Prompt : I love your Hayffie stories! Specially Oriaverse! (Kicking the odds) She's such a sweet baby... I wonder how will she learn about Haymitch not being her bio father, could you write something about it? Pretty Please!
Secrets
Haymitch had just placed a cup of strawberry tea on the kitchen table in front of Effie when the backdoor opened only to be slammed shut after their daughter. Haymitch and Effie exchanged a tired glance. It was funny, he thought, how proficient they had become at having silent arguments since Oria had turned thirteen and had entered what they had privately labelled "the age of doom". They had always been able to have silent conversations of course, almost thirteen years of working together and another thirteen years of marriage had made them quite attuned to each other but now… Now it was more about Should we say something?, Is it worth an argument?, Do we still have pills for headaches?
Haymitch almost regretted the good old times when Katniss was sixteen and a pain in the ass because Oria was ten times worse.
Since there wasn't much she could complain about, she had taken to rebel through her outfits and her tastes were as bad as Effie's had been. She mixed Capitol with District style and the result was… unique to say the least. Effie had been over the moon until Oria had declared her mother was clearly behind on the fashion side of things, not to say that she was clearly old-fashioned – Haymitch had laughed for two hours straight. He had stopped laughing when Oria had gone and dyed her hair a bright purple. She had only snorted at Effie's suggestion that she tried wigs and had claimed to be really misunderstood by both her parents.
Haymitch would have been willing to overlook the way she dressed, too used to Effie's eccentricities even now, but her general behavior was verging on unbearable most days. She was snappish, she talked back, she picked up a fight for every possible subject…
"Sweetie, please, don't slam the door." Effie requested through clenched teeth, ignoring his silent plea to let it go. "Did you have a good day at school?"
Oria threw her bag in a corner more than she dropped it and finally turned to them. There were tears in her blue eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked at once. Effie was already pushing to her feet and reaching out for her but Oria stepped back and Effie froze, taken aback by the anger in their daughter's eyes.
"I went to the Hobb." the girl said. She was making an effort to keep her voice even but Haymitch simply knew it would crack soon and she would start sobbing her heart out – he knew his daughter like nobody else except maybe Effie – and he hated seeing her hurt. He didn't know what had happened but he would find out who made her cry like that and he would make sure it never happened again. "I know everything."
"Everything?" Effie frowned. She tried to get closer again but Oria stepped back. "Everything about what? Sweetie, you're not making any sense… What happened? Are you hurt?"
She obviously wasn't hurt – not physically at least – but it had always been Effie's worst nightmare ever since her birth.
"Daneel told everyone." Oria insisted and, this time, tears spilled from her eyes and rolled down on her cheeks. She wiped them off angrily with her sleeve. It made Effie frown deeper but she didn't chide her about not using a handkerchief.
Daneel was the girl Oria was always picking fights with at school which meant it was probably a girl problem and, as such, it was up to Effie to fix it. He leaned against the kitchen counter, feeling a little better. Oria had her mother's habit of doing a grand theatrical scene out of nothing.
"What did she say?" Effie asked sympathetically and, maybe, with a bit of annoyance. Fights with Daneel had been going on for as long as Haymitch could remember, over the years it had morphed into a fight between their mothers too. "Do you need me to talk to her parents again?"
"Her parents." Oria scoffed. "Her parents told her and she told everyone! I thought she was lying, I told them all she was lying but then I went to the Hobb and I asked Graesy Sae and she doesn't lie, not like you." She pointed an accusing finger at Effie's chest.
"Calm down a bit." Haymitch cut in. "You're upset, okay, but that's no excuse to speak to your mother like that."
Oria's eyes darted his way but they quickly focused on Effie again. "I hate you."
That was new.
"Orianna!" he barked when Effie took an involuntary step back, clearly hurt. "Go to your room."
He wasn't prepared for the sneer. "I don't have to listen to you."
"Orianna!" It was Effie's turn to snap but it wasn't more effective than his rebuff.
"Does he even know?" Oria chuckled but it was a bitter sound that had no place in their daughter's mouth. "Or did you take advantage of the fact he was drunk all the time?"
Both he and Effie remained frozen in place, unprepared for that kind of attack. It was far from the familiar bickering they had come to expect everyday as a teenager thing. This cut deeper.
Haymitch turned his head away, ashamed and humiliated beyond words.
"You're going too far." Effie hissed. She was fuming. "I don't know what has upset you so but if you are unable to express yourself calmly then you better go to your room and only come down when you're ready to apologize and to explain your behavior."
