Kurt met up with Sebastian for coffee or food more than once over the passing weeks, taking their turns to snipe at each other in a way they couldn't their colleagues, bosses or professors. They both smiled a little wider with every time they did, especially as it became less about them and more about just having to let off steam - at least in Kurt's mind. And after the bulk of the needling was out of the way, they talked. Ranted about the things that got to them in the day to day, the tiny little ways in which Ohio sometimes won out over New York, or gossiped about the world of NYADA, which both of them knew far too much about for not being enrolled there. Sebastian also casually dragged Kurt out with a rotating group of NYADA boys on a semi-regular basis, almost always including Charlie and Weston, but also others from all four years of the school.
Eventually Rachel stopped trying to haul Kurt out to Callbacks, but occasionally ran into him there instead. When Sebastian showed up at the apartment straight from NYU, still smelling of formaldehyde, Rachel started to let him in with a huff instead of trying to refuse him entry. She couldn't see the slight wildness to Sebastian's eyes after an afternoon in the anatomy labs the way Kurt could, but for every profound thing that Kurt knew about Sebastian, Rachel saw the edges by just being around for so much. Kurt came to understand, from a dozen throwaway comments slowly pieced together, that Sebastian struggled being around so much death in the anatomy labs when the aim of medicine was to give life; Rachel just knew to get out of Sebastian's way for at least an hour when he stank of the chemicals used to preserve the dissected specimens.
The presence of Sebastian settled in Kurt's mind more and more, becoming a storm crashing through Kurt's skull every time they were together. And the more Kurt learned about Sebastian, in all his complexity - that he hypothetically believed polyamorous relationships could work but he'd be far too jealous for it to ever work for him, that his mother was a much more powerful businesswoman than his father but she had died when Sebastian was eleven - the more the storm grew. It got wilder, and made Kurt crazier, until eventually it expanded so much it couldn't fit in Kurt's head anymore. And then it slid down his throat to choke him, boiled over his shoulders, pounded against his ribs, and before Kurt had even realised it, settled in his heart. And the lightning crashed inside his heart and the thunder shook it and god, Kurt was screwed.
They'd kissed less often the more they'd gone out clubbing. Not just Kurt and Sebastian, but Kurt and everyone. It was still pleasant, and felt like a natural extension of their dancing the same way it had that first night. But the novelty had worn off and it wasn't foreplay for him the way it was for the others; he was also kind of friends with these guys, so it was almost funny to kiss friends like that unless he was properly drunk. And while all of them were just as happy to echo Kurt's laugh into his mouth as they were to deepen the kiss, Kurt couldn't help but pout a little at the way they always told him afterwards, ever so fondly, how cute he was.
But tonight Kurt was drunk again, drunker than he'd been since that very first night out. He usually refused to reach that point, for the sake of his wallet and safety; however, tonight Rachel and Brody had taken over the apartment, and he was out in a big group of six or seven, most of whom kept handing Kurt drinks. And, if he was going to be perfectly honest, he was kind of hoping that if he was drunk enough Sebastian would just let him crash on his couch. Because for all their teasing and sniping, and despite all the jokes Kurt had made about Sebastian's evil plans, they were friends now. And it wouldn't have been the first time Sebastian had judged that Kurt wasn't safe enough to go home alone. Kurt tried not to think about that too often, because the slight weirdness and surprise never faded every time he did. Friends. With Sebastian.
And, god, wanting more, even if he could barely admit it to himself unless he was drunk like this. But Sebastian looked so good tonight in that short sleeved button down, catching Kurt's eye over a shoulder...
Long gone was any awkwardness when dancing, with stranger or friend, and Kurt had well and truly thrown himself into the night. Over the weeks, Sebastian had slowly let Kurt stray further from his side; never outside of the group of whoever they were with, pulling him away from strangers with a possessiveness that was nothing short of amusing, but further nonetheless. At first Kurt had enjoyed it, getting to meet so many different guys, and shamelessly flirting with a few of them if he was going to be perfectly honest. But ever since Kurt had realised how deep his new feelings for Sebastian had settled the space upset him a little, with that kind of childish jealousy that seemed to reappear every time he had a crush.
When he'd first noticed the crackles of lightning in his heart, it had taken all of his self-control not to rip the boy Sebastian had been hooking up with out of his arms. They'd been in a bar that night, a new place that Kurt hadn't been before; Sebastian had quickly found a stranger, and not much later, had found a bathroom with said stranger. Kurt had barely been able to contain his disgust, though it was one of the admittedly very few times Sebastian had done much with, well, anyone while Kurt was there. And at the end of the night Sebastian had still dragged Kurt out of Charlie's grasp and into the street, and had inexplicably kept an arm wrapped around Kurt's waist almost the entire time home.
