Prompt : I have a total crack prompt that I hope you could maybe make into a story... if not, I'm just looking for a comedic one-shot. Katniss, Peeta, Annie, Johanna, Haymitch and Effie all go to a winter resort for a 'couples retreat'. There, they all play an extremely bored game of truth or dare that leads to some shocking secrets about Haymitch being revealed.

Ok this is crack, very very much crack.

Truth Or Dare

"Your District is actually more boring than ours." Haymitch snorted, making his whiskey twirl in his glass. He was making it last because Effie was keeping an attentive eye on the amount of liquor he was drinking and, ever since she had finally moved to Twelve, they had had an agreement about that. He kept the drinking to a minimum, four glasses a day at most or she would make his life miserable – often by going on long sex strikes.

"My District is not boring, fuck you." Johanna snarled back from where she was sprawled on one of the couches of the cabin's living-room. "This resort is boring. Whose idea was it again?"

Everyone stared at Effie who simply huffed and started quoting the advertisement brochure again : winter resort, fun for everyone from the toddlers to the senior, Seven's most beautiful landscape… What they didn't say on the brochure was that there wasn't much to do aside for rolling in the snow – something everyone but little Finn had ruled out as a proper activity and there was only so much time one could spend watching a toddler play in a heap of snow – the cabin didn't come with a TV or bookshelves or anything that could distract them.

Effie had insisted on everyone coming together for a holiday, insisting her family used to do that all the time in her youth and that it would be good to get together away from their usual Districts. Effie had gone ahead and booked the cabin for a week despite his, the kids' and Johanna's reservations, finding an ally in Annie who was eager for a little get away.

It was the third night they spent there and the third night they found themselves bored out of their mind and talking about going to bed around nine p.m.

"Why don't we play a game?" Annie suggested, coming back from putting Finn to bed. She eyed Johanna who didn't look ready to relinquish her position on the couch and accepted Peeta's offer to leave her his seat. The boy squeezed himself in the armchair Katniss was sitting on and for a while it was all about making the most out of the lack of space, looking at each other and sharing secret smiles and, really, if they thought they were being subtle…

"Aren't they adorable?" Effie sighed from the other end of the couch he was sitting on. Her back was straight, her legs crossed at the ankles and her hands were neatly folded on her lap, every bit the lady she wasn't really anymore.

"Ah, yeah…" Johanna drawled out, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "The lovey-dovey stage… How great for everyone around them who are not uncomfortable at all and all pretend they can't see they want to fuck very badly…"

"Johanna!" Effie snapped at the very same time Katniss glared with an undignified "Jo!".

Haymitch thought Katniss was starting to take after their escort – which was a scary thought.

"What?" Seven's victor challenged. "Come on, brainless, tell us you're not dying of getting some…"

"Enough of this." Effie cut in before Katniss could reply and it could escalate into something that might have actually lifted the boredom. "I think Annie has a fabulous idea. A game would be great."

"Depends on the kind of game." Haymitch mumbled in his glass. "Never was a fan of what you Capitols come up with…"

Effie glared at him and snatched the whiskey from his hand, downing it in one go. She made a disgusted face but quickly shot him a triumphant look. Her idea of punishment, he thought.

"If I'm staying sober, you better make my night interesting, sweetheart." he taunted. "No reason the boy's the only one to get some."

Johanna cackled while the others rebuked him and chided him. Effie, he was happy to notice, blushed despite her glaring. His smirk deepened and her lips twitched. She was fighting a smile and he knew it.

"Talk about people who stare at each other like they want to fuck right here right there…" Jo wrinkled her nose, reaching out for the bottle of tequila forgotten on the table. It was half empty already, something that should probably have been worrying given that Annie, Peeta and Katniss never drank any liquor and that he had stuck to whiskey. Tequila had always been the only thing Jo and Effie could agree upon and he knew his former escort had had a few drinks. Still, he thought Johanna was the one who was responsible for the state of the bottle. And she proved it by staring at them with glassy eyes and pointing the neck of the bottle in his direction. "Truth or dare, Haymitch."