Oria didn't even listen to half of her rant. "Does he know I'm not his daughter, Mom?"
It was like a punch to the stomach and he could tell, from the way she hunched over briefly, that Effie felt the same way. Fuck, was all Haymitch could think. The subject had never been brought up before and they never saw any reason to tell her because, to be honest, most of the time, they forgot. Orianna had been his ever since Effie had come knocking at his door and he had never thought twice about that.
"Does he?" Oria was careful not to look at him. She was only staring at her mother, big silent tears rolling down her cheeks.
Effie seemed unable to reply. She was gripping the back of a chair with both of her hands as if it would save her from drowning.
"I might have been drunk a lot back then, baby girl, but the six months pregnant belly when I hadn't seen her in two years was enough clue. Not to mention the vasectomy." he snorted.
"This… This is not a time for sarcasms, Haymitch." Effie stuttered, looking at him with a pained look that took him back to nightmarish memories of the Quell and his second Reaping. When she turned back to her daughter, her face was pleading. "Oria, sweetie…"
But there was no reprieve to be found there. "Who's my father? The real one?"
He tried not to show how much those words hurt but Effie only had to glance at him to notice.
"Haymitch is your father." she stated firmly. "As for your biological father…" She looked around the kitchen, unable to focus on anything. She was gripping that chair so tight her knuckles were turning white. "You… You need to understand, I was in a very bad place at the time and…"
"Effie…" he said quietly, alarmed by the quickening of her breathing. He knew the signs like the back of his hand. It had been years since her last panic attack and even more since her last flashback but the nightmares were still plaguing her when she was upset or stressed and the memories were still there, waiting to be triggered.
"I'm fine." she whispered.
"Who is my father?" Oria shouted, almost stomping her foot.
"You calm down, right now." Haymitch snapped, walking closer to Effie. She flinched when he touched her arm and he lowered his voice. "I won't stand for tantrums. You're upset, okay, you have a right to be, but if you want answers, shouting isn't the way to get them."
"I want to know who my father is." Oria stammered, more and more tears escaping her eyes. Haymitch wanted nothing more than to reach for her and hug her until her sorrow disappeared like he used to when she was little but he sensed she wouldn't let him. She would push him away.
"I don't know." Effie finally confessed. She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry, Oria, we should have told you before. It honestly slipped my mind, I… Haymitch had been there for…"
"How can you not know?" their daughter interrupted.
Effie's breathing was too quick. He placed a hand on her elbow, anticipating a fall that didn't come. She didn't even glance at him. He wasn't even sure she knew he was there.
"I was… in a dark place." she said again lamely.
"Is that the polite way to say you were a slut?" Oria sneered angrily.
Haymitch surprised himself when he slammed his fist on the table. He wasn't prone to bouts of violence and both Oria and Effie jumped in fright. The familiar thirst clenched his throat, the urge to wash away his problems with alcohol was strong but he had been sober for years and he would remain that way.
"You better watch your mouth." he warned his daughter.
Oria was afraid, he could tell, unfortunately his and Katniss' influence had been too strong, she had taken after their stubborn nature, instead of backing down she thrusted her chin in the air. It was a challenge and not one Haymitch wanted to take her up on.
"So you were a slut, you ended up with a baby and what?" She was pushing her luck and she knew it. "You came back for your drunkard colleague thinking he would be too drunk to notice? 'Cause that's the story I heard."
Being called a drunkard by his thirteen years old daughter was one of the worst thing that had happened to Haymitch. He thought he had lived through worse but that word in her mouth…
Effie leaned against him or maybe he leaned against Effie, he wasn't sure. Either way, he was glad for the support.
There was a long and painful silence that was only troubled by Oria's pitiful sniffing in her attempts to keep the sobs in. Effie was shaking, her fingers were clenching the back of the chair and then releasing in unconscious spasms. The tension was more than he could take. He felt as if the shadow of the Games had come back to haunt him, the memories of Effie's disappearance, her tortures, the aftermath…
"Go to your room." he ordered at last.
It was a mistake, he realized it at once, because Oria was upset and she had never taken kindly to being dismissed. The sobs finally broke free, fat tears that were too big for her and that kept coming no matter how many times she rubbed her eyes.
"I don't have to listen to you!" she shouted. "You aren't my Dad! You are nothing but the drunk she took advantage of! You are nothing! You…"
Effie moved so fast Haymitch didn't even have enough time to recoil from Oria's verbal attack. One second she was next to him, the next she was in front of their daughter. The slap echoed loudly in the kitchen, stunning both Oria and Haymitch. They had never ever lifted a hand on their child. Threats of spankings had always been enough when she was acting out too much, as for slaps… Striking out in anger wasn't something either of them wanted to consider. But Effie was beyond angry, he realized quickly, she was outraged.
