you would be opposed to attending a high school football game with me... :D We could all have camera's and binoculars. :D Wear our cougar badges with honor. Well, except for Lux, she's just a puma. :D
**disclaimer **
This story is a bit taboo. Bonus chapter! :D I'm sure you're glad I didn't leave things off with that last one. :D
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… Chapter Thirty Four - Confess … Edward …
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Your face is buried in your hands as you sob. And sob.
I want so much to calm you, but I'm swirling.
My world is spinning out of control, and I can't stop it long enough to focus on you.
Claire is my daughter.
You never slept with my father, or any of those other men.
Why did everyone lie to me? Why did you all seem to think I wouldn't be able to handle the truth?
My hand runs over my face, through my hair, pulling. Hard.
It slams down on the sofa, startling you.
"You never told me? Why, Bella? Why didn't you tell me? She's my daughter, I had a right to know."
I can barely make out your words between the sad, tragic cries.
"...wanted better...you deserve...I'm not ever...had to go..."
I breath in, several times. Willing my heart to calm, my brain to stop. My words come out jumbled, twisted. Wrong.
"I don't understand. I loved you. So fucking much, Bella. I wanted to be with you, and you just took my daughter and what, left town? Tried to pass her off as your husband's kid? How could you be so stupid, Bella? How could you think no one would ever find out? And then to let my father lie to me, for all these years, I just don't-"
"I didn't know he lied, I promise. I don't know why he did it, you have to ask him. But I didn't know, I swear it. On my life. On our daughter's life, I didn't know."
I watch you, see the sincerity in your words, your face.
You don't lie.
Well, you didn't used to lie. Until I came along.
You were a horrible liar. Maybe you still are. Either way, something in the way you look at me makes me believe you.
"I wanted better for you. I didn't see any way that we could ever be together. Leah would have hated me forever. Do you understand? Do you have any idea what it would have felt like for her to be betrayed by her mother? The one person in all the world that should always stand behind her, support her. I couldn't do that to her. It was bad enough that I'd fallen in love with her boyfriend."
Your shirt is a snotty, sobbing mess. I notice a box of tissues on the kitchen counter and go get it, give it to you.
I don't want you uncomfortable. Even though I'm angry, I don't want you to suffer.
I've never wanted that.
"Bella?" I ask, reaching for your hand that's laying in your lap.
I stare at your fingers, tracing the place where a ring should be.
There's not one. Not even a mark. I hope that means...
"I loved you, too. I still do. I've tried so hard these last few years to forget you. I tried to move on with Leah, to just be grateful that I had some part of you left in my life. But I couldn't do it. She deserved better than me. Not a man who would always compare her to the one person she should never have to compete against."
Your sobs slow, leading to sniffles. Gasps.
"I loved her, too. But it was never enough. It never could have been."
"Are you still with her?" you ask, your voice soft, low, and so broken.
"No, not for a few years now. Not since after he got remarried. It just wasn't fair. He got to be happy, while you got nothing. Those stupid old gossipy women, they set him up with someone 20 years younger than him. How is that fair? It's not right. You and I, there's 17 years, and yet we're considered disgusting. Wrong. Horrible and sick."
It's so true, all the things I'm saying to you. I can see it in your eyes. You agree with me. You believe it, too.
"Age shouldn't matter," I tell you, holding tight to your hand. "When you meet the person that completes all the unfinished parts of you, it shouldn't matter about anything else. All that should be important is if you love that person. And I love you, Bella. I have since the first time I saw you in Sunday services, when I was 17 years old. You were like nothing I'd ever seen before. I couldn't take my eyes off of you."
I spill my guts, tell you all the things I never did before. Confess. The embarrassing things. The sacred and beautiful things. Things I've never told another person before.
Only you.
I tell you about why I chased you, why I couldn't give up.
I tell you about how I dreamed of you each night, not able to fall asleep until I'd jerked off with your face in my mind.
I tell you about the times I had sex with Leah and how it was only ever you that I thought about.
I tell you how I dreamed that you would come back to me, eventually.
But you never did.
And it broke my heart, harder than I even thought was possible.
I talk and talk and talk, and you listen, soaking everything in.
Finally, when my words cease, you sit frozen. Your eyes are closed, your head bowed.
It almost looks as though you're praying.
But what could you be praying for?
Me?
Us?
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A/N: Better? You breathing okay? Tomorrow you're getting something everyone's been asking for. :)
Klrtwiluver FanFic started a secret group over on Facebook. If you want in, find her over there & friend her, or on twitter ( at KlrTwiLuver ) and she'll let you in. There are videos, pictures, songs...all kinds of stuff. I think the crazy theories everyone has are my favorite part. I love it. :)
See you tomorrow! It'll be Saturday, with hubs and kids home all day... We'll see how many chapters I can get out. I'm not making any promises... :(
Reviews are better than Edward offering you tissues.
Leave one.