A/N: Welcome back to one long-ass date! LOL. Let's continue, shall we?
Betad by Michelle Renker Rhodes.
Most characters belong to S. Meyer.
Chapter 17 – Letting Yourself Feel
EPOV
"Does Mel know?"
"Yeah," I breathe, running my fingers through the length of her hair.
We're out on her balcony, staring out at the skyline across the river. She's got a great view here: skyscrapers and the seaport in the distance. The glass windows of the almost complete Freedom Tower shine in the darkness while the lights from the Brooklyn Bridge glow in the horizon.
And I feel like I'm seeing it all through new eyes. There's this…lightness inside of my chest. A sense of peace radiates inside me. They're sensations I haven't felt in…a long time. My head feels clear; there's no indecision, no indecisiveness clouding it. My entire system overflows with relief.
She does this to me. She makes my head spin yet fills it with serenity.
She knows. She accepts.
Bella stands against the railing in front of me. She's thrown a hoodie on because it's mid-November, and yeah, I'm sure it's fucking cold, but I don't, I can't feel any of it. I've got my arms wrapped around her waist to keep the wind off her back, pressing her against me, trying to keep her warm and keeping myself warm with the heat that emanates off of her. My hands grip her tight, never wanting to let go because I still can't believe that she knows. She knows, and she's okay. She accepts it.
She accepts me.
"And your sister?"
I nod against the crook of her smooth neck. "She knows," I whisper, kissing her throat softly and smiling against her skin when I feel her shudder.
"Yeah, that's a dumb question. Of course they'd know."
"It's not a dumb question. I kept it from everyone for a long time."
She turns herself around in my arms. The wind blows her dark hair over the balcony while the lights from across the river shine in her depthless eyes.
"So, who else knows?"
"The people closest to me, I guess. Emmett. Carlisle. He's my sponsor. A couple of the guys at work," I shrug. "It's not necessarily a secret; I just don't…advertise it."
She nods. "I understand. But…did you tell Mel not to tell me? Because I feel like there were a few times there…"
She asks lots of questions. About everything. But it's okay. I mean, it's kind of strange, and it sure as hell is different from any other girl I've ever been with. But it's good. It's all good because this is Bella.
Beautiful, perfect Bella.
I shake my head. "No. I think she just kind of figured…"
"Yeah, I get it. I get it," she nods. "She was looking out for you. So do you go to meetings and stuff?"
Again, I nod, fisting the back of my neck. "Yeah, uh…that's usually why I'm late to pick up Mel."
"I thought you were working?" she frowns.
"I was working late for a couple of weeks…" – for a split second I debate telling her that her asshole ex owns the site where I've been working and that his bullshit cost me financially a few weeks ago, and it's what kept me working late for a couple of weeks after.
But hell, we've got enough to deal with tonight, and it's only our first date. How much can I push this girl in one night before she kicks me the hell out?
I don't want to find out.
"I had something I had to finish up at work, but usually I'm at my meetings on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays."
"The same nights that Mel comes to the studio."
"Exactly," I confirm.
"Jesus, Edward…why didn't you just tell me?" She grips her hair. "I wouldn't have been such a bitch those first couple of weeks-"
"Hey, you weren't a bitch." There's no room for argument in my tone. "You were absolutely right. It was my responsibility to figure out something regarding Mel. I mean yeah, I guess I could've told you. Part of the…twelve steps is admitting what you are. I just didn't want you to know."
"I would've understood."
"You didn't know me."
"But-"
"You didn't know me."
She holds my gaze carefully and then lifts herself on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around my neck. I press her tightly to me, craving her heat, her proximity and having no idea how I'm going to do without them after our date is over. Even through the thick material of her hoodie and my jacket, I feel her soft breasts crushed against my chest, the fire of her skin, the warmth of her breath tickling my jaw. For a few minutes we just hold each other while her head rests on my shoulder.
"I know you now," she breathes in my ear.
OOOOOOOOOO
When I return to the living room area after taking a long piss (I mean, I did have like four glasses of water during dinner), Bella is standing by the radio, her back to me, messing around with the settings. She's taken off the hoodie, and her shirt is hanging off her shoulder again, and damn, she's shaped just fine from every single angle: tiny waist, an ass I'm going to need both hands to grab when it's time, and breasts that'll fill my palms completely. And those shoulders…I've never had a thing for shoulders, but there's something about hers that make my cock twitch.
I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist again, making a conscious effort not to grab a handful of that ass because I've got a feeling that girls like her don't go for that shit on a first date. She's mine, yeah, but I'll let her set the pace.
"What are we doing now?" I whisper in her ear, enjoying the way I see the skin on her neck prickle when my breath touches her.
She smiles. "I'm putting on some music." Her words are garbled, like she's chewing on something, then I see that she's got the box of truffles set over the stereo.
I chuckle into her shoulder. "Boy, you weren't kidding when you said you liked chocolate."
"Don't laugh at me, Edward! This is why I've got to stay active."
