A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be excited about tonight 'cause both my boys will be gone on camp outs. :D My house will be so quiet, and girlie. Poor hubs... :D

This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. My headache is in full effect, let's just hope the medicine I took makes it go away. :D

This is for my wifey, Mrs. Robward. She makes me feel better when RL gets crappy. I love her for that, among a million other reasons. :)

Thanks to Luxure & EdwardsBloodType for prereading this. Someday... :)

**disclaimer **

This story is a bit taboo. You're not reading this part anyway, are you? You're too excited to see what's gonna happen between Bella and Leah, huh? So if I said that I was moving to Hawaii with Rpattz and that I was pregnant with triplets and that I really was Kristen Stewart, you wouldn't even notice, would you? :D I didn't think so... :D

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… Chapter Fifty One - Confirmation … Bella …

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"Mom?" Leah says, stepping out onto the porch. She's so pretty. Prettier than she was back then.

I don't know why you chose me when you could have had her. She's the best parts of me, and so much less complicated for you.

But you've chosen, and I know you're happy. I am, too. I won't ever question you, I'll just be grateful.

"Hi Leah," I say. I hear the nervousness in my voice. I wonder if she does.

"It's really you, you're really here. Mom, I didn't think..."

She steps closer, like if she moves too fast she'll startle me, scare me away.

"I got your announcement from Alice, she said you were here."

"I just dropped that off yesterday. She said she'd mail it for me. I didn't know where you were, so..."

I smile, hoping to ease her discomfort. She's nervous, hesitant. I pat the bench next to me, hoping she'll sit. Come closer.

"Well, she knew I was coming here this weekend, so she saved it. It's beautiful, you and Paul look very happy."

She relaxes, walks to me, sitting down. "We are. He's wonderful, the most amazing man I've ever met. I really feel like he's my soul mate, you know? My other half that I just hadn't found yet."

I hope she really believes that. I wonder sometimes how she thinks of you. If she remembers you as her first love, her first heart break, just some guy, her friend. I don't know. It haunts me.

That's something a mother should know.

Smiling, I nod. "I know that feeling."

"Do you?" she asks. She's curious, I can tell, glancing down at my hand. Seeing your ring.

"Yes, I do. You'd be surprised."

We smile, sit in silence, discomfort from not knowing each other anymore. I hate it. I deserve it.

"I'm sorry I never looked you up, Mom. I wanted to, but...I really didn't like you for a long time."

I sigh. "I know, honey. It's okay, I don't blame you."

She huffs. "I was just so angry, you know? You just left. I mean, how could do that to Daddy? How could you be with other men and then just leave us all here? You never even called or checked on us. Why not? Was he right? Did you just not love us anymore?"

I take her face in my hands, my heart breaking over her trembling lips and watery eyes.

"No, baby, no. That's not it at all. Leah, believe me, I've thought about you so much. I had to make myself stop because if I let myself think about you and your brothers and sisters, all I would do was sit in my bed and cry. I ached for you, Leah. I wanted to be here, to come and take you all away with me, but I couldn't. Your father...I knew he was a good dad, he'd be good to you, but he would have fought me. And I didn't have a good job or money for a lawyer. I barely got by as it was. I never would have won, and when my divorce lawyer asked about visitation, your dad said he'd want child support from me. I couldn't pay that, and he knew it. He said if the court ordered it and I couldn't pay it, I'd go to prison, and then what would happen to Claire? He didn't want her, he said he'd turn her over to the state. I didn't have a choice, Leah. I'm so sorry."

Tears run down both our faces. Our lives are so messed up, our pasts completely sad and tortured.

"He said that?" she asks.

I nod, not knowing if she'll believe me. But it's true. You know it is, I told you.

"I wondered. I mean, other kids parents were divorced, they did child support and alimony, stuff like that. But I knew Daddy didn't. I paid the bills, I saw the books and the money. He never sent anything to you."

"It's okay, I didn't ask for anything. I just wanted you kids to be okay, and I didn't want to hurt you anymore. What I did...it was wrong and horrible. I can't..."

I'm crying, my hands in my lap. Head bowed as tears stream down, dropping on my shirt.

"Mom, it's okay. I don't care about that anymore. I just want you back, I want you to come to my wedding. I always dreamed of having you there. It should be you, not Emily. I don't care what Dad says. She's not my mother."

I grin, happy that she wants me. Knowing that she won't after I tell her what I have to tell her.

It's bittersweet.

"That was her?" I ask, motioning toward the house.

"Yeah."

"So, she's pregnant?" I ask. I have to know. "How did that happen?"

"Oh, Daddy got the vasectomy reversed after they got married. It's taken this long for her to finally get pregnant. She wanted her own kids, not just Daddy's ready made family that she walked into."

I frown, hoping that she was at least good to my children,

"She was nice, we just weren't all she wanted. She thinks having a baby of her own will make her life complete," she says. Air quotes and all.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Dad's happy, that's what matters."

I straighten my back, gathering my strength.

"Leah, I need to tell you some things. And after I do, you probably won't want to see me anymore. If you tell me to leave, I'll go away and I'll never bother you again. I promise. But please, hear me out. Give me the chance to plead my case, to explain things. That's all I ask."

She nods. She has no idea what I'm about to do to her.

I feel sick, my stomach knotting. But I have to do this.

"I was 16 when I met your dad. He was handsome and funny and smart. He was so sweet to me, all the girls were just gaa-gaa over him, but he picked me. I felt special, loved. I thought I loved him, I was so young. He was in college, doing an internship at the church here, studying, learning about it. He seemed wonderful, and I was happy. Around Christmas time, he asked me to sleep with him. He wanted to, I'd done it a couple times before, but he said he loved me and that he'd always take care of me. He wanted to marry me, so I figured why not?"