Kurt had questioned Sebastian later, in the hush of Sebastian's apartment, why he so rarely hooked up when Kurt was around. Sebastian had looked away for the longest time, and then eventually, in a very roundabout way, muttered something to Kurt about atonement. Kurt had suggested, very gently, that if Sebastian had needed to atone for how he'd once treated Kurt by looking after him that he'd more than paid it off by now.
Sebastian had looked at Kurt with sadder eyes than he'd ever seen from the boy and kissed him on the forehead. He'd whispered, forming words against Kurt's skin, "It's never enough. Not for what you deserve."
Kurt had been touched, but forced to write it off as one of those weird, drunken-middle-of-the-night things that seemed to happen in the dark. Lord knew Sebastian opening up to him that very first night had been one of them.
Tonight, though, and maybe the night before that as well - unless Kurt was making it all up in his head - Sebastian was not letting Kurt particularly far out of his sight at all. Charlie had monopolised Kurt for the past ten minutes or so, persisting as always in his mission to move Kurt's line. A night out wasn't complete unless Charlie, always with great humour, made at least one play. But tonight, just as Charlie started locking in on Kurt's eyes the way he usually did before he went in for a kiss, Sebastian grabbed Kurt out of Charlie's arms and all but yanked Kurt into his chest.
Charlie lifted an eyebrow at the display, wrapping a hand gently around Kurt's wrist as though daring Sebastian to make a battle of it. Kurt felt Sebastian shift slightly behind him, muscles tensing, and whatever Charlie saw on Sebastian's face evidently made a point, because the next second he laughed, slightly shorter and sharper than usual, and stepped away to join a group of NYADA boys practically writhing together.
Kurt turned around to face Sebastian and snaked an arm around his neck, starting to dance. He was feeling good right now and Sebastian was looking good, so it took even less shame than usual to crowd up close to the strong body in front of him. "What was that for?" he asked, pushing Sebastian's hair off of his forehead with a teasing smile. "It's only Charlie. He wasn't serious about anything."
"Yeah, that's what you think," said Sebastian, dropping into the dance beat. "Charlie never acts like he's serious about anything. But trust me, with the persistence he's shown you? He's dead serious about 'moving your line'."
"He probably just knows I'm too drunk to care right now!" Kurt said with a laugh. He had a feeling his filter had gone on vacation after that second shot of Spirytus.
"Is that so?" asked Sebastian, one side of his mouth quirking up. "So tonight's the night I should try my luck, then?"
Kurt's response was to rock himself onto his toes, throwing his other arm around Sebastian's neck and sending his mouth crashing into Sebastian's. The initial clack was slightly painful - momentum always seemed about ten times as strong when he was drunk - but he and Sebastian quickly fell into a rhythm, a glorious push-pull of tongues and lips that ran the lightning out of his heart and all the way down his spine. It was hot and sloppy and rough, their tongues dragging on each other a little more than usual, and Kurt held nothing back in the fierceness of his movement. Sebastian's hand drifted down to Kurt's ass and squeezed, and Kurt squeaked into the kiss, but got his revenge a moment later with his teeth, scraping at Sebastian's lip before sliding his mouth across Sebastian's cheek with wet kisses and nipping at Sebastian's jaw.
"So if Charlie doesn't get the privilege, are you going to take me home?" he asked.
Sebastian laughed, moving his hand from Kurt's ass to card fondly through the short hairs on the back of Kurt's head, the ones he knew he wouldn't get busted for touching. "I think it's probably best to get you out of public, hey, tiger?"
Kurt ignored any condescension in that statement, and started to pull Sebastian towards the exit. He vaguely registered Sebastian calling out goodbyes as they moved but ignored him, instead getting to the door and sticking a hand inside the pocket of Sebastian's jeans.
"Hey!" Sebastian exclaimed, trying to wriggle out of Kurt's way on instinct. But it wasn't like it was the first time Kurt had invaded his space like this - whether it be to grab a house key when Sebastian was too intoxicated to find it himself, or to fish out a wallet when Sebastian was too distracted by a phone to realise that the barista was waiting for money - so he didn't push away Kurt's hand. Half a second later Kurt pulled out the entire contents of the pocket and plucked out their checking tickets, slapping the rest (a condom and a few ten dollar bills), onto Sebastian's chest for him to catch. He then pressed another fleeting kiss to Sebastian's lips, their first outside of the boundaries of the dance floor, and turned in their tickets to get their coats.
