Because some of you have asked, there are about 10 chapters (give or take) left to this story.

Betad by Michelle Renker Rhodes.

Most characters belong to S. Meyer.

Song in my head for this chapter: All Of Me by John Legend. (Love your perfect imperfections...)

Chapter 26 – How We Begin to Heal

EPOV

"Rose, can Mel stay with you tonight? Something came up, and I'm not going to be able to come get her."

My sister doesn't respond immediately, and that right there sets off alarms. She's usually dying to have Mel sleep over.

"Yeah, sure. Of course she can stay. What's up?" She asks a little too innocently.

"Just…I have some stuff to take care of."

"Mhm." I can almost see her pursing her lips. "Stuff with your girlfriend, Bella?"

I exhale exhaustedly. Apparently Mel's been running off at the mouth once again.

"Yeah, with my girlfriend, Bella."

Fuck her. I've got no reason to deny it.

"Edward, if this dance teacher is your girlfriend now, and she's spending a considerable amount of time with Mel, I want to get to know her."

"Rose, I don't have the patience for this shit tonight; I honestly don't. Just put Mel on."

"I'm serious, Edward. You can't just let anyone into a teenager's life! Bring her over for Thanksgiving. I want to talk to her."

"I'm warning you, Rose. Let's not get into this now. Just put Mel on."

She huffs angrily. "I want to talk to her, Edward. It's not-"

"Fucking hell…"

"Fine, fine!"

And then Mel comes on the line.

"Uncle Edward, are you finally on your way? We've already missed the movie!"

I close my eyes and press my thumb and forefinger tightly against them, shaking my head. My brain is too friggin' fried for this. Mel's better off with Rose for tonight.

"First off, you seriously need to stop running that mouth of yours all over the place."

"What, so I told Aunt Rose that Bella's your girlfriend, so what? It's not a secret, is it?"

"No, it's not a secret, but- You know what? Never mind. We'll deal with your big mouth later."

"So are you on your way?"

I sneak a peek towards Bella's bedroom. She's laying over her bed. Her back is to me, and I see the way she's curled up over the sheets. We've had a draining couple of hours, to say the least, and Bella is completely spent. Right now, I just want her to rest. Despite what she may say, she's not up for a run to Queens and then a night with an almost-thirteen-year-old.

And I don't dare leave this place without her, not tonight. I don't trust myself to go out into the streets without her because I don't know where I'll end up. I need to be near her.

"Bella's not feeling too well, so I'm just going to come get you in the morning."

"I thought you said you were coming tonight."

"I was, but Bella's not feeling well."

"What does she have?"

"Mel-"

"Are you two just trying to get rid of me so that you can have sex?"

"Damn it, Mel-"

"Well, are you?"

"No, we're not," I hiss through clenched teeth, "and I'm going to warn you too: Don't start with this shit. I've had a bad friggin' night as it is!"

Something in my tone must tune her into the fact that now's not a good time for her pre-teen smart-mouth and that she's better off quitting while she's ahead.

"Jeez, fine. Calm down, Dude. Look, if you're not gonna pick me up tonight, can you at least pick me up early tomorrow?" she pleads. "I love Seth, but if he shoots me with his Nerf gun one more time, I swear I'm going to shove it up his little-"

"Alright, I got it Mel. Behave please. Don't give your Aunt Rose a hard time."

She snorts and then says, "Tell Bella I hope she feels better." All smart-mouth gone.

"I will," I respond quietly. "'Night, Mel."

"'Night, Uncle Ed."

OOOOOOOOOO

I'm in the shower trying to make sense of all the shit I've learned tonight, but without Bella near me, my mind starts running wild.

Bella was in some sort of controlling relationship where she was the one controlled. And as if that wasn't enough, that motherfucker Eli put her out on loan like a fucking used car.

The hot steam swirling all around feels suffocating, invading my lungs, making it hard for me to breathe. I close my eyes and see Bella with her mouth wrapped around me and then on the floor crying. I have to rest my forehead on the tiles before I keel over.

"Calm down. Just calm the fuck down."