I pause, looking down at my lap. How was I so foolish? Careless? I could never regret Leah, but why had I given in to him so easily? I just let him take control, make the decisions.

"By Valentine's Day I knew I was pregnant with you. I told my mother and she wanted to send me to Texas, to live with an aunt there. She and my dad wanted me to give you away and never see your dad again. I couldn't do that, I wanted you so much. Your dad said he'd marry me and we could be happy. He did, in a little service, with only his dad there to witness it. My parents didn't talk to me again, they wanted more for me. I haven't seen or heard from them since, and they only live a few miles away."

Leah is watching me, concern clear on her face. She's never heard the real story before, just edited versions of it. Today, I can't hold back. She needs to know.

All of it.

"By the time you were a year old, I was pregnant with Becca, then a year after her, Seth. Your dad was busy, always working. A different convention, or speaking engagement, a training meeting. Something always happening. He traveled a lot. Was rarely home. Soon, he didn't even pay attention to me. It was like I worked for him or something. I tried everything I could think of. Cooking his favorite meals, fixing my hair, pretty lingerie, booking nights away at local bed and breakfast's. Nothing worked, he just seemed to not notice me at all. After a few years, I gave up. I just took what I could get, which was a weekly fuck and a peck on the cheek every now and then. I busied myself with you kids and charity things for the church. I was known as the Reverend's Wife, but I can't even tell you if anyone knew my first name. I had no friends, no family, not even a husband to talk to. By the time you were 16, I'd just accepted that that's what my life would be. I never knew there was more than that. But there was."

"Mom, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

I smile. "I know you didn't. I tried to hide it, as best I could. You were just children, it wasn't anything to concern you with."

"But Mom, when I was a teenager, you could have told me."

"Leah, you were involved in your own life. You didn't need to worry about mine."

I let out a deep breath, not wanting to tell her what comes next. Knowing I have no choice.

I did this, I made this decision. I have to suffer the consequences.

"I met someone. I wasn't looking, or trying, but out of no where, there he was. And he was perfect and inspired and everything I never knew I was missing. But it was wrong and I couldn't let myself see him. Eventually, I just got so tired of who I'd become, so sad at the idea of never being anything more than what I was. The feeling he gave me was too good, too much. I couldn't stop. I craved it, I needed it like a drug. With him, my life seemed brighter, like it was a possibility. Like I might actually have a chance to live. He understood me, he listened to me, he made me laugh, he loved me. I didn't know what I'd done to deserve him, but he was there, and no matter how much I tried to fight it, it's like we were drawn together."

I'm wiping tears away from my cheeks, sniffling as I talk about you. You were too good for me, then and now. I'm still in awe of you.

"He was the one person I couldn't have. I fought it so hard because I knew being with him would lead to so much pain, heartache. But I couldn't stop."

"Mom, you deserve to be happy. Daddy didn't leave you much choice."

"But at what cost, Leah? What sacrifice is worth love? You and your brothers and sisters? Are you worth it? Because that's what I lost, and I still didn't get to keep him."

Leah's crying, almost as hard as I am. Her hands hold mine. I wonder for how much longer. How fast will she retract her caring, her concern, once she knows the whole truth?

"I'm sorry about Mr. Cullen, Mom. I'm sorry he wasn't willing to give everything up for you."

Our eyes meet, stare. I have to tell her.

"It wasn't Mr. Cullen, Leah."

Confusion crosses her face. "But Edward said it was his dad. His dad told him, that's why Claire looked so much like him."

"It wasn't Edward's dad." My words are soft, quiet, deadly.

"But Claire, she looked so much like him, like Edward. If not Mr. Cullen, then who? I know all those rumors, other men, weren't true, so who?"

I can't say it. I've come all this way, said all these things, and the one thing that's most important... I can't say it.

I can't tell my daughter what I did.

I can't tell her that every time she suspected you of being with someone else, she was right.

I can't tell her that the boy she wanted to spend her life with was dreaming about spending his with me.

I can't tell her that I wasn't sad over her pulling away, I was sad over losing you.

I can't tell her all the things we did together.

I can't. And that leaves us here, in this silence. In this stalemate. In this sentence, this death sentence.

She'll hate me. So much. I'll lose her all over again.

But I'll still have you, right? Please?

"Mom? Who?"

My eyes close. "Leah, I'm so sorry." It's a whisper, nothing more

"Mom?"

There's a sound in the distance, a car coming closer. I can't look up, I can't open my eyes, but I know it's you. I know your car's engine. I wait for it every afternoon, anxious to hear it, for it to bring you home to me.

You stop on the side of the street, the door slamming shut as you run to us. My eyes open, searching for you, seeing Leah still looking at me.

"Bella?" you yell, running toward me, us.

I can tell instantly when Leah realizes it's your voice. Her hands tighten on mine. Her head turns. I can almost hear her heartbeat increase.

"Bella." Relief as your eyes find mine, then panic as you take in the scene before you.

"Edward?" Leah asks. Still confused, even more so now. "What are you..."

She turns back to me.

"Mom? Why is Edward here?"

I can see the wheels turning in her mind, her eyes an open window to her thoughts, her soul.

She looks back at you, back at me, her mouth falling open. Back at you.

"Edward? Mom, you're not...oh please, it's not...Mom..."

"Leah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

She's up, off the swing and away from me.

"Edward? Did you...you and..."

Her hands point, then cover her mouth, her throat, her stomach.

"Mom, you and Edward? He's the one...the one that you..."

Words won't come out, my sobs taking over.

I only nod. Confirmation.

She'll hate me now. It's done, over. I've ruined everything.

Looking up I see you looking at me, only me.

Was this worth it?

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A/N: Kinda feel sad for Leah and Bella both, right?

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