Stepping outside, as always, had a slight cooling affect on Kurt, but it was definitely not enough to cut through his buzz. The trip to the subway station was a familiar one now, requiring almost no thought, so Kurt grabbed at Sebastian's hand and pulled him through the streets almost mindlessly. Once they got onto the right platform and stopped moving, though, Kurt shivered, having gone with one of his lighter jackets. Sebastian wrapped an arm around Kurt and made a teasing jibe about being a slave to fashion.
"I'm sorry, did you black out the entire time we've known each other?" Kurt asked, and shuffled closer inside the circle of Sebastian's arm. "Fashion is a very worthy master." He paused, letting himself sway for a moment, and then pushed even closer to Sebastian, sliding his arms under Sebastian's coat. "I am cold, though," he added, slightly sheepishly.
"Someone's clingy tonight," Sebastian said with a smirk.
"I'm not clingy," Kurt protested, even if it was kind of true. Who wouldn't want to cling to something that looked that good? "I'm drunk. And I'm cold."
Sebastian could barely suppress his grin as he took what may as well have been an open invitation for innuendo, saying, "If you're so drunk and cold, then I suppose I should find a way to warm you up, hey?"
Kurt hesitated for a mere moment, the thunder of Sebastian's storm rumbling through his veins. Was this too far? Revealing too much? His head was so full of storm clouds and his throat was full of lightning so he wasn't sure, and the shots of Spirytus still felt like they were coiling around it all. But damnit, he wanted this tonight, and Sebastian would be the last person to put too much significance on anything physical.
And really, this would be the most he ever got from Sebastian, an indulgence of his physical attraction to the boy, so why not make the most of it? He wasn't even sure if he could look for more, in all fairness, even if Sebastian ever did offer.
He put one hand on the back of Sebastian's head to force it down, pressing their foreheads together. "Yeah, I think you should," he breathed, and then caught Sebastian up in another kiss.
It took Sebastian a moment to engage, clearly surprised. But then he laughed against Kurt's lips, shrugged his shoulders as if to say, hey, why not? and matched Kurt move for move.
They broke apart for the walk back to Sebastian's apartment, walking briskly through the mostly empty streets, and entered the apartment giggling at ridiculous conversation that neither of them could remember the moment after they happened. But once they were properly inside, coats off, Kurt stepped up close once more.
"I'm still cold," he whined a little childishly, the hint of a demand hidden in his tone, and he pressed his icy fingers to Sebastian's neck.
Sebastian shied away from Kurt's fingers, still laughing, but reeled Kurt back in a moment later. He regarded Kurt's hands for a second, and said, "Well, Kurt, I'm not entirely sure what you expect me to do with cold fingers. There's only one place I can image you could stick them to warm them up, and I'm not sure our friendship is at that poin-"
He was cut off by Kurt's mouth, followed by a smack to the side of the head. "Smartass," Kurt muttered, and kissed Sebastian harder.
It wasn't difficult to slowly coax Sebastian to the couch, giggling as they tripped over the leg of the coffee table and knocked all Sebastian's laundry off the side. Kurt was drowning in everything Sebastian, and simultaneously burning up with it all, and the deeper their kisses got the less it became about a drunken indulgence of his physical attraction to Sebastian. It was about trying to quench and quiet everything within him, a desperate need to answer the roar of the oceans and chase the lightning and, god, there were universes in him, calling out for Sebastian, who made him feel so huge and daring and was constantly pushing him, bringing light to those universes that he'd never known existed...
He was panting and completely lost to it all; he'd pulled Sebastian over him and he didn't know when he'd done it, but it wasn't enough, so he anchored Sebastian's face to his own with one hand, and worked the other between their bodies. Without preamble, he rubbed over the front of Sebastian's pants, grasping, only to be cut off when Sebastian pulled back and grabbed Kurt's hand.
"Whoa, easy there. I don't know how to be anyone's boyfriend," Sebastian said with a smirk.
"I don't care." Kurt replied, and tried to tug Sebastian back down again.
"Hey, no, stop," Sebastian said, not moving back this time, but bracing himself with his hands either side of Kurt's head, eyes searching his face. "Kurt-"
"I want..." Kurt whined, but buried his face in Sebastian's shoulder before he finished, unwilling or unable to complete his sentence. He rubbed his closed eyes into the fabric of Sebastian's shirt a little harshly.
