Prompt : so i was reading through the sex asks that you posted the link to ;) could you maybe do a fic where effie and haymitch discuss their sexual experiences (particularly effie as, like you say, I think the capitol is verryy heavily inspired by ancient rome & greece meaning that i think effie would probably love sex and be quite open about it) and maybe her kink about whipped cream, etc comes up?

Huge warning for smut (well, smut for me so probably it's not real smut but you know what to be warned about). My imagination about titles has run dry as you can see.

Bad Things With You

Haymitch felt like shouting in triumph when he managed to tear that ugly dress off her body. He had been naked for several minutes already and her hands were slowly but surely driving him crazy, he was dying to get his own hands on her but the clasps keeping the dress in place were complicated and she had simply refused to help. Earn it, she had growled before digging her teeth in his earlobe.

She was angry about something or other, he couldn't remember exactly what.

He lost no time in pushing the awful piece of fabric off her shoulders and almost groaned in frustration when he saw the corset underneath.

"Do you need those fucking things?" he grumbled.

She stopped nibbling on his neck long enough – and he didn't want to think about the marks that it would leave, it was possible she was angry about the woman who had been chatting him up at the bar but he wasn't going to ask – to answer. "Most men find them sexy."

Then she licked the bruised patch of skin and he closed his eyes and let out a defeated whine. "Maybe they like keeping them on. I like you naked."

With a dramatic roll of her eyes and a sigh that let him know just how infuriating he was to her, she reached behind her back and, in a practiced move, started unlacing the corset. He stepped back and sat at the foot of the bed with a smirk, enjoying the view. "Now, that's more like it. Wriggle a bit."

She answered his teasing with a death glare.

"You're no good at striptease, sweetheart." he pouted.

"Some other time." she replied and he chose not to push the point because he had mostly been joking but he wouldn't pass on such an offer.

She was naked in a matter of seconds and finally straddling his lap and he couldn't remember what they had been fighting about. Her teeth sank in his neck again and he pulled her down with him, rolling on her, touching her where he knew would arouse her quicker, too impatient to play.

"Wait, wait, wait!" she said suddenly, rolling them over so she could straddle him once more. He didn't like releasing control that much but he trusted her and he was desperate, so if she wanted to be on top, so be it. He placed his hands on her hips, waiting for her to actually do something about the throbbing erection between them. She didn't. She sat back on his thighs with a frown. "Something is missing…" she hummed thoughtfully.

It took him a few seconds to process that.

"There are condoms in the nightstand drawer." was the logical answer to that in his opinion even though it was her room and she was very aware of where the condoms were. They hardly ever bothered with them, though. They were both clean, not truly seeing anyone else – not that either of them would admit that – and she was on the pill.

"I know!" she exclaimed, instead of reaching for the drawer. "Don't move, I will be back in a flash."

She was gone before he could say anything, sauntering away in all the glory of her naked body, out in the corridor. Stunned, he propped himself on his elbows and watched the door she had just gone through. "What?"

True to her word, she came back quickly, carrying a tray of…

"You want to eat now?" he sputtered, eyeing the bowls of whipped cream and melted chocolate and strawberries. "We were fucking not having a picnic!"

She wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Language." She carefully placed the tray on the bed next to him. "We've never done that."

"You eating while I fuck you like you're too bored to care what I do to you?" he deadpanned, flopping back on his back. "'Can't say we did."

"Don't be ridiculous." she huffed and then her face lighted up in realization and she straddle his legs once more. "Have you never done that before? Play with food?"

She looked excited by the prospect of his inexperience and that annoyed him greatly.

"Food is made to be eaten not played with." he snapped, blurting out words his mother had repeated often in his childhood – to his brother, at least, Haymitch had understood quickly enough just how precious food was. He tilted his head though. "What do you mean play?"

The grin on her lips spoke of delicious torture. She grabbed a strawberry, dipped it into the melted chocolate and brought it to his mouth. He bit it off by reflex but… "I'm hungry for you, not some bloody fruit."

The devilish grin never faltered. Next thing he knew, his chest was covered in a respectable amount of whipped cream and she was eating directly on him. He found himself with his fingers tangled in her hair, nudging her head to where he was more sensitive. He was very sure he would never be able to see strawberries again and not think about the obscene way she was toying with them.

"Do you want to try it?" she asked after a few minutes, dropping a kiss in the middle of his chest.

To be honest, he had had enough of foreplay to last a week but she looked so much into it, he figured he could as well humor her. Eating on her was definitely better, she arched and moaned when his tongue darted on her skin and soon enough he didn't bother with cream, chocolate or strawberries.

