Prompt : you can take a prompt where katniss Effie asks advice about sex and they have "the talk" then Effie could reveal unwittingly its relations with Haymitch. Post mjay, perhaps?
This is veeeery crack-ish.
Instructing
Katniss' comings and goings at Haymitch's house at random hours of the day was usual enough that Effie only looked up from the dress she was sewing long enough to smile when the backdoor opened, a short while after dawn. She had taken to designing her own clothes after the war as a hobby that had soon became a necessity when she had realized she couldn't keep up with the lifestyle she used to have before the rebellion. She worked for Plutarch but it didn't compare to an escort's salary and her regular trips to and from Twelve were putting a serious dent in her budget. Haymitch was constantly joking that she should just quit, move to Twelve and start selling her clothes. How mad as it sounded, she was actually considering it.
"Good morning, dear." she hummed distractedly as Katniss went straight for the fresh pot of coffee.
"'Morning." Katniss mumbled before taking a seat at the table, careful not to disturb any of the fabrics spread there. "Haymitch's not up yet?"
"Haymitch won't get up before noon if one of us doesn't force him." she snorted with annoyed fondness. Still, it was an odd question for Katniss to ask. She was well aware of Haymitch's tendency to roam the entire night and to sleep in the morning when darkness wasn't as oppressing. He tried to keep up more normal hours when Effie was there but nightmares were still plaguing his sleep and so she took pity and usually let him sleep until mid-morning when she was staying with him. As far as the children were concerned, trying to get him to follow a regular schedule was one of the reasons she stayed with him when she visited. She didn't think Peeta was fooled by that flimsy excuse but Katniss had never asked any questions before. "Did you want to see him?"
On second thought, Effie mused, carefully sewing a huge pink flower on the strap of the dress Katniss coming purely to get coffee at that hour was odd. Peeta would have been up for a few hours already to get the bakery running and, as such, coffee should have been waiting in her own kitchen.
"No." the girl shrugged, flipping her long hair over her shoulder. She hadn't braided it yet which meant she wasn't planning of going hunting.
Katniss gave her an uncertain glance and then wrapped both of her hands around her mug and brought it to her lips.
Effie put the dress she was working on down. "Did you want to see me?"
It would have been the logical explanation, the right time to be certain to catch her on her own. Later on, she was usually busy either visiting the bakery or forcing Haymitch into doing something or other or running around the District...
The girl turned the mug one way and then another, staring intensely at the coffee instead of looking at her. "I tried to ask Jo but she laughed and she wasn't helpful at all."
It was delivered almost defensively and it made Effie frown.
"Well, the day Johanna Mason is helpful is the day pigs will fly out the window." she huffed. "What do you need?"
Katniss' cheeks flushed red and she mumbled something that Effie didn't quite catch.
"I'm sorry, dear, but..." she tried.
"Peeta is good in bed." the girl sputtered at last. "I'm not."
Saying that Effie was taken aback was a big understatement. That wasn't what she had been expecting at all. "I am not sure I completely understand what..."
"Look." Katniss said, placing her mug down to hard some of the coffee splotched on the table. "He does things that makes me feel very good but I never know what to do."
Effie fought the urge to pass a hand over her face – it would have ruined her make-up.
"Letting him know that you enjoy what he's doing is one part of..." she started and then cleared her throat and pushed down her own embarrassment. Katniss had come to her for advices and she would give the girl what she was looking for. "It's important to listen to your partner and to let him know just what you enjoy and how. Some men, most men really, are into hearing their partner being... let's say... vocal?"
Katniss' face was so red Effie was scared she would implode but the girl took a sip of coffee under the sole pretext of hiding behind her mug. "You mean moan?"
"Moan, whimper, talk..." Effie offered, standing up to pour a cup for herself. She couldn't go through that conversation without a strong mug of coffee. She was almost tempted to steal some of Haymitch's liquor to be honest. "It should feel right to you too... I mean... Technically, you aren't completely in control of yourself... It should be a natural response..."
"That's not a problem." Katniss cut her off quickly. "I told you, it's not what he does the problem. It's me."
Effie sighed, grabbed hold of her mug and leaned back against the counter. "Have you discussed the problem with him? Perhaps he could..."
"He asked for something..." the girl mumbled, looking everywhere but at her. "I was awful at it. I almost... I almost bit it off." Effie couldn't help a wince and Katniss threw a wary glance. "You get what I mean, right?"
