Prompt : hayffie marley and me au please? i know i'm asking for a world of hurt but it's been in my head for so long and i just need to see it done for my sanity hahah

This is so much crack I don't even know why I'm putting it out there but… well. Let's see.

Precious

"She's going to kill you."

The sentence fell, unanimous.

Peeta nodded in agreement with Katniss, leaving Haymitch to glare at them for being entirely unhelpful.

"Looks, she's unhappy." he grumbled. "She's not saying anything to me but I'm not blind. I can see the way she looks at small kids…"

Longing. That was what was shining in her eyes every time their path crossed a pregnant woman or a toddler. He had tried to hint that if she truly wanted a child she shouldn't feel guilty about leaving him, she had shushed him before he had managed to say three words and had told him not to bring the subject up again.

"Haymitch." Katniss sighed, planting her hands on her hips. "She wants a baby not a puppy."

As if understanding they were talking about him, the small ball of fur that had been very busy chewing on the leg of the coffee table barked.

"Yeah, well… The puppy is all I can give her." he mumbled.

"Effie's a cat person." Peeta pointed out. "Why didn't you get her a kitten?"

"'Cause I don't like cats." he scoffed.

"And it's all about what you like and what you want, isn't it ?" Katniss huffed. "You are so sleeping on the couch tonight."

His sulk went unnoticed because the front door opened and closed right at that moment.

"I'm back!" Effie sing-sang.

The puppy jumped on his paws and barked like crazy.

Katniss and Peeta deftly stepped out of the line of fire when Effie appeared at the door, leaving Haymitch to wince.

"Who's that?" she asked, giving the puppy jumping around her legs a wary look. "Did you adopt a dog, Katniss?"

Katniss, unhelpful as ever, simply turned to him.

Effie followed her gaze and made a face. "Haymitch…"

"Surprise!" he shouted in a very unconvincing tone.

"Haymitch…" she said again, trying to avoid the dog sniffing at her shoes.

"That's our cue to leave." Peeta declared, grabbing Katniss' hand and dragging her away.

Effie looked sorry to see them go but Haymitch wasn't. The kids were absolutely no help at all. Once he was sure they were gone, he walked closer to her and crouched to scratch the puppy behind the ears.

"You can pet him, he won't bite." he explained, without looking at her. "He's just curious 'cause he doesn't know you. He's all cute and shit, I figured you would like him."

"Haymitch…" she sighed.

"I know Capitols like to play dress-up with their dogs… 'Can't say I like the idea but I made sure to get one that wouldn't become too big." he continued. "Come on, sweetheart, I know you're not too fond of dogs but cats hate me…"

"Haymitch…" she insisted.

"And he's a puppy!" he exclaimed defensively "Puppies are cute! You like cute things."

"Haymitch, for the love of everything holy, will you listen to me!" she snapped.

"I can't give you a kid!" he shouted back.

She pursed her lips and shook her head. "Did I ask you to?"

"You don't need to ask." he scowled. "It's all over your face."

"I never asked for anything you are not willing to give. I don't blame you for not wanting children, I understand your reasons completely. My struggle with it is my own and I would thank you to stop obsessing over that." she hissed, crouching too so they would be at eye level. She patted the dog hesitantly until the puppy rolled on his back, intent on getting a belly rub out of this. "Now. What did you name it? Not anything liquor-y, I hope."

"I leave the naming to you." he offered. "I just… I wanted to give you something."

"You already gave me everything." she whispered. "I am happy, Haymitch. I have you and the children, that is enough for me." A slow smile appeared on her lips. "And now, I suppose I have Precious."

"You're kidding." he cringed.

"Precious is a perfect name." she chuckled. "Isn't it, Precious?"

The puppy barked, obviously already sold to her side.

Haymitch understood he was doomed.