"We all get horny, babe," Sebastian said, gently pushing Kurt's head down so he was flat against the couch, and then touched their foreheads together, eyes still searching. Kurt lay still, feeling blown wide open, sure his eyes were reflecting that. "I'm only going to say this once, because it'll totally fuck with my image if word gets out," he muttered, a half-hearted smirk touched his lips. "Your line? Might not be such a bad one. Don't be so quick to throw it away. Especially not when you're drunk."
Kurt wanted to reply, wanted to tell Sebastian that he'd phrased it wrong originally; it's not that he'd only sleep with boyfriends, it's that he only ever wants to sleep with people who make him feel like this. But he was struck dumb with Sebastian so close, looking so gentle, and still as destructively beautiful as he'd been all night - so the words were ignited by the lightning before they could make it out of his throat, and burned there instead.
Sebastian brushed his lips over Kurt's and his eyes finally stopped searching. "I don't want to regret waking up with you," he said, and let the words disappear into the tiny space between them. Then he stood up and pulled Kurt to his feet as well. "But as an apology for cock blocking, I will let you share the bed this time." Sebastian was smirking again, and his voice sounded almost like a shout after the delicate hush of what had just transpired.
Kurt smiled at Sebastian tiredly as he slowly swam out of his daze. He felt so very quiet, like Sebastian had reached out with one gentle finger and put everything in him to sleep. All except for one voice, in a back corner of his mind, telling him there was something in the things Sebastian was saying, some hidden thing that could be important to Kurt. And, with all the skill he'd developed in piecing the things Sebastian said together to find what was important, Kurt should be looking.
But they were in Sebastian's bedroom now, and Sebastian was handing Kurt a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, so Kurt brushed the voice away for awhile. By the time he was in bed, lying on his side, half asleep with one arm stretched out to lay a hand on Sebastian's ribs, Kurt's mind was silent.
Kurt woke with a yelp when he rolled over in bed and crashed into the warm, solid body next to him, colliding in a tangle of limbs and faces mashed into shoulders. Sebastian jerked awake a second later, and smacked Kurt in the forehead with one hand in an attempt to protect himself with half-asleep reflexes.
"Sorry! Sorry!" Kurt said, flustered, diving back to his other side of the bed. He groaned when the movement made his head swim in a very unpleasant manner. "God, we did not drink enough water last night."
Sebastian flung a forearm over his eyes with a groan. "You've got that right. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two was letting you sleep in my bed, if that wake up was any indication."
"Why am I in your bed?" Kurt asked with vague curiosity, not really minding if he got the answer or not. As weird as it was, he enjoyed mornings like this with Sebastian - the quiet openness of being too wrung out from the night before. It was their snark without any of the bite, and there was always a certain trust in their hung over interactions. "Did you try to move my line, Smythe?"
Sebastian snorted. "Hah. No. You did, and it took quite valiant efforts on my part to stop you."
"Oh." Kurt could feel his cheeks heating. "Give me ten minutes to remember everything before I speak to you again."
After particularly good nights, Kurt and Sebastian had very different ways of recalling the events that had passed. Sebastian was all or nothing - all the memories of the night before would be right there when he woke up, sharp and easy to recall, ready to taunt Kurt mercilessly with. But what Sebastian forgot, he forgot completely, an impenetrable shroud cast over the memories of what had happened at his very drunkest. Kurt, on the other hand, very rarely forgot something, but it took awhile for the fog to lift. It was typically Sebastian's needling that started the slow recall, building up the skeleton of the night, and then slowly during the day everything would drift back to him until he had a complete picture. The text message thread between Kurt and Sebastian was sporadically dotted with messages about Kurt's later-in-the-afternoon recollections, typically in the vein of, "YOU DID WHAT, SEBASTIAN SMYTHE?"
But given Sebastian's naked amusement at Kurt's actions the night before, poorly hidden by the arm across his face, Kurt figured he should probably try a little harder than usual to bring his memories back to him.
Five minutes later, after straining his stuffy head as hard as possible, Kurt kind of wished he hadn't bothered. "Oh god," he groaned. "Why?"
Sebastian laughed, reaching out a hand in a half-flailing attempt to locate Kurt's shoulder, which he then patted sarcastically. "If it makes you feel any better..." he paused, and then laughed again. "Actually, nope, I can't think of anything to make you feel better. It was fun, though."
