A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would have helped hubs change the thermostat on our car today. The weather's just nice enough for him to have worked up a little bit of a sweat while getting all covered in grease and car crap. Ugh, hubs is kinda hot when he looks like that. I can't imagine what Rpattz would look like... But I'd be happy to clean him off afterward. :D
This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I must find a way to rid my house of children. Must. Find. A. Way.
This is for my wifey, Mrs. Robward. She likes pineapple pop. I call it soda, she calls it pop. Maybe I'll start calling to soda pop...
Thanks to Luxure & EdwardsBloodType for prereading this. "You're it, you're the ultimate. It's automatic, I'm sure of it. No lie, so don't even try, to tell me that you're not the guy (girl, whatever). 'Cause I've been waiting all my life, for someone just like you. You're it, you're the ultimate, you." I won't admit to having that song memorized, or to who sings it. Let's just say Hot Mess and move on. :D And mnp968...you know. She's speedy, alright. :)
**disclaimer **
This story is a bit taboo. Jake the Snake. Oh boy...
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… Chapter Fifty Seven - Sinner … Bella …
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Your mother hugs me as we leave. She doesn't speak, but her arms hold me tight. Tighter than you hold an acquaintance. Not as tight as you hold someone you'd genuinely like to choke. Just tight, meaningful.
There's hope here, I guess. I think it's because of Claire.
I know it is.
As we drive back to the hotel, my phone rings. Odd, I'm not expecting anyone.
"Bella, it's Alice. Jake was here, he's looking for you. I didn't give him your number. I said it was new, I didn't know it. Tell him you came back by, that Claire forgot something. But you need to call him, talk to him. He was mad."
"Of course he was," I tell her. I figured he would be, I'm not surprised.
He used to get mad over things all the time. They were always about me, never the kids. If something ever went wrong, it was always my fault, for one reason or another. I got used to it.
I'm not used to it anymore.
I won't put up with it, either. Not now.
I tell you, you're angry, too. I don't blame you.
After we drop Claire back at Alice's house, we drive toward my old home. My old life. My old husband.
You want the kids with us, if we can. If they want. I don't know what they want, but I'd like to find out. I intend to find out.
He is standing in the yard as we pull up. His eyes glaring before I even get out of the car.
"What do you think you're doing? You can't just show up here unannounced," he yells.
I see you fuming, steaming already. I meet your eyes.
"Let me, stay here please. Let me," I beg.
Your head shakes. You don't want me to do this alone.
I need to do this alone. I need to stand up to him myself, for once. I need this.
I tell you and you understand. You still don't like it. But you get it.
"There's no reason I can't be here. I didn't do anything wrong, and I came to see my daughter, though by the look of her wedding announcement, she's not mine anymore. How dare you, Jake. How dare you deny me that right. You took a lot of things from me, but this it, the last straw. I won't let you do this anymore."
"You chose your road, Bella. You chose to leave, to sleep with any man that would have you. You chose to bring some bastard child into the world. I can only be so charitable before I break. I have limits, too, Bella."
He fumes, his nostrils flaring as he speaks. I don't care, I'm not scared. Especially not when I see my children in the doorway. My Kim and Alex, watching us, listening to our words.
"I made wrong choices, a lot of them. I don't regret my feelings or what I did. I don't regret that I left, that I fell in love with someone else. Those are the only things I don't regret. I do regret choosing you when I was too young to know any better. I regret letting you control my life, letting you cast me aside. I regret leaving my children, not fighting harder for them. I regret hurting everyone I loved by following my heart. I regret staying away for so long. That's all. That's all I regret."
"You're a sinner, Bella! Evil and wayward. You shouldn't be around my children, they're better off without you. They have a new mother now, it's better that way."
"Better? Does it look like it's better, Jake? It's better for you this way, better because you can play the victim here. Do you really want to get into all that happened before I finally messed up? Do you want to discuss all of the trips you went on, and how the only other person to accompany you was your secretary, Jessica? How I called trying to find you on a few of those trips, only to discover that the convention was the next weekend?"
I try not to scream, not to yell at him. I don't want my children hearing this, but I'm comforted by the fact that if they do, at least it's all true. I'm not filling them with lies the way he did.
"Do you want to talk about how your office door was always locked when I'd come to see you, and it always took you so long to answer it, and your clothes were always disheveled when you did? And what about the fact that Jessica was always in there with you, taking notes? Did it ever cross either of your minds that maybe your little lie would have been more convincing if she'd actually written something on that notepad in her hands? I'm no fool, Jacob. I knew what was going on. I just didn't care enough about you, or us, to confront you."
His face turns red, his hands clench into fists. He stalks toward me, and I feel you. I feel you behind me, guarding me, protecting me.
"Is this who you've moved on to?" he asks, his eyes looking at you, pausing, thinking.