Effie didn't roll her eyes, it wasn't ladylike. She did flash Katniss a slightly disdainful smile. "I know I look young, dear, but I wasn't born yesterday."
"It's just..." Katniss shrugged. "You don't look like you're into that stuff. You're too..."
The girl was clearly looking for a polite way to put it.
"I believe stuck-up is the word Haymitch once used." she suggested. "Even though I have to say I certainly proved him wrong."
Her grin was smug and Katniss' eyes suddenly grew wide.
"Wait, you mean..." the girl stuttered in horror. "You and Haymitch?"
She cleared her throat. "Anyway. I would suggest watching the teeth..."
Katniss wasn't red anymore, if anything she looked greenish. "You're doing that with Haymitch. It's... It's... disgusting."
"I always force him to shower first." she deadpanned and, faced with the girl's growing horror, she sighed. "That was a joke. Well, not really but that is beside the point. I trust Peeta's hygiene is better than Haymitch's so that can't be a problem."
"So you say." Katniss grumbled. "He pees with that thing."
She wrinkled her nose in distaste.
"Some women don't enjoy pleasuring their partner that way." she declared instead of commenting on that perfectly valid observation. "It is completely fine. You mustn't do anything you are not comfortable with."
"But I want to do something for him." Katniss pursed her lips tight in that stubborn way of hers. "He does it for me. Well... You know... You know?"
The question was partly disgusted and partly mystified as if it hadn't occurred to Katniss that she still had a sex life until then.
"I know." she confirmed. She didn't think Katniss particularly wanted to hear her say that Haymitch was awfully gifted with his tongue so she kept that particular piece of information to herself.
Obviously, the girl had made the connections herself because she cringed and covered her face with her hands, pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes.
"Dear, I do not particularly enjoy the idea of knowing exactly what you and Peeta are up to in your bedroom – although now that we are on that subject, having sex in different locations spices things up a lot – but I am still willing to help you." she stated. "So you should just accept the fact that whatever you want to ask me about, I probably did it a lot of times before and, yes, a significant number of those times would be with Haymitch."
Katniss groaned but relented.
The hour that followed was probably the most awkward hour they ever shared and that included the four hours of training back before the start of the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games when she had tried to teach the girl how to walk in heels and smile on command.
By the time she heard the stair creaking, they were both at different sides of the kitchen and very much not looking each other in the eyes. That conversation would have been easier with a lot of alcohol involved.
Haymitch froze on the threshold, his grey eyes darting from Effie to Katniss, and he frowned. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." they both answered in a perfect chorus.
Katniss, Effie noticed, didn't seem to be able to look at Haymitch either – which, given that he was wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers was probably for the best.
"I'm going now." the girl said. "I'm going to avoid you for a few days." She briefly glanced at Haymitch and then made a face. "You too."
She was gone before Effie could answer. Clicking her tongue, her cheeks flushed by the embarrassment of it all – and truly the girl was lucky because Effie's mother had certainly never taken the time to give her that kind of advices – and cursing Johanna to hell and back because she could have explained everything Effie had explained without batting an eyelash, she turned to the fridge and asked Haymitch if he wanted breakfast despite the fact that she never cooked.
"What was that about?" he asked, obviously puzzled and a little wary.
"Nothing you want to know about. Trust me." she sighed.
"What were you doing with all those bananas?" he frowned.
"I instructed." she hissed between her teeth. "Would you drop the subject?"
"Instructed?" he repeated.
She let out another sigh, closed the fridge, and turned around with a pointedly lifted eyebrow. It took a few seconds before he understood but when he did, he tossed the banana he had picked up with a face of horror that wasn't without reminding her of Katniss'.
"I warned you you didn't want to know." she pointed out.
"What did you teach that girl?" he asked, almost indignant. "She's still a kid! Mostly."
"She asked." she retorted "She's an adult, Haymitch. What was I supposed to do?"
"Did you teach her your trick with your tongue?" he whined. "I will never be able to let you do that again without thinking about them doing..."
"Then I strongly suggest you stop thinking right now." she cut him off. "Now... That conversation left me quite hot and bothered under the embarrassment. Are you going to help me with that or are you going to stay here and sulk like an over-protective father who just realized his little girl isn't exactly a baby anymore?"
He grumbled something under his breath. She shook her head and bypassed him to go upstairs. If he wasn't willing to help...
Strong arms wrapped around her waist before she could go much further and she couldn't stop herself from giggling.
"You're a bloody minx." he told her in no uncertain terms.
"And don't you forget it." she grinned.