"I want you know now." he growled in her ear. He couldn't wait much longer, his body was shaking with the strain of keeping himself in check.

She chuckled and cradled the back of his head. "Yes."

It was all he needed to give in and bury himself home. He didn't last long but managed to pace himself enough that she climaxed too. He flopped next to her, utterly exhausted, panted to get his breath back under control and then made a face.

"This is sticky." he complained. Their bodies were covered with leftovers of cream and chocolate, the sheets weren't in a much better state…

"Shower." she hummed sleepily. "We can sleep in your room."

She had just invited herself over in his bed, which they never did, but he was too tired to argue and finding an Avox to change the sheets at that time of night would be more difficult than utterly necessary. Her eyes were closing and she burrowed into his side but there was no way in hell he was letting her fall asleep on him when they were covered with sticky food – he wasn't particularly fussy but there were occasions.

"Shower." he reminded her with a nudge, escaping her bed and her arms.

He didn't bother waiting for her before starting the shower and the bathroom was already full of steam by the time she finally joined him.

"I'm tired." she declared, handing him the washing cloth and the soap. "Do it for me."

He watched her for a few seconds, wavering between getting outraged at her giving him orders and complying if only to cup a feel here and there.

"Please." she amended and that did it.

He certainly wasn't a young man anymore and he certainly wasn't as resistant as he used to be before he completely gave up and drowned himself into a bottle, but he still felt himself stir while he was covering her body with soap.

"You have weird kinks." he commented at last.

It was odd, talking about that sort of things with her. They had sex a lot and in a lot of ways but they had never actually discussed it or agreed to try something like eating off each other beforehand.

"My kinks are tamed." she protested, flicking her wet hair over her shoulder. "Angry sex is all well and good, Haymitch, but it gets repetitive."

His eyebrows shot up.

"So, what, you're bored?" he scowled, feeling more hurt than he thought he ought to be. They only had an arrangement after all, not a relationship. If one of them was bored, they could always walk away. It wasn't that big a deal. Was it?

"Don't be stupid." she chided him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body against his. "I am not bored. There is simply no wrong in trying new things. I like messing around with whipped cream. We could do something you like next time…"

"I like shower sex." he replied, groping her without any shame. He was nowhere near ready for a second round but there was nothing wrong with pretending.

"That's not a kink." she countered, playfully biting his chin. "You must have a kink. Or a fantasy… What is the kinkiest thing you have done?"

He thought back and shrugged. "We had sex at that party, last year." In the garden. Far enough that nobody would find them and still close enough that they could hear the noises from the party. The danger of being discovered had been a thrill.

"Yes." she grinned. "That was good. But that can't be the kinkiest thing you've ever done. Think harder."

He didn't need to. Before she had come around, his sex life had been made of one night stands he had used to scratch an itch. She was the only woman he had slept with more than once and the only one he had probably care enough to give pleasure to. All his past experiences had been straightforward and with only one aim in mind : his own release.

He shook his head. "You're kinky enough for both of us."

He leaned in to kiss her but she avoided it, biting her bottom lip with a frown. "You, District people, are so old-fashioned when it comes to sex… Isn't there anything you would like to try?"

"Like what?" he asked, cutting the water off and reaching for the towel. He wrapped it around his waist and tossed her the other one.

"I don't know… You tell me." she retorted, toweling off her hair. "I am open to almost everything. I think I have tried almost everything."

He shot her a disbelieving glance but he didn't know why he was surprised. District people might have been old-fashion but Capitols treated sex like a hobby or a sport.

"What do you mean everything?" he asked, curious despite himself.

"Well…" She was still frowning as she reached for the nightgown neatly hanging from behind the door. "A bit of everything, really. I am really not into BDSM but I suppose if you wanted to try…"

"No." he cut her off. Pain and pleasure should remain separate in his opinion. He was a victor, he had a dark side. He didn't want to indulge it too much, he was too afraid of what would come out. Rough sex was all well and good while it remained under control.

She looked relieved by his swift refusal.

"There are cuffs and things like that…" she continued, as she led the way away from her room and her stained sheets. "Being tied up is fun as long as you are sure you can get out. I am uncomfortable if I can't get out."

"I won't let you tie me up." he stated firmly.

"Yes, I am aware." She flashed him a smile over her shoulder. "You have control issues, you always make this face when I get on top… It lasts a second but it's there every time. You could tie me up. Have me at your mercy…"

Having her at his mercy sounded appealing but he didn't trust himself to have that kind of power over someone else, let alone her who was always so Capitol it would be too easy to slip into his hatred.

