A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be doing very naughty and delicious things to me with his fingers. What? I only have a couple more times with him...this story's almost over. :D
This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm lazing around today, not even bothering to get out of bed yet. But in all fairness, I slept off my headache, so there was that. :)
This is for my wifey, Mrs. Robward. She sends me amazing videos on YouTube because she loves me. They make me swoon... :)
Thanks to Luxure & EdwardsBloodType for prereading this. The best. Ever. Hands down. No comparison. I love them... :) And mnp968...you awesome girlie. :)
**disclaimer **
This story is a bit taboo. All the really hard stuff's behind them. We're almost done...
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… Chapter Fifty Nine - Beaming … Bella …
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Life returns to normal. Except for the appointments with the attorney we've hired. And the appointments with the therapist we've hired. And the appointments with the real estate agent we've hired. And the appointments with the minister who's going to marry us. And the appointments with Claire's new school.
And the doctor visits.
Apparently I'm "high risk" since I had problems at the end of my pregnancy with Claire. Apparently I'm over the safe birthing age. Whatever.
You love it, though, and take off work for every appointment.
The look in your eyes when we hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time is priceless, and that night as we lay in bed, you press your lips to my stomach, whispering words into my skin that are only meant for our child.
I know this is risky, more risky than you choose to believe. Part of me hopes that the baby will be a boy, so that you'll have a son. That way if things go bad, wrong, I won't have to live my life feeling like I failed you, like I didn't give you a little boy to share all the things you shared with your father.
You tell me every day how happy you are with Claire, how much you'd love another daughter. I hope it's true. I know you'll be happy no matter what, as long as we're both healthy.
The attorney says we have a great chance of getting visitation, especially after I tell him what Jacob did to me, said to me when we divorced. It's all in the papers, how things were his idea. How me not paying child support in exchange for me not asking for visitation, it was all his doing, his suggestion.
My life is in a good place now, better than it was, and we'll be married by the time we finally go before a judge. The wedding is getting closer and closer. Claire is excited, modeling her pink dress every chance she gets. There won't be many people there, just some of your co workers, a college friend or two, a few people from the club, Alice and Jasper, Mrs. Cope, your parents, and maybe mine.
And Becca. My daughter, she wants to come. She might even bring Kim and Alex, if they want to. There's been no word from Leah or Seth. I'm not surprised.
Leah's wedding was beautiful, like I knew it would be. I sat alone in the back row, watched her walk down the aisle to Paul, both of them beaming so bright. So happy. So much love there.
Jacob glared when he saw me. Seth ignored me, even when I said hello. That he looked handsome. That his date was lovely. I gave up after that. He may never come around, give me a chance. And that's okay, that's his choice.
Kim talked to me for a long time, told me about her life, how she misses me. Alex, too, though Seth kept pulling him away. Kim wants to live with us, so does Alex. I told her about us buying a house, going before the judge soon, about the new baby. She's excited, so are Alex and Becca.
It hurt to leave them, to go back to Alice's for the night. It was nice to have her there, a sounding board. It was good having her with me the next day when I met my mother for lunch, too.
I missed you and Claire, home on your Daddy/Daughter weekend. Playing dress up, tea party, and Polly Pocket. You're such a good father to her. You amaze me every day.
We're trying, I'm trying. So many relationships in my life that I'd given up on. I know they won't all be okay, and most won't be perfect, but I'm trying. So hard. At least things with you and me are perfect, amazing.
Even though we still fight.
Like last week, when you left your dishes on the dining table. I didn't understand why, didn't want to feel like your maid. We hadn't argued like that before. Luckily we held it in until after Claire was asleep.
So many other things came out in the fight, I knew it wasn't just about dishes. Emotions boiling over, stress weighing on each of us, frustrations stretching us thin.
When we finally got into our bedroom, your kisses where hard, determined. Your fingers were everywhere on my body, and within seconds my clothes were in a pile on the floor, you buried in me. I glimpsed your fingers digging into my hips, and cried out as you came, I came. We came together in a sweaty, lustful, breathless mound.
It was incredible, and so us.
You apologized afterward, sorry for yelling, being angry, hurting me. I apologized, too, for picking, nagging, exploding at you. It wasn't fair, right, and you kissed away my tears as you promised never again to let things build up so much. Promised to talk to me, to tell me when you're upset, hurt, angry.
Sometimes I panic, wondering when this bubble of perfection and fairy tale will burst. Wonder when you'll see me for the mess that I am and get out while you're still able to. I have to ignore those thoughts, ideas. I know you won't leave, you won't betray me. That you love me, want me, need me.
It's just my baggage making me question things. My fucked up past. And you know that, love me anyway. It'll get better. I hope.
I'm nervous the night before our wedding, but you calm me, soothe me. You tell me how good it will all be, our life together. I cry over the woman having to let out my dress just a little more, making room for my ever expanding belly. You love it, your hands glued to it any time you're within five feet of me.
I love it, too, seeing you so attached already. I remember you holding Claire the day she was born, and wishing so much that I could tell you. That I could make you understand that she was yours.
That was a different time, I was a different person. The woman you're marrying, she's better, stronger, healthier.
She's ready for a life with you. For now and always.
As I close my eyes, drifting off to sleep, you pull me closer, tighter. The baby squirms, kicks. I feel it, and by the quick breath you take, I know you feel it, too.
You sigh. I can hear the laugh in your breathing, sense the smile on your face.
"Garrett," I hear you whisper. I like it. It fits.
I succumb to the dreams pulling me under, darkening my world.
Another kick settles it for me.
We'll name him Garrett.
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A/N: **sniffle** I can't believe how hard this is for me... :D I'm such a wuss. :D
So, yesterday I offered up an outtake of what EVER she wants to kitkat681. She put up a poll on the secret Facebook Group for this. She was being sweet, letting you guys have a say. Edward and Bella's first "date" won! :D
One more chapter and the epi. So far, everyone that's read the epi has cried or teared up a little, at least. I think that's a good sign... :D
See you tomorrow...
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