Prompt : i've noticed when reading over the prompts again bc HADS is so good that Chaff seems to be very interested in Effie's body. Especially chapter 128, where he calls her ass "enticing". Maybe a prompt about him complimenting her or being flirty while drunk?

This is pure crack… Do not try to find logic.

A Masterpiece

It was almost sad how familiar Effie had become with the Peacekeepers responsible for the Games compound and how used she was to going all the way down to the drunk tanks.

"Hello, Gareth." she greeted the Peacekeeper in charge politely.

"Miss Trinket." the man grinned with amusement.

From behind the force field, Haymitch's head perked up. He was slouched on one of the couches, Chaff was slumped on another, there were two sponsors who were passed out on a third and a Gamemaker singing Panem's anthem very loudly in the corner.

"You are quite busy tonight." she observed. "Well, I will take the usual two."

She regretted taking responsibility for Chaff as soon as Gareth had lowered the force field and the two men stumbled out.

"Trinket, my love!" Eleven's victor boomed out, clearly in that place of inebriation where he forgot he actually disliked her. Before she could move, he flung his good arm around her shoulders and leaned on her so heavily she almost toppled over. He didn't seem to notice and brought his face so close to hers she wrinkled her nose in disgust at his heavy breath. "Did you miss me?"

"I can't say I did." she replied, trying to shove him off her.

He burst out laughing right in her face and patted her bottom.

"Paws off my escort." Haymitch growled and, suddenly, Chaff was yanked back. The brutal move was enough to send them tumbling around.

"Play nice, boys, or you're going back in the tank." Gareth warned, hiding his hilarity with difficulty.

She was glad someone was amused because she wasn't.

"They will play nice." she promised, clicking her fingers to get the attention of the two victors busy arguing with each other and laughing in turn. "I am leaving now. Follow me or stay here, I don't care."

They almost tripped over their feet in their eagerness to follow her. They hated the drunk tank – and yet they always ended up back there.

Chaff was on her again as soon as they reached the elevator, the few seconds of waiting enough for his hand to wander below the small of her back again.

"If you care about your remaining hand you will remove it before I cut it." she warned.

From where he was slumped against the wall, Haymitch glared. "I said paws off!"

"You always say paws off…" Chaff grumbled. "It's not my fault she has such a beautiful ass… It's an ass masterpiece… It begs to be kissed. Or spanked. What do you like best, love?"

She pursed her lips in annoyance. "I don't see how it is any of your business. And mind your language, would you? You don't speak like that to a lady. Ever. Really, Chaff, it's…" Her sentence ended in a shriek when she was pulled back against a broad chest, arms locked around her waist in a deadly lock. "Haymitch, what…"

"Mine." he growled, glowering at Chaff with all his might.

"Certainly not!" she huffed, stomping her foot when she failed to escape his suffocating embrace. "Would you stop, both of you!"

Eleven's victor laughed but Haymitch only tightened his hold even more.

"You can't have her. Sleep with your own escort!" he slurred.

Effie snorted at the idea of Chaff and Viola. That would be funny.

"Nobody is sleeping with anyone." she chided them, slapping Haymitch's arms until he let her go. "Don't be ridiculous."

Convincing them to get in the elevator was a feat but she managed by shoving Chaff and tugging on Haymitch's hand. No sooner had she pressed the eleventh floor's button that they were at it again.

"Haymitch wants to fuck you." Chaff declared in a joyful tone.

"Shut up!" her victor spat. "I don't want to fuck her."

"Then why do you care if I want to kiss her ass?" Eleven's victor smirked very smugly.

"Language." she snapped. "And enough." She glared at Chaff. "And I can guarantee that your lips are never going anywhere near my…" She huffed again and chose not to finish that thought. The very idea made her shudder.

"Knew you would like the spanking better." he winked.

And, just like that, Haymitch's arms were back around her again, pressing her back against his chest and she pinched her nose, wondering why she couldn't just take a leaf from the other escorts' book and left them to rot in the drunk tank until they sobered up instead of rushing to their rescue every time they called her.

"What is all that about?" she asked, because usually even when they were wasted out of their minds, they weren't so focused on her sexual preferences.

"He can't have you. Tell him." Haymitch scorned, burying his face in her neck. He was a clingy drunk and so, she paid it no mind, accustomed to being cuddled and hugged when he was in that state. She liked it better than his 'nasty and hostile' stage of drunkenness. "Tell him."

"You can't have me." she told Chaff dutifully, almost tempted to laugh with Eleven's victor who was clearly finding the whole thing hilarious. "Now, would one of you care to explain?"

"I said that if you were my escort I would so do you and that he's an idiot for not going for it 'cause you're trailing after him like a lovesick puppy…" Chaff snorted. "Then I said I was going to request you for a transfer and he added two and two…" Eleven's victor wriggled his eyebrows. "Can you?"

"I won't transfer." She heard herself say despite the fact that she had been aiming at being promoted for years. She didn't even know where that had come from. Of course she wanted a transfer… Anything was better than Twelve, right?

"Good girl." Haymitch purred against her neck.

And she chose to pretend she didn't shiver.

The elevator chimed and Chaff stumbled out still laughing.

"I think you can let me go, now." she pointed out, once the doors were closed.

"Don't wanna." he mumbled, clearly sulking. "You can't let Chaff spank you. Ever."

She rolled her eyes and leaned to press the twelfth button. "I can safely say this is never going to happen."

"Good." he nodded. "And you can't let him kiss your ass either."

"Haymitch, I am not ever going to have sex with your disgusting friend." she stated. "In any way, shape or form."

"And no leaving me." he added.

She pursed her lips at that but he wouldn't remember the next morning so…

"No leaving you." she promised. "Now kindly let me go."

He did let her go, just as they arrived to their floor. She stepped out first and when he didn't follow immediately, she turned back with a frown.

"Your ass is a masterpiece." he sighed.

She didn't find it in her to rebuke him for his language.

If anything, she was smug.