I bang my fist against wet tiles, but these are more controlled blows. I already fucked up one of Bella's walls, and I'm gonna have to fix that. It's bad enough I have nothing to give her; I can't be fucking up her apartment to boot.

With a deep breath, I mutter the words meant to calm me. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change…The courage to change the things I can…and the wisdom to know the difference."

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, trying to block out the growing rage.

Because I can't change what happened in Bella's past, but I can change how easily that motherfucker got off for hurting her. I can change that.

And what is the difference here? Would the difference be simply accepting it? Am I supposed to just accept some fucking guy hurting the woman I love? Using her? Sharing her?

No, I can't change what happened to her, but I can make him pay because leaving it alone, just accepting it, is not an option. It's not.

The wisdom to know the difference.

There's a lot I don't know, but there's one thing I know without the shadow of a doubt:

That fucking cock-sucking prick will hurt.

OOOOOOOOOO

Bella is asleep when I emerge from the shower.

The plan had originally been going to the movies and then Mel and I were going to stay over. Mel would've slept with Bella, and I was going to take the couch for the night.

But the plans have changed.

Bella is under the blankets. She's facing the large windows that look out on the river and the city's lighted skyline beyond. The sheets rise and fall with her steady breaths, and for one, long minute, I just stand there and stare, torn up by anger and indecisiveness. I want to care for her, to protect her, to be the man that she needs, but what's the best way to do that?

This anger…this anger makes my hands shake. It clouds my mind, jumbles up all my thoughts, and right now, I can only think of two ways in which to deal with it, and I know the repercussions of either way, but…

I can't let it go. I can't.

Trying not to shift the mattress too much, I lift the blankets and lie down next to her, closing my eyes at the heat that engulfs me as soon as I'm next to her body when I haven't even yet touched her. Lying on my side, I take a few seconds to gaze at her peaceful form, and slowly reach out, my fingers aching to touch…

And then I pull my hand back, fist it against my thigh.

The fear in her eyes earlier, that was because of me. I put that fear there. I promised to protect her, to be the best man that I could be, and instead, I hurt her even more. This fucking…temper. She was scared to tell me. Jesus, what did she think? Did she really think I'd turn away from her?

I shift on my back, throwing an arm over my eyes and breathing hard, trying to clear my mind so I can think, or sleep, but neither is happening. There's too much shit swimming in there; too many questions, and…I want to drive them out. I want to drown them. I want a-

Fuck, I need to speak to someone. Now. I need a…

I need help.

OOOOOOOOOO

"Edward?" Carlisle's voice is thick and raspy.

"Yeah, Carlisle, it's me. Sorry to call you so late." I take a long drag of smoke from my cigarette while my eyes dart to the clock on Bella's nightstand, the bright red digits indicating that it's one sixteen in the morning.

"That's fine, Edward. Don't worry about it. You can call me at any time; I've told you that. What's going on?"

"I…" I rake a hand through my hair, making sure I don't burn the shit off. I haven't even told Carlisle about Bella. Not really. "It's just that I've got a lot of shit on my mind right now, Carlisle, and…" I swallow thickly, closing my eyes because fuck, I can taste it on my mouth.

There's shuffling on the other end, and Carlisle whispers, "Go back to sleep, Esme. I'll be right back."

"Shit, I didn't mean to wake up your wife."

"Edward, it's okay," he assures me, sounding much more awake now. I hear what sounds like a door creaking closed. "Now tell me what's on your mind, Son."

Drawing in a few breaths, I plunge right into it; otherwise, I'll never get it out.

"Mel's dance teacher. I told you about her. Bella. She and I have been dating, and well, her ex is a prick, and I just found out that he did some shit to her."

"What kind of shit?"

"I'm not going to get into details, Carlisle, but suffice it to say I wanna kill him right now. Like seriously choke the fucking life out of the motherfucker. And I feel like…" I take one last drag before flicking the cigarette over the balcony – "I need a drink, Carlisle. I need a drink badly."

I hear Carlisle expel a few breaths of his own.

"First things first. Does Bella need medical attention right now, Edward?"

"What? No, no. She's sleeping right now."