"You will never ever disrespect your father again." Effie told her coldly. "Haymitch is your father in every way that counts. He gave you his name. He gave you a roof. He gave you his love and everything he had to offer. He is a good man, the best man I know. Judge me all you want, scorn me if you must but you have absolutely no rights to call him that kind of names and you better not do it again in my hearing." Oria was looking at her with wide eyes, a hand pressed to her burning cheek, but Effie didn't relent. "You don't understand how it was. How could you? You don't understand what they did… What…"
"Effie." he tried but he knew it was too late.
"You don't understand." she repeated, heaving with every word. Her eyes were glazed over. Haymitch almost didn't have time to catch her before her legs gave in. He broke her fall as best as he could and help her sit down on the floor. She scrambled to the corner, her back to the kitchen counter, and curled up in a tight ball.
"What's going on?" Oria shrieked, more scared than she had ever been. "What's happening?"
"You and your big mouth, that's what happening." he grumbled, crouching next to Effie's shaking frame. His knees popped in protest but he didn't care about that. He didn't dare touch her just yet though.
"Is she alright?" the girl panicked, coming closer. Effie only curled tighter at the noise.
"Stay where you are." he ordered. It was all a right mess.
"Is she alright, Daddy?" Oria insisted, openly weeping now.
"Oh, I'm Daddy again now, right?" he snorted without any amusement.
"I'm sorry." Oria whimpered. "I'm sorry…"
"I know, I know." he sighed, rubbing his face. Effie was mumbling something he couldn't quite catch. As far as panic attack went, it was bad. "Go to Peeta and Katniss and stay there."
"But, Daddy…" she tried to argue.
"Go, now." he snapped. She ran away, tears streaming down her face. He forced himself to believe she would be alright with the kids, he knew she would be alright with the kids. He had to focus on Effie. "Come back, sweetheart." He was careful to keep his voice soft and non-threatening. "It's over. It's just a bad dream."
He was about to try to place a hand on her arm when the backdoor was violently slammed open again and Effie let out a frightened whine. Katniss froze, wild eyes and worry on her face. The worry gradually disappeared when she realized what was happening.
"Is she having a panic attack?" she asked "Oria said she collapsed, we thought…" She breathed out in relief. "We thought she was having a heart attack or something."
"She's fine." he barked. He didn't know which one of them he was trying to convince but Katniss didn't take offence. She simply told him to call if they needed anything and left without another comment. It might have been years but they were all very used to each other's panic attacks after all.
He sat down next to Effie and waited a few minutes after Katniss had left before reaching for her again. She still flinched.
"It's me, sweetheart." he promised.
"Haymitch?" It was soft and hesitant but when he confirmed it was him, she relaxed against him. He held her tight, petting her hair and pressing his lips against her forehead. It took a long time before the shaking finally subsided. Her body was limp by the time she was completely aware of her surroundings again.
"You think you can walk to the couch, now?" he asked. "We're a bit old to sit on the floor, Princess."
She nodded and they helped each other up, awkwardly and not very efficiently. She was exhausted and he wasn't young anymore. It was almost embarrassing.
"Where is Oria?" she started as soon as she was sitting on the couch. "We should… We made a mistake, Haymitch, we…"
"Would you stop worrying?" he grumbled, forcing her to lie down. "You get some rest, I will handle Oria." He threw the blanket on her and tucked her in despite her protests exactly like he used to tuck their daughter at nights.
The panic attack had worn her out but she still tried to argue with him. "She's upset. It's not her fault. Go take care of her, I will be fine."
He didn't argue the point because, truth be told, now that she was feeling better, he was growing anxious about their daughter.
"We handled that poorly." she whispered. "I slapped her."
"Well, she did call you a slut twice." Haymitch grunted with suppressed anger. "She had it coming."
"She was upset…" Effie defended her quickly. "But what she said about you…"
"Nothing but the truth, though." he shrugged. "I was a drunk."
Effie's eyes were shining with tears when she brushed a hand against his cheek. "You always were so much more than that…"
The display of emotions made him feel ill-at-ease and he dropped a kiss on her forehead quickly. "I'm going to check on Oria. I will send one of the kids to take care of you."
He ignored her protests that she didn't need it and that he shouldn't bother them. Peeta, when he found him with Oria sitting on the pen fence, was only too happy to go inside and look after Effie. Oria didn't look up.