Recognizing.
"You were so desperate that you had to pick up your daughter's old boyfriend? How sick are you?" He huffs. "You think you're going to be a mother to MY children again? With this hanging around you?"
He points. Accusing.
After a few moments, he figures it out.
"Him? He's the one? You were fornicating with your daughter's boyfriend?" He laughs, a heartless, soulless, evil sounding laugh. "You are so pitiful, Bella. I can't believe you, you had to turn to some high school kid to make you feel better about yourself. I knew I was right about you, all along. You were never good enough. You were, and are, a disgrace to me, to my life. I'm glad you're gone, that my children don't have to be subjected to your sinfulness. You heathen, you'll rot in Hell, for what you've done, Bella."
He's angry, and hurt, I can tell. I spent enough years hearing him speak to me this way, I can hear it. Behind me, I feel your fury, your rage as you get closer to me. Closer to him. To unleashing eight years of anger, hatred, resentment at him. I know it's because of me, of my children, that your hands aren't pounding into him by this point.
I'm done. My children are on the porch now, watching us. I can even see Leah in an upstairs window, her face still twisted in sadness, heartbreak.
I step closer to him, my voice lowering. Deadly. Calm.
"You ruled my life long enough, Jacob Black. I won't put up with it ever again. You won't control me, not anymore. I want my children. I want what's mine. I've let you have your way long enough. It's over."
He laughs. "And just what do you think you're going to do?"
"I'm calling a lawyer, I want my children back."
"Oh Bella, you'll never learn, will you? As if any judge in this county would let you have MY children. It will never happen, I assure you."
The look on his face is one of certainty, he thinks he's unable to be beaten. Defeated.
I'll show him.
"Well, it's just a good thing I don't live in this county, isn't it?"
His eyes flash with some emotion, different. I see something other than superiority for just one split moment.
"Maybe the judges where I live, where I'll be filing, won't be so easily swayed. So easily bought off with a game of golf or a go-round with your secretary. Is that how you convinced them? Made them think you were a worthy man of God? I know you, Jacob Black. I may never have stood up to you before, but I was here long enough, I lived in this house long enough to know what you're really like. It's taken me six long years to admit it to myself. You didn't love me, not like you should have. You took advantage of me, you used me. And the sad thing is that I let you. But I don't need to anymore. I found someone who loves me, who wants me. And he was a better man at the age of 18 than you are standing here today. You might only see him as your daughter's cast off, but he's everything you could only ever dream of being. And you know that God you say you worship? That you follow? I thank him every day for letting me finally see the light. For letting me find someone that loves me, that wants me, that cares for me. So you do what you want, I don't care. But I promise you this. I will see you in court, and I have a hard time believing any judge would feel sorry for you, especially after hearing how you threatened me when we divorced."
He's angry again, and I know it's time to leave. Before something bad happens.
"Mom?" Kim yells, running off the porch toward me.
"Kim, get back in the house!" he tells her, reaching out to stop her.
"Mom, wait!" she calls, running around him, out of his reach. She crashes into me, throwing her arms around me. "I want you, Mom. I'll go with you, so fight for me. Please."
I nod, knowing I'll never again give up. "I will, baby. I promise. I'll see you soon."
She's such a pretty girl, so grown up. It's shocking how much she looks like me. It must annoy him, infuriate him to see her everyday, to be reminded of me.
"Kim, get in the house this instant, young lady!"
"Go, it's okay. I'll see you soon, I love you," I whisper to her.
"Mommy!" Alex calls out, too afraid of his father to leave the safety of the porch.
"I love you, Alex, and I'll see you soon, I promise."
"Bella," you're saying, pulling me away, back to the car. He follows the children into the house, clearly angry that they want to see me. I don't care, except that I don't want him to hurt them. I don't think he would. The man I knew once would never have hurt his children.
I was another story. I can tell from the way Emily stands on the porch, she's another story, too. I feel sad for her, as she watches me get into the car, Edward closing the door behind me.
Leah stands still in the window, looking down at me. I can see in her eyes, understanding. She knows that what I said is true, right. Honest. I never lied about loving her. I didn't lie about her father.
She knows.
The knowledge of that gives me hope. Maybe someday things will be okay, work out. Maybe she can forgive me. Maybe I can be a part of her life. I'll take any part she'll offer, no matter how small.
You hold my hand, your thumb rubbing over mine.
"You okay?" you ask, and I nod. Not really having the words to say much.
"Thank you, Bella."
"For what?" I ask, looking at you with shock all over my face.
"For loving me enough."
And I do. I always have.
I always will.
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A/N: It's summer where they are. Let's assume the upstairs window was open, Leah heard the whole thing. :)
Three more chapters and an epi. Start thinking of outtakes you might wanna see. I may ask...
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