"Okay. So she's physically alright?"

"Yeah."

"Good. So when you say he hurt her, do you mean-"

"I mean he involved her in some crazy shit. Look it was a while ago. She's fine now, but…he took advantage of her, Carlisle."

"Did he rape her, Edward?"

"No. No, it was…consensual."

"Was she an underage minor at the time?"

"No," I say through clenched teeth.

"At the current moment, is her ex-boyfriend an immediate physical threat to either her or you?"

"No!"

"Okay, so let me make sure I have the facts. You're dating Bella, and you've just found out that she was hurt in her previous relationship, but it was a consensual relationship, and she was an overage individual at the time, and the ex-boyfriend is not a physical threat."

"It's not as cut and dry as all that," I hiss, clenching the phone tightly in my hand. "Look, I'm not going to give you the fucking details, but there are things…things he manipulated her into doing…"

"Edward. Edward, listen to me," he says in that calming tone of his. "I'm not trying to downplay what occurred between Bella and her ex-boyfriend or to say that your obvious anger is unwarranted. I'm sure that there are details that would fill in the story, and I understand if you don't want to share them. I'm simply trying to make sure that, at the present time, Bella is both out of immediate danger and not involved in something that would require legal recourse."

"Yes, she's safe now. I'm not going to let that motherfucker come within a mile of her. And when I see him, I'm gonna-"

"Do you believe you'll see him soon?"

I snort derisively. "You remember the prick I was telling you about on the work site? That's him."

"Ah shit."

For a few seconds, I hear nothing more than Carlisle's labored breaths.

"Edward, you called me because this issue is challenging your sobriety."

"I called you because I feel like committing murder – and then having a drink to celebrate."

Despite the topic, Carlisle chuckles quietly.

"And if you're finding this humorous, then I obviously made a huge mistake in calling you."

"I'm not finding it humorous at all, Edward. I swear to you, I'm not," he responds much more soberly. "Edward, do you remember the first time that you and I met?"

"Yes." I sneak a peek inside the apartment and confirm that Bella is still sleeping before turning around and leaning into the railing, looking out at the lit skyscrapers across the river. "My brother Jasper called you to help him with…an intervention."

"Correct."

"It didn't work very well those first couple of times."

"No, it didn't," Carlisle confirms. "I invited you to attend a meeting with me, gave you my number and asked you to please call me first the next time you felt the urge to have a drink."

"I didn't call."

"No, you didn't.

"I probably would've never called…" I admit, "if that asshole hadn't hit Jasper and Alice…and if they hadn't left Mel to me."

"Well, I would never be as callous as to say that every cloud has a silver lining, but every action does have a reaction, and in that case, your reaction was to take responsibility as best as you possibly could."

"I had no choice."

"Of course you did," he disagrees. "You could've once again chosen not to call. You could've chosen to continue giving into your urges, washed your pain and anger away. But when faced with having to do what's right, not necessarily for yourself, but for those for whom you love and care, you chose to make that phone call. You chose to stop and think first."

"So what are you saying, that because I called you, now I'm healed?" I sneer. "Because I'm sure as hell not. I want a fucking drink, Carlisle. I want one so badly I can taste it on my tongue. I can feel the burn down my throat."

"And you will always feel that ache, Edward, that craving, especially when things like this happen. I still feel it."

I emit a low hum full of disbelief and turn around, facing Bella's bedroom. She's still sleeping, and watching her helps me breathe easier.

"I do, Edward. It's not as…potent as it once was, but it's still there when I have a particularly bad day at work, an argument with Esme, or when something in my life isn't what I'd like it to be. But I've learned to control it, and you, Edward, you are learning. You'll have more nights like this: nights when it's one in the morning, and you can't sleep from the craving, from the anger, but I promise you, it will get better."

"I feel like I'm on the brink, Carlisle," I admit, fisting my hair in my hands and squeezing my eyes shut. "Like just one more push'll put me over the edge." I glance down at the river below, black waters reflecting the light of the moon and the city.