Kurt remembered laughing and giggling and teasingly whining about the cold, rising up to Sebastian's innuendo and pulling the boy into kiss after kiss. "Yeah, I guess so," he said with a half-smile, only for his breath to catch when his memories tugged him further into a particular scene, like clicking on a video buried in a whole folder of them on a computer. He remembered Sebastian's eyes, and inch from his own and ever so serious, whispering the most powerful things to him; things that, in Kurt's raw and exposed state, had sunk right into him and fixed themselves tightly there, adding extra chaos to the storm. Kurt's mind played Sebastian over and over again, saying, I don't want to regret waking up with you.
Kurt rolled towards the middle of the bed, planting his face between his and Sebastian's pillows, giving himself a moment to process that. "Sebastian?" he asked tentatively, his voice muffled by the bedding.
"Mmmm?" Sebastian hummed quietly.
"Thanks. For being so..." Kurt struggled to find the word.
Sebastian rolled into his side and shuffled a little closer, holding a hand over Kurt's shoulder blade for a moment; Kurt could feel the heat of Sebastian's hovering palm radiating through the t-shirt. Eventually Sebastian lowered his hand, and ran it up across Kurt's shoulder, up the back of Kurt's neck and into his hair. Sebastian's fingers curled there for the briefest of moments, and then were gone. "You're welcome," he said finally, and let his arm drop to completely fill the space between Kurt's prone body and Sebastian's own.
Kurt lay there for a moment longer, trying to find the effort to raise his face. Instead he turned it, ever so slightly, to observe Sebastian's face close to his own, eyes closed. Even with Kurt's disbelief, he could accept the chain of events that had led to them being friends. But he was still left wondering exactly when they had each become so trusting. Maybe it was just as he'd teased Sebastian all those weeks ago - maybe they each held too many of the other's secrets to expend the effort of keeping up walls any more. It was easier just to keep each other close, keep pulling out each other's thoughts to secure more of your own.
Regardless, it was the trust, not the standoff between them, which drove his next question, helpfully supplied by a voice in the corner of his head. "What did you mean last night, when you said you didn't want to regret waking up with me?"
The whole room paused. Not just Sebastian and Kurt, but it felt like everything did. The dust motes that swirled through the air, illuminated by the too-close-to-midday sun, paused mid-flight; the sounds of traffic and life floating up to Sebastian's window faded away, the city holding its breath.
Sebastian cracked one eye open slightly, meeting Kurt's over the few inches of pillow between them. "You should know better than to ask me questions like that," he said casually.
"Sorry," Kurt said, smiling gently. "Nonetheless, I asked."
"I don't know," Sebastian said.
Kurt continued to smile, feeling far too calm for what was probably quite an important discussion. He was finding it too difficult to lift himself out of the trust, however, Sebastian's presence and equal calm as soothing this morning as it had been last night. "You have to know, Sebastian, or you wouldn't have said it."
"I don't know how to word it, though."
"Try. Please."
Sebastian's shoulders tensed and the arm he was lying on twitched, like he was thinking about rolling away onto his back. He didn't, though. Among the world of changes to this New York Sebastian, grown so much from Ohio Sebastian in ways Kurt was still discovering, was that Sebastian was willing to own the things he said and did. It was one of the many beautiful silver linings that had come out of David Karofsky's darkness, though Kurt would probably never articulate that to anyone.
Sebastian huffed a slight sigh. "Well, we have fun, right? As surprising as it's been, you're actually kind of entertaining in a non-train-wreck-way." Kurt smacked the side of Sebastian's head gently. "I just... fuck. Do we really have to talkabout this?" Sebastian pulled a face. "Talking about things is so clichéd and... and... hetero."
"After everything else we've talked about, this shouldn't be that difficult for you. You've managed to open your mouth and share the things in your head pretty well thus far."
Sebastian quirked up one side of his mouth in a half-smile at Kurt's sarcastic tone. "Drunk rambles hardly count."
"Not all of them have been drunk rambles," Kurt reminded him. "In fact, fewer of them have been than either of us would want to admit. You're not the only one with a reputation to uphold, you know."
"I'm not sure 'bitchy ice queen' is a reputation worth holding onto."
"Better than some of the things I've heard you called," returned Kurt, poking a finger against Sebastian's sternum.
All the soft smile fell out of Sebastian's face at that. "That's half the problem," he said. "I..." The honesty was apparently too much for Sebastian, and he rolled over with a groan, not away from Kurt but towards him, so they were both squished together in the very middle of the bed, lying on their stomachs. Sebastian then tilted his face towards Kurt, mirroring him, so that only one eye met each other's over the folds of sheet between them. "I've woken up with so many people and eventually been made to regret it for one reason or another later on. You've kind of been the reason that's stopped happening. I don't want you to be the reason it starts again."