"I could keep you very active." I nip her shoulder, and she squeals, twisting herself around in my arms and resting her hands on my hips.
She holds my gaze, searching my eyes. "I like you like this."
"How?"
"Unrestrained. Letting yourself just…feel." She sighs. "So how about we dance?" she chuckles, hands sliding up my chest and around my shoulders, squeezing.
"Not what I had in mind, but I guess we can work with that," I smirk.
You know when a weight is off your shoulders and you feel like fucking Hercules or Son of the Gods, or Superman leaping tall buildings? That's me tonight.
Bella pretends to scowl, and I chuckle shamelessly, because she's mine and she knows it.
"So what are we dancing to?"
"Well, this is called Bachata. It's sort of like Salsa, but slower, more mellow and…sensual. Do you like Salsa?"
"I don't dislike it," I grin, dipping my mouth close to hers. She inhales unevenly, her eyes growing heavy-lidded, and that look, the reaction she has to me…it adds to that Herculean feeling because I've got the same reaction to her. I slide my hands around her neck, brushing the pads of my thumbs along the soft, honey skin of her shoulders, and she arches into my touch.
Now I've got a hard-on growing.
"Do you know how to dance Salsa? Because if you do, this should be a breeze," she breathes.
"I'm not sure. Maybe."
She chuckles, frowning.
"I may know how to dance it a bit," I try to clarify, but her brow furrows further.
"There's a lot I don't remember from my late teens…early twenties. I…ah…" I rake a hand uncomfortably through my hair while she studies me carefully.
With a soft smile, Bella touches the tip of her finger to my mouth. "Shh. How about I just refresh your memory?"
And this is why she's perfect. I swear. Perfect.
So she takes my left hand and presses her right palm to mine and then takes my right hand and guides it behind her, to the small of her back.
I slip my hand under her shirt and caress her bare skin, slithering my fingers lower. "I'm enjoying this lesson already."
"Be good," she chuckles, dragging my hand back to the small of her back.
"Alright, alright. I will. Look at you; you're in your element now."
"You know it," she smirks.
Then she places her left hand on my right shoulder.
"Okay, are you ready?"
I sigh and offer her a lop-sided grin. "As ready as I'll ever be for a dance lesson."
She gives me another fake scowl, her big brown eyes narrowed in feigned frustration.
Beautiful. She's beautiful.
This night is…perfect.
"Alright, keep your spine straight, head up and shoulders back," she instructs in a professional, no-nonsense tone that only manages to make my buddy down below grow harder. But I straighten out as directed, puff out my chest, and when it touches hers, my hard-on springs against my boxers.
She lifts one brow my way.
"I'm just following instructions."
She shakes her head, her pouty lips twitching with amusement. "You're incorrigible tonight." With one more sigh, she finishes her instructions. "Alright, do not look down at our feet at any point."
"Not even at your red toes?" I wink.
"Ahhh," she grins. "You noticed those."
"Bella, I notice everything about you."
And there's that beautiful blush; the pink that rises from her shoulders, up her neck and spreads into her cheeks. My new addiction.
"Edward, focus and let me focus!" she says through clenched teeth, making me laugh all the more.
"Alright, alright," I say. "I'll focus."
With a deep huff, she continues. "Now looking down at your feet is the clear sign of an amateur."
"Okay. No looking at my feet. Continue."
"Keep your arm bent at a ninety degree angle."
I make a show of adjusting my arm. "Ninety degrees. Got it."
She's into this. There's a completely different feel about her, like she's doing what she was born to do. My beautiful dance teacher.
"Now loosen your hips. You're going to have to move them around a bit, because Latin dancing is all in the hips."
"Loosen the hips, got it." I exaggerate the movement of my hips, and though she rolls her eyes when she looks down at the way they shift, I don't miss the way her lip gets sucked in between her teeth.
"Next, Miss Bella."
"What? Oh, Okay. So we're going to start with both feet together. Like many versions of Salsa, this is an eight-beat dance. The first beat you're going to step to your left with your left foot. Then bring your right foot to your left foot on Beat two, then step left with your left foot again on Beat three, and then hold the fourth beat. So it's left, right, left, hold, right, left, right, hold. Got it?"
"Oh yeah," I snort, though I have no idea in hell what she just said. "I got all that."
"Alright. I'll lead for now, and when I say go, we'll try it. Ready? Go."
So I try to follow her, and I think I'm doing really good here mimicking her movements, but when I try to weave my fingers between hers, she shakes her head.
"Mm Mm," she grins. "Not yet."
Then she stops us.
"Okay. Let's try it again. Go."
So we're doing it all again, and I'm basically just reflecting what she's doing, when she stops us again.
"Hold on the fourth."
"Alright, alright."
Again.
"Hold on the fourth. And don't look down at your feet."
"I'm not looking at my feet, I'm looking at yours."
"You're not taking this seriously," she raises a brow.
