Prompt : What about a Hayffie heat wave chapter? Effie being like I can't take more clothes off, it isn't proper and Haymitch being like this is Twelve, take off everything you want. Smirk face. Yeah, I'd love to read this. Thanks!

This one jumped ahead of the queue because I am dying from that **** heat wave and I'm generous I thought hayffie could suffer too. Consider this crack-y.

Heat Wave

"Are you absolutely sure you wouldn't consider relocating to the Capitol until the weather is a little more… enjoyable?" Effie shouted from the kitchen.

Haymitch didn't even bother answering such an absurd question. He remained where he was on the couch, watching the closed curtains and hoping to see them move but no air was coming from outside despite the fact that the windows were wide open. The only source of cool was the cheap fan in the corner and even that was a meager source of relief given that it was only shuffling hot air. He had never bothered getting dressed that day, barely agreeing to wear a boxer only because Effie had ranted about propriety and it was too hot to have an argument.

"Why don't you go back there if you're going to complain all day long?" he grumbled, as she appeared on the living-room doorstep with two glasses of ice tea.

"Because my vacation time is limited and I don't see you enough as it is." she snapped back. "That's it, we're investing in air conditioning. I can't stay in such primitive housing."

"What would I get air conditioning for?" He rolled his eyes but grabbed the glass of tea and sipped from it gratefully. "It's never that hot in Twelve."

"It is that hot right now." she argued, downing half of her glass and fanning herself with her hand. "This heat is unbearable."

"Drop the dress." he advised for the third time that day.

For the first time, she seemed tempted though. She chewed on her bottom lip and glanced at the door.

"If the children were to visit…" she hesitated.

"The kids are in their own home, dying from that heat wave just like we are." he sighed. "Nobody's waiting behind the door to catch you in your underwear."

"It truly isn't proper…" she insisted.

"It's only you and me here." he shrugged.

"You, me and the open windows." she deadpanned, studying the curtains. She must have decided the curtains were thick enough to hide everything because she placed her glass on the coffee table – on the coaster she had brought back with her from the Capitol naturally – and swiftly unzipped her dress.

"You used to be better at stripteases." he snorted, letting his eyes trail down the length of her legs. He loved her legs. Her legs were his favorite parts of her.

"I am still hot." she lamented.

"Take off the rest." he suggested, watching with interest as she tugged slightly on the lilac bra and matching panties. "Better. Let me take off the rest."

"Oh, don't be preposterous!" she huffed. "It is entirely too hot for that."

The sad thing was that she was right, that was why he hadn't even bothered getting off the couch. The prospect of touching her skin, usually enticing, was now dreadful. They were both sweaty in all the wrong ways.

"I can't decently walk around your house naked." she continued, going back on track. "For one, it is entirely unhygienic. I wouldn't sit naked on that couch. God knows what I would catch."

Haymitch was bored with the argument. He relaxed back against the cushion, pressing the already tepid glass against his forehead, and closed his eyes. "Keep the knickers and take the bra off."

There was a moment of silence and then the ruffling of fabric. He opened an eye to see her hesitating with her hands on the clasp.

"Are you sure nobody can see me from outside? Perhaps you should go and check…" she demanded.

The prospect of walking out under the bright sun was even worse than the idea of pressing his body against hers.

"It's Twelve, sweetheart, not the Capitol." he scowled. "I promise. No peeping Toms. And if we catch one, I will strangle him myself, deal?"

She ignored that. "And the children won't come unannounced, you are certain?"

"Effie, take that fucking bra off before I tear it away from you." he growled. Now that was a sentence he had said quite a few times but never quite in that context.

"Fine." she huffed. "I do hate it when you use that tone."

She unclasped the bra and laid it on top of the dress on one of the armchairs, then she took a seat next to him on the couch, as far apart as she could. The sight of her practically naked body aroused him but he ignored it – it was way too hot for that but he wished it was winter already because it must have been a crime to have such a beautiful woman undressed and to do nothing about it. They drank their glasses in silence and stared into nothing. At some point, she let out a string of giggles.

"What?" he chuckled, for no good reason. Maybe the heat was making them completely mad.

"How utterly decadent of us." she commented.

He decided she had a point.