Carlisle sighs. "Edward, the first year of sobriety is the most difficult; we've discussed this. You feel like you're on shaky ground, unsure, trying to find your footing. This is why the meetings are so important, as is the sponsorship…why it's recommended that you don't start any romantic relationships. The volatility of a new relationship-"

"I'm not breaking things off with Bella, so if that's where you're headed, you can just forget-"

"I wasn't going to suggest that, Edward. You hadn't told me that you were with her, but I more or less figured there was something there. You've been different, calmer, more at ease – except for tonight, of course. And this is what I mean by volatility. Every relationship has its ups and downs, Edward, and everyone involved in a relationship brings along baggage. Sometimes we have to help with that baggage. But we have to be at a place where we can handle that baggage without losing our footing."

"And you don't think I'm there."

"Edward," he sighs, "you're so quick to censure yourself. You called me, Edward. You could've just gone out and followed your anger and your instincts, but you called me. It means that despite whatever inner turmoil you may be experiencing, you're putting other people's needs before yours. That's not something easy to do under normal circumstances, much less within the first few months of sobriety. It's why relationships so easily fail during that time period."

I gaze at Bella, asleep in her bed. I think of Mel, far off in Queens.

"I understand what you're saying, Carlisle, but putting her before me, her needs before mine…that's why I want to hurt him, Carlisle. That's why I need to make him pay," I growl lowly.

"Is that why, Edward?" he questions, continuing before I can respond. "If what you're telling me is that this man, in a past relationship, hurt and manipulated Bella, then I would think that what Bella needs now is a different sort of man."

"I would never-"

"Let me finish, Edward. Now you need to make that man pay, but what Bella apparently needs is someone who will help her get past that time in her life, someone who will show her what a relationship based on mutual care and comfort really is. Someone who can put those needs ahead of his own anger and his need to settle the score."

"Are you saying I should just let what that motherfucker did to her go?" I ask incredulously.

"I'm saying that just as you stopped and thought before running out for that drink just now, you stop and think about what your main goal here is: Is it to help the one you care for heal from a bad experience or to punish another?"

I throw my head back, stare at the black sky and swallow hard. "How am I supposed to help her heal when I'm a fucking mess myself?"

"Again, one of the reasons why a relationship at this point in time isn't recommended."

"Carlisle-"

"But…sometimes, if we're lucky enough, we find a partner who gives as much as she takes. Edward, you obviously care deeply about this woman, so suggesting that you break things off with her at this point would cause more harm than good. Likewise, it would be easy for you to go hunt that man down and physically punish him for hurting Bella, and then you could follow that up with a couple of shots to ease the anger and frustration. But at the end of the day, taking the easy way out will only end up hurting not just you, but those you care about: Bella…and Mel as well. You need to keep your head now, Edward, not just for yourself, but for them."

I chuckle humorlessly. "That's basically what she told me."

"Who, Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds like she's a smart woman."

I fill my lungs to the brink with the cold, late night air while I deliberate over Carlisle's words. In my head, they makes sense, and I know I've got to keep myself out of trouble, for Mel more than for anything. But in my heart, in my soul, in my lungs, in my hands…

"She wants to meet you."

"Oh yeah?" He's quiet for a few seconds. "Well, I'd really like to meet her as well."

We're both silent for a few seconds.

"So what are you going to do the next time you see this man, Edward?"

"I…I don't know yet."

Carlisle sucks in a long breath of air. "Just remember, Edward, to take things one day at a time. It's all any of us can do."

"Yeah, I'll remember that. Thanks, Carlisle."

OOOOOOOOOO

This time when I lie back in bed with Bella, I pull her in close, spooning her against me tightly and curling my fingers around the smooth skin of her ribs. I bury my face in the crook of her neck and inhale deeply, and fuck what was I thinking? This…this is what I need. She's what calms me, her sweet scent and her honey skin and that heat that simply radiates off of her and makes everything else disappear. She's a balm to my soul, and if a day ever came when I couldn't touch her…that's when I don't know what I'd do.

Taking care of her will be my priority: helping her forget what he did, loving her the only way I know how. The rest…

The rest I can only deal with one day at a time.