Kurt's heart thudded in his chest, and his brain almost flew to teasing Sebastian in an automatic defence, some condescending comment along the lines of, 'Now, that wasn't that hard, was it?' But he bit his tongue as the last minute, knowing if he was anything but just as open with Sebastian in return, the atmosphere would be completely lost. And that voice in the back corner of his mind still had questions, was screaming them louder than ever.
"What do you mean, I was the reason that it stopped?" he asked.
Sebastian laughed into the sheets. "Torture would be less painful than this," he muttered wryly. "Why are you making me say all these things that you have to already know?"
"Because I don't already know them," replied Kurt, tartly.
"After that last time at Sphere, where you asked me why I didn't hook up around you very much, I kind of stopped. Hooking up, that is. Like, altogether."
That was what finally shocked Kurt out of the kind of lazy trance he'd been in, and he turned his head sharply to face Sebastian fully. "What?" he asked.
"Surely you'd figured that out," Sebastian said, his tone turning defensive.
"I just assumed you were hooking up on the nights I didn't go out," Kurt replied.
"Kurt, I don't go out when you don't. You have to have noticed that. Every night that I'm not here, studying - because, Christ, I know I've ranted before, but have you seen the minimum GPA needed for med schools around here? - I'm usually with you."
Kurt was speechless, everything coming together now almost quicker than he could keep up with. For all the skills he'd developed in figuring Sebastian out, putting together the clues to find out what Sebastian was really saying, he'd missed that fact. But it was more obviously true the more he thought about it, and his brain was still ticking, still putting things together. He sat up abruptly, paying no mind to his head, and dug a hand under Sebastian to forcibly roll him over onto his back. Sebastian fought Kurt momentarily, but caved when it became clear Kurt was going to win, and lay there with his face slightly scrunched, as if braced for impact.
The storm was roaring stronger than ever now, as if every fact that Kurt processed from the last few weeks injected new bolts of lightning into the mix. Kurt's heart started to pound full speed, adrenaline flooding through his veins, heating him from the inside out in the space of one blink to another.
"When you stopped me last night, you said you didn't know how to be anyone's boyfriend." Kurt said slowly.
"That's true," Sebastian acknowledged, his voice impassive but his face scrunching even tighter. In any other frame of mind, Kurt would have been hard pressed not to point out how adorable it was.
"You didn't say you won't be anyone's boyfriend, or don't want to be."
"Excellent powers of deduction there, Hummel."
"Don't 'Hummel' me, Smythe," Kurt snapped back. The lightning was building static electricity on his skin now, the storm no longer content to just stay in his body, trying to explode out and wrap the rest of the room into its chaos. His hands were starting to shake and Kurt just knew that if he touched Sebastian's skin right now they would both spark. "If I asked you if you wanted to be someone's boyfriend, what would you say?"
"Well, gosh, I don't know. Why don't you actually ask me and find out?" Sebastian retorted.
"Do you want to be someone's boyfriend, Sebastian?"
Sebastian sat up quickly. In a moment of inward near-hysterics, Kurt realised how ridiculous it was to be having this conversation in bed, both still covered in Sebastian's sheets, over-close and still too raw for not having ventured into the day. But Sebastian was still moving, facing Kurt square-on, shoulders broad and tense. He looked like an animal, braced for attack, but ready to launch to an attack of his own if necessary. "It doesn't matter, Kurt, because like I told you, I don't know how." He paused, and then muttered churlishly, "And damn you for making me mad enough to spit it out."
Kurt knew that this was his cue to soften on Sebastian, to offer reassurances or comfort or make his own declaration. He couldn't.
"But you like me," Kurt said bluntly. Sebastian made scoffing noises, but Kurt couldn't be distracted at this moment. "You like me enough, and in the right way, to actually want to be my boyfriend."
Sebastian rolled his eyes but didn't relax at all, still braced. "No," he exclaimed, all drama and sarcasm. "What gave it away? Do you think I talk this much to anyone? Or bother spending this much time in their company? Or let them get clingy as fuck when they're drunk?"
Kurt bit his lip. "Or get possessive when they try to dance with strangers in night clubs?"
Sebastian's face became even more set. "Especially that. I don't see why I should have to share."
"Why are you mad at me?"
"Because I thought you were smart enough that you'd figured it out by now, Kurt," Sebastian said, running a hand down the side of his face. "I realised what you were feeling awhile ago, and I thought we'd silently agreed not to talk about it. I don't see why we should have to."