Her eyes were dry but her cheeks were crimson. It clashed with her ridiculous purple hair.
"What did I say about sitting on that fence?" he grumbled over the honking of the geese who probably thought dinner time had come.
"Not to?" she sniffed, rubbing at her eyes.
His heart sunk in his chest. He hated seeing one of his kids upset and Oria more than Katniss or Peeta. "So, why are you?"
His attempt to bring them back on more familiar ground didn't work very well. Oria did jump from the fence but only to throw her arms around his waist and start crying again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset Mommy, I'm sorry." It was weird, he mused, how quickly she reverted to Mommy and Daddy when she was distressed instead of the careless Mom and Dad she had been using as of late. "I didn't mean to say… I didn't mean to call you… I…"
"It's okay, baby girl." he sighed. "We should have told you, I guess. But you will go and apologize to your mother anyway. It wasn't her fault, none of it. If you want somebody to hate, hate me." If he had protected Effie better during the rebellion… But when he saw Oria, he couldn't quite regret it. They wouldn't have her otherwise.
"But I don't!" Oria drew back to look at him with pleading eyes. "I love you, Daddy. I don't know why I said that…"
"People say stupid things when they're angry." he shrugged before meeting her blue eyes – so like Effie's, he mused. "You get that it doesn't change anything, right? We never told you because… We forgot. You're mine. You've always been mine as far as I'm concerned." She hugged him again but as much as he would have loved to put the conversation behind them and pretend it never happened, it wasn't done yet. There was another topic to discuss. "You shouldn't be mad at your Mom. She did her best. Sometimes… Sometimes people don't know how to cope and they do stupid things like… drink a lot." Drink a lot was a pretty euphemism for being wasted out of his mind every hour of the day, he thought proudly. "Or… other things."
"What's wrong with Mom?" she asked, stepping away from him and closer to the pen. She leaned over to look at the geese. "Uncle Peeta said it's a panic attack and it can happen when she remembers bad memories. What kind of bad memories? What happened to her?"
He wondered if she really didn't remember how regularly panic attacks had featured in her life when she was younger. Between Effie, Katniss, Peeta and him, the first three years of her life had been punctuated by the recurrent surfacing of their respective trauma. It had died down after that. Five years after the rebellion the feeling that everything was truly behind them had started to sink in. They had mourned their dead, they had accepted that they would never be able to change things and they had carried on but the past had never left them. The past was always lurking close by, ready to strike when they weren't looking.
"You know what happened." he replied cautiously, leaning against the fence beside her. "She was taken by the Capitol."
He didn't like talking about that. Oria had learned everything there was to know about the Games eventually but they had all stuck to a basic retelling of their story. It had been difficult enough. The Panem she learned about in history books was nothing but a story for her, what they had told her was nothing but a story, she had been too young to understand fully at the time and now… He didn't want to go into that now. "She was taken by the Capitol" was word for word what they had told her at the time to try and explain… It was nothing but words, though. It held no meaning.
"But what happened?" she insisted. "Do you know?"
He did. In painful details.
Ignorance truly was bliss.
"It's not my story to tell, Oria." he answered. "And don't go asking her." He took a deep breath and hoped he wasn't doing a mistake. Thirteen was young to talk about that sort of things but thirteen was also old enough, he supposed. "She was hurt, that's all you need to know. She tried to forget and she did a lot of stupid things, the kind I will kill you for if I ever catch you doing them. When she found out she was pregnant with you, she stopped and she got her life together. She came home. She didn't trick me or anything. I knew everything there was to know." He shrugged. "I was happy about it after I stopped freaking out. I never regretted it, not once. She used to call you her miracle, you know. Maybe you were mine as well."
He mumbled the last part, uncomfortable with revealing that much.
She stared at him for a long time and he could almost see the wheels and cogs turning inside her head. She was clever but she was also calculating, he had made sure of it. She didn't ask any questions, she wouldn't ask any question, not to him anyway. She would probably probe Peeta and Katniss or even phone Johanna or little Finn who wasn't so little anymore.
"Can I go see Mom, now?" she asked.
"Don't wake her up if she's sleeping." he warned.
Effie, however, wasn't sleeping but arguing with Peeta to be allowed off the couch, trying to push back the cup of tea he wanted to give her. He barely had time to get the steaming cup out of the way before Oria ran to her mother.
"Everything's good, now?" Peeta asked when he joined him on the threshold.
Haymitch watched his girls cling to each other.
"More than good." he replied.
Or, at least, it would be again soon.