"I'm not into that." he denied, pushing past her into his room if only to quickly nudge the empty bottles of liquor under the bed before she could see them and start lecturing him. His bedroom wasn't clean and tidy like hers was but there had been worse years, it didn't look too much like a pigsty yet.

"Toys…" she offered.

"No." he refused.

"Knife play." she said hesitantly and with such a fearful look that he only rolled his eyes.

"If you fancy getting your throat slit while I have a flashback." he muttered.

"Role-playing…" she suggested next, giving a disgruntled look at the state of his bed. He always ordered Avoxes away from his room so the bed remained unmade for the duration of his stay. She was too amused to get angry though, which was a relief because she was very annoying when she got angry.

"Role-playing what?" he asked, slipping under the covers and trying to give some semblance of order to the covers and blankets.

"Really, Haymitch…" she rebuked with a sigh. "Get off the bed."

He did. And then she forced him to help her make the bed which was ridiculous since they were going to sleep in it anyway. It was also very domestic and he didn't like that one bit. It made him want to flee the room to the nearest bar.

"I don't know. Role-playing whatever fantasy you have…" she went on, as she finally lied down. "I wouldn't mind you pretending to do your job and helping me from time to time."

That was more teasing than anything so he didn't comment. He locked his knife into the drawer instead, not keen on killing her in the night in the throe of a nightmare.

"I don't know." he scowled. "I like things as they are."

"You must have at least one kink." she insisted, turning off the light. "Everyone has one. Something that makes you go crazy with lust…"

The answer was obvious. "You, naked, without your stupid wigs and make-up."

There was a second of silence and then she cuddled up to him, resting her head on his shoulder. Her hair was still wet but he didn't complain. "And you say I have odd kinks… You like your women ugly during sex…"

"Long shot to ugly." he grumbled. "I guess… I like that see-through thing you had the other day."

"Lingerie!" she exclaimed in delight. "You like lingerie. Well, that's an easy enough kink to fulfill. Are you sure there is nothing else?"

"I like it simple." he sighed with irritation.

"Lazy, you mean." she teased, softening her words with a kiss on his neck.

"Lazy works well for me." he shot back. "I'm not one of your Capitol boyfriends, sweetheart. I don't need anything but you to jerk off. If that's boring to you then go out and find yourself someone else to fuck. Nobody's holding you back."

He turned his back on her and took most of the covers with him. He was angry and maybe a little vexed but he didn't quite know why.

"That may actually be the sweetest thing anyone ever told me." she said, stubbornly spooning him instead of respecting his tacit wish for space. She wrapped her arm around his chest and peppered his shoulder blade with kisses.

"I never thought about things like that." he growled. "I don't need things like that to have fun with a woman."

"Alright." she hummed, her thumb drawing soothing circles on his stomach.

If she thought he would be distracted by that, she was mistaken. "If you need things like that to…"

"I don't." she cut him off. "I mean… It's fun sometimes. You had fun earlier with the cream, didn't you? But I don't have huge kinks or fantasies, I just like having fun. And I am not bored, Haymitch, it's just… People here get bored very easily, men get bored very easily. You need to reinvent yourself every day or you will be replaced. It goes for sex too."

He covered her hand with his and toyed with her fingers distractedly. The fact that she had suggested several things she didn't particularly seem to like bothered him. "So basically, you're saying you do things you don't really enjoy so your boyfriend won't get bored? That's stupid, Princess. If you are not enough for him then he certainly doesn't deserve you."

She stayed silent for a few seconds and then sighed. He felt her breath rolling on his skin before she propped her chin on his shoulder. It brought her mouth very close to his ear.

"How am I supposed to go back to Capitol men when you say things like that?" she asked. "You ruined me for other men."

He decided it was a rhetorical question and he didn't answer it.

"You're the only woman I slept with more than once." he confessed, because it was dark and it was easy. He strangely felt as if they were breaking their unvoiced rules that night but he couldn't bring himself to care just yet. "Maybe you're my kink."

"Oh, now, stop it!" she giggled but he could tell she was pleased. "You are being soppy on purpose."

"Don't believe me?" he snorted, turning around in her arms and pulling her on top of him. "Let me show you."

She laughed – her real unrestrained laugh not the escort laugh – and he had trouble reminding himself that this was just recreational.

"I suppose it is lucky I have a thing for rude and scruffy District men." she grinned, planting a kiss at the corner of his mouth. "If I am your kink then you are mine."

It suited Haymitch just fine.