Kurt bit his lip even harder. "So we could do something about it?"
"We can't. I don't know how to be a boyfriend. And at the end of the year, I'm going on exchange to Ireland. And you'll go back to Blaine."
Kurt pushed Sebastian roughly in the shoulder, impassive as Sebastian almost fell off the bed and growled out, "What the hell, Kurt?"
"You asshole," Kurt screeched. "You complete ass. You are so full of shit I can't even believe you. Don't you dare give me crap about not knowing how to be a boyfriend, like it's calculus instead of just you wimping out."
"Kurt," Sebastian started, but Kurt cut him off.
"And don't you dare tell me you know how I'm feeling, and then try to tell me I'd go back to Blaine at the end of the year. You clearly don't know how I feel about you and haven't been listening to a word I've said about letting go of Blaine, or you're just stupid! As if I could possibly forget everything at the end of the year just because you run off to Ireland."
"Kurt," Sebastian started, trying again, but Kurt glared at him.
"How can you act like this isn't worth trying? Like-"
In a split second Sebastian lay down against his pillow and then yanked Kurt on top of him, Kurt's head smacking into Sebastian's collarbone. Kurt looked up, ready to continue laying into Sebastian - he'd scream it if necessary - to find Sebastian grinning like the ass he was.
"Have I told you that you're really cute when you're mad?"
Kurt's rage welled up in a split second crescendo, and for that second he was sure he was going to scream; but then it reached maximum point and exploded, bursting like a balloon, and all he could do is smack ineffectively at Sebastian's chest and groan.
"If I'm so stupid, why don't you explain it to me, slowly and clearly. How exactly do you feel about me?" Sebastian's grin was the widest Kurt had ever seen it, and his eyes were glinting, saying more clearly than even his voice could,payback's a bitch.
Kurt dropped his head onto Sebastian's chest and breathed in for a moment. "I deserve this, don't I?" he asked sheepishly.
"Given everything you've put me through already this morning, with a hangover? Yes, you do." Sebastian gently petted through Kurt's hair.
"And you're going to make me say it?"
"Seems fair," Sebastian said, tone irrepressibly smug.
Kurt groaned, retroactively sympathising with how very painful a position he'd put Sebastian in just minutes ago. Forcing the right words out felt like pulling teeth. "You know I've been changing the whole time I've been in New York."
"So you've told me, yes."
"Be quiet. This is difficult."
"I don't see why I should. Like, at all," Sebastian replied. Kurt could practically feel Sebastian's grin spreading so much that it pulled at the muscles in his chest.
"Sebastian!" Kurt dug his fingers into Sebastian's side in retaliation, tickling mercilessly, and smiled slightly at the giggle Sebastian couldn't quite choke down. It was the laughter that ultimately set him at ease. "I've been changing, you know I have, especially since I broke up with Blaine," Kurt said. "And you somehow embedded yourself into the fabric of what I'm becoming. You put a storm in my head that I can't get rid of, and I can't bring myself to try. Which is why I want to be your boyfriend, and I never guessed that you'd feel the same, and now that I know different I'm so angry you weren't going to do anything about it."
"And so what was last night?"
"Well," Kurt said, and lifted his head so his chin rested on Sebastian's sternum, letting his smile turn impish, "I figured if I couldn't have you I could at least try for your body."
"Oh, you want my body, hey?" Sebastian asked. "I don't know. You have to earn me, and your behaviour this morning..."
"Shut up, Sebastian," Kurt replied, and pulled himself forward by the bed head to line his face up with Sebastian's.
Their kiss was the most gentle they had ever shared by far, a tender connection that said the rest of what they hadn't been able to verbalise. As their lips met, everything relaxed - the dust motes began their swirl in the sunlight once more and New York released her held breath, the city sounds drifting back up to his window. The setting and the sounds made it all the more beautiful to Kurt, here with a boy he never expected to care for, kissing so gently, in the city of his dreams.
They didn't even part to breathe, their lips just coming to rest against each other, eyelashes fluttering against cheeks and tangling as they inhaled. Their mouths met softly, never too deeply, and it was enough for the longest time; but eventually, Kurt tried to intensify it -
Only for Sebastian to tilt his head sideways with a groan, stroking a hand down Kurt's back.
"Babe, you should probably get your phone. I don't think I can stand it ringing anymore."
Kurt sighed, placing a wet kiss under Sebastian's ear before pushing himself off the boy and clambering off his bed to dig through his jeans.