"How old are you? Twelve?" he scoffed. "We're not playing truth or dare, sweetheart."

"Don't sweetheart me or I will cut something your escort likes very much." Seven's victor threatened.

"Maybe we should go to bed." Peeta suggested, eyeing Jo with some concern.

"It could be interesting." Katniss cut in, looking amused. "Anyone who can get a truth out of Haymitch gets my respect."

"Why, call me a liar, girl." he growled.

"You're not the most straightforward guy on the planet, Haymitch." Peeta admitted with an apologetic wince.

"Now, that's not nice, children." Effie chided them, clicking her tongue.

Johanna sat up with a devious grin on her face, she was almost scary.

"Truth or dare?" she challenged and he was stupidly reminded of nights spent locked in the penthouse living-room with Chaff, Finnick, Jo and occasionally Effie, getting drunk, arguing, laughing and sometimes playing stupid games like this. He could still remember the night they had played strip-poker thinking they would win easily and Effie would give them a good show only for her to win everything and have them all naked…

"Fine. Truth." he sighed.

"How long have you and Trinket truly been shagging?" Johanna asked.

He rolled his eyes at the predictability of the question.

"Really?" he scoffed. "I give you the chance to get any truth out of me and you go with that?"

"Yeah, it's a bit stupid." Katniss confirmed, sounding a little disappointed. "They've been together since after the war. Everyone knows that. And please can we not talk about Haymitch and Effie doing… things."

Effie shifted awkwardly on her seat and Haymitch was amused to see, Peeta wasn't exactly convinced by his girl's speech if the small frown was to be believed.

"Sixty-fifth Hunger Games." he answered finally, glancing at Annie to make sure the mention of Finnick's Games wouldn't set her off. It didn't seem to register, mostly because Effie made clicking sound with her tongue.

"Sixty-fourth." she corrected, all but ignoring Katniss' surprised gasp. "And, truly, was it necessary, Johanna? This is as improper and forward as it gets."

"Sixty-fourth doesn't count." Haymitch argued. "That wasn't shagging."

"Can we not discuss our sex life in public?" she hissed. "And we definitely had sex for the first time that year."

"Didn't say we didn't have sex, I said it wasn't shagging." he insisted with a smug smile. "It was you and your pretty mouth making a point of…"

"Finish this sentence and there won't be anything left to use my mouth on." she threatened in a whisper that carried all the way to the other end of the room.

The kids actually looked green in the face, Annie looked uncomfortable and Johanna simply looked gleeful.

"Truth or dare, Trinket." Jo sneered before anyone could say anything.

She didn't even bat an eyelash. "I don't see the point of pretending this is a game when we all know you will ask your intrusive question anyway and it will be, no doubt, as crude as can possibly be."

Johanna shrugged and accepted that easily enough. "Is the sex kinky?"

"Okay, I'm out of here." Katniss declared, dragging Peeta up by the hand. The kid simply ran away.

Effie stood up too, smoothed her dress and looked down at Johanna with a blank face. "It is kinky and we both excel in the activity, and, because I know you and before you ask, no, I am not the only one who knows how to use their mouth. The debate about our sex life is over. Come on, Haymitch, let's go to bed, I think the children have the right idea."

He took the offered hand without a second of hesitation and eagerly got to his feet. He would have been lying if he had pretended that hadn't been a little hot. He loved it when Effie gave people a dressing down.

"So whipped." Johanna mocked with a sneer.

"Don't mind being whipped when I get sex out of the deal." he winked.

"Must you play her game every time?" Effie sighed, tugging him up the stairs toward their bedroom. He grabbed her and pinned her against the wall, carefully capturing the delicate skin of her neck between his teeth. "Haymitch…"

"You know it turns me on when you're all bitchy." he snorted. "You did that on purpose."

She didn't deny the accusation, burying her fingers in his hair and bringing his mouth to hers so she could kiss him instead.

"Truth or dare?" she purred, gently tugging on his bottom lip with her teeth.

"Dare." he snorted.

With her, he chose dare every time.