"I'm sorry," I chuckle, "but building a fucking house requires fewer steps than this."
"Again," she giggles.
"Alright."
"Hold on the fourth!"
After about twenty times, and lots of yelling and laughing on Bella's part, I finally figure out what the hell she means by hold on the fourth, and after twenty more times, we make it past that.
"Yay," I cheer dryly.
"Don't pat yourself on the back just yet. Now you've got to put your hips into it."
"Oh yeah, the hips. Shit."
"I don't know what crazy shit you were doing in your teens and early twenties, but I'll tell you what, Mr. Cullen, you were not dancing."
I break out into loud laughter because not only can't I believe that she's joking around about the things I've told her tonight, but she actually has me laughing at them. Yet the thing is that there's absolutely no malice, nor thoughtlessness in her teasing. She's not making light of it. She's simply getting us past all that.
And then Bella let's go of my hands and glides her hands firmly up my chest and around my shoulders, looking up at me with this intense expression, and…all laughter ceases because I may lose it in my pants.
"And I need my exercise," she persists in a low, sensual voice that travels straight down my spine and directly into my growing problem, "so you're going to have to learn here."
My heart pounds in my chest. She's everything: sweet, kind, sexy, lustful.
"What happens now, Bella?" I breathe against her mouth, cradling her face so tight between my palms that part of me is afraid to hurt her, to scrape her smooth skin with my rough hands, but I can't let go or loosen my grip. I'm consumed by her in every way, and I want to consume her in return. She's an addiction I don't want to control.
"Now it gets more…intimate," she whispers, guiding my hands back into position and moving our bodies unbelievably closer. "And we're going to go back and forth instead of left and right in the same pattern."
I swallow thickly and nod. Our entire bodies are pressed against one another, and I feel her heat everywhere.
"Ready?"
"Yeah."
This time, when our bodies sway together, there's none of the playful grinning there was in the first part. Our eyes are locked together, while our hips rock against each other in a way I've never experienced.
"Just follow my lead," she says, and I agree wordlessly because I can't speak. I'll follow her lead; her pace. I'll follow her steps…in everything.
She reaches behind her and takes my hand, pressing her palm against mine, and now she does weave our fingers together. Palm to palm, we move in sync while my heart rattles against my ribs.
"Good, Edward," she murmurs encouragingly. "Just like that."
She lifts our hands over her head, hips swaying to the sensual beat, and eyes on mine, turns around so that her back is now flush against my chest and her sweet ass is on my stiff erection. I grunt quietly while she guides our joined hands down low to her hips, dragging them tightly over her thighs…to the top swell of her backside.
"You'll feel the movement here," she murmurs. "Feel them sway."
My fingers dig into smooth flesh, heat exploding from my tips to everywhere else. Everywhere.
"In dance, we have to let ourselves feel," she whispers as I splay my hands hip to hip. With an uneven breath, I rest my forehead on her neck because she's swaying, but it's my head that's spinning.
"Yes." She elongates the word, and I can picture her making that sound under me; over me. "Like that, Edward. Just like that. It's all about feeling," she breathes, angling her face sideways, her mouth close to mine, warm breaths intoxicating me. "Are you ready to feel, Edward?"
I swallow thickly and flip her around so quickly she gasps, but our eyes meet and hold, and the naked longing in her gaze takes every last breath out of my lungs.
"Bella…" I brush the back of my fingers over her face, press my mouth lightly to hers. "Yes. Yes, I'm ready to feel."
It's not the dancing. It's not the steps. It's her. It's us.
I'm not even sure if we're moving any longer while we stand there for an endless moment, and the soft, Latin rhythms play in the background.
She holds my gaze, and for one second looks as if she's making some sort of internal decision, and I wait for her, mouths touching; lingering, and I know that no matter what it is she's deciding, I'll follow her pace. I'll follow her steps. In everything.
"Stay with me tonight, Edward. Stay with me. I…" She looks down, chest heaving.
"Hey." I lift her chin with one finger. "I thought you said no looking at our feet," I whisper.
She smiles shakily, as if she's sure, but not so sure. "Stay with me tonight. I don't know if…but I know I want you to stay…I…"
I'll follow her pace, in everything, even if it kills me because I've got a feeling an addiction to her just might – in the best possible way.
But I'll never take advantage of her indecision. She wants me to stay. That's all she's asked for. I won't assume more.
So I nod slowly, locked in her chocolate eyes, and pull her against me once more.
"Now finish teaching me."
There was a time…I used to think that Alice was the measure of perfection, but Perfection is here, in my arms…
And now Perfection has a slow smile spreading across her face, her dark, expressive eyes full of lust and longing and excitement.
And with eyes wide open, I latch on to Perfection, to my new addiction.
Claiming her top lip, then her bottom lip, I claim her for my own.
A/N: Thoughts?
So yes, it's a long date. Sue me. :)
For those of you who know me, you know that this story is nowhere near done.
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Have a good weekend. See you all on Monday!