Kurt's phone had a series of messages and a missed call, all from Rachel, and he had no idea how he'd missed them all arriving. He ignored the voicemail Rachel had left and went straight to the messages.
The coast is clear, you can come home. :)
Kurt, you're usually back from Sebastian's by now.
Kurt, call me!
Oh my goodness, Kurt, are you NOT at Sebastian's?
Or is there something you're not telling me?
KURT!
Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, I swear to Streisand, if you don't answer your phone in the next ten minutes I'm going to go to Sebastian's apartment and refuse to leave until you personally come to take me home.
Kurt rolled his eyes, clambering back up next to Sebastian on the bed with phone in hand. Only once settled did he reply. Rachel, you don't even know where Sebastian lives.
That doesn't matter, Rachel replied. I would have had Brody find out where Sebastian lives from one of the no doubt dozens of men from NYADA that Sebastian has slept with.
It's cute how you think Brody will bend to your will like Finn did, Kurt sent back, unable to control all of his bitchiness in the face of the dig about Sebastian, even if he knew it was a little unfair. Less than six months ago Kurt would have made the same comment.
Kurt!
Regardless, I need you to come home. I'm having a minor fashion crisis and I need your input.
"Oh dear god," Kurt muttered. "If she's admitting that she's having a problem then 'minor' is definitely an understatement." I'll be home soon. Don't make any hasty decisions, he sent.
"As fascinating as this glimpse into the Hummel-Berry dynamic as been, I can't help but notice that you just implied you'll be leaving me," Sebastian broke in, and when Kurt turned to face him, Sebastian pulled a ridiculous, exaggerated pout. Kurt snorted indelicately, and Sebastian went back to what had to be becoming a permanent grin.
"Well, you saw what Rachel said." Kurt reluctantly pulled himself away from the comfort of Sebastian's arms and bed, and picked up his pile of clothes from the dresser. The sheer number of times he'd worn the same outfit home the next day was in danger of becoming a crime. "I have to save this fashion disaster before it's too late."
"What a hero," replied Sebastian mockingly, placing a fluttering hand over his heart. "But you're leaving unfinished business here."
"Well, let's see," Kurt said, and set his clothes down on the bed, before straddling Sebastian's lap. "It all seems pretty simple to me. Sebastian, you're an idiot, and as such, I plan to ignore all the stupid things you've said today. Would you join me in doing so and be my boyfriend?"
Sebastian's eyes were a little wide, like he hadn't actually expected Kurt to try to cement anything, just tease some more. "Kurt..." he said. "I know you think the things I said were stupid, and okay, maybe the Blaine stuff was - though with how hot you are when you're angry, that's up for debate. Ow! Hey! No pinching! But, it's still the truth. I honestly have no idea how to be anyone's boyfriend."
"And I don't care," Kurt said calmly. "Do you think anyone really does? Even with practice, every relationship is as different as the people involved in it. Being stuck on the same problem everyone else has is no excuse to wimp out. Next issue."
"I'm going on exchange to TCD in the fall. You already knew that."
Kurt sighed a little, slotting his arms on either side of Sebastian's head to press against the headboard. This, he would acknowledge, was a bigger problem, and was indeed something Sebastian had brought up weeks ago, when his exchange application to study a year at Trinity College Dublin first been approved. "You're flying off in what, September?" Kurt asked.
"The third," Sebastian added.
"And it's March now. That gives us six months."
"I'm not up for a long-distance relationship," Sebastian said plainly.
Kurt kissed the tip of Sebastian's nose. "I'm touched that you have that much faith we'll last that long. Regardless, at least right now, I'm not willing to have a long distance relationship either. But it doesn't mean we shouldn't make the most of the six months we do have."
Kurt began to nuzzle at Sebastian's neck as the other boy stayed silent, staring at the wall in front of him. Eventually he sighed and tipped his head back and to the side, baring himself to Kurt's wandering nose and mouth. "You really think we can do this?" he asked Kurt, resignedly.
"I really do."
Sebastian pressed Kurt's face between his two hands and looked Kurt in the eye. "You're not allowed to ever let me regret this," he said mock-solemnly.
"Oh, 'Bastian, you're going to regret it nearly every day," Kurt said with the same mock solemnity. And then he smiled. "But I'll make it worth your while." And then he lowered his face and kissed Sebastian soundly.
I hope you're enjoying the story so far! If you are, please come say hi - there are over sixty of you reading the story, and only four people have. Since this is my first Kurtbastian, I'd love to hear what you think!