Prompt : I think I have a prompt. I recently read chapter 123 where we got to see Effie kind of longing for a child. I would love to read more about it, maybe during Katniss' pregnancy or when she sees a pregnant woman or she could think she's pregnant but it is a false alarm? Just a situation where the topic comes up again and she talks to Haymitch about it? It would be absolutely amazing if you could do it, ily.

I'm very grateful for the opportunity to write this one because my opinion and hc on hayffie kids are very definite. I have talked about it a bit on tumblr but I really liked being able to put it into a one-shot so to speak =)

What Might Have Been

Lying in their bed, propped on the pillow, Haymitch watched the light spilling from the bathroom. It didn't take long before Effie switched it off and the room turned completely dark. She crawled on the bed and slipped under the blankets before snuggling against his side.

"So, what's up with you?" he asked.

He had been waiting for a while to ask her. Dinner at the kids' had been eventful and there had been no opportunity to take her aside.

"Nothing." she whispered. He could hear the lie in her voice. They had been living together for about fifteen years and they had worked together thirteen years before that, Haymitch knew her like the back of his hand.

"Come on, sweetheart, not to me. You've been acting weird ever since the girl showed you the ultrasound." he snorted.

She hadn't been the only one acting weird, though. Peeta was probably the only one who was over the moon with the news that Katniss was pregnant. They all knew just how badly Peeta wanted kids and they also all knew just how badly Katniss was terrified of the mere idea. Haymitch didn't know how the boy had convinced her – or if he had convinced her at all, for all he knew it was a happy accident. The idea there would soon be a baby in their lives – because Haymitch was lucid enough to know that, willing or not, this baby would become a huge part of his life – was downright alarming. Yet, he knew that wasn't what was disturbing Effie. She wasn't like him and the girl, she wasn't afraid of getting attached to a kid that might be ripped from them any day – not anymore, though, he needed to remind himself of that – it was something else.

She rested her head on his shoulder. "It's nothing. I am just being silly. It will be better tomorrow."

He heaved out a long sigh. "If you're concerned about Katniss…"

"She will be fine." Effie cut him off. "I noticed she's not as excited as Peeta but it's just nerves. She will be fine in time. I think she really wants the baby deep down, she's just afraid of accepting that she does. She's scared, it's understandable."

"You turned into a head doctor suddenly?" he teased.

"I know my victors." she huffed.

"Okay." he granted. "Then what is it?"

It was her turn to sigh, half irritated at his inability to let it go and half sorrowful. "Do you have any regrets?"

"Regrets?" he scowled, torn between a bitter laugh and incredulity she even needed to ask. "What do you think?"

The delivery was harsh and she flinched before dropping a kiss on his shoulder. "Sorry."

"Don't be stupid." he scoffed. If they had to apologize every time they said something wrong to the other, they would do nothing else all day. "What do you regret?"

Because that was what this was all about, he figured.

There was a long silence. Her thumb was absent-mindedly drawing circles on his chest so he wrapped his arms more tightly around her. Whatever it was, it had upset her.

"Not having a baby." she said at last.

Haymitch was strongly reminded of standing in the bunker in Thirteen, listening to the bombs being dropped over his head.

"A baby." he repeated, his tone flat.

They had never discussed having children. Everybody knew he didn't want them, she had known when she had moved to Twelve after the war. She had never even hinted at wanting kids.

"No use in freaking out, Haymitch." she replied gently, nudging him in the side. "I'm too old and, even if I wasn't, my body was so damaged…" Her voice trailed off.

"There are other ways." he pointed out. "If you wanted a kid so bad, you should have said something. You should have… I don't know… Found someone else."

The mere idea of her leaving him was unbearable and he held her closer. He would have let her go, though, if he had known she wanted a baby. He only wanted her happy. And if her being happy meant with she had to do it with someone else…

"I didn't… It's…" She fell silent, obviously frustrated with her inability to put words on her feelings. "I was in no mental place to have a child after the war anyway, Haymitch. And I love you, I wouldn't have wanted anybody's children but yours. It's just something I think about sometimes, you know, a little boy who looks just like you."

He couldn't picture it. Even now, even after all this time, simply considering it made him want to panic.

"We have the kids." he said. The kids were enough for him, always had been.

"Yes, and I love them like my own, you know that." She propped herself on her elbow and studied his face in the dark. "I love our life and I love our family. It was just… Knowing Katniss will go through something I will never experience as a woman, it makes me…"

"Sad?" he frowned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"For a little while." she smiled. "I'm happy, I love our life."

"But you regret it." he insisted.

"Do you regret not living the life your dreamt of when you were seventeen?" she asked softly. "With your girlfriend?"

He used to go in such rages when she mentioned his girl but now… It was so long ago…

"You wouldn't be here." he shrugged. And that was all the answer he could give really. He wouldn't exchange Effie for anything. They argued everyday and they threatened to leave each other at least twice a week, most people couldn't understand why they stuck together especially now that they were old enough that sex wasn't the main part of their relationship anymore, but the truth was without her he would be lost.

So, sure, he regretted what had happened to his girl and his family and he would carry the guilt to his grave but, as horrible as it could sound, the regrets were fleeting nowadays. Time and a life of peace had finally softened the wounds.

"See?" she insisted. "It's not really regretting, it's just… What might have been."

"What might have been." he repeated slowly.

"Besides…" she continued, settling back down against him. "I might not have been a mother but I will be a grandmother and that's something I'm greatly looking forward to. Aren't you? Oh, I bet you will be just wrapped around that little baby's finger… And I can't wait to see your face when he calls you grandpa for the first time."

"Nobody's calling me grandpa." he grumbled.

"Keep telling yourself that, dear." she laughed, cupping his cheek long enough to peck his lips. "This is so exciting. A brand new chapter. Aren't you excited?"

"That could be arranged…" he deadpanned, wriggling his eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes. "You will never change."

"Come on, Princess, you wouldn't want me any other way." he snorted.