OOOOOOOOOO

I wake sometime in the middle of the night.

The city lights stream in through Bella's large windows, illuminating the bedroom in a midnight glow. The distant sound of an ambulance siren drifts in through the windows, but other than that, there's perfect silence.

Bella is gazing at me, her dark eyes wide open, a peaceful expression on her face. At some point, she shifted, or I shifted, and she's no longer spooned into me, but my arm is wrapped around her waist.

"I'm in love with you."

She says it matter-of-factly, and I release a long gust of air through narrowed lips, tightening my grip on her. She cups my cheek in her warm hand, her soft fingers stroking the growing hair along my jawline. Her eyes glisten, reflecting the low glow around us.

"I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier," she whispers. "It was there," she nods vehemently while one lone tear trickles down her cheek, but she's smiling a soft, tender smile. "It's been there for…ages. I think I was…born with it there – with this love for you just waiting."

I close my eyes because I've never…the last time my eyes stung like this…I was at a cemetery.

She presses her mouth to mine, soft brushes, tasting gently, and I respond the way I always will.

"When you said earlier that I'd loved before, it was nothing like this, nowhere near it. I was watching you sleep next to me, after everything I've told you...you stayed and you held me; even in your sleep you hold me, and I can't imagine ever not having you here to love me the way you do. I love you, Edward," she chokes. "I love you so much."

Her sweet tongue slides between my lips, and I swallow it up hungrily because I don't know what I would've done if she didn't love me back. I don't know.

And the entire time, she breathes her love for me.

"When you arrived earlier," she whispers, "I wasn't myself. There's this...energy I have after I've been on an audition, and I've only ever known one way to release it, and I'm so sorry for the way I acted."

"Shhh." I brush my lips against her mouth, her cheek, ghost them down her neck and back up. "You don't have to apologize for anything. You're with me now, Bella. You can release your energy any way you want - but with me and only me. I'll always take care of you. Always give you whatever you really need," I breathe into her ear, gripping her hips tightly.

She clings to me, her chest heaving; heart beating next to mine, and nods. "I know you will, Edward. I know you will. I trust you with my heart and soul."

I shift and hover over her, and for a long time, I just take in her beauty, the perfection that shines in those eyes. Those eyes that captured me from day one.

"You're perfect," I tell her, because I want to make sure that she always knows. Always. "That's never going to change, Bella. You will always be perfect for me."

She smiles softly and nods, stroking my cheek. "I understand that now. And I feel the same way."

So I drop over her slowly, draping her body with mine so that we line up perfectly and press my mouth to hers. She opens right away, always willing, always waiting for me, always ready to give and forgive. Her love frees me. Makes me a whole man.

"Perfect." I kiss and lick a trail from her mouth to her jaw and down her neck while she sighs quietly, playing with my hair, arching up to give me access to all the places that are mine. All mine. And for a long time, our mouths explore hungrily, but without the nervous desperation of before. This is a sweet ache, an anxiousness born out of love, not confusion. Her hands caress my hair, my face, my shoulders, and then move back up to my face, cradling it in her hands and waiting for me to meet her eyes.

When I do, I'm mesmerized; hypnotized beyond words, the way I've always been around her. The way I know I'll always be, and I don't care. I welcome it. I crave it. She calms the demon; she exorcises it.

"I've never made love, Edward, but I want you to make love to me. Real love, the way only you'll ever be able to."

I search her eyes, so open and honest, so ready for me. I kiss her once, twice, the tip of my tongue just touching the tip of hers, and then I meet her gaze again.

"I'll make love to you all night, Bella. All night, Baby, just you and me."

A/N: Thoughts?

This HAD to happen before they made love, or else it would've been a disaster. I think we can all agree on that.

And yes, I think we all know what's coming next chapter (that's a pun, LOL). It's time. :)

Thanks so much to all of you who sent happy birthday wishes for my son. He's no longer a Zombie Prophet, as he was last year. Now he's into sneakers. (Yes, boring, I know.)

Twitter: PattyRosa817

Link to 'Stories by PattyRose' is on my profile page.

See you all on Thursday!